


Let's Do This Right

by baekingneeds



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Switch, Angst, College Student Baekhyun, Drama, Fluff, Humour, Lawyer Chanyeol, Lots of drama, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, age gap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-03-03 21:42:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 146,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13350111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekingneeds/pseuds/baekingneeds
Summary: Baekhyun has known Chanyeol his entire life. When he was younger, Chanyeol used to be that really hot law student who tutored him at times and took care of him when he was sick. Now, Chanyeol’s just that really hot lawyer who doesn’t tutor him anymore and someone that Baekhyun just wants to date, or have sex with, whichever comes first. But the older man isn’t all too willing to do either.





	1. Let's Do This [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the continuation of [Cab-Stealer, Heart-Shaker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269252)! With a full plot and all. I wrote this on the plane and I was so afraid of a flight attendant walking by or something lols. Anyways! Tweet me at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) if you're excited about this?
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

“No one’s going to be driving any _thing_ into any _one_ tonight,” Chanyeol says through gritted teeth when Baekhyun reaches a zebra crossing and stops to let people cross the road.

The lawyer’s fingers are wound tightly into a fist as if he’s restraining himself from doing something. Meanwhile, his eyes are fixed on the road before him, brows pulled together in a frown that Baekhyun wasn’t to wipe off of his face.

Rolling his eyes at Chanyeol’s words, Baekhyun changes the gear as soon as the road’s clear. He starts humming quietly to himself, an Ed Sheeran song that he’s been listening to recently and Chanyeol instinctively turns off the radio. Briefly looking at Chanyeol, Baekhyun raises a brow and stops humming altogether.

Belatedly, Chanyeol realises what he just did and he immediately avoids Baekhyun’s gaze. Then he turns the volume of the radio back up while not looking at Baekhyun on purpose.

“You know,” Baekhyun starts, speaking loudly over the speaker so that he’ll get Chanyeol’s full attention. “We don’t have to have sex tonight.”

“We’re not going to have sex on any nights,” Chanyeol calmly says as he picks up his coffee from the cup holder.

Stopping at a red light, Baekhyun continues, ignoring Chanyeol’s words. “We can fuck right now.”

Beside him, Chanyeol coughs, almost spitting out the coffee he was sipping on. He shoots Baekhyun a quick glare after making sure that he didn’t spill anything on his suit before placing his coffee back in its holder and looking out of the window, his fingers curled into fists again.

As Baekhyun observes Chanyeol, he secretly hopes that Chanyeol’s trying to stop himself from pulling him into a kiss. His mind starts to wonder about Chanyeol’s large hands cupping his face and then combing through his hair and maybe pulling - okay, no way.

Also, Chanyeol’s probably trying to refrain himself from jumping out of the car or banging his head against the glove compartment rather than wanting to kiss Baekhyun or even do anything at all.

“Baekhyun.”

“Hm?”

“Drive,” Chanyeol tells the college student in a stern and exasperated voice the same time the drivers in the cars behind Baekhyun’s brand new Audi start to honk like their lives depended on it. “Green light.”

Huffing, Baekhyun scowls at Chanyeol before switching the gear to drive because technically, it’s the older’s fault for distracting Baekhyun. Stepping on the accelerator, Baekhyun dashes past the traffic light, not abiding by the speed limit and he feels more than he hears Chanyeol sighing in disappointment. It sends a sour jab to his heart and he wants to do nothing more than to make Chanyeol take back that sigh. There’s a growing pain in Baekhyun’s chest that he doesn’t know where it came from but it’s there and he doesn’t like it.

“Don’t you have work?” Baekhyun asks instead, turning to the lawyer with a frown as he tries to distract himself from feeling sad over how he much of a letdown he is to the older man. He’s being dramatic, he knows that but it’s just been so long since he had a proper conversation with Chanyeol and he only wants it to be perfect. It was perfect a few moments ago, with Chanyeol turning up with a new car for him and their short make-out session that Baekhyun thinks means something. “I’m going to school, you know.”

“I just bought you a new car, can’t you drop me off at the office?” Chanyeol retorts smartly, smiling to himself.

When Baekhyun turns to his side to look at the lawyer, he finds that small smile on Chanyeol’s face and it makes his heart beat faster and his hands start to feel a little clammy. The older man has always been able to make him feel this way with a simple action or expression in this case. It isn’t fair.

 _“It isn’t fair,”_ Baekhyun thinks as his grip on the steering wheel tightens.

“It’s your dad’s building, right?” Baekhyun asks despite knowing what the answer is already.

Chanyeol doesn’t reply as Baekhyun makes a turn onto the road leading to his office.

The Audi moves past once familiar surroundings and Baekhyun feels a sense of nostalgia. He hasn’t been in this part of town for a long time and for good reasons, of course. Maybe it’s a little too soon to be trying to make a move on Chanyeol.

As Baekhyun nears the Park’s building, he suddenly feels the urge to turn the car around and speed away as far as possible. Thankfully, Chanyeol saves him from his internal panic with a simple phrase.

“Stop the car here.”

Immediately, Baekhyun steps on the break and the car jerks before moving to a complete spot. He sends Chanyeol an apologetic smile who only smiles at him in an endearing manner in return.

“Drive safely,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun as he grabs his coffee and bag.

“I will,” Baekhyun responds in a bored tone, resting his arm against the steering wheel as he watches Chanyeol put on his coat. Unable to stop himself, Baekhyun asks, “why did you want me to stop here?”

It’s only out of curiosity because there’s no way Chanyeol will know why Baekhyun’s scared of his father. Or at least that’s what Baekhyun’s telling himself as he silently hopes in his heart that Chanyeol doesn’t know anything about his high school life. Chanyeol’s done with wearing his coat and he’s ready to leave but he’s also looking at Baekhyun with a look that the college student can’t decipher and it makes his a sense of uneasiness churn in his stomach. There’s no way that Chanyeol knows.

Believing his own thoughts, Baekhyun tries acting as insouciant as possible, sitting with a slight slouch and drumming his fingertips against the steering wheel as he waits for Chanyeol’s reply. It’s becoming more and more unnerving the longer he waits and he feels like he can hear the seconds ticking at an excruciatingly slow pace.

Sighing, Chanyeol places a hand over Baekhyun’s to stop him from tapping the wheel. “It’s a five-minute walk,” Chanyeol tells him.

“This isn’t the entrance, I can see that,” Baekhyun replies, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his tone but he presses his lips into a thin line as soon as the words leave his mouth. Chanyeol remembers him as a very good boy, though maybe that impression has already changed since their first meeting and consequent ones where Baekhyun’s either cursing or begging him to give up a cab to let him go to school on time.

“I don’t want people to see us.”

“What?” Baekhyun says aloud even though he meant to say it in his mind. “You what?”.

“I don’t want people seeing us together. I don’t want people seeing me coming out of your car.”

In disbelief, Baekhyun closes his eyes and counts to four in his mind before opening them again to look at Chanyeol. “What?” he repeats for the lack of a better word to express his dismay. “I think you’re the only one who knows that this is my car. I kind of just got it today. About an hour or less ago.”

“Baekhyun.” It’s all Chanyeol says - his name, but it makes him feel weak and powerless and willing to give in to anything the lawyer wants.

When Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol sighs before finally removing his hand from covering Baekhyun’s. The college student didn’t realise how warm he felt until Chanyeol’s hand moves away from his.

Glancing at Baekhyun one last time, Chanyeol smiles before pulling the handle to open the door. Before he leaves the car, Baekhyun grabs on to his coat, making him turn around.

“Will I see you tonight?” Baekhyun blurts out, not liking how needy he sounds.

“We stay in the same building,” Chanyeol answers with a short laugh that makes Baekhyun swoon internally.

“So will I see you tonight?” Baekhyun asks again, not liking all the indirect answers Chanyeol’s been giving him.

Going into the car again, Chanyeol rests one knee on the passenger’s seat as he moves closer to Baekhyun. “Yes, you will,” he promises before leaving a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead, brushing his hair aside along the way. Then he pulls away with a small smile before getting out of the car completely and shutting the door gently.

As soon as Chanyeol enters the building, Baekhyun bangs his forehead against the wheel, making sure to not press the horn. The ghost of Chanyeol’s lips is still on the spot he kissed and it makes Baekhyun’s whole face heat up at the memory of that short kiss. He feels like he’s in high school all over again and it’s pathetic.

 _He’s_ pathetic.

 

 

“Soo, we’re dating,” Baekhyun announces as soon as he sits next to his friend in the lecture hall.

Kyungsoo looks at him, surprised as he should be because it’s the first time that Baekhyun’s early for class. He’s been on time a few times, mostly late obviously, but never early and Kyungsoo suddenly feels worried about his friend.

“Did you hear me?” Baekhyun asks, wondering why Kyungsoo’s looking at him like he’s grown an extra pair of ears and not excited or curious about who he’s dating or ‘dating’. Though honestly, excited and curious is more of Jongdae’s department but it isn’t like Kyungsoo not to ask. “We’re dating.”

“Are you okay?” Placing a hand against Baekhyun’s forehead, Kyungsoo frowns when he finds that Baekhyun’s forehead is perfectly cool.

Scrunching up his nose, Baekhyun looks up at Kyungsoo’s hand before swatting it away. “What do you mean by that?”

“You’re early.”

“Very funny.”

“No, I’m serious.”

“I know I’m early, Kyungsoo.”

With his palm facing up, Kyungsoo gives Baekhyun the ‘my point exactly’ look couples with a little incredulity. Maybe a lot of incredulity.

“Why are you early?”

Smirking, Baekhyun rests his elbow on the small table attached to the chair before leaning his cheek against his palm as he faces Kyungsoo. “I think the correct question is ‘ _how_ are you early’?.”

“Okay, _how_ ,” Kyungsoo stresses, “are you early?”

“I got a new car,” Baekhyun replies casually with a shrug. Suddenly, he jumps up slightly in his seat, surprising Kyungsoo, before he starts rummaging through his bag. Pulling out his car keys, he dangles them in front of Kyungsoo triumphantly with a large grin.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait.” Kyungsoo’s hands are up in front of him. “Can we rewind to the start?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“So?”

“We’re dating.”

As soon as Baekhyun says the two words, there’s a frown on Kyungsoo’s face in an instant. An awkward silence settles between them as Kyungsoo plays with his tongue in his mouth.

“We’re not,” Kyungsoo finally says with a click of his tongue.

“Not you and me, obviously,” Baekhyun answers in an exasperated tone. He grins at Kyungsoo, stalling answering the question on purpose knowing how much it annoys Kyungsoo.

“Don’t tell me…”

“Me and Chanyeol!” Baekhyun exclaims happily, grinning from ear to ear.

“Wow, that’s even worse than I imagined.”

Scowling, Baekhyun already knows that he won’t like Kyungsoo’s answer but he still asks anyway. “What did you imagine?”

“You and the Friday Night Incident guy.”

Faking a sweet smile, Baekhyun says, “it’s called an incident for a reason.”

Kyungsoo snorts before he turns serious. “What do you mean by you and Chanyeol are dating? You’re terrified of his father as much as he’s terrified of yours.”

Baekhyun laughs dryly and pats Kyungsoo on the shoulder, sending him a pleading look. “Let’s please not talk about his father. Can we talk about why he’s scared of my Father instead? He mentioned it once or twice when we were making out in my new car.”

“Stop right there.” Kyungsoo’s hand it already covering Baekhyun’s mouth because just telling Baekhyun to stop talking will never work. You have to actually make him stop talking. “I think you skipped a few parts before telling me about your new ‘boyfriend’.” He makes inverted commas around his head as he says the last word and Baekhyun slaps his hand away unkindly. In return, Kyungsoo whacks the back of Baekhyun’s hand. “From the beginning. Because the last time I checked, you hated him.”

Before Baekhyun can protest, Kyungsoo’s already glaring at him, indicating that he should proceed with the story and Baekhyun wishes that he majored in the same course as Jongdae instead of doing business with Kyungsoo.

“Chanyeol bought me a car. I don’t know why but according to him, he misses me.” At that, Kyungsoo scoffs because he knows that Baekhyun’s cutting the story short to make it sweet. “I got up really early to grab a cab so I would have been early anyway. But then I saw Chanyeol waiting outside of the building with a car and he said that it’s for me so why freaking not, right?” Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo pointedly who nods in approval. “Then I don’t know what happened but we started making out - ”

“You initiated it, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo cuts in.

“That’s not the point but yes, I did,” Baekhyun admits and Kyungsoo gives him a look of disbelief which he easily disregards. “Then he started talking about my father so what’s the reason?”

“Remember in high school - ”

“Let’s not talk about high school,” Baekhyun interrupts quickly, flashing Kyungsoo a sweet smile, his eyes begging Kyungsoo not to bring anything about their high school up.

“Then I can’t tell you why he’s afraid of your father,” Kyungsoo states simply. “And I can’t talk about high school at all?” he clarifies, his brows knitted together, frown deepening when Baekhyun nods. “Baek, it’s been two or three years. My uncle’s over it.”

“Please don’t remind me that you’re Chanyeol’s cousin too.”

“Baek.”

Throwing his hands up in exasperation, Baekhyun drops them before facing Kyungsoo very seriously. “Your his nephew, so of course Chanyeol’s dad would forgive you. But what about me? I’m that screwed up kid who got sent to boarding school for a whole year.”

“We’re still friends,” Kyungsoo points out.

“It’s still a wonder to me.”

“Come on, Baek,” Kyungsoo scolds gently, hand coming up to rest on Baekhyun’s arm. “Give it a rest. And fine, I won’t bring up anything about high school but it’s your curiosity that suffers.”

“I can live with it,” Baekhyun answers quickly, nodding, more to psycho himself into believing his own words than to convince Kyungsoo. “But Chanyeol must never find out.”

“You can’t keep it a secret forever.”

“As long as I can anyway.”

Coming early gives Baekhyun so much time to talk. It makes him seriously consider going to school early for the rest of the semester so that he can just sit in the large air-conditioned room and chat with Kyungsoo.

“So, you guys are dating?” Kyungsoo changes the topic and Baekhyun gives him a grateful smile. “He bought you a car because he misses you among other reasons and then you guys made out in the car and so you guys are now dating?”

“That’s right!”

“You sure he thinks that you’re dating? Because you guys just made out. That’s all.”

“He bought me a _car_.” Bringing the car keys to Kyungsoo’s face, Baekhyun starts to shake them again and Kyungsoo pushes them away, irritated. “If that doesn’t shout ‘date me’, then I don’t know what does.”

“You guys made out in a car. Many people make out in cars all the time and they’re not dating.”

“Yeah. But we _are_.”

As Kyungsoo’s about to launch into a very long and most possibly logical explanation as to why Baekhyun might not be dating Chanyeol, their lecturer walks in just as the digital clock flashes 9:00. All Baekhyun does is smirk at Kyungsoo, all smug and proud that he has the final word.

 

“Jongdae, we’re dating!” Baekhyun excitedly informs the Media Major about his brand new relationship.

“Really? With who?” Jongdae asks chirpily, his eyes shining brightly, ready to hear Baekhyun’s answer.

Before Baekhyun gives Jongdae the reply, he grins at Kyungsoo who only rolls his eyes at Baekhyun’s childishness. “Chanyeol. Me and Chanyeol. Chanyeol and I.”

“You’re joking, right?” comes Jongdae’s immediately reply much to Baekhyun’s chagrin.

“Why?”

“Because you’re scared of his father,” both Kyungsoo and Jongdae reply simultaneously, the former merely repeating his previous words.

Raising a finger, Baekhyun calmly tells both his friends, “we do not speak of high school.”

Very understandingly, Jongdae nods his head and Kyungsoo is going to accommodate to Baekhyun’s request but he’s shaking his head instead. All Baekhyun wants to do is to go home and see Chanyeol again.

 

So it’s a surprise, really, that Baekhyun doesn’t rush straight home in his all-new sports car as soon as his lessons end and bids Kyungsoo goodbye as he makes his way to the library. It’s largely to do with the fact that he knows that Chanyeol’s work doesn’t end so early.

But even when the time on his phone screen turns to 7 p.m., he doesn’t leave the library. He does get chased out at 7.30 p.m. though because he’s taking up space and not really studying.

Having a car is convenient because all Baekhyun has to do is to get in, start the engine, turn on his GPS, and follow the map home. He doesn’t have to stand at the side of the road in the cold to flag down a cab or wait for one to pass by as some strangers hit him up to go to clubs or bars. Baekhyun is over that lifestyle, yes, he is.

Yet it is also extremely tiring because he’s used to being driven around and not the one doing the driving. As soon as he parks the car, he all but stumbles out of it with his coat and bag in hand. It’s only a short walk to the lobby so he doesn’t bother putting his coat on as he dashes to the door.

Upon seeing Baekhyun, the security hurriedly pushes the button to let him in. The college student shouts a quick ‘thanks’ to the security as he runs to the centre of the lobby where the heating’s the strongest.

It takes a while for him to warm up and when he does, he finally notices Chanyeol pacing back and forth in front of the two lifts and talking on his phone. The hard lines on his face and the stern gaze in his eyes tell Baekhyun that he’s talking about something serious so he shouldn’t disturb him.

And he doesn’t disturb Chanyeol, really, or at least he doesn’t intend to, as he walks over to the lift to push the up button. It’s the lawyer who notices Baekhyun who’s still slightly shivering and enters the lift with Baekhyun when it comes.

Throughout the lift ride, Chanyeol’s talking on the phone. He’s saying something about a contract and a breach but Baekhyun tunes out as soon as the pair of doors close and focuses on the sweet but subtle smell of rosewood in the air.

When the lift ‘dings’ and the doors open, Chanyeol holds the door open for Baekhyun before walking out himself. Baekhyun’s unit card’s already in his hand and he’s more than prepared to enter his house so that he can finally crash on his bed. But like a magnet, he finds himself walking to Chanyeol’s door instead.

The lawyer’s still on his phone and he doesn’t say anything as he opens his door, nodding towards his living room for Baekhyun to go in. So the college student does.

Baekhyun’s never been in Chanyeol’s house before but he already finds it familiar. The walls are painted a soft blue colour with various photo frames hanging all over to them, most of which are from Chanyeol’s college days. There’s a box of old records lying on the floor despite the place not having a record player at all. It’s all very _Chanyeol_ and Baekhyun watches as the older man goes about his normal routine of taking off his cufflinks and watch to leave it on the table next to the door.

Padding across the linoleum floor, Baekhyun walks over to the transparent dining table and pushes himself atop it. Chanyeol gives him a look as he walks past him to the fridge to grab some orange juice. The lawyer then places it on the bar counter next to the dining table as he stands there to continue with his conversation.

As Baekhyun waits for Chanyeol to finish his phone call, he places his palms flat on the glass table, relishing in the coolness that touches his fingertips. But he’s enjoying the view of Chanyeol’s back even more; the way his shoulders look slightly tensed, pulling his back muscles tout and making some lines appear as creases on his shirt. Finally, Baekhyun hears Chanyeol saying “bye” before hanging up and pouring himself a glass of orange juice, not bothering to ask Baekhyun because the college student hates oranges.

“You’re home late,” Chanyeol points out, capping back the carton and putting it back into the fridge before he rolls up his sleeves.

Baekhyun doesn’t reply him, too mesmerised by the way Chanyeol’s arms flex at his movement.

“Baekhyun?”

“I just came back from school,” Baekhyun replies as he tears his eyes away from Chanyeol’s biceps. “Besides, your work doesn’t end so early, does it?”

Subconsciously, Baekhyun starts swinging his legs. If he swings a little harder and a little higher, he’ll be able to kick Chanyeol’s back because of how close the other’s standing to him.

“Do you usually come home so late? Does your school usually end so late?” Baekhyun hears more than he sees the frown on Chanyeol’s face. Again, the college student remains quiet, not knowing why he’s refusing to talk to Chanyeol when that’s exactly what he’s been wanting to do for the whole day. “Baekhyun?”

Chanyeol turns around just as Baekhyun leans forward and suddenly, they’re faces are close, too close, so close that Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s breath on his face. The lawyer’s breathing slows and Baekhyun can tell that too.

Slowly, Baekhyun leans in nearer and nearer, closing his eyes as he closes the distance until his lips touch Chanyeol’s. At once, Baekhyun melts against the lawyer’s lips, appreciating how soft they feel. The kiss is slow, almost sensual, unlike their rushed make out session this morning in the Audi and Baekhyun finds that he prefers kissing Chanyeol slowly like this.

Sliding off the table but not breaking the kiss, Baekhyun throws his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, letting them hand there loosely as he rests his elbows on Chanyeol’s broad shoulders while the lawyer positions his hand in the curves of Baekhyun’s waist.

Chanyeol’s kissing back sweetly, every now and then sucking and nibbling on Baekhyun’s bottom lip, making the younger shiver in pleasure and gasp at the titillating sensation running through his body.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whines when he feels the other’s hand trailing down his back slowly before stopping right above his ass. Moving to stand on his tiptoes, Baekhyun tries to wedge a knee between Chanyeol’s legs as one of the older’s hand is now firmly resting on one side of his butt. “Carry me.”

It’s all the warning Chanyeol gets before Baekhyun pushes himself off the ground and jumps to wrap his legs around Chanyeol’s waist. The lawyer reacts quickly enough and catches Baekhyun by placing his hands underneath the younger’s ass to hold him up.

“Brat,” Chanyeol scolds, his tone nothing but affectionate and it makes Baekhyun lean in to cuddle against his neck.

Inhaling deeply, Baekhyun sighs blissfully when he breathes in the familiar scent of Chanyeol’s cologne. The smell of fresh jasmine and rosewood are making him jelly against Chanyeol and he lets his head fall limply onto Chanyeol’s shoulder. When he feels the lawyer nipping at his neck, he rolls his head to the side, giving the other easier access and moans in pleasure when he feels Chanyeol sucking hard against his pulse point.

Suddenly, his back is pressed up against the wall and Chanyeol’s mouth is no longer on his neck. Leaning back, Baekhyun tilts his head sideways as he lets it rest against the wall. He meets Chanyeol’s eyes and sees that the lawyer’s dark brown orbs are blown wide with lust but there’s still a little bit of control that Baekhyun’s sees wavering inside. Oh how much he wants to tear down that wall of discipline so that Chanyeol will just thoroughly ravish him already.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Baekhyun asks softly, his voice low and velvety and he sees the way Chanyeol inhales sharply upon hearing those words. Smirking, Baekhyun bucks hips, letting Chanyeol feel his erection in his pants.

“Baek.” Chanyeol slides his hands from Baekhyun’s ass to his hips to still them. “I don’t want to have sex. Not like this. Not yet.”

Humming, Baekhyun starts to rock his hips slowly despite Chanyeol’s firm grip on his hips and soon, he finds Chanyeol’s hand loosening.

When Baekhyun thinks that he has the upper hand, suddenly, Chanyeol moves and instinctively, Baekhyun’s hands fly to wrap them around Chanyeol’s neck again so that he doesn’t fall now that his back isn’t being supported by the wall anymore. Before he knows it, his back is hitting the top of a mattress and the bed sinks as Chanyeol gets on the bed to hover above Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whines unintentionally. “Please,” he begs on purpose, batting his eyelashes coyly.

Groaning, Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun’s pants and boxers down in one swift motion before he’s wrapping one hand around the younger’s dick.

Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun’s hair, hard, and a loud whine escapes Baekhyun’s throat as he throws his head back.

The pressure building up quickly, and before Baekhyun realises, it’s too much and he’s spilling in Chanyeol’s hand. His senses are in overdrive, the pleasure running through every nerve and fibre in his body and he feels a little disoriented but he’s still conscious enough to move close to Chanyeol.

Sticking his tongue out, he slowly licks a strip up Chanyeol’s neck, reveling in the sound of Chanyeol roughly groaning and panting harshly in his ear. Then he rests his hand on Chanyeol’s chest before whispering sweetly into his ear, “I can help you”. The next thing he hears is a grunt from Chanyeol before the other is pulling away from him.

For a moment, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun and being the only one without his pants on, Baekhyun suddenly feels incredibly exposed but he also feels himself hardening again under Chanyeol’s gaze.

Without a word, Chanyeol hooks his arms under Baekhyun’s back and behind his knees so that he can lift Baekhyun up from the bed. The college student rests one hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder and curls the other around his neck to support himself.

“Go wash up,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun gently, letting him down at the entrance of his room’s bathroom. “I’ll take care of myself.” It’s all he says then he’s walking out of the room, probably to use the guest room’s toilet.

Sighing Baekhyun takes off his shirt, dumping it in the laundry basket Chanyeol has beside the door before stepping into the toilet and tuning on the shower. He sets the temperature at the coldest before going under in, letting out a harsh breath as the icy water hits his bare skin. It’s a little torturous but at least it helps him cool down quickly. He takes him time to wash up and when he’s done, he grabs a spare toothbrush that he didn’t even think he would be able to find and brushes his teeth. There’s a hairdryer there which he conveniently uses as well.

He doesn’t know how long he took but when he steps out of the toilet, Chanyeol’s still missing from his room. Baekhyun looks at his ruined underwear before shrugging and walking over to Chanyeol’s wardrobe to fish out a random t-shirt to put it on. It’s big enough that it covers until Baekhyun’s mid-thigh.

Just then, Chanyeol enters the room wearing a cream-coloured shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. He raises a brow as he takes in Baekhyun’s attire but he looks away when he reaches the end of his shirt.

Baekhyun grins knowingly before climbing on to the bed and quickly going under the covers to spare Chanyeol’s sanity.

The lawyer adjusts the blanket for Baekhyun properly before he turns off the lights and goes on to the bed himself.

There’s a small space between them and Baekhyun wants to move closer or just roll over. But he’s too tired and he finds that he doesn’t have the energy to move.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls softly.

“Hm?”

The words are already at the tip of Baekhyun's tongue but he’s having a hard time saying them.

“Yeah, Baek?” Chanyeol prompts, his voice gentle and kind like it has always been and the nickname makes Baekhyun’s heart clench.

“Are we dating?” Baekhyun finally asks but the only response he gets is the soft sound of the air coming out from the air-conditioner.

Turning to his side, Baekhyun finds Chanyeol’s eyes shut tight and his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

“Good night, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispers into the dark before kissing Chanyeol on the cheeks and then curling up against the lawyer’s side, burying his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck.

The lawyer shifts a little and Baekhyun thinks he might be awake but all Chanyeol does is throw a hand over Baekhyun to pull him closer. His breathing remains the same so Baekhyun concludes that Chanyeol’s still sleeping.

Not wanting to wake the other up, Baekhyun adjusts himself under the covers in small movements until he’s comfortable.

“Because I want to date you,” the college student says aloud to the quiet room before he closes his eyes and slowly drifts off to sleep, his hand curling tighter around Chanyeol’s arms. After a moment’s consideration, Baekhyun slides his hand down to hold Chanyeol’s hand instead. 

 

“ - yeol…” Baekhyun murmurs sleepily, turning to his side and throwing his arm across the bed. His hand lands with a soft thud against the silk mattress covers, making him open his eyes fully. “Chanyeol?” he calls out softly but is met with no response.

With just his hand, he feels around the bed, hoping that he’ll touch an arm, a leg, any human body part but he doesn’t. All he feels is the soft material of the bed sheet caressing his fingertips. The other side of the bed feels cold as if it’s been empty for quite some time and Baekhyun believes that it _has_ been unoccupied for a while now.

With a sigh, he flips onto his back and curls his fingers against the smooth silk sheets before spreading them out again and flattening them against the cover’s surface. He repeats the action a few times, then he withdraws his hand completely and turns to his side so that he’s now facing the empty side of the bed.

“Chanyeol?” he tries again though he knows that he isn’t going to get an answer. The lawyer’s already left for work and being the heavy sleeper that he is, Baekhyun obviously didn’t even hear Chanyeol leaving the bed.

Sitting up, Baekhyun moves a little so that he’s sitting on the other side of the bed before he falls backwards again. He turns so that his face is buried in the pillow and the scent of jasmine and rosewood whiffs into his nose.

This side of the bed still feels cold, though not as cold as his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds)! Tweet or DM me, I'm really friendly I don't bite lols I'm also at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) for all my fics stuff so follow me there if you like my fics :D
> 
> xoxo


	2. What Are We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot wasn't supposed to be so angsty, it was so humour and fluff and all that in my head but I've been listening to Been Through too much so it turned out like this OTL
> 
> Tweet me at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) if you're excited about this <3
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

Baekhyun thought he was going to be late for school when he finally got off of Chanyeol’s bed and saw the time. His eyes widened in shock when he saw the red neon numbers blinking at him furiously as if they were chiding him to hurry up. So he rushed back to his apartment, not quite remembering if he locked Chanyeol’s door then belatedly remembered that it’s an automatic lock. After brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower, he randomly chose an outfit that was lying on his couch. Only when he was leaving the house as he grabbed his car keys did he realise that no, he wasn’t going to be late.

He had a car now so he wouldn’t have to wait for a cab to drive by. He had a car now so he wouldn’t have to flag a cab down. He had a car now so he wouldn’t have to fight with Chanyeol over cabs. Though more than all of that, Chanyeol wasn’t even home anymore and had probably already gone to work so there wasn’t going to be anyone stealing any cab from him even _if_ he had to call a cab.

“Stupid Chanyeol,” Baekhyun grits out when he brakes at a traffic light. Never mind that he was trying to catch a whiff of jasmine and rosewood when he entered the car only to be disappointed with the smell of leather.

Glaring at the red light, Baekhyun thinks back to yesterday when he got so distracted by Chanyeol’s face that he didn’t notice the light turning green. Usually, he’s careful with driving and as hard as he stepped on the accelerator yesterday, he doesn’t usually speed either. Most of all, he doesn’t forget to drive off when the signal turns to green.

Suddenly, the cars behind start to honk and the sound jerks Baekhyun out of his daze. Looking up, he scowls when he realises that the light has turned green.

“You’re not even here and you want to distract me!” Baekhyun scolds the air, waving his hand in front of him like he’s swatting a fly or an apparition of Chanyeol. Another honk. “Okay! Okay! I’m driving!” he shouts to no one and mutters a few curses under his breath as he releases the break and steps on the accelerator.

As he nears a junction, he almost makes the wrong turn until he realises and switches to the correct lane by swerving the car, earning himself a few more honks.

“Are you serious?” At that moment, his phone screen lights up on the passenger’s seat. Siri’s voice comes on the same time Baekhyun shouts, “fuck you, Chanyeol Park! Yes!” The device then proceeds to send the message that Baekhyun just unwittingly recited without him knowing before the screen turns off again.

 

As the time turns 10:00 on his car’s digital clock, Baekhyun curses himself for being late again despite having a car. Pulling out his phone, he’s about to send Kyungsoo a quick message telling him that he’s on his way when he notices the date and he curses again. He doesn’t have morning lessons on Tuesdays.

But he’s late for breakfast with Kyungsoo and Jongdae. It doesn’t make him hurry though as he pulls down the mirror to arrange his hair and applying a thin layer of lip gloss before getting out of his car.

There’re people staring at him and his car, of course they would. He’s Baekhyun Byun.

An unbidden thought comes into Baekhyun’s mind – what if people are staring at him because he’s wearing a mismatched outfit today? Gasping, Baekhyun stops in his tracks and looks down, sighing in relief when he sees that he didn’t wear his house slippers out. He starts checking the rest of his clothes too and is pleased to note that his jeans looks amazing on him even when he’s looking from the top down. The blue silk shirt that he’s wearing feels cool against his skin underneath the layers of warmth.

Smiling at his reflection in the car’s window one last time, Baekhyun happily makes his way to the cafeteria. There isn’t a single thing that can ruin Baekhyun’s day. Nothing. Nothing at all. Especially not a certain lawyer named Chanyeol Park whom Baekhyun has no idea what his relationship is to said person.

Immediately, the smile falls from his face and he sighs, eyes looking to the ground dejectedly as his feet continues moving. He runs his fingers through his hair, defeating the point of arranging them neatly in the first place as Chanyeol’s face appears in his mind. The memory of Chanyeol’s lips pressed against his sweetly swims in his mind and he starts to feel dizzy.

Thankfully, he’s snapped out of his reverie by a familiar voice very unkindly calling him by his full name.

“Jongdae,” he greets, grimacing as he approaches the table as his friend smiles back at him cheekily while Kyungsoo doesn’t even spare him a glance and continues eating his eggs.

“Rough morning?” Jongdae asks sarcastically, smirking at how unruly Baekhyun’s blonde locks look.

Raising a brow, Baekhyun mimics Jongdae’s smirk, wiggling his eyebrows just to be extra. “More like rough night.”

His answer makes Kyungsoo promptly choke on his eggs and finally give his attention to Baekhyun. It’s not the kind of attention Baekhyun wants though. Kyungsoo’ glaring at him like he wants to throw Baekhyun off the highest building in school as he gulps down some tea. Even after he places his cup down, he’s still glaring at Baekhyun and it makes the latter shrink back in fear.

“I don’t want to know what you do with Chanyeol at night,” Kyungsoo says strictly, pushing his plate away, clearly having lost his appetite.

Opposite him, Jongdae snorts but he doesn’t receive even a kick from Kyungsoo and Baekhyun pouts at how unfair Kyungsoo is being with his treatment.

“Does this have anything to do with Chanyeol being your cousin?”

“Of course _not_.”

“Then why are you bothered?”

Grabbing Baekhyun’s wrist, Kyungsoo sits him down roughly and Baekhyun squeaks when his hip bumps the side of the table. “What?”

“I don’t believe you didn’t catch the sarcasm in my tone.”

Mouth still full of bread, Jongdae’s the one answering, “I bet five dollars that Baekhyun knew.”

“Oh, shut up, Dae. No one wants your cheap money,” Baekhyun sneers as he tries to shake Kyungsoo’ death grip on him but to no avail.

Swallowing, Jongdae corrects himself, “I meant five hundred dollars.”

“Still cheap,” Baekhyun counters, pulling out his car key from his bag and waving it in front of Jongdae’s face who scowls at him in return.

“It’s not even your money.” Kyungsoo finally lets go of Baekhyun’s hand and pulls his plate back to himself. Why should he give breakfast up because of Baekhyun’s words?

“So,” Jongdae begins and neither Baekhyun nor Kyungsoo know what he wants to say. “How was it?”

Confused, Baekhyun’s brows automatically knit together.

“How was sex with Chanyeol?”

Once again, Kyungsoo chokes, this time on his bacon and this time, Jongdae’s the one on the receiving end of his glare but he stops quickly and just sighs.

Indignant, Baekhyun attempts to kick Kyungsoo’s leg under the table but Kyungsoo knows Baekhyun too well and moves his leg away, so Baekhyun ends up kicking Jongdae instead. All Jongdae does is shrug nonchalantly and rests his cheek against his palm, his elbow on the table and he smiles lazily at Baekhyun. Then Baekhyun realises that Jongdae did ask him a question. It takes a while for him to remember what Jongdae asked but as soon as he does, his face falls and the teasing playful grin on Jongdae’s face is instantly replaced with surprised tinged with a bit of worry.

Next to Baekhyun, Kyungsoo seems to have noticed that something is wrong as well because he pulls Baekhyun’s shoulder gently to get a better look at his face. “What happened?” he asks gently. “Did Chanyeol do anything?” his tone shifts and there’s a hardness in his voice that makes Baekhyun smile at him appreciatively though the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You can tell us anything, Baek,” Jongdae adds on comfortingly.

Looking down, Baekhyun doesn’t know why but he can’t find it in himself to look at his two friends. They’re both staring at him with so much concern like he’s going to break any second because he’s a fragile piece of porcelain. Despite not liking it, Baekhyun’s unable to stop himself from feeling like he’s cracking into little tiny bits.

“You guys are right,” Baekhyun finally says. He isn’t sure if his voice is quavering or if the cafeteria’s just cold. “I’m not sure if we’re dating,” he continues. “I don’t know what we are.” His voice is definitely shaking. “I don’t know what I am to Chanyeol.” Curling his fingers in, Baekhyun presses so hard that he’s sure that there are crescent imprints of his nails forming on his palms. “I didn’t know then and I don’t know now,” he adds on softly, hoping that Jongdae and Kyungsoo don’t hear him.

Jongdae’s about to say “I told you so” but Kyungsoo jabs him in the ribs so all that comes out is just an ‘oof’ and Baekhyun laughs dryly because he knows exactly what just happened even though he didn’t see it.

“Jongdae’s being an ass.”

Before Jongdae can protest, Kyungsoo gives him a look that makes him keep his mouth sealed.

“Jongdae’s right.” Baekhyun looks up, a sad smile on his face. He turns to Kyungsoo. “And so are you. Making out doesn’t mean that we’re dating. Especially making out in a car of all places.”

“Did Chanyeol say anything?” Kyungsoo questions worriedly.

“I don’t know if him saying anything would have made it better.” A bitter laugh escapes Baekhyun’s lips. “It’s my own fault. I thought that I still meant something to him. Maybe I never did.”

“‘Still’?” Jongdae inquires and Baekhyun’s eyes widen but he doesn’t turn to his friend.

“Slip of a tongue.”

“‘Maybe I never did’?” It’s Kyungsoo this time and Baekhyun’s mouth goes dry, wishing that he can take back those few words.

“Slip of a tongue,” Baekhyun repeats resolutely, hoping that he’s leaving no room for argument.

Both his friends look like they want to say something, Kyungsoo looking like he has a harder time biting his words back than Jongdae. There’s a curious itch scratching at Baekhyun and he wants to know what they want to say but he doesn't ask.

“Okay, enough drama. It’s too early in the morning.” Kyungsoo starts packing his bag. “And we’re going to be late if we don’t start walking now,” he informs Baekhyun then he looks at Jongdae. “Clear my plate for me.” Having said that, Kyungsoo stands up and starts walking out of the cafeteria, leaving Jongdae and his complaints behind, along with Baekhyun who’s frantically looking around the table for food.

“I haven’t had breakfast!”

“That’s your own fault.”

When Baekhyun glares at Jongdae, he sees that his friend’s hand is stretched out towards him and that there’s a muffin in his hand. Immediately, Baekhyun’s eyes brighten up and he grabs the red velvet muffin before blowing Jongdae a kiss. Jongdae swats it away and pretends to be disgusted.

“Clear Kyungsoo’s plate!” Baekhyun tells Jongdae before dashing off after Kyungsoo, ignoring the loud whine he hears coming from Media student.

When Baekhyun exits the cafeteria, he smiles upon seeing that Kyungsoo was waiting for him. He hooks his arm around Kyungsoo’s and the other disentangles them immediately before walking off, not checking if Baekhyun’s following.

“Don’t walk so quickly.” Kyungsoo’s actually walking at a reasonable pace but Baekhyun doesn’t want to get to class so soon. “Please?” he adds futilely and spurs Kyungsoo to walk faster instead. Clicking his tongue, Baekhyun keeps up with Kyungsoo. “I know you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Chanyeol didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kyungsoo hums, not disinterested.

“Or anything at all for that matter,” Baekhyun adds on.

With a sigh, Kyungsoo stops walking and stands next to the door of the lecture theatre and Baekhyun stops walking as well to face him. “Baekhyun, I don’t know about everything that happened in high school, especially when you were away for that one year but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

He’s being sincere – Baekhyun knows that and he doesn’t doubt Kyungsoo but he doesn’t want to talk about anything. “I’m fine,” Baekhyun assures, none of the usual lightness in his voice that tells Kyungsoo that he’s lying.

“If you don’t want to talk to me, then talk to Chanyeol.” It’s all Kyungsoo says before walking into the classroom.

Baekhyun’s known Kyungsoo long enough to know that his friend isn’t being bitter about the fact that he’s clearly hiding something from him. But Baekhyun’s also known Kyungsoo long enough to know that the other is hurt.

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun starts when he’s seated next to him. “Give me some time.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything but Baekhyun doesn’t need a reply to know that his friend understands.

In his heart, Baekhyun wonders how much does Kyungsoo truly know.

 

It was Baekhyun’s only class for the day and he bid Kyungsoo goodbye at the end of it instead of going to Madison Avenue with the other like they had planned because Kyungsoo wanted to meet his high school boyfriend after the other texted him during class. Of course, Baekhyun took the opportunity to mope about Kyungsoo abandoning his friend for his lover and bemoan the fact that Kyungsoo prefers his younger boyfriend to his same-age classmate.

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo took it all with grace and simply shot Baekhyun a cool look before parting ways with him. Maybe dating a younger guy is helping Kyungsoo with his temper. That’s what Baekhyun chooses to believe for now and he silently thanks the heavens for this mysterious boyfriend that Kyungsoo’s been claiming to introduce to him and Jongdae for weeks. Baekhyun isn’t in a hurry to meet the other anyway. He’s more interested in solving his own conundrum for the time being.

Just because Kyungsoo isn’t free to shop with him doesn’t mean he can’t shop himself. So he ends up wasting a few hours and a few thousand dollars at Barneys before heading home. He needs the retail therapy. It’s not because he’s trying to go home later so that he can bump into Chanyeol again.

The ride home is quiet because Baekhyun turns off the radio and the car is so well-built that it filters away the outside noise so Baekhyun was spared from the sound of New York traffic at night.

Turning into the building’s carpark, Baekhyun’s starting to think that the car’s more trouble than it’s worth. Taking a cab is easy because the vehicle stops at the entrance and Baekhyun doesn't have to walk that much. He parks the car in his reserved lot and kills the engine. Honestly, he’s just trying to find fault with the car because it’s a gift from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol.

Resting his head against the steering wheel, Baekhyun closes his eyes. A memory slowly floats into his mind and he can’t see anything but he hears his own voice, albeit in a slightly higher pitch.

_“Chanyeol?”_

Then there comes the deep voice that Baekhyun likes so much.

_“Hm?”_

The conversation, if it can even be counted as one, ends there because Baekhyun suddenly doesn’t remember the rest of the words in the script that he has been revising so dedicatedly for the first few weeks of his time at the boarding school.

Opening his eyes, Baekhyun realises how stuffy the car is becoming so he gathers all of his things in his hands and gets out of the car. Stepping out into the cold winter night, Baekhyun starts to shiver because he hadn’t bothered putting his coat on. Gritting his teeth, Baekhyun throws all his things in the driver’s seat before grabbing his coat and throwing it on because the cold’s too unbearable. When he feels some warmth sipping back through his skin, he picks up his bag and phone again before pushing the door shut and locking it. No one’s going to steal his car with how good the security is but locking doors was a habit he developed when he was in boarding school.

As always, the security guard at the entrance greets Baekhyun with a wide smile before pressing the button to let him in.

Baekhyun shouts out a ‘thanks’ as he enters the revolving door.

The instant he walks into the building, he feels even warmer and rolls his eyes at how effective the heater is when he’s all wrapped up and stops working when he’s not wearing a coat. Walking towards the elevator, Baekhyun suddenly slows in his steps and reroutes towards the receptionist.

“Is Chanyeol home yet?” he blurts out to the building staff who looks at him, amused, and Baekhyun feels like he’s in boarding school all over again. The building staff isn’t judging him but Baekhyun starts to fidget, shifting his weight from side to side until he gets a simple, “no, I’m sorry” in reply. “Thanks,” he mutters before slinking away and going over to the elevator again.

He looks at the waiting area opposite the elevator and considers waiting there for half an hour. But the elevator reaches just then and makes his mind up for him before he reaches a decision.

The most ridiculous idea enters his mind the moment he steps into the elevator and he wonders if he wants to ride the elevator up and down for half an hour instead. Just like before, the elevator makes the choice for him again by stopping at his floor and opening its pair of steel doors.

Baekhyun walks to his unit in long strides and scans his card on the sensor. The door opens with a little tune and Baekhyun pushes it open. He’s going to wait in his house until Chanyeol comes home.

All he does for thirty minutes is to walk back and forth in his living room while playing a game on his phone until he gets bored and decides to take a quick shower.

What was intended to be a quick shower turns into an hour’s long bath and by the time Baekhyun’s done changing, it’s already 10 p.m. and he guesses that Chanyeol’s already in his house. Just to be sure, Baekhyun picks up his phone and sends a simple text message to Chanyeol.

_You home?_

There isn’t a reply immediately so Baekhyun waits.

His phone vibrates at 10:15 p.m. but Baekhyun’s only counted to 837 so it should be 10:14 p.m., really. Baekhyun tells himself that he wasn’t counting the number of seconds until Chanyeol replied.

 _No_ , his phone screen reads and Baekhyun stares at it for another good minute to ensure that his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him.

 _“Where the hell can you be so late on a Tuesday night?”_ he thinks, sitting down on the couch and bringing his feet up so that he can hug his legs and rest his chin on his knee.

 _“Work,”_ he replies to himself in his mind. _“And anywhere he wants to be because it’s none of your business._

Shutting his eyes, Baekhyun feels himself drifting off to sleep.

The next time he opens his eyes and checks his phone, it’s only 10:48 p.m. and there’s a new notification on his screen. It was only a short nap but Baekhyun suddenly feels more awake than before. He thinks people call this a ‘power nap’.

Unlocking his phone, Baekhyun’s heart skips a beat when he sees that the message is from Chanyeol. Eyes scanning the message quickly, all Baekhyun feels is disappointment.

_I won’t be home so soon. Don’t wait for me if that’s what you’re doing. Go to sleep._

Sighing, frustrated, Baekhyun throws his phone aside and slips into his house slippers before going over to his door.

For a while, or at least Baekhyun thinks it’s just a while, he leans against his front door, back pressed against the mahogany and feet slightly in front of his knees. Resting the back of his head against the wood, he waits.

He waits for the sound of footsteps, the sound of familiar dress shoes tapping against the floor but all he hears is the sound of his finger drumming against the door. He doesn't know how long he stays in that position but his legs are tired and he doesn't feel like waiting anymore.

His living room is chilly because he left his windows open from this morning and the silk covering him while soft, feels cold against his bare skin, making him shiver slightly. Unable to bear the cold any longer, Baekhyun trudges over to his thermostat and glares at the offending device when he realises that the heater is already turned on. Puffing his cheeks up and deflating them, he slowly pads over to the window and he hisses when a gush of cold air hits his face. He’s about to shut the windows when he sees a cab pulling up in front of the building.

Instantly, his mind goes to a tall lawyer and he finds himself peering out a little more, suddenly not minding the cold as he watches the passenger alight. It isn’t Chanyeol and it annoys Baekhyun. Leaning back, Baekhyun slams his windows shut, the sound startling himself when they hit the pane.

From the corner of his eye, he notes that his digital clock blinking and when he turns to it, he sees that a new day has begun.

“Are you even coming home?” Baekhyun shouts, knowing that no one is going to hear him.

There aren’t any more messages on his phone the next time Baekhyun checks it and he tries convincing himself that he doesn’t want one.

Tired and lost, Baekhyun falls asleep on the couch, his mind drifting from memory to memory like a boat at sea that has lost its compass.

 

 

Wednesdays are boring because Baekhyun doesn’t have any classes with Kyungsoo for the whole day and Jongdae doesn't have time to meet him. So he tries finding a way to keep himself occupied. But all he can think about is Chanyeol.

Chanyeol. Chanyeol. Chanyeol. And more Chanyeol.

It isn’t supposed to be like this. Three years ago Baekhyun made a promise to himself that he wasn’t going to pine after Chanyeol any longer.

Now Baekhyun tells himself that it’s time to break that promise.

Taking out his phone, he ignores the tightening in his chest when he reads the last message Chanyeol sent him. What did the lawyer take him for? A middle-school kid that he tutored? Baekhyun was way past that age.

Staring at the chat’s page for a few moments, Baekhyun realises that he is clueless about what to say. There’s nothing particular he wants to say to Chanyeol but he finds that he _needs_ to talk to the other.

_How’s work?_

Simple. Nice.

A reply comes in quickly but it makes Baekhyun frown. _How are you?_

Complicated. Not nice. The question is loaded with so many underlying meanings that Baekhyun can think about even if Chanyeol means it straightforwardly.

 _So what are we?_ Baekhyun’s about to send the message but his finger hovers over the send button until his phone screen blacks out. Sighing, he pockets his phone but he keeps his hand on the device. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Baekhyun takes out his phone again and unlocks it quickly with his thumbprint, backspacing all the words until the blue cursor is blinking at him.

 _Bored. And tired because I waited up for you last night._ Baekhyun stares at the words for a second before deleting the second sentence because he sounds way too much like a scornful boyfriend and he isn’t scornful. Neither is he Chanyeol’s boyfriend but that’s another problem. _Bored._ He sends the message before he thinks about adding any more unnecessary words.

It doesn't stop him from typing and erasing them though.

_Do you miss me?_

Backspace.

_Why are things suddenly so weird?_

Backspace.

_Two days ago we were making out really hotly in the car you bought me_

Backspace.

_Can we just go back to the way we were?_

Backspace.

_Do you remember the first time you_

A new line appears on the chat and Baekhyun immediately stops typing. He highlights the incomplete sentence and deletes it before reading the new message.

_Why are you typing so much?_

It’s a fair question but Baekhyun finds himself scowling at the text and starts thinking of more things he wants to say but will never send just to delete them over and over again.

_Three years ago when you_

Backspace.

 _Fuck you._ That’s all he manages to type two minutes later and he feels so powerless because he doesn’t even have to courage to say what he really wants to.

 _Can we talk tonight?_ , he doesn’t backspace this one and sends the message without much thought, not even knowing if he really wants to talk to Chanyeol about anything despite Kyungsoo’s advice and his own need to know what’s on Chanyeol’s mind.

_About?_

It takes Baekhyun a while to type two letters but he does eventually. Then it takes him another few minutes staring at the two letters before he presses ‘send’.

_Us._

His phone vibrates with a notification but it isn’t from Chanyeol and neither is it a text message.

Baekhyun isn’t hoping for or expecting an answer. In fact, he rather that he doesn’t receive one because that means that Chanyeol’s too busy thinking and preparing for their conversation to respond to him. He doesn’t need a reply and all he hopes is that Chanyeol feels the same.

 

When he doesn’t get a reply from the other by the time he’s in his car and ready to drive home, he simply tells himself that Chanyeol is ready to talk about anything. About them.

 

After Baekhyun parks his car at his designated lot, he doesn’t get out immediately and it already starts to feel like a repeat of yesterday. Not wanting the events to unfold the same way, Baekhyun leaves the engine on and waits in the car. He doesn’t know what or who he’s waiting for but he waits. He waits until he starts feeling cold in spite of the heater installed in his car.

Stepping out of the car, Baekhyun already has his coat on this time so he doesn't feel the harsh winter wind and he mentally makes a note to always wear his coat from now onwards.

He takes his time to walk to the lobby because he doesn’t want to be faced with disappointment so soon. He stops in his tracks and smiles wryly to himself, wondering why he already assumed that Chanyeol isn’t home yet.

Today, he walks up to the receptionist and says, “Chanyeol isn’t home yet, right?” and he gets a shake of the building staff’s head in return. So he politely thanks the staff and goes straight to the elevator, not contemplating on waiting in the lobby and definitely not thinking about going up and down in the elevator until Chanyeol comes back.

Though what he does when he reaches his floor is to walk to Chanyeol’s door instead of his own. He shrugs off his coat and throws his bag on the floor before leaning against the wall and sliding down, pulling his knees towards himself while letting his coat rest across his lap.

And he waits.

 

“Baekhyun?”

It’s Chanyeol’s voice and Baekhyun sighs, feeling warm and cuddly all of a sudden and shifts a little so that he’s head is in a more comfortable position. As comfortable as his head can be resting on his knees anyway.

“Baekhyun?”

The sound is much louder this time but Baekhyun doesn’t realist that anything’s amiss an mumbles, “Chanyeol” instead.

“Baek.”

Okay, Baekhyun definitely isn’t dreaming. His eyes fly wide open and the first thing he sees is someone’s feet and a very familiar pair of shoes. A _very_ familiar pair.

Looking up, Baekhyun finds Chanyeol standing just a few steps away from where he’s sitting on the floor. The lawyer’s face clearly shows his surprise but there’s something akin to happiness shining in his eyes when he sees Baekhyun. It makes Baekhyun’s heart beat faster and he wonders why Chanyeol still has such an effect on him after all these years.

“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol asks, walking over to hold Baekhyun’s arm to help him stand up. The college student manages on wobbly legs for a moment before he regains his balance but Chanyeol doesn’t let go of him. “It’s really late, shouldn’t you be asleep?” he asks worriedly and Baekhyun realises that he doesn’t know the time. As Chanyeol looks at what Baekhyun’s wearing, it dawns on him that Baekhyun hasn’t gone into his own apartment at all. “Have you been waiting here this whole time?” His eyes soften and subconsciously, he brushes a stray strand of hair away from Baekhyun’s face.

Shrugging, Baekhyun’s hand goes over the strap of his bag and he adjusts it even though his bag isn’t falling off his shoulder. “I didn’t want to miss you,” Baekhyun says, his words holding more than one meaning to them.

“But it’s so late,” Chanyeol insists, not having caught the other meaning behind Baekhyun’s words, making the younger sigh.

Chanyeol’s hand is starting to burn on his arm so he gently shrugs it off. If there’s hurt on Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun doesn’t acknowledge it.

“I wanted to talk,” Baekhyun states simply, firmly but he doesn’t dare to meet Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Baek, we can talk tomorrow.”

The nickname again.

“But tomorrow never comes,” argues Baekhyun, his face set in a stubborn frown, still refusing to look at Chanyeol until he feels Chanyeol’s hand on his head.

Nodding in understanding, Chanyeol scans his card key against the lock and opens his door for Baekhyun to walk in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds)! Tweet or DM me, I'm really friendly I don't bite lols I'm also at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) for all my fics stuff so follow me there if you like my fics and talk to me >< I want to make new friends~
> 
> xoxo


	3. Not The Same Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update cause I'm kinda inspired when I'm supposed to be studying, oops.
> 
> Tweet me at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) if you're enjoying this! <3 also, I want to try something...I know this story isn't popular at all but I want to try a hashtag...which is #CBLDTR if you’re tweeting about the story or anything XD
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Chanyeol asks as soon as he walks into his apartment after Baekhyun. The door behind him shuts automatically and soundlessly. “You’ve been…” Chanyeol pauses and watches Baekhyun walk around the living room as if he’s memorising every single detail.

“I’ve been?” Baekhyun inquires, stopping in front of the couch to face Chanyeol for a second before closing his eyes and falling back, letting his head hit the soft cushion. His left hand hits the edge of the rectanglular coffee table by accident but he doesn’t wince at the pain. All he does is to cradle his hand against his chest, hoping that he can quickly ease the temporary sting away. “I’ve been what, Chanyeol?”

Before Chanyeol even sighs, Baekhyun’s already expecting it so he isn’t surprised when he hears it or when he opens his eyes briefly and spots a troubled look on Chanyeol’s face. Snorting, he closes his eyes again and resumes basking in the peace that he finds in the silence. It’s strange that he was so anxious and worried about talking to Chanyeol the past two days because now that Chanyeol’s right in front of him, he only feels relaxed and comforted. There’s something about the lawyer’s presence that makes Baekhyun feel at ease. Just by having Chanyeol in the same room as him has always made Baekhyun feel better.

It’s a strange effect, Baekhyun doesn’t think that the scientists have a name for this one yet. And he is, by no means a scientist but he decides to name it anyway. He calls it the “Chanyeol-effect” for obvious reasons and because he can’t really be bothered with coming up with a proper name.

“You’ve been wanting to talk to me,” Chanyeol finally answers. There’s guilt in his voice and quietness everywhere else before Baekhyun starts hearing Chanyeol shuffling about to take off his coat, suit jacket, and cufflinks.

The image of Chanyeol rolling up his sleeves comes unannounced in Baekhyun’s mind and he suddenly finds his throat very dry. Swallowing a few times, Baekhyun searches for his voice. “So you knew,” he manages to say in a soft voice despite the tightening he feels around his neck.

When Chanyeol doesn’t give him a reply, Baekhyun makes a low sound in his throat and pushes himself up so that he’s now sitting upright. The back of his knees are hooked over the armrest as he stares at Chanyeol’s back, watching as the lawyer folds up his collar to take off his tie. Baekhyun’s fingers itch instinctively to reach out to help Chanyeol undo the Half Windsor Knot. Internally, Baekhyun berates himself for even having such a thought, especially when he hasn’t even helped Chanyeol with his tie for the past three years. Especially when he doesn’t even know where he stands with Chanyeol so there’s still the elephant in the room that has yet to be addressed.

“So you knew,” Baekhyun says in a louder voice this time, making Chanyeol turn around to face him. It’s a wrong move – wrong to Baekhyun anyway – because Chanyeol has the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, exposing the whole column of his neck down to a small patch of skin around his chest area and Baekhyun finds it hard to turn away.

Observing Baekhyun for a second, Chanyeol puts his tie onto the glass dining table before slowly walking over to where Baekhyun’s sitting on the couch. The college student notices that Chanyeol’s coming over but his eyes remain glued on Chanyeol’s chest before they travel lower and lower and lower and suddenly his chin is gently being tilted up. Chanyeol’s fingers feel rough against his chin because of the calluses from playing the guitar.

“Eyes up here if you want to talk.” There’s a smirk ghosting over Chanyeol’s lips and it makes the corners of Baekhyun’s lips twitch upwards. “What were you saying?”

What _was_ he saying? Right now, Baekhyun can only concentrate on how Chanyeol’s fingers feel on his chin, his finger pads touching his face so tenderly. How close the other’s face is to his that when Baekhyun inhales, all he can smell is the scent of jasmines and rosewood. And how kissable the lawyer’s lips look, soft and moist.

As soon as Chanyeol moves his hand away, it’s like a spell that Baekhyun didn’t know had been casted is suddenly lifted off and Baekhyun remembers what he previously said.

Fixing Chanyeol with a cool look, Baekhyun shifts up so that he’s now sitting on the armchair and not looking like a ridiculous middle schooler playing on the couch and sitting in a funny manner. He also does that so that his knees are briefly touching Chanyeol’s. The lawyer remains still, not minding the body contact at all, looking at Baekhyun enquiringly. “I said,” he begins, voice stern, pushing his knee against Chanyeol, making the other take a step back. Once Chanyeol is standing further away from him, Baekhyun smiles in satisfaction. “That you knew. You knew that I’ve been wanting to talk to you and yet you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I don’t know what you want to talk about, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol admits shamefully, a bitter smile coming onto his face.

“So you chose to avoid me instead?”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Chanyeol’s about to reach out for Baekhyun but he lets his hands fall before he even touches Baekhyun’s arm. “I’m here now,” he says comfortingly instead. “What do you want to talk about?”

There’s a million and one things that Baekhyun wants to talk about and there’re all running through his mind. So many questions fill his head but they all keep zooming past so quickly that he’s having trouble grasping onto one.

_“Why did you really buy me a car? Why did you kiss me back in the car? Why did you kiss me before you went to work? Why did you kiss me back last night? Why the fuck do we keep kissing? What’s our relationship now?”_

“Nothing much,” Baekhyun settles for saying, leaning back slightly as he slides his legs forward so that the front of his sneakers are touching the front of Chanyeol’s formal shoes. He lets his eyes linger on Chanyeol’s black oxfords for a few moments before meeting Chanyeol’s gaze. “I just wanted to talk about boring things. Like college. Your work and all that you know.”

“My work isn’t boring.”

“Well, neither is college,” Baekhyun answers haughtily, folding his arms and looking away. He’s expecting Chanyeol to answer by saying that he was the one who called college boring but Baekhyun reminds himself that Chanyeol isn’t as childish as Jongdae.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything. Only this time Baekhyun’s certain that Chanyeol heard what he said as inconsequential as it was.

“Do you want to know why I avoided you last night?” Chanyeol asks suddenly, surprising Baekhyun, his back straightening but the college student refuses to look at the lawyer.

Once again, silence floods the room until Baekhyun finally gives up and turns to Chanyeol, his shoulders deflating and though his arms are still crossed, his posture is slack. “Why?”

As Chanyeol’s about to open his mouth, Baekhyun stops him.

“You’re actually confessing to that? You’re actually telling me that you avoided me on purpose?” Baekhyun knows that he looks royally displeased but he can’t be bothered to school his expression into a more neutral one. Screw Chanyeol, really.

“I did admit to stealing your cabs on purpose too.”

The corners of Baekhyun’s lips twitch again. Thinking back to the days of the Cab War, Baekhyun misses it. Everything was so simple back then – they exchanged a few words, he saw Chanyeol every day, no kisses here and there, and none of this awkwardness that Baekhyun wants to vanquish instantly. 

“Do you remember what you sent me yesterday morning?” Chanyeol continues his explanation, seeing that Baekhyun doesn’t have a smart retort on his mouth.

Baekhyun racks his brain for an answer because all he knows is that he texted Chanyeol in the afternoon and that the lawyer very unkindly ignored him after a short exchange. If he sent a message in the morning, he would have been restless throughout class, waiting for a reply but he wasn’t. He wasn’t waiting for anything except for class to end. Eventually, he comes up with nothing so he simply says, “no”, still looking self-righteous and superior.

With a small smile, Chanyeol pulls out his phone and touches the screen a few times before turning the screen towards Baekhyun.

 _Fuck you, Chanyeol Park._ The message reads but Baekhyun has no recollection about sending such a vulgar message.

Right below that line is another message that Baekhyun sent out. _You home?_

This one Baekhyun remembers.

Wordlessly, Baekhyun takes his phone out from his bag and opens his chat with Chanyeol. He starts scrolling up and it doesn’t take long until he sees the same words _Fuck you, Chanyeol Park_ on his screen, glaring at him. It’s sent from his phone. It’s very obviously from his phone.

“I didn’t send that,” Baekhyun says anyway and puts his phone away, crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands on top of his knee.

A small smile appears on Chanyeol’s face and Baekhyun almost says ‘shut up’ to his heart aloud. “I thought you were angry at me.” The words make Baekhyun look at Chanyeol like the lawyer’s the one in the wrong. Chuckling, Chanyeol bends forwards so that he’s eye-to-eye with Baekhyun.

Squinting his eyes, Baekhyun thinks about moving away because their faces are too close but he doesn’t because he quite enjoys their proximity.

“I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong,” Chanyeol says softly, lowly. He doesn't have to speak loudly because of how close they are. That’s the obvious reason.

What Baekhyun thinks is that Chanyeol’s talking huskily on purpose because the lawyer knows how hot he is and how much it screws with Baekhyun’s head.

“I thought you were angry so I wasn’t sure what to say. You didn’t say anything afterwards so I was guessing that it was a mistake. That it was Siri’s work.” He ends his sentence with a lighthearted chuckle.

Groaning, Baekhyun glares at his phone and silently curses technological advancement before quickly taking back his words.

“Then you texted me again at night asking if I was home yet.” Chanyeol’s features soften and this close, Baekhyun can see the pure sincerity shining in his eyes.

The smell of jasmine and rosewood fill Baekhyun’s senses and he starts to fill a little giddy.

“I was really busy, Baekhyun. I’m sorry if I made you wait up.”

“I didn’t,” Baekhyun lies quickly without batting an eye but Chanyeol’s looking at him like he knows the truth.

Rephrasing his previous statement, Chanyeol stares straight into Baekhyun’s eyes. “I wasn’t sure if I did anything wrong.” 

“You did nothing wrong. I was just cursing you in the car.”

“Why?”

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol defiantly, unblinking and his mouth unmoving, making the lawyer laugh again, his eyes scrunching up as he lowers his gaze to the floor, and Baekhyun scowls.

“Why?” Chanyeol repeats his question and moves his face nearer to Baekhyun’s.

This time, Baekhyun moves away, a look of distaste on his face and Chanyeol grins, standing straight and sliding one of his hands into his pocket as he watches Baekhyun thoughtfully.

“Are you seriously expecting an answer?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol adjusts his pristine white shirt even though it looks perfectly neat and ironed. “You wanted to talk but you aren’t asking any questions so I decided to ask some of my own.”

“You didn’t even know that I was cursing you in the car!” protests Baekhyun. “That wasn’t even a question that you prepared!” he adds on, flustered as he remembers why he was scolding Chanyeol in the first place – because he couldn’t stop thinking about the other. “You just thought about it on the spot. It’s not counted,” he continues, his argument becoming weaker the more he speaks. By the time he realises it and shuts his mouth, Chanyeol’s grinning at him widely, a teasing glint in his eyes and mirth all over his face.

Baekhyun is mortified.

“I’ll take it as you have prepared a lot of questions for me, then?”

Amused Chanyeol is an infuriating Chanyeol, Baekhyun concludes on the spot right there and then.

“I do.” Sitting up straighter, Baekhyun puffs his chest out, indignant.

“Go on.”

“Why are you wearing the Versace oxford shoes that I gifted you when you told me you threw them away?”

Opening his mouth, Chanyeol looks ready to tell Baekhyun why but what comes out is something entirely different. “Did you know that I was wearing this pair of shoes today?”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Did you see me wearing them this morning?”

Setting his lips into a straight line, Baekhyun struggles about whether or not he should give in to Chanyeol. Eventually, he does. “No.”

“That means you didn’t know that I was wearing them and hence, it isn’t a question that you prepared. Since you just thought about it on the spot, it’s not counted. Next question.”

“But – ”

“Next question.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whines pathetically, standing from the couch and going over the older man who takes a few steps back to increase the distance between them. “What? You – I – but – no – Chan – ugh.” Baekhyun glowers at the lawyer. “You want a real question? One that I prepared because you assume that I have oh-so many questions for you? Fine.”

The lawyer shoots him a challenging look.

Never one to back down, Baekhyun’s all ready to ask the question he’s been wanting to ask since Monday when his voice suddenly disappears while his mind screams _ARE WE DATING?_.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun mockingly.

Game on, Chanyeol Park.

“Did you miss me today?”

“Yes.”

“Did you think about me today?”

“Yes.”

Honestly, Baekhyun’s coming up with the questions on the spot because he can’t seem to bring himself to ask the question that he wants to ask the most. To be fair, it isn’t an easy question to ask and with the way Chanyeol is calmly replying him, it makes it even more difficult. “What’s the thing you want me to do the most right now?”

Chanyeol’s about to give an answer but he stops and smirks at Baekhyun. “Next question. You just came up with that.”

If Baekhyun is right, Chanyeol actually knows that all his previous questions weren’t prepared beforehand either.

“I didn’t.” Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol. “I _didn’t_ ,” he insists when the lawyer doesn’t respond. “So, tell me. What do you want me to do right now?”

“Sleep.”

Inhaling deeply, Baekhyun tries to calm his nerves, choosing to focus on his poor succession of questions instead. “Are we having breakfast together tomorrow?”

Frowning, Chanyeol says, “no”, and Baekhyun audibly groans.

“Why did you buy me a car?”

Licking his lower lip, Chanyeol shrugs. “I told you, it’s an early Christmas present.” He pauses. “And that it’s an apology.” His voice grows softer towards the end and he’s looking past Baekhyun now, no longer staring into the younger’s eyes. There’s a distant look in his dark orbs as if he’s recalling something from the past.

“Apology for what?” comes Baekhyun’s immediate response. _“Because you have a long list of damn things to apologise for, Chanyeol Park.”_ Baekhyun’s own mind starts to drift to some things that happened a few years ago. “And it’s not even December yet.”

“For stealing your cabs.”

 _“Liar,”_ Baekhyun’s heart tells its owner. “Okay.” Baekhyun accepts Chanyeol’s excuse for the second time. “Why did you kiss me back in the car? On Monday.” Good. At least Baekhyun’s asking one of the questions that he prepared. Damn it, Baekhyun Byun. What happened to all his tenacity and audacity on Monday?

“Baek,” Chanyeol starts. “I missed you.”

_Do you know how long I’ve tried not to miss you?_

The business student doesn't actually say that aloud but the unspoken words hang in the air all the same. _“Chanyeol, you’re not being fair. You’re not being fair. You’re the one who told me to forget you.”_

“My turn,” Chanyeol says when Baekhyun continues to stare blankly at him and Baekhyun immediately frowns, not liking how he doesn’t know what Chanyeol wants to ask him. It’s not a question he has to be afraid of though. “Can we sleep now? I have work, Baekhyun.” He points at the college student. “And you have school.” 

Turning to the cuckoo clock hanging on Chanyeol’s living room wall, Baekhyun’s jaw drops when he realises the time – it’s already almost five in the morning. Time surely flies when you’re having fun.

“Use the bath in my room,” Chanyeol instructs, walking out of his bedroom with a towel in his hand and Baekhyun blinks, wondering when Chanyeol even left his spot in the living room and went into his room. Stopping in front of the guest room, Chanyeol turns around to Baekhyun who’s still rooted to the same spot. “Baek?” he only continues when he has the college student’s full attention on him. “We’re fine, right?”

Unable to find his voice again, Baekhyun nods without saying anything and Chanyeol gives him a small smile before going into the guest room.

Letting out a sigh, Baekhyun looks at his school bag on Chanyeol’s couch before walking over to the master bedroom.

 

When Baekhyun exits the toilet with only a bathrobe on, he finds Chanyeol already sitting on the bed, typing away on his laptop. He stands at the foot of the bed until Chanyeol notices him.

“Turn off the lights and come to bed. It’s late.”

Not liking being ordered around, Baekhyun simply makes his way over to the bed without turning off the switch and goes under the covers, turning away from Chanyeol as he curls up. The light in the room turns off seconds later and Baekhyun grins to himself, knowing that Chanyeol used the remote control. Flipping around, Baekhyun sees that Chanyeol’s still on his laptop, the light from the screen casting an eerie glow on his face.

“Turn that off,” Baekhyun whines. “I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“I have to reply to these emails first. Time zones,” he gives as an explanation and Baekhyun nods in understanding even though Chanyeol can’t see it. “Go to sleep first.”

“I can’t sleep.” Baekhyun doesn’t mean to whine but his words come out as a whine anyway and he pouts to himself.

“I’m not cuddling you.”

“I wasn’t asking for cuddles!” Baekhyun objects, offended, the pout gone from his face and replaced by a scowl.

Suddenly, Baekhyun feels a hand on his head and his heart starts to beat faster. Chanyeol’s fingers feel comfortable in his blonde hair as the older combs through them.

“Sleep,” Chanyeol whispers and this time, Baekhyun finds himself slowly being lulled into a slumber.

His eyelids grow heavier by the second and even though he can still hear Chanyeol typing on the keyboard of his MacBook, he finds that he can easily tune out the sound of Chanyeol’s fingers flying across the keyboard. As soothing as the sound is, Baekhyun rather sleep without any noise. The sound of typing stops suddenly and Baekhyun hears the Chanyeol pushing his screen down with a soft click. There’s total darkness in the room now and Baekhyun can’t see but he feels Chanyeol patting his head gently.

The lawyer says something and Baekhyun doesn’t know if he heard correctly or if he’s simply too tired to process anything accurately or if his mind is playing games on him. He guesses it’s one of the latter two options because why in the world would Chanyeol be apologising to him?

In his sleep-confused mind, Baekhyun isn’t sure if Chanyeol planted a chaste kiss to his cheek before sweetly whispering “goodnight, Baekhyun”.

Chanyeol’s large hand is still resting on his head and for the first time in three years, Baekhyun falls asleep easily. 

 

_“Baekhyun? I have to tell you something.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“I don’t know if…Baek, I don’t know if I like – ”_

The conversation ends there because Baekhyun doesn’t want to think of the rest of it. Because it’s too hurtful. It’s a memory that he shattered long ago, not wanting to remember a single bit of it. But the broken shards remain in his heart, piercing it and bringing him pain that he doesn’t want to be reminded of.

As much as Baekhyun tries, he can’t forget. And as much as Baekhyun tells himself that he doesn’t remember, he does. It’s painful, it is. But he has been living with it for three years so what’s the difference now.

 

 

The other side of the bed is cold when Baekhyun wakes up and the business student instantly feels a sense of Deja-vu. Regardless, he tries his luck. “Chanyeol?” he calls out to the empty room. “Chanyeol?” he repeats, despite knowing that he isn’t going to get a response. Obviously, Chanyeol’s already left for work and Baekhyun being Baekhyun, well, of course, a little movement wasn’t going to wake him up.

Grabbing his phone, Baekhyun checks the time and his eyes widen, immediately throwing off the covers and stumbling out of bed. He dashes out of the room and almost leaves the house when he remembers his school bag on the living room. Quickly making a short detour, Baekhyun grabs his bag and runs out of the house in only a bathrobe on, hoping that his two other neighbours won’t suddenly appear in their doorways.

 

 

“Out of the three of us, you’re the only one with a car.” It’s the first thing Kyungsoo says to Baekhyun when they sit down with their lunches. “Why and how on earth are you the only one who’s still always late?”

“New York traffic in the morning is terrible, guys. Not that you would know because you take the subway.”

“I take the bus,” Jongdae pipes in but Baekhyun ignores him. Kyungsoo takes the bus too.

Before Kyungsoo opens his mouth to start scolding Baekhyun and reminding him of the importance of punctuality, Baekhyun loudly bemoans, “I really don’t know what I should do, guys.” He glances pathetically at Kyungsoo, eyes pleading his friend not to lecture him about lateness when he has more important concerns at the moment.

“Did you ask him then?” comes Kyungsoo’ sympathetic response.

“Ask him what?” Baekhyun feigns ignorance.

“If the two of you are dating.”

Opening and closing his mouth, Baekhyun purses his lips as his two friends look at him expectantly. “So I waited for him last night.”

“Like the previous night,” Kyungsoo points out and Baekhyun glares at him.

“I sat outside his door.”

“You what?” Jongdae asks, laughter ringing in his tone. He looks infinitely more amused than before and Baekhyun contemplates finding a new best friend in the Media faculty.

“I didn’t know what time it was when he came home but I said I wanted to talk so he let me in and we talked. It was nice and all. He talked about stealing my cabs and he told me why he was ignoring me.” Baekhyun points at his phone. “That was Siri’s fault by the way.” Both Jongdae and Kyungsoo raise a brow at him but he isn’t going to explain to them his embarrassing blunder. “So I told him that I wasn’t angry and then we talked some more. I think we were kind of flirting a bit.” Kyungsoo gives him a disapproving look which he easily dismisses, a fond look on his face as he remembers how easily Chanyeol admitted to missing him and thinking about him. “Then I asked him why he kissed me back and he said that he missed me!”

“It _has_ been five years…” Kyungsoo absentmindedly reminds himself while Baekhyun fixes him with a look.

 _Three years_ , Baekhyun almost says. “It was really late so he asked if we could sleep and of course I agreed. Not that I really had a say because he was ordering me around.”

“You sound really happy about that,” Jongdae jokes and Baekhyun pouts at him.

“I don’t.”

“So did you ask him if you guys are in a relationship?” Kyungsoo presses on, knowing that Baekhyun’s avoiding the question on purpose and even though he can already guess what the answer is.

“It was nice,” replies Baekhyun, acting oblivious about what Kyungsoo’s asking and Kyungsoo narrows his eyes in contempt. “Then he asked me to bathe in his room and – ”

“He what?” Jongdae’s eyes are as wide as saucers as he stares at Baekhyun.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun smiles at Jongdae sarcastically. “He took the bath in the guest room. Back to my story,” he pauses for a moment there to look pointedly at Jongdae, implying that he doesn’t want to be interrupted again. “He asked if we’re fine and all and I said yeah, you know. Because we totally are. We slept on the same bed. Again. And when I woke up, he was gone!” Baekhyun gestures wildly with his hands for a while until Kyungsoo physically stops him. “Again!”

“I take it that you didn’t ask him if you’re in a relationship with him.” It isn’t a question. “Baekhyun, what the hell?” Kyungsoo snaps and even though Jongdae isn’t the one on the receiving end of Kyungsoo’s fury, he sinks into his chair. “You’re the one who wanted to know.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Baekhyun shouts, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “It doesn’t matter, okay! What matters is that we’re _fine_ now. All is good!”

“ _You_ are the one who wanted to know,” Kyungsoo repeats, his tone threatening and the fire burning in his eyes menacing as he glares at Baekhyun.

At least Baekhyun has the sense to shrink back under Kyungsoo’ intimidating gaze.

“Let me tell you something that I didn’t tell you earlier because I thought you were smart enough to settle this Chanyeol nonsense on your own.” Kyungsoo stops eating his lunch entirely and interlaces his fingers together in front of him. Baekhyun is about to dismiss Kyungsoo’s accusation when the latter starts speaking again, effectively cutting off whatever rubbish of an excuse that Baekhyun has in mind. “I had dinner with Chanyeol’s family recently. Last week.”

Shrugging, Jongdae shares a look with Baekhyun. “You’re related to them. You eat with them all the time.”

“Chanyeol’s staying in the same building as you are, right?” Kyungsoo directs the question to Baekhyun.

“How else had he been stealing my cabs for two months, Soo?”

Kyungsoo frowns. “Can’t you just give me a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’?” 

“What about it?” Baekhyun asks, smiling sweetly at Kyungsoo, eager to know where the other is going with this topic.

Mouth twitching, Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae instead to spare himself Baekhyun’s face. “So Chanyeol’s father asked him where he’s staying now since he didn’t move back to the family house at Fifth Avenue. Guess what he said?”

“That he’s living with Baekhyun,” Jongdae answers the same time Baekhyun says, “that he’s staying with me.”

They grin at each other while Kyungsoo stares at his two friends in disbelief, wondering why he’s still friends with these two idiots.

“He said that he’s staying in his old apartment at Manhattan Valley,” Kyungsoo says, choosing to ignore the other two who are still smiling at each other like they have telepathic abilities.

Finally, Baekhyun breaks eye contact with Jongdae in favour of looking at Kyungsoo. “He’s staying at Carnegie Hill,” Baekhyun states, pointing his fork at Kyungsoo who pushes it away with a grimace. “I would know. We do live in the same building after all.” He laughs at the end although it isn’t funny.

“That is my point,” Kyungsoo snaps, making Baekhyun jump in surprise as Jongdae sniggers. “Why did he lie to his father about where he’s staying now? He could have said Carnegie Hill but no, he said Manhattan Valley which happens to be on the opposite side of Carnegie Hill.”

Realisation sinks into Jongdae and he glances at Baekhyun worriedly who doesn’t even seem bothered by Kyungsoo’ revelation.

“Mr. Park hates me. Everyone in the Upper District of Manhattan knows that.” Waving his hand distractedly, Baekhyun resumes eating his lunch, not finding anything wrong with Chanyeol lying to his father. Maybe the lawyer just didn’t want to anger his father and cause him a heart-attack or something like that. Not that Baekhyun is insinuating that Park Changhwan has heart problems.

“Does _Chanyeol_ know?”

The fork in Baekhyun’s hand falls to the porcelain plate with a clang and his face turns ashen. He turns to Jongdae for help who only offers him an apologetic and pitiful look in return. It’s not enough to stop his palms from becoming clammy or that uncomfortable churning in his stomach.

“Does Chanyeol know that his father hates you?”

“Does he?” Baekhyun asks nervously, slightly agitatedly, glancing between his two friends who have no answer to his question, no way to resolve the turmoil in his heart. “Chanyeol can’t know. He mustn’t know. Chanyeol can’t find out about what happened in high school. He can’t possibly know, can he?” Worrying his quivering bottom lip between his teeth, Baekhyun bites down, trying to calm his nerves.

“And if he already knows?” Jongdae questions, not to give Baekhyun a panic attack but because he genuinely wants Baekhyun to think about what happens if Chanyeol already knows about what happened in high school. “Not seeing him for five years is a lot of time, Baekhyun. He can find out a lot of things in five years.”

 _“Three,”_ Baekhyun subconsciously corrects in his mind because he can never say it aloud. As much as he hates lying to his friends, it’s best if no one else but him and Chanyeol know about this. It’s their little secret and Baekhyun plans on keeping it for a long, long time.

“ _Talk_ to Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo repeats his advice from yesterday before he resumes eating his lunch.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, Baekhyun will confront Chanyeol. He will ask Chanyeol about his lie to his father. He will ask Chanyeol about the Versace oxfords. Tomorrow, Baekhyun will finally ask Chanyeol about their relationship and about where he stands.

Tomorrow, Baekhyun will ask Chanyeol if they’re dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> I'm getting worried about this story and despite one of my readers assuring me last night that this fic is nice, I'm still worried. Did it get too angsty all of a sudden? Is the pacing no good? Are the chapters too long? (I’m thinking about making them shorter). Is the story bad? Is it too confusing? T___T
> 
> Please let me know what you think of the story in the comments! I would really appreciate it >< Any guesses about what happened in high school? Any guesses about what secret Baekhyun and Chanyeol are keeping? Any guesses at all?!
> 
> Say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds)! Tweet or DM me, I'm really friendly I don't bite lols I'm also at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) for all my fics stuff so follow me there if you like my fics :D or ask me questions on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds)
> 
> xoxo


	4. Triple Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my AFF foreword so I figured I should include this here too:
> 
> Some warnings (not really but still): one of the main characters has sexuality issues (I don't wanna spoil who), the other main character is a little emotionally/ mentally unstable (not medically but he has security/ trust issues)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 1 a.m. and I have class tomorrow, I should really be sleeping but when inspiration strikes.........
> 
> Anyway! Do tweet me or DM me (it's open now!) at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) if you're enjoying this! Also, I know this story isn't popular at all but I still want to try a hashtag - #CBLDTR. Use it if you’re tweeting about the story live or anything hahas
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

As Baekhyun already knows, tomorrow never comes.

That’s why when he rings Chanyeol’s doorbell at 8 a.m. in the morning and no one answers, he’s not even surprised that the other has already left for work.

Just to be sure though, Baekhyun makes his way to the lift and pushes the down button on the touchscreen. He’s still in his sleeping clothes - a plain white t-shirt and a pair of grey trousers with navy blue linings on each of its sides. His hair is a mess, sticking up in odd directions and it’s been awhile since he touched up the colour so his black roots are starting to appear underneath the golden blanket.

A door opens and out walks one of the two of Baekhyun’s elusive neighbours. One of the two neighbours who is currently occupying a unit that is separating him and Chanyeol who both got the corner units. They’re more spacious, yes, but if it were up to Baekhyun, he would knock down the two units in between to connect his and Chanyeol’s house together. They could share a very, very long hallway.

Scrutinising his neighbour lazily, Baekhyun notes that the other is a middle-aged man who has bad choices in suits and cologne, so he probably makes bad life choices too. He wondered which company the man worked for and whether said company had attire regulations for all of their staff because they should make one if they don’t already have it. Baekhyun doesn’t even want to check out the man’s shoes.

The man spares Baekhyun a judgmental look, which makes the business student roll his eyes, before turning to face the doors of the lift. When the lift arrives, he audibly sighs in relief and steps into the metal box. The relief falls from his face when he sees Baekhyun walking in and leaning against one side of the lift insouciantly.

 _“I was the one who pushed the button,”_  Baekhyun thinks begrudgingly, looking down at his Iron Man home slippers. Oh yeah, he still has them on too.

The lift finally reaches the lobby with a ‘ding’ and the middle-aged man quickly walks out of it, going straight to the reception.

Baekhyun smirks because that’s where he’s headed too.

Approaching the counter languidly, Baekhyun rests his arms on the marble top and clears his throat loudly. Baekhyun’s neighbour shoots him a distraught look and moves his briefcase away as if Baekhyun’s going to spread his germs all over the place.

Not bothering with the man, Baekhyun smiles politely at the building staff who smiles back happily, ready to provide the six-star service every staff member in the building should give because of how much their residents pay. “Is  _Mr Park_ still in the building or has he already left for work even though it only starts at nine and it’s a ten-minute drive from here?” The building staff gives Baekhyun a concerned look. He must be thinking that it’s the stressful life of being a student in an Ivy League. Trust Baekhyun, college isn’t that difficult, especially when you’re smart. Having money is optional but it helps. “Has Chanyeol left the building?” he corrects himself, earning a chuckle from the staff and he pouts.

“Mr Park left the building at about seven fifteen, Mr Byun.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun replies calmly, containing the urge to scream in frustration because it’ll make him look bad. Not that coming down in his sleeping clothes and demanding an answer from the receptionist like some whiny kid about one of his neighbours is doing his reputation any good but whatever. “Thank you.”

“Chanyeol Park as in Mr h Changhwan’s son?” the man beside Baekhyun asks.

Right. Neighbour.

Leaning against the counter, Baekhyun looks at the other in a calculative way, considering if he should just give the other the answer. “What has that got to do with you?”

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jihoon Sung.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed?” asks Baekhyun, genuinely confused as to why his neighbour thinks that Baekhyun wants to know his name. He guesses that Jihoon is just being polite but Baekhyun is really not interested in knowing his name.

“May I know if you’re Mr Baekhyun Byun?”

“No,” comes Baekhyun’s immediate reply. His face remains passive as he says the next sentence. “I’m Ms Baekbeom Byun.”

The man gives a look of surprise before he composes himself by clearing his throat and covering his mouth. “I work for the Parks.”

 _“A lot of people work for the Parks,”_ Baekhyun thinks, biting back those words because the only person whom he wants to have a conversation with and who is working for the Parks is a damn Park himself. “Call my father if you want to work for the Byuns. Property and hotel management aren’t that different from each other.”

Jihoon ignores Baekhyun. “Is Chanyeol living here?”

“You his sugar daddy?” Baekhyun snaps. “Why are you so concerned?”

The man glares at Baekhyun and the college student stares back defiantly, jutting his chin out.

“Because the last time I heard, Chanyeol Park was staying in Manhattan Valley.”

Manhattan Valley. That name is appearing in front of Baekhyun more times than he would like. It’s Chanyeol’s old apartment, Kyungsoo just mentioned it yesterday (not that Baekhyun didn’t already know beforehand). But if this Jihoon Sung knows that Chanyeol is supposed to be staying in Manhattan Valley then that means that he is in quite a high-ranking position to know where the boss’ son lives. Instantly, Baekhyun concludes that it also means that he probably knows how much his boss hates Baekhyun.

Alarm bells start to go off in Baekhyun’s head. It’s a noisy siren that Baekhyun recognises as the sound from an ambulance and Baekhyun hopes that he isn’t the one riding it. “We must be talking about a different Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, trying to save himself and smiling sweetly at Jihoon despite wanting to run back to his house immediately. Anyone related to Changhwan Park is bad news. His mind tells him, ‘especially Chanyeol Park’, but his heart has always been the more persistent of the two and notifies him, ‘except Chanyeol Park’. “The Chanyeol I know is seven-years-old. I’m tutoring him in math,” Baekhyun explains, using his most persuasive voice and looking at Jihoon seriously.

Jihoon briefly glances to the large clock hanging on the wall behind the receptionists before picking up his briefcase and addressing Baekhyun. “I’m running late but this won’t be our last conversation.”

“I’m running late,” Baekhyun mimics when the man is out of sight. “Is that all anyone from that company can say?” He hears a chuckle coming from behind him and he turns around to glare at the staff who immediately wipes the amused smile from his face.

Sighing, Baekhyun runs his fingers through his hair and gasps when he realises that it’s soft and fluffy, not hard like whenever he uses his hairspray. Glancing down at his attire, Baekhyun squeaks before dashing towards the lift.

Once the lift doors open at the sixteenth floor, Baekhyun runs to his door like his life depends on it. He curses in broken French when his card isn’t detected for the first two times. Not wanting to waste any more time, Baekhyun hurriedly keys in his code instead and the door unlocks with a musical chime that Baekhyun can appreciate on any other day.

Running on autopilot, Baekhyun does everything at times two his usual speed and he’s out of his apartment in record time. The lift doors open as soon as he pushes the button and he stumbles into the lift, trying to catch his breath. His moment of respite is gone when the lift reaches the lobby and he’s dashing through the rotating doors and towards his car parked right in front of the building.

Baekhyun dives into the driver’s seat and starts the ignition. When he looks at the time on his dashboard, all he can say is, “shit.”

Pulling his gear into drive, Baekhyun turns his steering wheel quickly while stepping on the accelerator lightly and it’s a miracle he doesn’t hit into anything as he starts driving towards Colombia. With one hand on the wheel, his other hand rummages through his bag in search of something.

“Shit!” he curses louder this time because he forgot to bring his YSL lip gloss out.

 

 

“They’re all always fucking going to be late for work but I bet they’re never actually late for work. Meanwhile, I’m never going to be late for school and I _always_ end up late for school!” It’s the first thing Baekhyun says during lunch.

He had been late for school. It wasn’t his first time being late and he didn’t need anyone to tell him for him to know that it wasn’t going to be the last time either. Being late was fine, Baekhyun was used to it. Usually, he would just enter through the back door into the lecture theatre because he is a kind and considerate student who does not wish to disrupt the class by walking through the front and making a grand entrance. That morning though, some asshole of a classmate had decided that it had been a good idea to _lock_ the freaking door. So Baekhyun might or might not have banged on the door a few times and tried to turn the knob more than necessary. After realising that it was hopeless to go in through the back, Baekhyun had to mentally prepare himself for the walk of shame through the front. Or he also contemplated skipping the lecture entirely but he wasn’t going to make his grades suffer because of his weak-will. Bracing himself, Baekhyun marched to the front door and pushed open the door with a lot of strength despite it not being that heavy. Then he smiled sheepishly at the lecturer who didn’t even spare him a single glance and looked around for an empty spot. Lectures without Kyungsoo really sucked and he was seriously considering to start looking for new friends.

Eventually, he found an empty seat in the middle section somewhere in the middle and he silently cursed the other students who couldn’t move in to make his life easier. The rows were narrow, forcing him to apologise to the people he was passing by even if he didn’t step on any of their feet. He kind of stepped on a few bags.

Once he settled down and opened his laptop screen, the start-up sound echoed throughout the enclosed theatre and Baekhyun froze when he realised that a few people, including his lecturer, were staring at him.

“Baekhyun,” his lecturer, an old man probably in his nineties, chided. It was enough for Baekhyun to fill in the rest of the blanks which went something along the lines of, “stop disrupting the lesson or get out of the lecture.”

In Baekhyun’s defence, he wasn’t doing any of it on purpose. More than that, disrupting any lesson is the number one thing on Baekhyun’s list that he had sworn not to do a very long time ago.

Luckily for Baekhyun, he was saved from the extremely embarrassing moment by the front door opening again, only this time, it wasn’t him walking in. It was another student who was even later than him and Baekhyun smiled so happily he thought his jaw was starting to ache. But Mr-Born-In-1929 had to ruin it for him by calling his name again and making him answer a question. It was a simple question, one that Baekhyun knew but his mind blanked out then, like one’s mind would blank out during important situations and he started gaping like a goldfish instead, which made his lecturer sigh in disappointment.

Though unlike Chanyeol, his lecturer’s disappointment meant nothing to Baekhyun.

“Screw Chanyeol,” Baekhyun hissed to himself when the lawyer’s handsome face appeared in his mind, not realising that everyone’s attention was still on him and waiting for him to answer.

Again, the lecturer sighed and Baekhyun wanted to dig a hole in the ground and stay there until the lecturer ended or call his mother to send him to France for him to stay there forever.

“My life sucks,” Baekhyun concludes before taking a big mouthful of his mashed potato.

“What is he talking about?” Jongdae whispers to Kyungsoo who shrugs even though he has an answer on the tip of his tongue.

“Something to do with Chanyeol, probably. My cousin’s all he ever talks about.”

Jongdae hums in agreement.

Having not heard his friends’ mini conversation, Baekhyun switches topic all of a sudden. “Mr Park has poisoned everyone in his company to hate me.”

Raising a brow, Kyungsoo asks, “why?”, sceptical that his uncle would do something so childish, let alone think about such an idea.

Eyes brightening with amusement, Baekhyun rubs his hands together, ready to gossip. “Apparently one of my neighbours is Mr Park’s little bi – ” Kyungsoo shoots him a look and Jongdae chortles. “Works for him,” Baekhyun corrects, smiling sweetly at Kyungsoo. “Says his name is Jihoon Sung or something.”

“Jihoon Sung?”

“Why?” Baekhyun prods immediately, seeing that Kyungsoo finds the name familiar. “Do you know him? Who is he? He’s a very high-ranking staff in the Parks’ Cooperation, right?”

Calmly, Kyungsoo says, “he’s Chanyeol’s mentor in the company.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Tough luck,” Jongdae offers, not unkindly.

Groaning, Baekhyun messes up his hair and pulls on a few strands. Flashbacks of Chanyeol tugging on his hair appear in his mind and he suddenly feels hot over so he immediately bangs his hands on the table. It’s an attempt to cool himself down and to distract Kyungsoo and Jongdae from noticing how red he’s turning but he doesn’t feel any cooler and Jongdae is staring at him weirdly. Clearing his throat, Baekhyun takes a sip of his iced chocolate. “Isn’t his mentor George Lewis or Phillip Clark or something like that?”

The questions make Kyungsoo frown. “George was his tutor when he was in high school and Philip is his doctor. How do you even know all these?”

Dismissively waving his hand at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun mutters, “details”, having no intention of telling Kyungsoo where he got his information from. “Let’s stay on task.” Clapping his hands together, Baekhyun looks between his two friends very seriously. “Back to Jihoon Sung.”

“What about him? Other than his possible attempts to thwart your plans of getting into Chanyeol’s pants,” Jongdae points out and Kyungsoo, very surprisingly, nods in agreement. Before Baekhyun can protest, Jongdae puts his hand in front of the other to shut him up. “I’m not saying that it’s your only plan but it’s definitely one of the first few things on your to-do list since you don’t seem interested in talking to him about more serious things.”

Grimacing, Baekhyun pushes Jongdae’s hand away. “Oh, you too?”

“You’re making me worried because of how long you’re dragging this out,” Jongdae scolds.

“He ran away this morning! It isn’t my fault!”

“Promise us that you’ll talk to him _properly_ the next time you get a chance or I’m going to interfere. We both are.” It’s a threat and Baekhyun knows that Kyungsoo is capable of carrying it out.

Not wanting the two of them involved, Baekhyun acquiesces mutely. “Can I talk about Jihoon Sung now?” he pleads softly after a minute has passed. Only when he gets both Kyungsoo and Jongdae nodding does he tell them about his horrid predicament. “So, Jihoon Sung knows where Chanyeol is living. He told me that Chanyeol was supposed to be staying in Manhattan Valley. I hate that place! If I hear it one more time, I swear I’ll blow.”

Jongdae looks like he wants to interrupt but Kyungsoo pinches his arm, making him wince and hold back what he wants to say.

Patting his hair down, Baekhyun tells Jongdae, “I know what you want to say. I know you want to say that I used to love Manhattan Valley a lot because Chanyeol lived there. Well, Chanyeol doesn’t live there anymore, does he? He lives in Carnegie Hill and I fucking love Carnegie Hill. Back to Jihoon Sung. If he knows that Chanyeol’s supposed to be in the Upper West Side and not the East, then that means he’s really close to Mr Park.”

“He’s Chanyeol’s mentor,” Kyungsoo decides to bring up that piece of information again, feeling the need to remind Baekhyun of that fact. “ _Obviously_ he’s close to Mr. Park.”

“That too.” Baekhyun nods his head, absently bringing his fingers to his mouth and tapping his lips before nibbling on one of his knuckles. “What am I going to do now?”

“Chanyeol said he misses you, right?” Jongdae begins and Baekhyun sends him a puzzled look, not knowing where Jongdae is going to go with this. “Right?” Baekhyun nods tentatively, bringing his fingertips to his lips. “Do you think Chanyeol’s going to let his mentor expose him to his father and risk not seeing you again?”

“But Chanyeol _doesn’t know_ that his father hates me.”

Rolling his eyes, Jongdae pulls Baekhyun’s hand away before the other actually starts biting his fingers. “Point is, Baekhyun. Chanyeol moved into the building that you were already staying in for a year and even bought the unit that’s on the same floor as you.”

“I don’t even know if I’m the reason he’s staying there.”

“He bought you a freaking car,” Kyungsoo hisses and the conversation ends there because Baekhyun isn’t really going to argue that Chanyeol only bought it for him because the lawyer was stealing his cabs.

Exhaling, Baekhyun looks worriedly at his two friends, subconsciously bringing his fingers to his lips again. “What do I do about Jihoon Sung?”

“Leave it to Chanyeol,” Jongdae and Kyungsoo reply simultaneously.

 

 

Not for the first time in his life, Baekhyun decides to put his trust in his friends. And not for the first time in his life was Baekhyun regret that decision.

As Baekhyun nears his apartment building, he raises his feet off the accelerator slightly, making the car go at a slower pace. With so many unresolved problems, Baekhyun isn’t in a rush to get home, especially since all his problems are where his home is. There’s Chanyeol Park to worry about and then now there’s Jihoon Sung who’s potentially going to ruin his life simply by exposing Chanyeol’s lie to Mr. Park.

Turning into the carpark situated beside the building, Baekhyun abruptly steps on his break, pulling the car into a jerky stop when he sees Jihoon Sung walking into the building. It’s an ominous sign, or so Baekhyun thinks. Baekhyun has been living here for a year and not once has he seen Jihoon Sung in the building before. After their unexpected meeting this morning, Baekhyun’s suddenly seeing him everywhere. Not good.

Giving himself a few minutes to calm himself down, Baekhyun turns the air-conditioning to full blast until he starts sneezing and realises what an idiot he is for doing something like this during winter, so he turns it off. Foot lifting off the break, Baekhyun continues to drive slowly until he reaches his reserved spot where he takes forever to park his car, reversing and driving forward repetitively even though his car was already parked perfectly in the lot the first time.

Unable to delay the inevitable any longer, Baekhyun shrugs off his coat and grabs his back before exiting his car.

When Baekhyun enters the lobby, he instantly freezes on the spot because his eyes land on Jihoon Sung. Why is he still in the lobby when Baekhyun clearly wasted a lot of time parking his car? Pulling out his phone, Baekhyun confirms that he spent exactly thirty-seven minutes to get from the carpark to the lobby. No matter how slow Jihoon Sung walks, that amount of time should be sufficient enough for him to get out of the lobby and let Baekhyun go to the sixteenth floor in peace. But no, there stands Jihoon Sung in front of the lift and talking to…

Choking on his saliva, Baekhyun reaches out to the nearest wall to stable himself because Jihoon Sung is talking to Chanyeol. Breathing in deep, Baekhyun steadies himself before making his way over to the pair as stealthily as possible and hides behind a pillar when he’s near enough to hear their voices.

“Just don’t tell my father that I’m living here. Please”

 _“Chanyeol,”_ Baekhyun muses in his mind. _“Chanyeol begging.”_ He can feel laughter bubbling up his throat.

“Then why didn’t you just go back to Manhattan Valley like you said you did so that neither you nor I would have to lie to your father? Why are you in Carnegie Hill?”

“Didn’t I already tell you? I wanted to live in the East for once. I’ve spent my whole life in the West, Jihoon.”

“There’s more than that. It has something to do with Mr Byun’s youngest son, right?”

Hearing Jihoon Sung making a reference to him, Baekhyun grips onto the straps of his bag tightly. He glances down at his favourite pair of Gucci sneakers for comfort. He doesn’t realise that he’s holding his breath while waiting for Chanyeol’s reply. When he doesn’t hear anything, Baekhyun sneaks a peak, immediately hiding again when he realises that the pair is still facing each other.

Finally, one of them speaks again. But it isn’t Chanyeol.

“There’s so much about that boy that you don’t know.” Jihoon sighs loud enough for Baekhyun to hear him, making the college student roll his eyes.

The sound of the lift reaching the lobby saves Baekhyun from feeling jittery for another second longer because the next thing he hears is the sound of court shoes clicking away, growing softer and softer. Only when he hears the doors close does he walk out from behind the pillar. He doesn’t know why but he knows that Jihoon Sung was the one who walked away.

Uncertain about what to say, Baekhyun takes a step closer to the lawyer and clears his throat.

The lawyer looks surprised upon seeing Baekhyun but then he flashes him a tired smile. “Hey, Baek.”

Forcing a smile onto his face, Baekhyun tentatively places a hand on Chanyeol’s arm. “I need to talk to you about something,” Baekhyun says straightforwardly, deciding that this is the moment that he’s been waiting for. He isn’t going to beat around the bush any longer. He needs answers and he’s going to get them.

“Didn’t we talk last night?” Chanyeol frowns. “Or this morning?” Walking over to the lift, Chanyeol pushes the button.

Hesitantly, Baekhyun walks over to stand beside the lawyer. “You’re avoiding me again.” It’s a statement, one that Baekhyun believes Chanyeol cannot refute.

Just then, the lift doors open and Chanyeol walks in, seemingly ignoring Baekhyun. He presses a button inside the lift to hold the door open as he waits for Baekhyun to go in but the business student doesn’t budge.

“Why are you avoiding me again?”

Pushing the ‘16’ button, Chanyeol nods to his side, asking Baekhyun to come in. “I’m not.”

Too many emotions threaten to spill out of Baekhyun all at once but he manages to subside then until there’s one big question left looming in front of his eyes. Baekhyun doesn’t mean for it to come out like that but his mouth is moving before his brain can even catch up with what he’s saying. “Are we dating?”

For a moment, Chanyeol’s eyes widen but Baekhyun doesn’t catch the expression on Chanyeol’s face before the lawyer turns his attention to the buttons inside the lift. He presses another button and the door starts to close but Baekhyun’s reflexes are quick and he stops the door from closing by kicking one side of the door, forcing them open again.

Fixing Chanyeol with a stern look, Baekhyun presses a button from the outside to ensure that the doors stay open so that Chanyeol can’t run away. “You’re avoiding me.”

“No.” The lawyer doesn’t meet Baekhyun’s eyes.

“Then answer me,” Baekhyun presses. When Chanyeol doesn’t give a reply, he shouts, “stop avoiding me!” 

“I’m not,” Chanyeol replies with a frown, his tone is sincere but he’s still pressing the close button inside the lift.

“Really?” Baekhyun asks hopefully, choosing to momentarily believe in Chanyeol’s obvious lie, releasing the button opening the lift’s door. Maybe Kyungsoo and Jongdae were right – he really doesn’t have the courage to talk to Chanyeol about serious matters. What Baekhyun really wants is to shove every problem under his bed and pretend like they don’t exist. Things will be simpler if he ever does that.

“Yeah,” says Chanyeol, trying his best to assure Baekhyun. He’s not pushing the close button anymore. Sending Baekhyun a pleading look, Chanyeol opens his mouth, and then the lift door closes.

“We’re okay,” Baekhyun tells himself. “Then why the fuck did he go up without me?” he growls and pushes the up button on the touch screen roughly.

 

 

Since that incident in the lobby, Baekhyun hadn’t seen Chanyeol in almost two weeks. After the first week, he had started to wonder if the older was avoiding him on purpose, as usual. But he stopped caring after the eighth day. He hadn’t seen Jihoon Sung either, not that he’s complaining about it. And seeing that Mr Park had not hunted him down yet, it can only mean that Chanyeol’s secret is safe. Safe with Jihoon Sung. So not exactly safe because Baekhyun doesn’t trust the other man but safe nonetheless.

Of course, Baekhyun was dying to talk to Chanyeol. Especially since the lawyer just blew off his question entirely by ignoring him. But he also had other things to do in the past two weeks other than to worry about his relationship with Chanyeol.

Exams are Baekhyun’s primary concern right now. Tomorrow is the start of the final examinations and while Baekhyun doesn’t have a paper tomorrow, he sure had a damn lot of them the next week. It’s the exam period so naturally, his grades are his top priority at the moment.

Chanyeol can wait.

Or so Baekhyun tells himself.

When he spies the lawyer walking towards the revolving doors, he can’t help but call out. “Chanyeol!” he shouts but the lawyer doesn’t hear him as he walks out of the building.

Muttering a curse, Baekhyun springs to his feet and dashes towards the door, sliding into one of the panels at the very last moment. As soon as he exits the building, he spots Chanyeol walking over to a yellow cab. Summoning all of his energy, Baekhyun sprints over to the cab to intercept Chanyeol and just as Chanyeol reaches out for the door handle, Baekhyun slams his hand against it.

Surprised, Chanyeol retracts his hand and looks at Baekhyun with wide eyes. The college student is panting and in a slightly bent over position but he stares at Chanyeol with determined eyes.

“Chanyeol,” he breathes out shakily, trying to catch his breath. “Wait.”

“Are you stealing my cab now?” Chanyeol asks jokingly, the smile on his face no quite reaching his eyes.

“Maybe,” Baekhyun replies a little too seriously, making Chanyeol shift uncomfortably and look away.

It’s December and winter in New York feels like hell on earth and Baekhyun’s not wearing much but he bites back the pain caused by the wind slapping his cheeks. He can feel the chill seeping into his bones but he bears with it.

“Chanyeol, please.  _Please_ ,” the business student begs urgently. “Let’s talk. Let’s just talk once and for all.”

“What do you want me to say, Baekhyun?”

“Just answer me. Just answer one question. One question and that’s it. Are we dating?”

Chanyeol remains silent.

“You keep on running away. My mind’s a mess. My heart’s in an even messier mess. I don’t know what I am to you. And I don’t even know what I want to say to you anymore but I just want to talk you. And I just really – ”

Baekhyun gets interrupted halfway because Chanyeol’s suddenly kissing him. The kiss is hard at first, Chanyeol pressing his lips firmly against Baekhyun’s but then he softens the kiss and Baekhyun becomes lax, sighing as he kisses back tenderly and closes his eyes.

As abruptly as Chanyeol initiated the kiss, he breaks it, leaving Baekhyun in a daze as he looks at the lawyer with a confused expression.

“I’m sorry.”

The words take a moment to sink into Baekhyun’s head and when they do, all he sees is red. So he pushes Chanyeol roughly, making the lawyer stumble slightly.

“What the fuck?”

He curls his fingers into a fist and punches Chanyeol’s chest. Hard. It makes the lawyer choke and he brings his hand to his chest as his face scrunches up in pain.

“Are we dating?” Baekhyun repeats his question, eyes blazing with determination.

“I’m...” Chanyeol begins. There’s hurt in his eyes and Baekhyun thinks that he has no right to look like he’s suffering when he’s the one causing Baekhyun a tremendous amount of pain. “Going to be late for work,” he finishes lamely before opening the door of the cab and getting in before Baekhyun can punch him again.

Standing in front of his apartment building, Baekhyun tries fighting back his tears. It isn’t the first time Chanyeol’s leaving him on the sidewalk but it’s the first time Baekhyun feels so empty. The chill in his heart is expected because of the snow but Baekhyun has a feeling that the coldness isn’t because of the winter air.

 

When Baekhyun gets into his car, the first thing he does is to look at himself in the rear-view mirror. Faking a smile at his reflection, Baekhyun pulls out his Chanel eyeliner pencil and starts applying a generous amount on his lash lines, tracing the shape of his eyes.

“You’re okay, Baekhyun. You’re okay.”

 

 

“Honestly, I don’t really understand,” Kyungsoo admits to Jongdae who nods at him thoughtfully.

They’re in Joe Coffee, a popular café on the Upper East Side. Occupying a table beside the wall, they’re eating their lunch while studying. Their laptops are open in front of them and their notes are sprawled across the wooden top. With the number of materials lying in front of them, they look like they’re the studious kind of college students when in fact, they’re only half as hardworking as those on academic scholarships. But the pretence of studying diligently also helps them keep their seat in the café. Though Kyungsoo thinks it has more to do with Jongdae continuously ordering dishes and drinks.

“Why is Baekhyun so hung up over Chanyeol? He tutored Baekhyun when he was younger, sure. But Chanyeol tutored you too and I don’t see you pining over him like an idiot.”

“That’s because I’m not an idiot,” Jongdae points out proudly, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“I am right here,” Baekhyun complains indignantly, fingers twirling his eyeliner pencil.

“Tell me, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo starts and faces Baekhyun. “Why are you so hung up over Chanyeol when you guys didn’t even have anything before he started graduate school?”

Wordlessly, Baekhyun stares at Kyungsoo, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he struggles to find appropriate words to say. What is he going to say?

“Something must have happened,” Jongdae prods.

“A few weeks ago, you said something. About not mattering to Chanyeol anymore. What did you mean by that?”

His two friends are staring at him, waiting for an explanation and before Baekhyun can stop himself, he’s blurting out the secret he had been keeping for almost three whole years. “I met Chanyeol when I was in the boarding school.”

“You what?!” Jongdae shouts, earning them a few stares but none of them bother.

The news is shocking and Jongdae’s reaction is normal but Kyungsoo’s isn’t as he calmly states, “you never told us.”

“I know. I know.” Raising his hands in surrender, Baekhyun hangs his head down in shame. “And I’m sorry. But I couldn’t risk anyone knowing.”

Defensive mood turning on, Jongdae sits up straight in his chair. “Why not? What happened? Did Chanyeol do anything to you?”

“What happened during that year, Baekhyun?” The worry in Kyungsoo’s tone is betraying the indifferent look on his face.

“He did nothing…it was the best two weeks of my life...” Baekhyun says wistfully, a distant look clouding his eyes as he remembers the scent of jasmine and rosewood on lazy mornings and soft fingers running through his hair on thundery nights.

“You owe us an explanation,” Jongdae snaps, pulling Baekhyun out of his trance and he glances at his two friends guiltily.

Sighing, Baekhyun nods, knowing that this is a story long overdue. “It happened three months after I left for boarding school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone who's reading this story <333 I hope you're all enjoying it so far! And thank you for leaving me so many long comments in the previous chapter. I was pleasantly surprised because I haven't gotten this many comments in a while >< so, thank you! They all made me reallllly happy <3
> 
> So, are you guys ready for what happened at the boarding school? Any guesses? Speculations? Or where this would lead? Tell me your thoughts about the story!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds)! Tweet or DM me, I'm really friendly I don't bite lols I'm also at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) for all my fics stuff so follow me there if you like my fics :D or ask me questions on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> xoxo


	5. Ghosts From Milton (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys have realised from the title that there'll be more than one part (just two, I hope). I wanted to post the whole thing but it got so long (it's about 11k now and I'm still not done OTL), so I decided to post the first-half first. But you guys don't find out what happened yet because Chanyeol doesn't appear in this chapter (oops) :x I hope you'll still enjoy it though T___T
> 
> Anyway! Do tweet me or DM me (it's open now!) at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) if you're enjoying this! Also, I know this story still isn't popular at all but I still want to try a hashtag - #CBLDTR. Use it if you’re tweeting about the story live or anything hahas
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

Fresh air. Closing his eyes, Baekhyun looked up and basked under the attention of the sun, shining down on his face. The scent of summer grasses floated in the air, wafting into Baekhyun’s nose as he breathed in the sweet, sweet air. Never had standing out in the open on a sidewalk and breathing in the air felt so good to Baekhyun before. His senses were buzzing delightfully under his skin as he took in another deep breath. Roasted coffee beans. There weren’t any of them around – not in the open at least – Baekhyun was sure. Yet he could still smell them in the fragrant air.

“Mr Baekhyun?”

Taking a moment longer to himself, Baekhyun exhaled before slowly opening his eyes, head still facing up at the sun. But he couldn’t open his eyes fully because of the glare of the fiery ball hanging in the sky so he settled for squinting.

“Mr Baekhyun?”

Bringing his head down, Baekhyun blinked a few times to adjust his vision. Black spots appeared behind his eyelids whenever he closed them. Finally, he was facing the person who had been calling him. The sides of Baekhyun’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Nick.”

“I’m here to fetch you home, Mr Baekhyun.”

“Of course. Of course.” Baekhyun nodded as he gestured to his bags on the floor to his driver. “Please help me load them into the trunk.” Pulling out a pair of shades from his bag, Baekhyun slipped them on. It was daytime, the heat radiating off the sun and scorching the cement and concrete grounds all over New York City. “Thanks, Nick,” he said as he entered the backseat of the car.

Fiddling with the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch piece in his hands, Baekhyun considered putting it on. It had been a gift from someone Baekhyun held close to his heart. Eventually, he chose not to, pocketing the watch instead and resting his head against the tinted window. The car was unusually dark but Baekhyun didn’t mind. With the blackout screen, most of the light from the outside couldn’t filter in on days like this or on any other day. But Baekhyun still had his Gucci shades out, blocking out even more of the remaining light. There was something comforting about this temporary feeling of blindness in a familiar place that Baekhyun found consoling.

Sinking further into the seat, Baekhyun only stopped when his feet almost disappeared entirely under the passenger’s seat. It was an awkward position, with his body halfway sliding down the seat and his neck strained in a position that was sure to make his back ache later on.

The front door next to the driver seat opened and some light from the outside spilt in, not that it made a big difference to Baekhyun.

“Mr Baekhyun, are you ready to go?”

Sitting up straight, Baekhyun fastened his seatbelt before leaning against the car’s window again, wondering when his driver had even loaded his belongings because he couldn’t even feel the car shaking one bit. Perks of sitting in a big car, Baekhyun guessed. “Just bring me home, Nick,” he said tiredly and he shut his eyes, another kind of darkness taking over. This time, he couldn’t even feel a little bit of light seeping behind his eyelids. It was a pure blanket of darkness. “I just want to go home…” Baekhyun murmured as his mind started to shut down, pushing all unnecessary thoughts away and allowing Baekhyun to rest.

 

When Baekhyun woke up, the car was still moving and he wondered where they were now. With hesitant fingers, he removed his shades and placed it on the empty seat beside him. Pressing his face to the window, Baekhyun’s hands automatically went up as well as he tried to take in the surroundings. An easier way would be to simply ask his driver which part of New York they were in but Baekhyun wanted to see for himself. He wanted to verify it with his own eyes.

Familiar rows of trees zoomed past as the car drove down the street and Baekhyun smiled. They were already on Fifth Avenue and soon, they would reach the Upper East Side and then Baekhyun could finally see the street of Yorkville again. He couldn’t wait to run into his home and up the stairs, then into his room for him to collapse onto his bed.

“Mr Baekhyun, are you awake?” Nick asked softly, not wanting to wake Baekhyun up in case the other was still sleeping. He couldn’t have guessed if Baekhyun was asleep or not since Baekhyun had put his shades back on.

“Yes, yes. I’m up,” Baekhyun quickly replied with a yawn. Maybe not that awake. “Fetch my bags into the house, would you, please?”

Hand reaching out for his shades, Baekhyun placed it back over his eyes. As he stepped out of the car after Nick had held the door open for him, he couldn’t help but break into a wide smile as he stared at his house.

Home. He was finally home.

Not that Baekhyun had been expecting any change, but he was delighted to know that the outside looked exactly the same as when he had left. Though his memory was fuzzy about his day of departure, he could remember the trimmed hedges in the shape of birthday cakes in the garden. The main entrance’s door was still a milky white with a golden knob that was glittering under the sun.

Something vibrated in his pocket and he jumped, slightly shocked until he realised that it was his phone. Chuckling to himself, Baekhyun shook his head, finding it hard to believe that he had completely forgotten about the existence of the device that he had once been so reliant on.

Still grinning in embarrassment, Baekhyun took out his phone and his smile softened when he read the text message. It was from Kyungsoo.

_Are you home?_

He quickly typed out an answer. _Yes_

 _Good_ , came the instant reply. _I’ll visit you tomorrow_

_Can’t wait to see you too_

There wasn’t a new message from Kyungsoo after that but Baekhyun didn’t mind.

Humming a tune to himself, Baekhyun twirled his phone a few times before stuffing it into his jeans pocket.

His palms were starting to feel clammy and he couldn't understand why. There was absolutely no explanation for his nervousness. Why would he be? This was his house, the place he lived in, his _home_. He shouldn’t be feeling so apprehensive but he was.

“Mr Baekhyun?”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun said, controlling his voice so that it wouldn’t come out shaky.

Nodding, Nick then opened the gate for Baekhyun to walk in.

The short pathway leading to the front door made Baekhyun’s worry increase by tenfold. The nearer he got to the door, the more he wanted to turn around and run away. But this was his home.

Stopping in front of the pair of big white wooden doors, Baekhyun inhaled deeply. With a shaky hand, he rested it on the doorknob, then he turned it and pushed the door open.

What greeted him was a rather unexpected sight – there were a few boxes neatly stacked in front of Baekhyun’s favourite cream-coloured couch. Was someone moving out? Or was someone moving _in_?

Frowning, Baekhyun walked over to the cartons to see who they belonged to only to realise that there was no name written on it. In fact, there was nothing on it at all. The plain brown cardboard stared back at Baekhyun mockingly, as if daring him to guess what they contained.

“Baekhyun, you’re home!”

“Mama!” Baekhyun exclaimed in joy as he took off his shades and smiled at his mother who was walking down the stairs.

“Oh, honey,” she cooed as she quickly walked over to her son and pulled him into a hug. “You’re home.”

Laughing, Baekhyun wrapped his arms around his mother. “Yes, I’m back.”

Pulling back, Baekhyun smiled sweetly at his mother, silently thanking the universe for blessing him with his mother’s genes. Eunbyul Byun was a beautiful woman, through and through. She was naturally poised and elegant, having had grown up in a wealthy family. Furthermore, she had received the best education right on the same street that they were living on. Everything that she had in her life – all of her achievements, they were due to her own hard work and talent. Marrying Seonghyun Byun, a man who loved her with all his heart, was just a bonus. And her two sons, they were the most precious gifts from heaven.

“My baby,” she whispered as she stroked Baekhyun’s hair. “I can’t believe you’re finally home.”

“And I don’t intend on leaving,” Baekhyun said with a laugh, not noticing how his mother’s face fell at his words. “What’s with all these boxes, by the way? Is Baekboem or papa moving out? Is Jongdae moving in? Please don’t tell me Jongdae’s moving in.”

Eunbyul sniggered. “Why would Jongdae move in?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun replied with a shrug, looking around the house. Everything looked the same. Everything was the same. “So, whose boxes are they?”

The living room was eerily quiet, sending an involuntary chill down Baekhyun’s spine.

When his mother didn’t say anything, Baekhyun’s brows knitted together as he looked at her in worry. It was only then he saw how dejected and apologetic his mother looked. “What’s wrong?” She tried to force a smile on her face but Baekhyun could see tears gathering in her eyes and she sniffed. “Mama?”

“Nothing’s wrong, my sweet child. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Darling, have you told him about our arrangement?” Seonghyun Byun was standing at the top of the stairs.

“What arrangement?” Baekhyun asked, his tone frantic and afraid. The last time his parents had made an arrangement for him…he shivered, not wanting to think about it. “Papa? What is it?”

“Welcome home, my dear boy,” Seonghyun said in favour of answering Baekhyun’s question and hugging his son tightly the same way his wife had. There was sadness in his eyes when he stopped hugging Baekhyun and moved back. “You must know that this was a very difficult decision we had to make. You must know that we didn’t want to do this, Baekhyun. You must know how much we love you.”

Scared, Baekhyun held onto his father’s hands. “What are you talking about? Papa, what are you talking about?”

“We’re sending you to boarding school, Baekhyun.”

The whole world around Baekhyun froze then. He barely heard his father’s next two lines – “it’s for the best” and then, “it’s for your own good”. Suddenly, Baekhyun could no longer focus on his father’s face, his vision blurring until everything in front of him blended into one single colour. Black. No longer could he feel the beating of his own heart but it must still be beating otherwise he would be dead. Perhaps he was just too numb to feel anything going on in his body. For sure, he was still breathing and while Baekhyun couldn’t hear himself, he was certain that his breathing was becoming increasingly laboured. Staggering backwards, Baekhyun grabbed the top of the couch before he lost his balance. No, he must have heard wrongly. There was no way that his parents would send him off to boarding school, especially since he just came home.

“Baekhyun, honey,” his mother began – this he could hear.

She was approaching him with quick footsteps and when she reached his side, she gently placed her hands on his right arm. Out of reflex, Baekhyun pulled his arm away as if his mother’s touch had burned him. Surprised, Eunbyul slowly withdrew her hands, looking at her youngest son with sad eyes at his rejection and wanting nothing more than to hold him in her arms.

But Baekhyun couldn’t see her concern. He could hardly see anything. 

“You leave today,” said Seonghyun strictly, a note of finality in his tone that showed that there was no room for discussion on this matter.

Then Baekhyun started shouting. He wasn’t really aware of what he was shouting about, though he could guess that there were a few curse words here and there in a mix of all the languages he knew. But he was sure that he wasn’t scolding his parents. He would never do that no matter how angry and disappointed he was. Tears started to stream down his face, falling fast and freely as he continued shouting and he must have said something very horrible because the next second, he saw that his father’s face turned red with fury. The next moment, he felt a slap across his face.

Stumbling backwards, Baekhyun thought he heard his mother cry out in shock. The side of his face stung painfully, making him feel a little dizzy, especially with all the crying he was doing.

When he finally regained his senses, the first thing he heard was his mother shouting, “are you mad?”. It was definitely directed at the man who had just slapped him.

Bringing his hand up to his face, Baekhyun stared at his father in disbelief. Not once in his whole life had anyone hit him. “Do you really want me to go that much?”

“Mr Byun?” a new voice joined in from the doorway.

Spinning around, Baekhyun saw Kyungsoo standing there but he was feeling too empty to be surprised at his friend’s unexpected visit. When he turned back to look at his father, he saw that his father was still incensed, his fists curled tightly at his sides, but he did regard Kyungsoo with a nod of his head. Then he spared Baekhyun one more angry look before walking back to where he had come from.

“Seonghyun!” Eunbyul shouted but her husband continued to walk up the stairs, ignoring her. Glaring at his back, she crossed her arms. Upon remembering that Kyungsoo was still standing at the door, she dropped her hands to the side and greeted the former with a kind smile. “I’m sorry you had to witness that, Kyungsoo. Come in and have a seat.

Walking into the house, Kyungsoo smiled back. “Nothing to worry about, Mrs Byun.” He looked at Baekhyun worriedly.

“Baekhyun?” Eunbyul asked tentatively, unsure whether she should approach her son.

“I’ll go. If you guys really want me to go, then I’ll go,” Baekhyun said calmly, looking away from his mother. His tears had dried up and his eyes no longer felt watery but he could hear his heart screaming and crying out loud in pain.

Nodding sadly, Eunbyul sent Kyungsoo a pleading look who nodded back in understanding. Hanging her head down, she walked towards the stairs, prepared to talk to her husband about Baekhyun. When she was halfway up the stairs, she stopped and looked at Baekhyun who was still standing in the same spot. “Baekhyun,” she called out softly. “Always remember that we love you. Me and your father, we both love you very much.” Then she continued walking up.

Once Baekhyun could no longer hear the clicking of his mother’s heels, he scoffed and threw himself onto the couch, folding his arms once he’s seated. Looking at Kyungsoo seated opposite him, he asked, “I thought you said you were coming tomorrow?”

“I was worried about you. Are you okay now?”

“Are _you_ okay?”

Nodding firmly, Kyungsoo stood up to sit beside Baekhyun.

Shakily, Baekhyun asked, “does your uncle know that you’re here?”

“I didn’t tell him,” Kyungsoo assured and Baekhyun released the breath he wasn’t even aware that he had been holding in. A beat, then, “why did you say all that to your parents, Baekhyun? You didn’t mean any of that, did you?”

“You heard?” Baekhyun’s lips curled up into a sardonic smile.

“Were any of it true?”

It was a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question but Baekhyun couldn’t even remember half of the things he had shouted. All he knew that he had said everything out of anger so, “no. None of it was true. It doesn’t matter anyway. They’re sending me to boarding school. I don’t know what I did. Why are they doing this to me? Why do they hate me so much?” He turned to Kyungsoo with a broken look and tears were starting to gather in his eyes again.

“Don’t say that,” Kyungsoo scolded with a frown. “Your parents love you, Baekhyun. They love you so much. My parents don’t even live with me.”

Placing his hand over Kyungsoo’s comfortingly, Baekhyun mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“So, where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun answered honestly, eyes fleeting over to the stacks of boxes nervously. So they belonged to him. So much for lying on his bed.

“Baekhyun – ” Kyungsoo’s phone rang, cutting him off as he checked who was calling. Hesitantly, Kyungsoo turned the phone screen to show Baekhyun the caller ID. It was his uncle. “Do you want me to answer it?”

“Go ahead.” Leaning back, Baekhyun closed his eyes. “He’s your uncle.”

Sighing, Kyungsoo pressed the green button before placing the phone to his ear. “Hello, uncle?” He glanced at Baekhyun who still had his eyes close, his breathing slow and relaxed. Then he looked down to Baekhyun’s hand and saw that the other was digging his nails into the soft fabric of the couch. “I’m at Bloomingdale’s,” Kyungsoo lied over the phone, still looking at Baekhyun. “It’s okay, uncle Park, I can go back by myself. I’ll be home in about fifteen minutes.” Seeing how Baekhyun’s knuckles were turning white, Kyungsoo rested his hand over the other’s to make him feel better. “Bye.”

“You have to go, right?”

“I’m sorry. My uncle told me that he’ll send a car to pick me up if I’m planning to shop longer.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

Opening his eyes, Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo. “I’ll miss you. Tell Jongdae that I’ll miss him too.”

Nodding, Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Baekhyun for a hug. Rarely did Kyungsoo show any affection and whenever he did, it made Baekhyun remember just how much Kyungsoo cared about and loved him. It was a nice feeling.

Reluctantly, Baekhyun pulled away, knowing that he couldn’t keep Kyungsoo from leaving any longer in case the latter’s uncle got suspicious or worried or both.

“You’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo told Baekhyun with a chuckle as he stood up, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair, earning himself a scowl.

Baekhyun didn’t stand up to see Kyungsoo off.

At the door, Kyungsoo stopped but he didn’t turn around. “You know, I was really looking forward to going back to school with you and Jongdae this time. No more boys. No more girls. No more drama. No nothing. Just you, me, and Jongdae, the three of us, ready to take over Regis.”

“I was really looking forward to going back too,” Baekhyun told Kyungsoo sincerely, agreeing with the other’s words wholeheartedly.

Then Kyungsoo walked out the door.

 

Five hours later, Baekhyun was still sitting on the couch, staring blankly into space. Even when he was offered some food by the housekeeper, he didn’t budge. It was only when his father walked down to the living room again did Baekhyun finally respond.

“You’ll be leaving in an hour,” his father informed him.

“I don’t even get to spend one day to say goodbye to my friends?” Baekhyun asked in disbelief.

“Classes already began last Friday. It’s Sunday now so you have to go.”

Sucking on his lower lip, Baekhyun tried to stop his tears from falling. “At least tell me where I’m going?”

“Massachusetts. It isn’t that far from New York so you can come back during your winter break.” His father paused there, hesitating a little. “If you’d like.”

“We’ll see.” Short and curt, Baekhyun didn’t really feel like talking to his father. He heard his father sigh before walking away.

Right after his father had left, his mother walked into the living room, her eyes red and she was sniffing, sending a jab to Baekhyun’s heart for making his mother cry.

“Baekhyun, my baby,” she started, voice quivering a little as she sat next to her son. “Do you want to talk to mama?”

“Why are you guys sending me to boarding school?”

Patting Baekhyun’s head, Eunbyul smiled sadly. “We thought that it’d be better for you.”

“Better for me?” Baekhyun asked, incredulous. “How? How will being away from my friends, my school, my home, my _family_ be better for me?”

Eunbyul winced a little at Baekhyun’s acidic tone. “We thought that you needed a break from everything here. The past year had been…awful. It had been bad for you as it had been for all of us and your father and I, even Baekboem agreed that you being away from the Upper East Side, from Regis, from everything here would be good for you.”

“Away from Lenox Hill,” Baekhyun added the Park’s residence to the list. “You guys thought that I needed to be away from Lenox Hill.” When his mother remained silent, he already knew that he was right. “Chanyeol isn’t even living on the Upper East Side anymore. He went to Law school in God knows what country.”

“Baekhyun…”

“Mama,” Baekhyun sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can you give me some time alone? I’d like to go to my room.”

“Sure, darling.” Eunbyul leaned in a placed a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead before moving away and smiling at him with teary eyes. “I’ll miss you so much.”

“You can let me stay,” Baekhyun suggested but his mother was already shaking her head. “It’s for my own good. Got it.” Having said that, he stood up and walked towards the stairs. “I love you too, mama.”

 

Exactly one hour after Seonghyun had told Baekhyun about the time of his departure, someone knocked on his door.

“Come in,” Baekhyun called from his bed as he stared up at the pastel blue ceiling with yellow stars drawn on with luminous paint. There was a button he could press to block out the light if he wanted to sleep in complete darkness which only happened rarely.

“Mr Baekhyun, the car is ready,” Nick said from the door, not crossing the threshold.

Sighing heavily, Baekhyun pulled the watch piece he had kept in his pocket out, holding it above him. He stared at the starry diamonds on the watch’s face, wondering if he could pause time for a moment. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be downstairs.”

“But Mr Baekhyun, your flight is – ” When Nick heard Baekhyun sigh loudly, he stopped talking.

Sitting up, Baekhyun smiled apologetically at Nick. “I’m sorry for always making your job so difficult. Let’s go.”

“Please don’t say that Mr Baekhyun.” Before Baekhyun was born, Nick had already been working for the Byuns. When Baekhyun had grown older, Nick had the one in charge of chauffeuring Baekhyun around, so the two actually had a rather close relationship.

While Baekhyun treated Nick like an uncle that he never had, always buying Nick presents, the older had spoilt him rotten by making unnecessary stops while driving Baekhyun home at chocolate shops when Baekhyun had been younger and then departmental stores after the other had entered middle school. They had a good relationship and Baekhyun was upset that he was going to lose Nick for a year.

Jumping off the bed, Baekhyun looked at it one last time before looking around his whole room, drinking in the sight of everything and committing every single detail to memory, knowing how much he would miss it, especially his bed. As he walked past Nick, he said, “at least I won’t be able to cause you trouble for a year.”

 

 

Landing in Massachusetts, Baekhyun suddenly felt nervous as he exited the plane. He had never been to this part of the States before despite it being only a thirty-minute flight from New York. Adjusting his shades, Baekhyun stopped at one side to calm himself down. Once he felt better, he continued walking forward.

Entering the arrival hall, Baekhyun looked around, lost. Then he found someone holding a placard with his name on it and immediately walked over.

“Did my mother send you to pick me up?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

“Mr Baekhyun Byun?” the man asked and Baekhyun quickly nodded. “Yes,” he continued, keeping the placard in his suitcase and facing Baekhyun again, stretching his hand out. “You can call me Jordan. I’ve been instructed by your mother to send you straight to the boarding school.”

Was this Jordan going to be his new Nick? Probably not, Baekhyun concluded as the words ‘boarding school’ flashed across his eyes in bright pink neon lights.

Baekhyun scowled when he realised what Jordan had said. So he was to go to the boarding school straight away. As reluctant as he was, he didn’t want to make things difficult for Jordan so he complied without any complaints and followed the other to the car parked outside the airport.

“Your belongings will be sent directly to boarding school and they should arrive by tomorrow morning so you can unpack over the week.”

“Great,” Baekhyun said dryly, already not liking the air in Massachusetts.

Opening the door for Baekhyun, he threw his bag in before getting into the car and closing the door by himself, surprising Jordan a little but the driver recovered from his shock quickly and hurried to the driver’s seat.

“Where are we going?”

“Milton.”

Freezing, Baekhyun’s mouth hung open as he tried to find the words to say. “Milton? Milton as in the town ‘Milton’? As in I’m going to Milton Academy? Not Philips Academy?”

Frowning, Jordan picked up his phone, probably to check the address that he had been given by Baekhyun’s mother. “Yes, Mr Baekhyun…the address here indeed states Milton.”

“Not Andover?”

“Is there a mistake?” Turning behind, Jordan looked slightly panicky.

Cursing internally, Baekhyun flashed Jordan a bright smile. “No, no. Nothing’s wrong. Just go to Milton if that’s what you were told.”

Nodding, Jordan turned back to the front and started the engine.

Angrily, Baekhyun pulled out his phone and quickly typed out a message to send to his mother.

_WHY AM I GOING TO MILTON INSTEAD OF PHILLIPS ACADEMY?? WHY DID YOU GUYS SEND ME AWAY IF I’M GOING TO A MUCH LOUSIER SCHOOL??? HOW AM I GOING TO GET INTO COLUMBIA???_

Thankfully, his mother replied quickly, most likely because she was able to sense his distress from miles away. _Don’t be like this, honey. It was a last-minute decision so Phillips was already full. Your father and I will try to make arrangements to transfer you to Phillips. Just bear with being in Milton for the time being, okay, sweetie?_

Well, Baekhyun had never been able to say no to his mother so he obediently responded with a single word. _Okay_. He hoped that his mother could feel his anguish seeping through the text message too.

 

 

After dropping Baekhyun off in front of Milton Academy, Jordan had wished him a pleasant evening before driving off and that was when Baekhyun confirmed that no, Jordan wasn’t going to be his Nick in Massachusetts.

Dejectedly, Baekhyun stared at the yellow cabs zooming past him on the road. There were white cabs around too but Baekhyun decided to focus on the yellow ones. At least he managed to find one thing that reminded him of New York already.

Glancing at the gate, Baekhyun shut his eyes tightly, praying to himself that this was all just a dream and that when he opened his eyes, he would be looking at the cream-coloured walls of Regis High in Manhattan.

“Okay, Baekhyun. Okay.”

Slowly opening his eyes, Baekhyun groaned when he found himself still staring at the gates of Milton Academy. Looking around the area, Baekhyun had to admit that Milton was a nice place and based on what he had read on the plane and in the car, it was a pleasant place to live in too. The streets looked lovely and honestly, Baekhyun didn’t have a problem with Milton per se. His only problem was that New York was _lovelier_ and that was where he should be.

“Baekhyun Byun?”

Baekhyun stared at the lady standing on the other side of the gate for a full whole minute before deciding to give her a polite smile. “Yes, that would be me. I forgot my name for a moment there, I sincerely apologise for that.” Mouth twitching, Baekhyun was trying very hard not to smirk. Just like that, he was falling back to his old ways – mischievous, witty, and always ready to play a good prank.

The lady looked surprised at Baekhyun’s words but she quickly wiped that expression off her face and opened the gate for Baekhyun. “We were expecting you. Please refer to me as Ms Adams.”

“I wish you weren’t…” Baekhyun muttered, following the lady to whatever hellhole she was bringing him to.

When she reached one of the red generic buildings that seemed to be all around the school, she stopped and Baekhyun followed suit. He stared at the long windows in horror and wondered if this was going to be his life for the next year. Suddenly, Baekhyun felt dizzy at the prospect of sharing things with other people. He had always been a selfish person.

Apparently, Ms Adams had been saying something because when Baekhyun recovered from his shock, all he heard was, “do you have any questions for me?”

Honesty was the best policy.

“Can you repeat everything that you just said?”

 

Turned out that Milton Academy was very accommodating, so much so that they had prepared everything for Baekhyun from the room arrangements to his textbooks and his school uniform. Staring at the white shirt, blue blazer, grey pants, and bright orange tie lying on his bed, Baekhyun grimaced. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” he said aloud. Never before had he missed the striking scarlet blazer from Regis High. He suddenly found a whole new level of appreciation for his school uniform back in New York.

Scanning the room, the first thing Baekhyun took note of was that there were three beds in the room, including his, but one of the beds weren’t occupied so that meant that he only had one roommate in total. He wondered if he could possibly drive the other student out but decided against it, not wanting to worry his mother. Besides, Baekhyun was over that life of causing trouble. Baekhyun was an overturned leaf with good morals and a good attitude. Gone was the spoiled brat who got everything he wanted.

The next thing he noticed was glaringly obvious, it made him berate himself for not realising earlier. The room was _tiny_ , about one-sixth of his room back in Manhattan.

Hearing the door unlock, Baekhyun looked at it until a boy walked in. The newcomer stared at Baekhyun with surprise as Baekhyun immediately started to assess the clothes that the other was wearing.

“Wow,” Baekhyun said. “Your clothes are really ugly.”

 

The next day, Baekhyun’s request to transfer to the last single dorm left available in the Goodwin House was approved, a decision that was highly supported by his ex-roommate.

 

Standing in front of the full-length mirror, Baekhyun couldn't stop fidgeting in his new school uniform. It fitted perfectly but he didn’t feel comfortable in it. The bright orange tie looked absolutely garish and as much as Baekhyun didn’t want to look at it, it was extremely difficult not to do so. Groaning, Baekhyun quickly undid the tie and threw it over his shoulder, not bothering with where it landed. Gripping onto the lapels of his blue blazer, Baekhyun had the urge to rip it off as well, wanting to replace it with his scarlet one from Regis that he had stuffed into his bag at the very last minute.

The face of the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch piece twinkled under the lights of his room as he swayed from side to side to see how to uniform looked on him. While he did make the uniform look better, it was still nothing short of hideous.

Just as he was about to pull off the blazer, his phone rang. Sighing, Baekhyun rubbed his face a few times before looking at his phone.

Jongdae.

He hadn’t told Jongdae about boarding school. Crap.

_BaekByun where tf are you???_

Nibbling in his lower lip, Baekhyun pondered over what he should say. Luckily, Kyungsoo saved him from it by replying first.

 _He’s at boarding school in Milton._ How the fuck did Kyungsoo know that? _Can you get to the assembly hall so I can explain what happened?_

Releasing his lip with a loud pop, Baekhyun typed a simple, _sorry_ and sent it.

How was he going to survive?

 

The first day had gone smoothly. His classes were normal, his teachers were good, and his classmates were friendly – but that was everyone on the first day of school. It was a coeducation school so he didn’t have the same freedom he had in Regis High which was an all-boys school. Baekhyun didn’t have a problem studying with girls, not at all. He simply preferred boys.

At the end of the day, he trudged back to his room with heavy footsteps. Resting his head against the door, Baekhyun struggled to find his card key.

Once he got into his room, he threw his bag on the ground and went straight to his bed, lying face down. He didn’t know how long he laid there but when he finally sat up, he noticed that there was a wet patch on his covers. Sniffing, Baekhyun wiped away the tears that he didn’t even know had formed around his eyes.

His eyes weren’t wet anymore but he kept on rubbing his eyes, rubbing until he started to feel uncomfortable. Letting his hands fall to his sides, Baekhyun closed his eyes, hanging his head down.

Beside his knee, his phone was vibrating. He waited until the vibration stopped then, he picked up his phone. There were a few hundred messages from Kyungsoo and Jongdae and an email from his mother. Deciding to reply his friends later, he opened the email. It was a name list. A list of tutors who could give Baekhyun extra help while he was still in Milton.

Quickly, his eyes scanned the list, looking for the one name that he already knew wouldn’t be on it.

_Chanyeol Park._

Jet black hair, large round eyes, big ears, and a smile that Baekhyun wanted to see on the other’s face forever.

When Baekhyun had just started middle school, Chanyeol had become his tutor for every subject because well, Chanyeol was just that smart. Chanyeol had been a great teacher, kind, patient, and his handsome face had been a delightful bonus. While Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol around before – at parties and events, joint family dinners and all that, he hadn’t spoken to Chanyeol until the older had become his tutor. Despite not knowing Chanyeol personally at all, Baekhyun had always found him good-looking and extremely charming. The older had a way of speaking that made people listen attentively. On top of that, his voice was soothing to listen to and not knowing when, Baekhyun had grown attracted to him.

At first, Baekhyun had been convinced that it had just been puberty taking its magical effect. Then he had been certain that it had been his raging teenager hormones when he had turned fourteen and had still been infatuated with Chanyeol Park.

Looking at the list again, Baekhyun pulled up his chat with his mother and told her that it was okay, that he didn’t need a tutor. She must have found these teachers for him in the first place because of him complaining about going to Milton and not Phillips Academy.

Milton was fine.

He didn’t need a tutor.

Lying on his back, Baekhyun took off his watch and brought it to his eyes. The second hand was ticking away slowly and Baekhyun wondered if time had always moved at such a leisurely pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said on Twitter, I was going to update today, so, here! Sorry you all don't find out what happened in the boarding school YET >< So, there's still time for you to leave comments about any guesses, speculations about what happened! Let me know what you think <3 This story has 100 kudos now woohoo! And my other fic has 200 (this is my first time reaching 200 kudos so I'm really happy)!!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds)! Tweet or DM me, I'm really friendly I don't bite lols I'm also at [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) for all my fics stuff so follow me there if you like my fics :D or ask me questions on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.S.: I got a really good ticket for ElyXiOn so I’m really happy XD I’ll be crazy busy with school next week and I’m working on my BAE fic so updates may be slower...><


	6. Ghosts From Milton (Part 2) [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: mention of underage sex and drinking, sexual situations involving a 7 years age-gap, bad words (?)
> 
> Everything else I have to say is at the end (/__\\)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

The days spent at Milton were as unexciting as Baekhyun had imagined it would be. Three months had passed at an excruciatingly slow pace but it was finally December. The sky had turned gloomy as the winds had turned cold. Even fallen autumn leaves had long disappeared, swept away or blown somewhere else by the wind. Somehow, Baekhyun thought that the winter atmosphere matched his mood about studying and living at Milton – dull, uninteresting, and did he already mention boring? He would probably be dead from boredom if it weren’t for Kyungsoo and Jongdae keeping him alive with their text messages and gossip from the Upper East Side every day.

One good thing about Milton though, was that he was constantly kept busy. The classes, school activities, _and_ the activities at Goodwin House prevented his mind from wandering to dark places and ghosts from his past. They stopped his mind from straying to asshole lawyers and cute law students. It was like taking a very-much-needed breather from hectic and dramatic life in the Upper East Side. That wasn’t to say that Milton Academy didn’t have its own share of scandals and secrets. They were simply not tantalising enough for Baekhyun to be bothered.

There had been a Parents’ Weekend once in October and Baekhyun had excitedly informed his mother about it, urging her to visit him because he hadn’t gone home at all despite having some weekends off and New York being only a thirty-minutes plane ride away. He had good reasons for it. He didn’t want to see his father. Not like the man had contacted him either. But he had missed his mother. Unfortunately for Baekhyun, his mother had to fly to France for an urgent meeting and Baekhyun had understood immediately. Being in the fashion industry, his mother had not been able to afford to waste any time. Fashion waited for no one.

Then there had been Thanksgiving but Baekhyun hadn’t gone home either because he still hadn’t wanted to see his father, stubborn despite his mother’s pleas, begging him to go home. Even Jongdae and Kyungsoo had asked him to go back but he had decisively refused all of them, not wanting them to think that he had a weak resolve. Also, there had been a rebellious part of him that had wanted to show to his parents that he could survive in Massachusetts all by himself.

He had spent most of his free time and holidays (including Thanksgiving) at Quincy – a city that was just fifteen minutes away from Milton. By car, of course. Milton was fine, yes. Milton was nice, yes. But Milton was a town and Baekhyun was a city boy through and through. It hadn’t been something that he had been able to explain to himself – the need to be in a city. Then he had realised that he hadn’t owed anyone any explanation. For sure, it was mostly an irrational urge but what could Baekhyun say? He _was_ a New Yorker. Small places just didn’t do it for him.

Though soon enough, Baekhyun had also grown tired of visiting Quincy. There had only been so much that he could do there.

The only mildly interesting that had happened had been his father sending him a text message. It hadn’t been what Baekhyun had been expecting though.

_Stop eating so much yoghurt_

So maybe Baekhyun had been eating too much yoghurt. Almost every week, he would eat it at least thrice, with different toppings each time, of course. Then Baekhyun had concluded that his father had been stalking him on social media. It had been enough to show that the man was still concerned about him (though he had a really sucky way of showing it). All Baekhyun had wanted was an apology.

Since there hadn’t been an apology, the text had only made Baekhyun eat even more yoghurt. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner – all three meals had consisted of a side of yoghurt or simply just yoghurt itself. It was a bad habit and this large rebellious bone in his body that took control of his every movement – whenever someone told him to stop doing something, the more he would do it. He liked defying orders. It was compulsive.

Stepping out of the cab, the freezing air slapped Baekhyun in the face. Hard. Hissing, Baekhyun brought his scarf closer to his face as he buried his hands deep within his coat. Despite the unpleasant weather, Baekhyun already decided that he liked Cambridge the best out of all the places he had been to in Massachusetts, not that there had been many to begin with.

It was a Monday afternoon, just after lunch-time so there weren’t many students or office workers on the roads. Technically, Baekhyun hadn’t supposed to be there either. Winter break only officially started on Thursday but Baekhyun didn’t want to spend another four days in the school or the house. Additionally, his mother had given him wonderful news the week before telling him that he could transfer to Phillips Academy soon.

There wasn’t anything wrong with Milton Academy, really. It was a good school and Baekhyun liked it well enough. He didn’t have any complaints about Milton. But Phillips Academy was just _better_ , so why settle for second best?

After walking for a while, Baekhyun found himself standing in front of the famous Harvard University. It was an Ivy League, great and all that, but Baekhyun already had his eyes set on Colombia that was conveniently located on the Upper West Side back in New York. Seeing Harvard with his own eyes was nice though.

Just as Baekhyun was about to leave, a voice made him freeze in his footstep.

“Baekhyun?”

Eyes widening, Baekhyun spun around and saw the person he had been wanting to see for the past year standing just a few metres away from him. “Chanyeol?”

“What are you doing here?” they asked simultaneously.

“Law school,” Chanyeol answered first, pointing to the building behind him. Harvard. Baekhyun had just been looking at it a few minutes ago. “Why are you here? Don’t you have school?” Slow-jogging over to Baekhyun, Chanyeol grinned widely and placed both his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders. “You’ve grown so much,” Chanyeol teased, knowing full well that Baekhyun hadn’t actually grown _that_ much and how he was still a head and a half, almost two heads, taller than Baekhyun. 

Scowling, Baekhyun decided to ignore Chanyeol’s dig at his height in favour of gesturing to the ugly blue blazer that he was wearing before flicking the ugly orange tie at Chanyeol who chuckled in return. “I’m in boarding school.”

Removing his hands, Chanyeol regarded Baekhyun with a peculiar expression for a moment before he was back to smiling brightly again. “Boarding school, huh? Suddenly?”

There was no way Baekhyun could tell Chanyeol the truth – about what he had done in Regis High in his second year, about how he had spent his summer, both of which had been reasons for him ending up in boarding school as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge it. “I wanted to try it out,” Baekhyun lied with a shrug, looking away, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. “To be more independent and all, you know.”

Chanyeol pulled back, a little in surprise. “Baekhyun Byun? Independent? Look who’s growing up.” There was a hint of seriousness in Chanyeol’s voice that told Baekhyun that the older wasn’t mocking him.

“Everyone has to grow up at some point in time,” Baekhyun said smoothly and Chanyeol nodded, looking impressed. “You said you were here for…law school?” He pointed at the building behind Chanyeol and the older nodded. Smiling in disbelief, Baekhyun asked, “I thought you went overseas for law school?”

 _“Because that was what my father had told me. Because that was what everyone had told me,”_ Baekhyun thought to himself, the smile on his face unwavering, 

Shaking his head, Chanyeol laughed. “I went to Europe for the summer, remember? I told you about it on our last lesson…” his voice trailed off towards the end and the smile slowly slipped from his face as the atmosphere around them suddenly turned incredibly awkward.

Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun looked down at his shoes, burying his face further into his scarf. Voice muffled, he said, “are you still hung up over that kiss?”

_“Chanyeol had never gone to Canada. Everyone had lied to me.”_

“I’m not,” Chanyeol replied after a while.

Looking up, Baekhyun breathed out shakily. “Good. Because I didn’t mean to kiss you either.”

Hesitantly, Chanyeol took a step closer to Baekhyun and placed his hand behind the other’s head before pulling him close and placing a chaste kiss to his forehead. “I have to go now.” He used his thumb to point to his school building. “Class and all.” Nodding, he retracted his hand and started to walk backwards slowly. “It was great seeing you, Baek!” Throwing Baekhyun one last smile, Chanyeol turned around and jogged back to campus, leaving Baekhyun alone on the pavement and feeling more confused than ever.

Bringing a hand to his forehead, Baekhyun could feel how hot it was. Then he realised that his whole face was burning. And it wasn’t because of the cold.

Smiling bitterly to himself, Baekhyun shook his head to clear his thoughts.

Suddenly, his phone rang, jolting him from his stupor. It was from his mother.

_Baby, you want to go to Phillips, don’t you? You can transfer to Phillips after your winter break ends._

Panicking, Baekhyun quickly pressed the reply button and hurriedly typed on his phone, fingers rapidly flying across his keyboard. _No no no! It’s fine. I’ll stay in Milton :D_

_If you say so…_

Grinning at his phone, all sad thoughts effectively left his mind as Baekhyun looked up at the clear blue sky, wondering if the sky in Massachusetts had always looked so pretty and if the air had always smelt so fresh and sweet.

Baekhyun knew exactly how he was going to spend his winter holidays and the rest of his school year at Milton as a matter of fact.

Pressing a few buttons on his phone, he searched for the nearest hotel on Google Maps and luckily, there was one just right around the corner. He could take a cab but it was only a short walk. Besides, he could really take the time to forget about Chanyeol’s kiss. He stopped at Urban Outfitters along the way to grab two random t-shirts because he didn’t have enough clothes in his bag.

A few minutes later and he was in the lobby of The Charles Hotel, telling the receptionist that he wanted to book any of their suites for twenty-two nights. The receptionist was shocked until Baekhyun handed over his Centurion Card, internally praying that his mother wouldn’t check his expenses. She didn’t usually check but just in case. He had considered getting the Fellows Suit or a deluxe room but decided against it eventually because that simply wasn’t the life for him. 

The process was quick and the receptionist handed Baekhyun a room card before telling him to have a nice day with a huge smile on his face. Excellent service.

The lifts’ doors slid open at the ninth level and he exited it, immediately looking for directions to lead him to room 906.

Walking into the room, Baekhyun was pleased to note that it was up to his standards. Throwing his bag onto the couch, Baekhyun went straight to the bathroom to undress and get under the shower.

He dried himself with one of the many fluffy towels provided before putting on a bathrobe and slipping on the room slippers. Ruffling his hair, Baekhyun sat down on the bed and took his phone out, pulling up his camera. It was already in the selfie mood. Pouting cutely at the camera, Baekhyun snapped a shot before sending it to the group chat with Kyungsoo and Jongdae.

Kyungsoo’s reply was instantaneous, with a simple, _you’re crazy_ while Jongdae was more eloquent – _have fun skipping classes_.

Grinning, Baekhyun threw his phone aside with little strength so that it would not fall off the king-sized bed. He didn’t tell his friends where he was because he had a feeling that Kyungsoo already knew about Chanyeol’s current whereabouts and wouldn’t be too happy to know that Baekhyun was in the same place as the older boy. Technically, Kyungsoo hadn’t lied to Baekhyun about Chanyeol’s location because Baekhyun never did ask his friend where Chanyeol had gone to for law school. Jongdae was just collateral damage.

Not bothering that his hair was still wet, he fell onto the soft pillows. 

 

 

The next day, all Baekhyun wanted to do was to see Chanyeol again. As much as he had told himself the previous day to go back to Milton and forget the law student, he couldn’t. So he was up at seven a.m. sharp and putting on his uniform (because he didn’t want Chanyeol to think that he was skipping school).

He had a quick breakfast at one of the hotel’s restaurants before he was on his way to Harvard University as if he had a valid reason for going there.

 

Baekhyun had been waiting for approximately forty-five minutes before he saw Chanyeol walking towards the building. Forgetting all the awkwardness from the day before, Baekhyun sprung to his feet and hurried over to intercept Chanyeol.

“Morning!” he greeted chirpily, surprising the law student who took off his headphones in a hurry.

“Baekhyun? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you,” Baekhyun answered straightforwardly.

“Don’t you have school?” Chanyeol asked, perplexed as to why Baekhyun would be hanging outside of Harvard in his school uniform on a Tuesday morning. Thinking back to the day before, Baekhyun had been hanging outside of Harvard in his school uniform on a Monday afternoon. He frowned. “Did you skip school?”

“Winter break,” Baekhyun lied without batting his eyelashes.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol gestured to what Baekhyun was wearing. “You’re in your school uniform.”

Clearly, wearing the ugly uniform had been a mistake. Without a smart excuse on his mouth, Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol, speechless.

“You’re skipping classes, aren’t you?”

“No.” Baekhyun crossed his arms as Chanyeol looked at him pointedly. “I only had morning classes yesterday, that’s why I came to Cambridge to play. And since I only have classes in the late afternoon today, I stayed here last night. It’s only a twenty-something minutes’ drive from here to Milton anyway. It isn’t that far.”

Not removing his eyes from Baekhyun, Chanyeol scrutinised the younger boy before shrugging, thinking that it was a plausible explanation. Though knowing Baekhyun, the younger was definitely missing class.

“I have classes now, Baek,” Chanyeol explained apologetically. “I have to go.”

If it weren’t for the fact that Chanyeol was currently carrying a very thick law textbook in his arms and walking towards the law faculty before Baekhyun had stopped him, Baekhyun would have thought that the other was trying to avoid him.

“Of course!” Baekhyun moved out of the way.

Nodding at Baekhyun with a smile, Chanyeol continued walking towards the building as Baekhyun stared at his back longingly. Suddenly, Chanyeol stopped and turned around and Baekhyun immediately wiped the loving look off his face.

“Which hotel are you staying at?” Chanyeol asked with a grin.

“I’m staying at Milton,” Baekhyun replied calmly, not wanting to give himself away.

Smirking, Chanyeol slowly turned around.

“The Charles Hotel!” Baekhyun shouted when Chanyeol started walking again.

Baekhyun didn’t get a kiss that time but he was certain that he was going to get a visit.

 

And how right he was.

Somewhere in the late evening, his doorbell rang. Smiling to himself, Baekhyun slowly padded over to the door and purposely waited a few more seconds before opening the door. “You came,” he said even before he saw who was on the other side.

Chanyeol smiled at him. “You were already expecting me, weren’t you? Since you told the receptionist to kindly provide Chanyeol Park with your room number in case he asked.”

“Just in case.” Seeing that Chanyeol was making no move of entering the room, Baekhyun opened the door wider and gestured for Chanyeol to go in.

“I’m bringing you out for dinner. Grab your coat.”

Staring at Chanyeol, Baekhyun bit his lower lip to try containing his smile while Chanyeol had no problem showing the amount of joy he was feeling on his face.

“Give me a second,” Baekhyun told Chanyeol before going back into the room and grabbing his coat off the couch.

As Baekhyun approached the entrance again, he saw that Chanyeol was opening the door. “After you,” Chanyeol said as he gestured with one hand.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun swatted Chanyeol’s hand away, leg coming out to act as the new door-stopper as he pushed the law student towards the lift, letting the door close behind him.

 

They ended up at a restaurant called Alden & Harlow just a few minutes away that opened till late at night.

“No cocktails for you,” Chanyeol said as soon as they were seated down and Baekhyun made a noise of protest. “I don’t care what or how much you drink at Regis or at home with my cousin and Jongdae but you’re under my watch now. So, no alcohol.”

“I bet you drank when you were still schooling at Regis too,” Baekhyun countered bitterly.

Laughing heartily, Chanyeol nodded in agreement. “Sure I did. The only difference was that I didn’t have a stuffy and overbearing ex-tutor like myself at that time.”

Pouting, Baekhyun kicked Chanyeol in the leg, serving only to make the older chuckle even more.

Picking up the menu, Chanyeol looked through the dishes despite already knowing what he wanted. “Boarding school food must suck. So I’m treating you tonight.”

“I want cocktails.”

Looking up from the menu, Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun in disbelief but he couldn’t stop the smile from slipping onto his face.

Unable to control the laughter bubbling up his throat, Baekhyun threw his head back, laughing merrily with his eyes squinted into crescents.

“I want ice-cream.”

“There’s an ice-cream store nearby.” Chanyeol gestured vaguely in the direction of where Baekhyun supposed the store was located.

They ordered their dishes after a little more bantering and then fell into a comfortable silence, only resuming their conversation after their food arrived.

After so many years of being apart, naturally, they had a lot to catch up on, talking about almost everything under the sun. Not once did they bring up the kiss they had talked about the day before. Neither did any of them mention the kiss Chanyeol gave to Baekhyun the day before. They spent hours talking, mostly about a weird guy in Chanyeol’s class and many weird people in Baekhyun’s school. When they finally left the restaurant, it was pouring outside, the rain so heavy that it blocked out the traffic noise on the roads.

“My Saint Laurent’s,” Baekhyun moaned, looking mournfully at his new pair of boots.

Regarding Baekhyun for a second, Chanyeol suddenly bent down, then he looked over his shoulders and told Baekhyun, “get on”.

Shocked, Baekhyun couldn’t comprehend what Chanyeol meant until the older repeated his words again. Obediently, Baekhyun climbed onto Chanyeol’s back, wrapping his arms loosely around the law student’s neck as Chanyeol hooked his arms behind Baekhyun’s knees. Once Baekhyun was seated comfortably, Chanyeol stood, easily lifting Baekhyun up. The movement made Baekhyun wrap his arms and legs tighter around the older.

Laughing, Chanyeol turned his head slightly to the left. “You okay?”

“I’m good.”

“Hold on tight,” Chanyeol whispered.

That was all the warning Baekhyun got before Chanyeol dashed out into the rain. Baekhyun screamed and Chanyeol joined in, charging through the rain as the sounds of their laughter blended in with the incessant pitter-patter of the rain.

“There! There!” Baekhyun pointed to the hotel he was staying at and Chanyeol suddenly tightened his hold on Baekhyun before making a final dash towards the entrance, speeding up near the end, making Baekhyun squeak and grip harder on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

The automatic doors slid open upon sensing their presence and Chanyeol stumbled in shakily but he still managed to hold Baekhyun up. Soon, they could feel the warmth from the hotel’s heating system spreading through their skin but their coats were still damp and hung heavily on them. They were also dripping wet all over the lobby’s marble floor.

“You can put me down now,” Baekhyun said with a laugh and Chanyeol gently placed him down.

A few hotel staff members were rushing towards them with towels for them to dry off. Nodding appreciatively, Chanyeol took the stack of towels and gave some of it to Baekhyun.

As they started to dry themselves, Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol staring at him and he started to feel self-conscious. Before he could ask Chanyeol why he was looking at him, the law student was already giving him the answer.

“The watch I gave you.” Chanyeol nodded his head towards the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch piece wrapped around Baekhyun’s slender wrist once he was done drying his hair. As dry as it could get anyway. “You’re still wearing it.”

Touching the watch surface, Baekhyun looked down to the floor as he fought back a blush, remembering the day Chanyeol had gifted it to him.

_“Now every time you see this watch, you’ll know that I’m there,” Chanyeol said as he fastened the brand new watch piece onto Baekhyun’s hand as the younger boy continued to sniffle. “Don’t cry anymore, okay? You have a piece of me with you now. Always.”_

“It’s pretty…” Baekhyun muttered.

“I would hope so,” Chanyeol replied with a chuckle. “Since it’s a limited edition and all.”

There was a question floating around in Baekhyun’s mind. One that he hadn’t dared to ask when Chanyeol had first handed him the watch. But he suddenly felt the need to ask. “Why did you buy me such an expensive watch?”

Scoffing, Chanyeol took the towel from Baekhyun’s shoulder and folded it. “I’m glad you know that it’s expensive.” Baekhyun smiled sheepishly. “I gave it to you for many reasons.” Tilting his head to the side, Chanyeol started to count off his fingers. “For topping the cohort in Browning, which was, really my credit since I was your middle school tutor.” It was Baekhyun’s turn to scoff. “For getting into Regis High. For becoming more mature.”

“More mature?” Baekhyun echoed, not amused.

“To say I’m sorry,” Chanyeol continued, ignoring Baekhyun and patting the younger boy’s cheek when the latter pouted at him. “Sorry for abandoning you after your first year of high school and flying off to another state to go to law school.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” There was a teasing smile on Chanyeol’s face that made Baekhyun self-conscious all of a sudden. “What?” The high school student lifted a hand to his face. “Is there something on my face?” he asked lamely and cringed at himself internally for using the most overused line ever.

“More mature,” was Chanyeol’s only answer as he nodded and Baekhyun felt his cheeks turning red again. He’d blame the cold if Chanyeol asked.

One hotel staff member came over to collect the towels from Chanyeol and the law student handed them over with a thankful nod.

Then Baekhyun sneezed. And he sneezed again.

“Let’s get you into a hot bath.”

Holding Baekhyun by the shoulders, Chanyeol pushed the younger boy towards the lift and Baekhyun automatically tapped his card key against the scanner once they entered the lift so that Chanyeol could press the number nine.

“I really like this watch,” Baekhyun started softly, eyes cast downwards.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?”

“Huh?”

“Why aren’t you looking at me?”

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut before reopening them and raising his head only to find Chanyeol’s face a few centimetres away from his. Sucking in a deep breath, Baekhyun slowly released his bottom lip as he drowned in Chanyeol’s dark eyes. The sound of the lift doors sliding open allowed Baekhyun to breathe again.

“We’re here,” Baekhyun whispered.

Staring at Baekhyun for a moment longer, Chanyeol leaned back and pressed the button for Baekhyun to leave first. So the younger boy did.

Once he was out of the lift, he started walking quickly to his room, not liking how fast his heart was racing or how hot his face felt. He couldn’t even concentrate on the discomfort of his wet clothes clinging to his skin anymore and all he could think about was the smell of jasmine and rosewood, barely present but still there, hanging on Chanyeol’s skin.

By the time Baekhyun unlocked his room, Chanyeol was already standing behind him.

“Go bathe first,” Chanyeol told the younger boy, resting his hand on the latter’s lower back to gently push him forward.

“But you’ll catch a col – ” Baekhyun stopped halfway when he saw Chanyeol taking off his scarf, coat, and then jacket. He only looked away, blushing, when Chanyeol caught him staring. He didn’t know how long he stood there but he only looked up again when Chanyeol tapped his shoulder.

The older man was now wearing a bathrobe. Only a bathrobe, Baekhyun guessed. In Chanyeol’s hands, he had bunched up his wet clothes.

“I’ll call dry cleaning. You can go bathe.”

“How are you going to take my clothes?”

Pursing his lips, Chanyeol pondered over Baekhyun’s question.

Shrugging, Baekhyun started walking towards the toilet. “I’ll leave it unlocked. You can come in in a while.” 

“Wait – Baekhyun – Baek – no – ”

The toilet door slammed shut and Baekhyun could hear Chanyeol sigh from the outside.

 

“I’m coming in.”

Baekhyun heard Chanyeol’s voice through the door a good ten minutes or more later. The glass door separating the shower from the rest of the toilet was fogged up, so misty that Baekhyun couldn’t even see through it.

“There’s a haze in here,” was Baekhyun’s reply. He chuckled to himself, knowing that Chanyeol would roll his eyes at his lousy attempt at being funny.

All Baekhyun could hear was a bit of shuffling and then the sound of the door shutting again.

Smiling to himself, Baekhyun turned off the tap and grabbed a towel. Humming, he quickly patted himself dry before slipping into a bathrobe, sighing at how soft the material felt against his bare skin.

When Baekhyun opened the door, he had to quickly dodge before Chanyeol could rap his knuckles against his nose.

“Finally!”

“Sorry,” Baekhyun said, not a hint of apology in his tone as he slipped past Chanyeol and into the room.

Spinning around, Baekhyun pouted when he saw that Chanyeol had already disappeared through the now locked door.

Baekhyun blew-dry his hair while staring in the mirror, wondering what the hell he was doing in a hotel room with Chanyeol. He hadn’t planned this, obviously, but since it was happening, he needed a plan.

But the noise that the dryer was making was too loud for him to think so he turned it off and walked over to his bed before getting under the covers. As soon as he was snuggled inside them, all thoughts left his mind and a sudden urge to sleep overtook him. It must be the day’s events catching up with him – all the shopping had surely been tiring, even though he hadn’t felt the fatigue then.

The sound of a door unlocking made Baekhyun feel slightly more awake. He didn’t feel like sitting up though.

Soon, he felt fingers carding through his hair. Looking up with wide eyes, he found Chanyeol frowning down at him.

“Dry your hair.”

“Sleepy,” Baekhyun mumbled, turning to his side, liking how Chanyeol’s hand felt on his head.

Before sleep could take Baekhyun away, the younger boy suddenly felt like he was moving. Chanyeol was manhandling him to sit up.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whined petulantly, throwing his arms to his sides for good measure before pouting at the law student who had left the side of the bed to fetch the hair dryer.

On the way back, Chanyeol grabbed a chair and pulled it with him until it was beside the bed. He plugged in the hair dryer into the nearest socket and turned it on to start drying the rest of Baekhyun’s wet locks.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun remained silent, thoroughly enjoying how Chanyeol was massaging his scalp as he combed through his hair to make sure that every part would be dried. He was enjoying it so much that he didn’t even realise that Chanyeol had already stopped drying his hair, focusing on the memory of Chanyeol’s touch.

It was only when Chanyeol turned off the hair dryer did Baekhyun look at the older boy. And it was only then did Baekhyun realise that Chanyeol was wearing outside clothes, looking ready to leave. He allowed Chanyeol to tuck him into bed. He allowed Chanyeol to smile at him sweetly. He allowed Chanyeol to kiss him on the forehead.

But he wouldn’t allow Chanyeol to leave.

“Stay?”

 

For the first time in a year, Baekhyun fell asleep easily.

 

 

Waking up, the first thing that Baekhyun noticed was that the other side of the bed was empty. He couldn’t hear the shower running either and the room was too quiet. So he easily concluded that Chanyeol had already left.

Hand reaching out for his phone on the bedside table to check the time, he came into contact with a piece of loose paper. Curious, Baekhyun grabbed the paper and brought it to his eyes.

_Had to leave. I have an exam to study for tomorrow and the day after. It’s exams period actually. I’ll bring you out for ice-cream another day._

_Love,  
C._

Oh.

Okay.

Baekhyun shrugged and placed the paper down. Not like he didn’t have other ways of entertaining himself.

 

Entertainment for Baekhyun really meant spending the whole morning and afternoon gaming on his laptop while ordering room service to fuel himself before heading to the street to go shopping. He was easily satisfied.

Staring at the rows of shoes, all Baekhyun could think about was getting a pair for Chanyeol since he had kind of ruined the latter’s pair of shoes after all. It was more of the rain that had ruined his shoes but Baekhyun wanted to buy something for Chanyeol. Christmas was just around the corner too. More reasons he should buy that gorgeous pair of calf leather oxford shoes. Also, they were Versace, one of Chanyeol’s favourite brands.

Without another thought, Baekhyun told the sales assistant to wrap it up.

Minutes later, he was out of the shop with a paper bag in hand and incredibly pleased with his purchase.

After shopping for a few more hours and eating some yoghurt, Baekhyun retired back to his hotel room. It was a day well-spent and he was happy with all the gaming and then the shopping – from the shirts to jeans to the sunglasses and accessories.

Once he was done bathing, he went straight to the large bed and lied down, sinking into the mattress and pulling the soft covers over him until they rested just underneath his chin.

He smiled at the Versace paper bag lying conspicuously on top of the wooden study table and started picturing Chanyeol’s joyful expression upon receiving the present. The law student would love it, Baekhyun was certain of that

With the thought of a sweet smile and a low, husky voice whispering ‘good night’ to him, Baekhyun soon drifted off to sleep.

 

 

Waiting for Chanyeol to finish his exams was torturous, especially since Baekhyun didn’t actually know when his exams would end. He was bored, not as bored as he had been back in Milton, but bored nonetheless.

He could call Kyungsoo or Jongdae to come to Cambridge for a day but he didn’t want anyone to know that he was still in Massachusetts when he had told everyone that he had gone to Las Vegas for the winter break. With a few professionally edited photos (that Baekhyun had paid a huge sum for) of him in another state, everyone had been convinced. There was no way Baekhyun was going to risk exposing himself just because he was _bored_.

It was already the 23rd of December, Christmas was only two days away so why wasn’t Chanyeol done with his freaking exams?

The Versace bag still stood upright on the study table and Baekhyun sighed, wondering if he could pass it to Chanyeol by Christmas.

 

 

On the night of Christmas Eve, Baekhyun had already given up on seeing the older man. Glaring at the bag on the table, Baekhyun had half the thought to throw it under the table so he wouldn’t have to look at it and remind himself of his own stupidity. Why would Chanyeol want to spend time with a high school student when he had college friends? Why would Chanyeol want to spend time with a _kid_ when he could spend time with people his own age? Not that Baekhyun considered himself a kid, especially since he was turning eighteen the next year, but seven years seemed like a lot. Though Baekhyun knew one or two or more people in a relationship where there was at least a ten-year age gap. Seven seemed little in comparison then.

Just as Baekhyun was about to get off the bed and swipe the Versace paper bag off the table, the doorbell rang.

Freezing for a moment, Baekhyun quickly recovered and hurried out of the bed, carelessly slipping into his room slippers and missing one by accident so he was running over to the door with only one foot covered. He didn’t order any room service so the only person who could be ringing the doorbell was Chanyeol. He was sure of that.

“Chanyeol!” Standing on his tiptoes, Baekhyun tried to throw his arms around Chanyeol’s neck but ended up hugging somewhere in between his elbows and shoulders instead before falling forward into his chest and muffling his delighted giggle into Chanyeol’s coat.

“Calm down,” Chanyeol said with a chuckle, trying to pry Baekhyun off but the latter refused to let go so Chanyeol had to manoeuvre into the room with a human-sized growth attached to him. “I went drinking with my classmates after my last paper yesterday so I woke up with a killer hangover this afternoon till about now,” Chanyeol explained once the door behind him shut.

Baekhyun hummed, trying to ignore the flutter in his chest because the first thing Chanyeol did after recovering was to find Baekhyun. It was the first thing he did.

“I got you something.”

Finally pulling away, Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled when he saw that Chanyeol was holding a Gucci paper bag in his hand.

“Can I open it?”

“It’s not Christmas yet,” Chanyeol said though he handed the paper bag over to Baekhyun.

“I’m already on Santa’s naughty list, doesn't make a difference.”

Sitting on the bed, Chanyeol watched Baekhyun tear through the wrapping paper. “What have you been up to this year?”

Upon seeing what was underneath the wrapping paper, Baekhyun squealed, Chanyeol’s question slipping from his mind. “I got you shoes too.”

“What happened to surprises?”

“They’re overrated.”

Chanyeol scoffed in agreement.

Opening the box, Baekhyun smiled down at his brand-new pair of…sneakers. Then he frowned. “You didn’t get me boots.”

“Boots are overrated.”

When Baekhyun glared at Chanyeol, the law student was grinning back at him smugly.

“You think you’re very clever.”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol stood from the bed and walked towards Baekhyun, squatting down next to the younger boy. “I’m in Harvard’s Law School. I _am_ very clever.”

Still frowning, Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol, a witty retort on the tip of his tongue but the words fail to come out when he came face to face with Chanyeol. The law student was close to him, too close for Baekhyun’s brain to be functioning properly and his breathing to be normal. Too close for Baekhyun’s cheeks not to turn red and his heart not to beat faster.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Baekhyun ended up saying and he saw Chanyeol’s breath hitch.

“Where did that come from?” Chanyeol asked, not moving away.

Licking his lips, Baekhyun’s heart stuttered when he saw Chanyeol tracing the movement of his tongue with his eyes. “Hormones.”

“Or because we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“I don’t feel like kissing everyone I haven’t seen in a while, Chanyeol.”

“Then, why me?”

_“Because I like you. I’ve liked you for three years._

“Hormones,” Baekhyun repeated, closing his eyes and leaning forward.

Suddenly, Chanyeol’s hand was resting on the curve of his neck and guiding him nearer so their lips were almost touching. Surging forward, Baekhyun closed the remaining distance and kissed Chanyeol sweetly on the mouth. The kiss was innocent, slow, nothing more than their lips touching at first, then Baekhyun pressed forward, deepening it, his tongue trying to coax Chanyeol’s mouth open. Pushing Chanyeol back with his hands, the law student had no choice but to readjust his position so that he was sitting down on the carpeted floor. Climbing onto Chanyeol’s lap without breaking the kiss, Baekhyun bracketed Chanyeol’s waist with his legs.

Nibbling on Chanyeol’s lower lip, Baekhyun threw his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. Grinding his hip down, he felt more than he heard Chanyeol gasp, finally giving him access to explore the heavenly orifice that tasted like strawberries and wine. Slipping out a moan, Baekhyun brought his hands to Chanyeol’s face to pull him closer while the law student’s hands remain on his hips, forcing them to stay still.

Before Baekhyun could try bucking his hips again, his phone rang, making him scramble off Chanyeol at an astonishing speed to rush over to his phone, leaving the law student puzzled. He had to answer the phone. It was his personalised ringtone for his father and he had only been waiting to hear this tune since he had arrived at Milton almost four months ago.

Checking the time on the clock, Baekhyun silently cursed when he realised that it was already Christmas. Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun answered the call. “Papa! Merry Christmas! I was just about to call you!”

He shot Chanyeol an apologetic look to which the law student simply shrugged and looked away. The tips of Chanyeol’s ears were extremely red, the blush spreading all the way to his neck and probably down his chest, the thought of which was distracting Baekhyun from listening to his father over the line.

_“Baekhyun?”_

“I’m still here!” Baekhyun quickly answered, summoning all of his self-control to look away from Chanyeol.

_“I asked ‘how is Las Vegas?’”_

“It’s great! It’s fine. Las Vegas is fun.” At this, Chanyeol shot Baekhyun an incredulous look which Baekhyun ignored. “I don’t miss New York’s cold weather. Oh and papa, I actually just met a friend from Milton’s here and I don’t want to keep him waiting so I’ve got to go now. Love you! Bye!” Then he hung up without waiting for a reply and threw his phone onto the bed.

“Now I know why you’re on Santa’s naughty list,” Chanyeol commented, amused.

“I’ll show you why.”

 

Baekhyun hadn’t really meant anything when he had told Chanyeol, “I’ll show you why”. But somehow, he ended up straddling the college student again, this time on the bed as he kissed him fervently, running his hands up and down his back, nails lightly scraping against Chanyeol’s shirt.

“Baekhyun.” Suddenly, Baekhyun’s hands were pried off Chanyeol’s back and the kiss was broken before Baekhyun could make a sound of protest.

They were both panting heavily, cheeks flushed and lips swollen.

“You’re seventeen.”

Groaning, Baekhyun got off Chanyeol’s lap and fell back onto the bed before throwing an arm over his eyes. “Fine, Mr Lawyer.”

That was what Baekhyun said but he has half the mind to argue with Chanyeol that he would be eighteen in a few days (not literally) because it was going to be the first of January soon. 

Suddenly, Chanyeol’s arms were slipping around his waist and he felt himself being pulled close to Chanyeol, the back of his head gently colliding with Chanyeol’s firm chest as the latter rested his chin atop Baekhyun’s head.

“We can cuddle.”

Snuggling closer to Chanyeol, Baekhyun smiled to himself as he inhaled the scent of jasmines and rosewood. Chanyeol always smelt the same no matter what. Cuddling was good.

 

 

They both woke up later than expected the next day, Chanyeol being the first and then he started whacking Baekhyun so hard that the younger boy punched the law student’s stomach. But Chanyeol merely grunted in response before jumping off the bed and telling Baekhyun to hurry wake up because they were going to be late.

“Late for what?” Baekhyun groaned, shielding his eyes from the sun filtering in through the glass windows. Damn Chanyeol had opened the curtains.

“Late for a surprise.”

The words took a while to settle in and when they did, Baekhyun shouted, “surprises are overrated”.

 

“Where are we going?” Eyes still heavy with sleep, Baekhyun allowed Chanyeol to pull him out of the hotel lobby. Though as soon as he stepped out, he was more than ready to go back in. “Why is it so cold?” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Baekhyun glared at Chanyeol, looking everything short of threatening with how wrapped up he was and his nose already turning pink from the cold.

The taller of the two was looking around the area, as if deciding which way to go.

“Why aren’t you wearing the boots I gave you?”

“You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?” Chanyeol mused, turning to Baekhyun with a smile on his face, its brightness rivalling that of the sun’s and Baekhyun felt that he couldn’t look at it any longer least he got blinded. “I didn’t want to get them dirty.”

Suddenly, Baekhyun was wide awake. He yanked his arm out of Chanyeol’s hold, surprising the older as he started to shake his head. Sadly looking down at his new Gucci shoes, the one which Chanyeol had just given him, he started to say his quiet goodbyes to them.

“I’m only joking.” Then Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand in his own. “Let’s go.”

Feeling his heart skip a beat, Baekhyun stared at their connected gloved hands as his feet moved accordingly to wherever Chanyeol was leading them to.

They walked together in silence until Baekhyun found his voice again.

“Why aren’t you wearing the boots I gave you?”

Looking forward, Chanyeol said, “because it’s the first gift you gave to me.”

Puzzled, Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol, ignoring the pounding in his chest because of Chanyeol’s stupidly handsome side profile. “So?”

“It’s too precious. I don’t want to wear it.”

It didn’t take long for Baekhyun to process the words and he could feel his face turning redder by the second. Judging by the pink stain on Chanyeol’s cheeks, the other was feeling embarrassed as well. Baekhyun’s heart felt warm as a million things filled his head. There were so many things he wanted to tell Chanyeol – all the crap he had done in his second year of high school, where he had really been over the summer, how the previous year without Chanyeol had been torture.

How he had started to like Chanyeol.

And all Baekhyun said was, well, nothing.

 

 

Surprises _are_ overrated. But Baekhyun hadn’t been able to complain about anything. Not when Chanyeol had brought him to The Courtyard Restaurant in Boston with a rented limousine. Not when Chanyeol had bought him a new pair of Dior sunglasses. Especially not when Chanyeol had held his hand whenever they had been walking side by side or sitting in the backseat of the car.

They went to a French restaurant for dinner because Baekhyun could not stop talking about how Jongdae was spending his winter break in France since lunch, a not-so-subtle hint that he wanted French food. Coming to a French restaurant had not been part of Chanyeol’s plans but he had cancelled the dinner reservation he had already made to accommodate to Baekhyun’s wishes. Though of course, most restaurants were already fully booked until they had entered a restaurant where the manager had allowed them to dine in the wine cellar. That had been after Chanyeol had pulled out his Centurion Card.

“All these wine bottles and I can’t have any,” Baekhyun mused, scanning the rows and rows of wine bottles.

“Yep.”

Placing his fork and knife down, Chanyeol picked up his glass of distilled water and raised it in Baekhyun’s direction with a grin before taking a sip, making the high school student scoff derisively.

“Up for dessert?” Chanyeol asked Baekhyun just as a waiter walked over to their table to clear their plates.

“The last course, finally.”

Snorting, Chanyeol refolded the napkin in his lap. “You’re the one who wanted to eat French.”

“I said Jongdae was in _France_.”

Chanyeol smiled at him knowingly and Baekhyun scowled.

Soon, the scowl was replaced by a mischievous smirk that Chanyeol missed because he was too busy checking his phone which had vibrated. Using his left foot, Baekhyun pushed the sneaker off his right foot before doing the same to the other side so that both his shoes were now resting on the floor, leaving him in only his socks. But he wasn’t planning on stopping there. Though his toes were covered, Baekhyun expertly removed his sock from his right foot, making it easier to remove the sock on the left. The wine cellar was chilly because the heating didn’t work so well underground, making Baekhyun shiver slightly at how his feet were suddenly turning cold. Rubbing them together, Baekhyun tried adding some warmth to his feet. 

Seeing that Chanyeol was still distracted by his phone, Baekhyun quietly dragged his chair closer to the table until his feet were just touching Chanyeol’s shoe if he were to stretch his leg a little. Fully leaning back in the chair, Baekhyun slowly started to drag one foot up Chanyeol’s leg, starting from his ankle.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol began, still looking at his phone. “What are you doing?”

When Baekhyun foot stopped at the side of Chanyeol’s knee, the older finally looked up and stared at Baekhyun, warning clear in his eyes.

A spark of challenge flashed in Baekhyun’s eyes and he continued his movement, sliding his foot against Chanyeol’s inner thigh, making the older inhale sharply.

“Baekhyun.”

Just then, the door to the wine cellar opened and a waitress walked in holding two plates, each with an opera cake and two macaroons on it. As she neared the table, Chanyeol immediately leaned forward, so that she could not see the shape of Baekhyun’s foot under his napkin.

Amused, Baekhyun simply started to rub circles into Chanyeol’s thigh with his toes, causing the latter to grip the tablecloth tightly until his knuckles turned white. Feeling even more daring, Baekhyun slid down his chair a little and Chanyeol narrowed his eyes. Their waitress continued with her job of setting the plates down, unaware of what was going on under the table. Then Baekhyun inched his foot further and further up Chanyeol’s thigh until he was pretty sure that he was in contact with Chanyeol’s clothed groin if the law student’s strained choke was anything to go by.

“Mr Park, are you okay?” their waitress, Amy, asked worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Chanyeol quickly said before dismissing her.

Once she was out of the room, Chanyeol slammed a hand on the table, making Baekhyun jump a little but he kept his foot where it was. The next second, Chanyeol was picking up his foot and shoving it back underneath the table.

“Meanie.” Baekhyun pouted.

“Did you really take your shoes and socks off?” Face buried in his hands, Chanyeol looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. If it weren’t for his ears burning a bright red, Baekhyun would have thought that Chanyeol _was_ going to have a mental breakdown.

“I did.”

“You’re so – ” Cutting himself short, Chanyeol removed his hands and saw Baekhyun staring back at him defiantly, his chin lifted up in a challenging way and a small smile playing on his lips. “You make it so hard for people to get angry at you, don’t you?”

“I make it _so hard_ for people, alright.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol looked down as if he was annoyed, picking up his fork and choosing to focus on his dessert instead of looking at Baekhyun. The blush on his face betrayed how he truly felt. “Wear your shoes,” he grumbled after taking a bite of one of the macaroons.

Laughing, Baekhyun started on his own dessert, ignoring Chanyeol’s request until after dinner ended.

 

As soon as they entered the hotel room, Baekhyun suddenly found his back pressed against the entrance’s closed door with Chanyeol caging him in. This close, Baekhyun thought that the smell of Chanyeol’s cologne was too sweet, too intoxicating when usually it was more subtle, more comforting. Regardless, the smell wrapped around him, filling his senses and making his mind scream _Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol_.

Bending forward, Chanyeol only stopped when their lips were barely touching. His eyes were shut and Baekhyun had closed his eyes too when he had seen Chanyeol moving closer.

“Merry Christmas,” Chanyeol mouthed against Baekhyun’s lips before pulling back, leaving Baekhyun leaning against the door, legs wobbly and breath shaky as his heart thudded so loudly that he thought his eardrums were going to explode.

When Chanyeol turned around, Baekhyun hurriedly grabbed Chanyeol’s hand, turning the older around. Then he was already on his tiptoes, one hand caressing Chanyeol’s cheek as he placed a light kiss on the latter’s lips. “Merry Christmas Chanyeol.”

They fell asleep soon after that, after brushing their teeth and after bathing. Separately. The bed was large, soft, and inviting. There was no reason for them not to go to sleep. Not even when Baekhyun curled up against Chanyeol’s chest. Not even when the law student threw an arm around Baekhyun’s waist to pull him closer. Not even when Baekhyun buried his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. Not even when Chanyeol said, _“Baekhyun, I missed you”_ , voice muffled by the younger’s hair.

Not even when Baekhyun said, “Chanyeol, I like you”, voice loud and clear in the room but inaudible to the person fast asleep next to him. 

 

 

On the 26th, they stayed in bed the whole day, too tired to go anywhere having exhausted all their energy on Christmas day. Though it was more of an excuse than anything because they somehow found the energy to make out the whole damn day.

Sloppy, wet, open-mouthed kisses exchanged as their limbs entangled under the sheets. Panting heavily against one another’s lips, sucking and leaving marks all over one another’s neck. They did have to stop now and then when room service knocked on the door. Yet somehow, they ended up abandoning their food halfway through in favour of kissing after feeding each other.

“We should do this again.” Baekhyun was still out of breath as he collapsed onto the bed. Sweat matted his forehead and his hair was plastered to his skin. He didn't have to look at Chanyeol to know that the other was in the exact state as him. “Since you don’t want to have sex.”

Chanyeol stared at the younger boy in disbelief. “No way.”

 

 

If they were still horny teenagers with too much hormones in their system, they would have gone with Baekhyun’s suggestions. Since only one of them was still a horny teenager with too much hormones in his system, they went with Chanyeol’s suggestion on the 27th. Not that the law student had actually suggested anything concrete but they weren’t going to stay in the room and make out for the whole day again. Instead, Chanyeol brought Baekhyun out to tour Cambridge. By Train. On a bus. Walking from place to place.

When Baekhyun complained about not knowing which ticket to buy, Chanyeol told him to figure it out on his own. When Baekhyun was confused about which line to take, Chanyeol simply said that he would follow Baekhyun. They got lost more than five times but they eventually made it to the place that Chanyeol had instructed Baekhyun to lead them to with Baekhyun smiling proudly at himself and a secret smile playing on Chanyeol’s lips.

When Baekhyun got the bus timing wrong, they chased after the large vehicle and waved at the bus driver to stop for them. When Baekhyun almost missed a stop, Chanyeol would pity him and pull him out of the train doors at the very last moment.

It was an eye-opening experience for the younger boy to say the least. But at least he could tell everyone that he knew how to take the public transport now.

An hour before the sun began to set, they started to walk down the bank of the Charles River. 

“How do you feel about me?” Baekhyun asked once they were at the halfway mark of the river, not knowing where the question came from.

“I feel like I shouldn’t like you,” came Chanyeol’s instant reply, as if it had been something he had been thinking about. Maybe it was. “I feel like my heart shouldn’t beat faster when you’re standing close to me. I feel like it shouldn’t be so difficult to breathe when you’re in the same room as me. I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you all these.” He stopped walking while Baekhyun continued. “I haven’t liked anyone in a long time.”

Stopping, Baekhyun turned around, his hands are stuffed into his pockets because he had forgotten his gloves back in the hotel and had kept forgetting to buy a new pair. “We can take this slow.”

“It’s too soon to talk about dating, isn’t it?”

Avoiding the question, Baekhyun looked down. It wasn’t like he wanted to ignore Chanyeol but he didn’t know the answer himself. Was it too soon?

“You still have a lot of time to figure out if you really like me,” Chanyeol said, tone gentle.

Shrugging, Baekhyun took a step closer to Chanyeol. Then another step and another, until their shoes were touching. Raising his head, Baekhyun smiled brightly at Chanyeol. “Maybe I do need more time.” It was the first lie that Baekhyun told Chanyeol. He didn’t need more time. He already had enough time.

“Baekhyun?”

Caught off-guard, Baekhyun froze because Chanyeol’s lips were suddenly over his.

It would be a moment that Baekhyun would remember for his whole life, or at least for many years to come. The sun was setting just beyond the river, the sky transiting from a deep orange to a deep blue. The water was peaceful, there weren’t any birds in the sky, not any that Baekhyun had noticed anyway, and the December wind that had been so biting against skin was replaced by a warmth spreading throughout his body.

It would be a moment that Baekhyun would remember forever. Because it was the first time that Chanyeol kissed him.

_What about you, Chanyeol? Do you need more time to figure out if you like me too?_

 

 

“I want to see where you’re staying at now.” It was one of the first things Chanyeol said to Baekhyun over breakfast the next day.

“I live here.” Baekhyun waved his hands, gesturing around the restaurant but indicating to the hotel. “I thought you knew, seeing that you’ve been staying here for the past three, no, four, nights.”

“I meant your boarding school.”

Choking on a piece of toast, Baekhyun hurriedly gulped down his tea. “What? Fuck, no way.” The curse word wasn’t supposed to come out but Baekhyun couldn’t control himself. He didn’t know why he was so concerned about what Chanyeol thought about him cursing when cursing was a very normal occurrence to most people. The people he knew anyway.

Maybe it was because when he had been thirteen and first said the word in front of Chanyeol, the older had reprimanded him about it because _“your mother won’t be happy to hear you say that”_.

Though Chanyeol didn’t seem bothered by Baekhyun’s foul mouth and continued eating his muffin, looking expectantly at Baekhyun.

And Baekhyun was never one to say no to Chanyeol.

 

That was how they ended up in front of Milton Academy. Baekhyun could remember his disdain for the place the day he had first set sight on the school. He _still_ didn’t like the school and he was hoping that Chanyeol could feel the displeasure rolling off him in strong waves.

But Chanyeol was climbing over the wall.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun hissed, looking around as Chanyeol sat on the top of the wall and threw his legs over to the other side.

“Going into your school?” Chanyeol looked over his shoulder, a cheeky grin on his face and at that moment, just that moment, he looked so, so, so young that Baekhyun couldn’t feel the distance between their ages.

“The houses are closed.”

“I’m sure you learnt how to pick locks in Regis.” That was the last thing Chanyeol said before he jumped from the wall and landed on the other side with a thud.

 

They had been roaming the empty halls of the school building for the past hour, Baekhyun being a very poor tour guide of the place and Chanyeol relying on the signs to lead the way more-often-than-not until Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun into an empty classroom.

“Want to make the rest of your school term more enjoyable?” Chanyeol asked, leaning against the teacher’s table as he beckoned Baekhyun over.

Suspicious but curious, Baekhyun walked over and as soon as he was near enough for Chanyeol to grab a hold of him, the law student held him by his waist and lifted him up, turning around so that he could sit Baekhyun down on the desk. Raising a brow, Baekhyun opened his legs, allowing Chanyeol to stand between them.

“Think of me every time you’re in class,” Chanyeol whispered before covering Baekhyun’s lips with his own.

His lips were warm and inviting, rendering Baekhyun pliant in his hands as the younger wrapped his arms loosely around Chanyeol’s neck. Feeling Chanyeol’s soft and moist lips against his made Baekhyun completely forget about the fact that they were in one of the classrooms in his boarding school, with him sitting on a teacher’s table, Chanyeol standing between his legs, and kissing without a care in the world.

It felt nice.

It felt like Baekhyun’s whole body was on fire and it made Baekhyun question all the stupid things he had done in his second year of high school. It made Baekhyun wonder he had every thought that it was possible to find a replacement for Chanyeol. It made Baekhyun want to turn back time and live his life properly like he had promised Chanyeol he would.

 

After the day was over, Baekhyun suddenly found Milton more bearable than when he had first seen the school.

 

 

Boston was pleasant in winter. At least, it was hotter than New York so Baekhyun welcomed it with delight. Baekhyun hadn’t gone back to New York at all so it wasn’t like he knew what the real feel was despite checking the weather forecast on his phone. But he could remember how cold New York was during the winter. It was a strange experience – not experiencing New York’s winter for even a day that year when he had gotten a taste of the frosty New York air for the past sixteen, almost seventeen years of his life. Not that he remembered the winters that had passed when he had still been a baby.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol had actually walked all the way from the Charles Hotel to where they were now – Boston Common. Their walk had been a little over an hour and normally, Baekhyun would have been vehemently against walking such a long distance, especially when they could simply call a cab and cut down on more than half the travelling time. But walking had meant that Baekhyun could hold Chanyeol’s hand. Walking had meant that Baekhyun could bump his shoulder against Chanyeol’s arm as they had walked down the street together. Walking had meant singing love songs and allowing the wind to carry his voice as pretty smiles blossomed on Chanyeol’s face.

Walking had been fine.

“A stroll in the park, how romantic,” Baekhyun drawled sarcastically, as they walked past the frozen Frog Pond which didn’t have any frogs in it.

“Well, I just wanted a walk. I’m not trying to romanticise the shit out of you if that’s what you were thinking.”

“I love it when you curse,” Baekhyun teased.

They walked up the short flight of stairs leading to the pavilion. Before Baekhyun could ask what they were doing inside because there really wasn’t much to see, Chanyeol pulled him into a hug, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder. Surprised, Baekhyun took a while before he returned Chanyeol’s embrace, wrapping his arms around the law student and burying his face in the older’s chest. Then Chanyeol started to sway, holding Baekhyun as if the younger boy was the most precious thing in the world.

“I thought you weren’t trying to romanticise the shit out of me?”

Humming, Chanyeol lifted his head to smile at Baekhyun. “I changed my mind.”

Laughing, Baekhyun put their dance to a stop so that he could stand on his tip-toes and crush his lips against Chanyeol’s. It was a simple kiss, no clashing tongues, no hands tangling in their hair, just lips to lips.

Smiling against Chanyeol’s lips, Baekhyun hummed. “I like this. Even if we’re not dating.”

“Do you want to date me?”

Eyes curving into small crescent moments, Baekhyun shook his head. “Not yet. But I like you.”

For a split second, there was confusion in Chanyeol’s eyes, then he blinked and it was gone, replaced by guilt and uncertainty, but Baekhyun chose not to see both emotions. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t date yet but I know that I like you, Chanyeol. I always have.” Baekhyun started to pace in front of Chanyeol. “At first, you were just so…” Letting out a sigh, he stopped and flashed Chanyeol a grin. “So hot.” The law student shook his head, an endearing smile on his lips. “Then you started tutoring me and you were amazing. You were the only who treated me like I wasn’t just another useless and stupid rich kid on the Upper East Side. You never treated me like I was fragile. Even here, you told me to figure out the train by myself. You allowed me to lead you around Cambridge where you’ve been staying in for two years because you wanted me to learn.” Pausing, Baekhyun inhaled deeply. “We don’t have to date but I just want to know something.”

Reaching out to hold Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol stopped the younger boy from pacing back and forth.

Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun slowly sucked in his lower lip as he gently bit down before releasing the flesh. “Do you like me?”

Bringing Baekhyun’s hand to his mouth, Chanyeol placed a kiss to his knuckles. “I like you.”

It was enough. Just hearing those words from Chanyeol’s words were enough. Baekhyun didn’t need to ask, _why do you like me?_ or _are you sure that you like me?_ because the doubt that had flashed in Chanyeol’s eyes for a brief moment had been enough to answer Baekhyun’s questions.

 

 

The air felt cold from the balcony breeze. Shivering slightly, Baekhyun wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. It had been him who had insisted on sitting outside to watch the fireworks fly to the sky as the clock reached 00:00:00 to celebrate the start of the New Year. On hindsight, Baekhyun would have preferred to watch the fireworks from the television. But he had already been sitting out in the open for forty-three minutes, pressed against Chanyeol’s side underneath the blanket. It was cold but Chanyeol made suffering worth it. Chanyeol always made anything worth it.

At the first sign of fireworks in the sky, Baekhyun immediately turned to Chanyeol to kiss his cheek, surprising him. “Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year to you too,” Chanyeol said, bopping Baekhyun on the nose, making the younger laugh softly and swat Chanyeol’s hand away.

Tugging on the blanket, Baekhyun started to shift his legs. “Let’s go back in. I’m freezing.”

“But the fire – ”

Chanyeol was cut off abruptly by Baekhyun’s mouth on his. Then Baekhyun seated himself on Chanyeol’s lap, pulling the college student closer by the neck to deepen the kiss.

“Cold,” Baekhyun said when he pulled away for air.

Suddenly, he was being lifted from the ground and he instantly wrapped his legs tighter around Chanyeol’s waist as the other held onto him firmly by his butt.

“Bed,” Baekhyun commanded.

Soon, his back came into contact with the familiar mattress of the king-sized bed. Eyes hazed with lust and desire, Baekhyun stared up at Chanyeol with his lips parted, his breath coming out in little puffs as he felt a hardening between his legs.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whined, closing his eyes shut and bringing his hand up to curl around the other’s neck so that he could pull him down and bury his face in Chanyeol’s chest.

The smell of jasmine and rosewood invaded his senses at once and Baekhyun couldn’t breathe properly again, panting against Chanyeol’s shirt. There were fingers carding through his hair, combing through his black locks before they tightened around a tuft of hair.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol growled, his voice low and gruff.

Dazed, Baekhyun didn’t even realise that he had been rutting against Chanyeol’s thigh like he was in heat. But even after realising what he was doing, Baekhyun couldn’t stop, enjoying the friction of his jeans rubbing against his cock.

He felt a tug on his hair, gentle at first then Chanyeol pulled, _hard_. Baekhyun broke into a loud moan, arching his back slightly as he shut his eyes again.

“You like that, angel?”

Perhaps Chanyeol hadn’t meant to say that, if the surprised look on his face was anything to go by but Baekhyun had heard it, loud and clear and it made his heart flutter in excitement. Not giving Chanyeol the opportunity to let his thoughts roam out of this room, Baekhyun quickly surged forward, crushing his lips against Chanyeol. He forcefully pushed his tongue into Chanyeol’s mouth, delighting in the moan he elicited from the other. The hand in his hair tightened, making Baekhyun whimper against Chanyeol’s mouth.

Hand trailing up Chanyeol’s back, Baekhyun slowly slid it down to Chanyeol’s chest before lifting his other hand up to the first unbuttoned button of Chanyeol’s shirt.

“Baekhyun.” Pushing against Baekhyun’s shoulder, Chanyeol tried to get the younger boy to stop kissing him. “Baekhyun, stop. We shouldn’t.” Chanyeol hurriedly pulled off, immediately turning around to sit at the edge of the bed.

There had been one thing that Baekhyun had been wanting to tell Chanyeol since the first time he had initiated sex. But he had kept it in this whole time, not wanting to ruin his image of being a good boy in front of Chanyeol. But he had had enough. “I’m not a virgin, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun snapped.

Silence filled the room as Chanyeol slowly turned back around to stare at Baekhyun with shock.

Pushing his fringe up, Baekhyun sighed. “I slept with Jongdae when we were fourteen.”

“Jongdae?”

“We were horny teenage boys and to be fair, I really wanted to lose it to you.”

At that, Chanyeol choked.

“So yeah. It was…it’s something I don’t want to remember,” Baekhyun concluded with a serious nod of his head. “We were stupid. He still is, I’m not but yeah. Point is – I’m not a virgin.”

Baekhyun was looking at Chanyeol expectantly but all the other could say was, “if you really wanted to lose it to me, you would have to wait till you were eighteen.”

“I _am_ eighteen.” Baekhyun was kindly reminding Chanyeol that it was New Year’s Day.

Eyes lingering on Baekhyun, Chanyeol seemed to be contemplating his words seriously and Baekhyun honestly hoped that Chanyeol would just fuck him already. Feelings didn’t matter, especially when one reason that Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol to sleep with him was so that he could erase the memory of the last person he had sex with. As always, Chanyeol was disappointing when it came to the subject of sex.

“No.”

 

 

Despite the jarring lack of sex, things were going smoothly between them. 

It was already Saturday so Baekhyun only had two more days of Chanyeol all to himself before the other’s winter break ended. And he was going to make full use of it.

They had been kissing lazily in bed when Chanyeol’s phone had rung. It had to be important because Chanyeol had rushed out of bed and then upon seeing the caller ID, he had thrown on his shirt, doing up the buttons at record speed and then had left the room to answer it. But Baekhyun hadn’t had much time to ponder over the possible people who could be calling Chanyeol because his phone rang the second the door shut.

As soon as he opened the new email notification, he froze and suddenly, all his breath left his lungs. Attached was a photo of him kissing Chanyeol in the pavilion back in Boston. Chanyeol’s face couldn’t be seen, obscured by his hoodie, but Baekhyun’s face was as clear as day. Reading the message, Baekhyun’s blood ran cold.

_Is this why you didn’t come back to Regis, Byun? Off to become a whore in Boston because you couldn’t continue being one in Manhattan?_

It was from an email address that Baekhyun didn’t recognise but he knew who was behind it.

With shaky fingers, Baekhyun pulled up the contact of someone from his year, someone who hated him for no other reason other than the fact that he was smarter and had better grades to show for it.

“Stop shaking!” Baekhyun scolded himself but his hands continued to quiver, even after he had attached some incriminating photos of the other smoking and had sent the email. Honestly, he didn’t really care about the images or what his schoolmate had written about him. He just didn’t want anyone else to see that photo, especially Kyungsoo. Because what if it somehow made its way to Chanyeol’s father? The gossip vine in the Upper East Side was more or less the same network between the adults and their children.

As Baekhyun placed his phone back down on the bedside table, Chanyeol entered the room.

Not knowing why, a sudden irrational urge to be close to Chanyeol took over Baekhyun and as soon as the other approached the bed, he pulled Chanyeol down by the collar of his shirt and straddled him. His bathrobe came apart slightly, falling off one side of his shoulder and revealing a bit of his leg.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

Not giving Chanyeol an answer, Baekhyun leaned down and kissed Chanyeol full on the lips, nibbling a little on his lower lip before sucking on it, eliciting a moan from the law student. He could feel Chanyeol’s hands sliding up his thigh before resting on his ass and giving it a squeeze. This time, it was Baekhyun who was moaning loudly.

Hand slipping underneath Chanyeol’s shirt, Baekhyun sighed when he felt the law student’s abs contracting under his fingers. Leaving feathery touches on Chanyeol’s stomach, Baekhyun could hear the other inhaling sharply. Breaking the kiss, Baekhyun breathed heavily, trying to calm his racing heart. Head hung low, Baekhyun’s hair fell over his eyes, covering his face from Chanyeol’s.

There was a comforting hand on his thigh as Chanyeol drew circles on his bare skin. Then he stopped.

Still looking down, Baekhyun moved his hands to Chanyeol’s second button.

“Baekhyun? I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know if…Baek, I don’t know if I like boys or if I only like you.”

Instantly, Baekhyun stopped moving his hands, his fingers hovering over the third button of Chanyeol’s shirt. He gulped and slowly, he withdrew his fingers, eyes cast downwards, too afraid to look into Chanyeol’s eyes. Was he wrong after all? Did this winter break mean nothing to Chanyeol at all?

Suddenly, he felt Chanyeol’s fingers brushing the underside of his chin and tilting his head upwards.

“Hey. This changes nothing, Baek. It changes nothing about my feelings for you.”

But this changed _everything_. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he liked boys. And if he didn’t, then he couldn’t possibly like Baekhyun. But if he really did like Baekhyun, then how could he not know if he liked boys or not?

“In Boston, you said that you like me.” The email that Baekhyun had received surfaced to his mind and he instantly pushed it away, willing his voice not to crack or shiver when he spoke the next line. “Do you really like me?”

It was a yes or no question, simple as that. A few days before, Chanyeol had directly told him, _I like you_. There had been uncertainty in his eyes but it had been nothing like what Baekhyun was seeing in Chanyeol’s eyes then. Remorse. Self-reproach. Shame. Something had changed – Baekhyun could see it in the shift in Chanyeol’s dark eyes.

“Are you willing to take this risk on me?” Chanyeol asked, his tone hopeful, pleading even, and his hands shaking. But his eyes; his eyes were sad, filled with regret and apologies that Baekhyun was certain that he didn’t want to hear.

So all Baekhyun could say was – “no”.

Something had changed. Between the time when they had just woken up to Chanyeol leaving the room to answer the phone call and Baekhyun receiving that email, allowing unwarranted memories to flood his mind, something had changed. And Baekhyun had no way of fixing it. The easiest way was to let go. Baekhyun had always liked to take the easy routes out.

With a sigh, Chanyeol got off the bed and started to do up his buttons. “Then it’s best that you forget me.”

That was it? The past two weeks and that was all?

Chanyeol walked away from the bed, leaving Baekhyun kneeling on the bed, complexion paler than usual and his bottom lip quivering. He grabbed his coat and threw it over the back of the couch before he started to stuff all his things into the duffle bag he had brought over from his apartment the first night. As he walked towards the door, he grabbed the Versace paper bag lying on the floor. “I’m taking this,” he said, swinging the bag lightly. “But I’m throwing them away.”

“Suit yourself,” Baekhyun bit back bitterly, trying to control his tears from falling. His mind was starting to feel fuzzy and his heart was aching like never before. If this was how heartbreak felt like then Baekhyun never wanted to hand his heart over to anyone else. He would keep it to himself so that it would be safe at all times. But deep down, Baekhyun also knew that he was the only one who could break his own heart in the worst ways possible.

The door suddenly slammed shut, jerking Baekhyun from his reverie, and he stared at the closed door. When did Chanyeol even open it? Baekhyun didn’t know. He didn’t hear anything.

Looking around the room, Baekhyun noted that there were no traces of Chanyeol left. The law student’s coat was gone, and so was his large scarlet duffle bag that he had gotten from his time at Regis High. There was only one glass cup in the sink and everything else in the room was neat and orderly. Yet everything suddenly felt so out of place. The room suddenly felt too big. All traces of Chanyeol were gone.

Maybe not all.

Sniffing, Baekhyun’s eyes widened when he realised that there was still the scent of jasmine and rosewood in the air. Clenching his eyes shut, Baekhyun tried to get rid of the smell from his mind. If he concentrated hard enough, maybe he could trick himself into thinking that the smell wasn’t in the air. But it was impossible, the sweet but musky smell was overriding his senses, permeating his whole being and spreading through every single fibre in his body.

It was heady.

Covering his face with his hand, Baekhyun shook his head, wondering if he could get drunk on the smell of someone’s cologne.

Doing his best to steer his thoughts away from Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s hand scrambled for his phone and he immediately dialled his mother’s number. He turned on the speaker and wondered about what he was going to say because his mind was a complete blank, he didn’t know what to say to his mother at all.

_“Baekhyun? Darling, is that you?_

Throat dry, Baekhyun found it difficult to form any words to say. He could also feel some tears prickling in his eyes.

_“Baby, are you okay? Answer mama, please...”_

“Mama,” Baekhyun said quickly, not wanting to worry his mother and he heard a sigh of relief from the other side.

_“What’s wrong? Do you want to come home? But your school starts next Tuesday, doesn’t it?”_

Baekhyun’s heart clenched at that. Despite his mother’s busy schedule, she still kept up-to-date with his school affairs. Kyungsoo was right. His parents really did love him a lot.

“I want to go to Phillips Academy, mama.”

_“Anything for you, baby. Is that all?”_

“I miss you…”

_“I miss you too, my sweet child. And I love you very much. Please come home during your next break. I would love to go over and see you but you know I can’t...”_

“I’ll go home,” Baekhyun promised immediately. “I’m feeling a little tired right now…”

_“Oh dear! Go to sleep now, Baekhyun. Mama loves you forever.”_

“Goodnight, mama. I love you too.”

After his mother had bid him goodnight, Baekhyun hung up the phone and stared at the screen until it turned black.

Phillips Academy was still in Massachusetts, yes, so he would still be in the same state as Chanyeol. But it’s in Andover (another town) so it’s further from Cambridge than Milton is, meaning a larger distance between him and Chanyeol. And Baekhyun had seriously got to stop measuring everything in terms of Chanyeol.

Groaning, Baekhyun messed up his own hair and screamed into thin air.

Then, he made a promise to himself – he was going to forget Chanyeol. He was going to leave everything behind, including his life as a Milton student, this winter break, and every day he had spent with Chanyeol for the past two weeks. They were all going to become ghosts from his past, tucked away somewhere far in his mind and locked up with chains and ropes that couldn’t be destroyed, yet he knew that they would still be forever haunting him.

 

The smell of jasmine and rosewood still hung in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry if this chapter was disappointing (I guess the previous chapter was too...) but I really don't know how to edit it anymore ;; I also think there are a lot of grammatical mistakes and bad English in this chapter so I hope that I'll have time to edit it!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> Next update: next Saturday or Sunday (because I'm busy with my (verydisappointing) BAE and school)
> 
> xoxo


	7. Déjà Vu but Not Really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's reading this, to those who left me comments, and to those who left me kudos. They all really mean a lot to me <3 They remind me that there are people who like this story <3 Recently, I saw people saying how new Chanbaek writers aren't good and that the stories aren't that nice anymore and I feel really sad cause I'm kind of a new writer, right? Hahas. So, thank you to those who are still reading, really! :D
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

After relaying what happened in the boarding school (minus the salacious details) to Kyungsoo and Jongdae, they were surprisingly calm about it. Jongdae told Baekhyun to find a new lawyer to obsess over before biting the inner of his cheek as soon as the words left his mouth, regret plain on his face but Baekhyun merely waved his hand in indifference. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo stared at Baekhyun with a blank look, confusing the latter as he was unable to decipher what Kyungsoo’s look meant. Then Jongdae had to leave early, cutting short his study session (though he had been eating more than studying), because his mother was coming home from her business trip that evening and it had been a while since the Kims had a proper family dinner.

Now that Baekhyun’s alone with Kyungsoo, he kicks the other in the knee. “What’s with that face?”

“What face?”

“That face you make when you realise that you’ve been right all along. You knew that Chanyeol and I were spending time together in Massachusetts, didn’t you?”

“Not exactly.” Folding his hands in front of him, Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun contemplatively. “But I knew that you kissed him in Boston.”

Colour draining from Baekhyun’s face, the anonymous email of him kissing Chanyeol in the pavilion appeared in his mind. “How many people saw that photo?”

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo holds Baekhyun’s quivering hand to calm his friend down. “Henry was going to send it to the whole school on the first day but I stopped him and deleted the photos. Dumb ass didn’t save any copies but it’s good that he didn’t anyway.”

Of course, it was Henry Pierce, Baekhyun already guessed correctly. He was a boy in the same year as Baekhyun who, well, hated him for being better in every aspect – academics, sports, and the looks department as well. It isn’t Baekhyun’s fault that Henry’s just naturally inferior to him. But people like Henry always needed someone to blame and Baekhyun was the perfect target. Henry Pierce, one of the useless Upper East Side boys who used to date models ten years older than him just to feel like he was something significant in this small world. Baekhyun had always found him pathetic. Baekhyun’s sure that he’ll still find the other pathetic if he knows what he’s doing now. Baekhyun doesn’t even know where Henry went after graduation.

Off to find even older models, Jongdae liked to joke and Baekhyun would always agree wholeheartedly.

There were others in St. Regis who were like Henry Pierce, though none of the others ever had the balls to bully Baekhyun. Those who hated Baekhyun for everything that he is and everything that he isn’t. Fucking up in his second year of high school just gave all these people more reasons to hate him and new people to talk behind his back.

“Piece of shit. I had photos of him smoking,” Baekhyun grits out, fingers curled tightly into a fist.

“And? What could you do, Baekhyun? You were miles away and a lot of people knew what you did during our second year.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t mean to bring it up, Baekhyun knows. He knows but he can’t help but feel a stab of betrayal in his chest, amplifying that permanent ache in his heart.

“How were you so sure that it was Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks, praying that his voice isn’t shaky and that his face isn’t distorted into a hurtful expression.

“He’s my cousin,” Kyungsoo answers with a scowl, oblivious to Baekhyun’s internal turmoil. “I also lived with him for a year.” Then he sighs. “I’m sorry for saying that.” Maybe not that oblivious.

“I’m fine.” This time, Baekhyun’s voice does crack and Kyungsoo shoots him a guilty look. “I’m fine,” he says more to hear the words than to assure himself or Kyungsoo.

There’s doubt in Kyungsoo’s eyes, as it rightfully should be because Baekhyun isn’t even sure that he’s fine.

But Baekhyun’s always been good at lying to himself. “I’m fine.”

“You will be fine.”

 

 

It’s not easy to stop thinking about Chanyeol. It’s not easy to keep the lawyer away from his mind. But when it’s exams week and he’s buried in heaps of business notes and PowerPoint slides, it’s easy to black out Chanyeol’s handsome face or blur away all of his features so that Baekhyun’s staring into a black hole.

Handing in his final script, Baekhyun impatiently taps his foot against the floor until the professor dismisses the hall of students. The first thing he does is to grab his bag and run out of the doors before everyone started to block the way. He hears Kyungsoo calling his name but he quickly slips away because he doesn’t want to be suffocated by his tall peers.

Exams lasted for a week and it was probably the longest amount of time that Baekhyun had gone without thinking about Chanyeol, fully focused on acing his exams. Now that his final paper was over, Chanyeol’s previously censored face suddenly popped up in his mind again.

_“Hello there.”_

The image in his mind doesn’t say anything in return obviously and Baekhyun smiles to himself, wondering when he can resolve whatever is going on with him and Chanyeol. Things don’t have to be complicated. They can simply talk things out. Or the can just kiss, make-out, flirt, steal each other’s cabs, anything. Just not this. Just not avoiding each other, talking in riddles, giving mixed signals, and making things increasingly complex. Things don’t have to be complicated.

Leaning against the wall of the examination building, Baekhyun waits for Kyungsoo to walk down the steps while jostling with the other students.

A grin settles on his face when he sees Kyungsoo looking around for him like a lost puppy. He doesn’t call Kyungsoo and enjoys watching his friend search for him. The smile falls from his face when he makes eye contact with Kyungsoo and the other glares menacingly at him. As Kyungsoo approaches Baekhyun, the latter already has his hands up to act as a shield.

“I don’t always hit you.”

Mouth hanging open, Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo in disbelief.

“I don’t.”

Grumbling incoherently, Baekhyun gives up the fight, much to the satisfaction of Kyungsoo.

“What are you going to do over the holidays?” Kyungsoo asks as they start walking towards the carpark.

“Sleep.”

Stopping in front of Baekhyun’s obnoxious Audi, Kyungsoo rests his arms on the hood as he watches Baekhyun throw his bag onto the passenger’s seat.

“And talk to Chanyeol, maybe.”

Humming, Kyungsoo moves away from the car and pats Baekhyun on the shoulder.

 

 

Freedom always tastes sweet on Baekhyun’s tongue. The examination stress has been lifted from his shoulders and he’s more than ready to begin his winter holidays. Not that he has anything planned besides having dinner with his family on Christmas but nevertheless, he’s free from school. At least until the end of his break.

He’s about to make a turn onto 96th Street and into the Upper East Side when someone catches his eye. Bringing his car to a stop next to a pavement nearer to the Upper West Side, he pulls off his shades and rolls down his window a little to take a peek outside. It’s Areum Shim. _Or_ Areum Park, Chanyeol’s mother. Baekhyun doesn’t know much Korean but he knows that ‘Areum’ means ‘beautiful’ and that he has never heard of a more appropriate name for anyone before.

Areum Shim is a model. All long legs and a slender waist with a small and doll-like face that betrays her real age. She’s elegant in her dressing and graceful in her actions, much like Baekhyun’s own mother, the only difference being that she wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth. While Baekhyun wasn’t born back when she got married to Chanyeol’s father, he heard enough stories to know what most people thought of her – Changhwan Park’s biggest mistake. Seduced by a pretty face and poisoned by sweet lies, Changhwan Park married her.

How much any of that is true, Baekhyun doesn’t know and he doesn’t really care either because Areum Shim had always been nice to him, especially after Chanyeol left and his whole world turned upside down. Though he remembers that the last time he saw her, she was downing a few tablets which she told him was medicine. An hour later, Baekhyun heard from his father that she landed up in the hospital because of an overdose.

The first time Baekhyun saw her, she was also drowning a few tablets which she told him was medicine.

Chanyeol never talked much about his mother now that Baekhyun thinks about it. Only once or twice had he brought her up before and every time, all he would say was how she was an even worst parent than his father because her mind was too unfocused all the time to even recognise her own son. He always acted like he never liked his mother, too bitter resenting her absence in his life because she was always walking down runways in other countries and never walked with Chanyeol in Central Park in her home country. But Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol loved his mother deeply. It was the first time he saw Chanyeol cry – because he had found his mother unconscious on the floor from an overdose.

Sighing, Baekhyun shifts his gear to park his car and unfastens his seatbelt. His hands and legs are moving on their own as he exits the car and starts walking towards Areum Shim.

The woman looks as beautiful as the first day Baekhyun met her. Only now there’s lost expression on her face as she looks at the buildings around the Upper West Side.

“Mrs Park?” Baekhyun calls out before he can even stop himself. He doesn’t know why he’s approaching her when he’s afraid of what she might tell her husband (if they’re even still talking) about this coincidental meeting. Maybe it’s because she looks like she’s really lost. Maybe it’s because Baekhyun feels a sense of connection to her through Chanyeol. Maybe it’s because he’s curious about why she’s even in New York when she’s never home.

“Baekhyun?” Her eyes widen in surprise. She looks well, healthy, like she isn’t on any _medication_. “It’s been a long time. How are you?”

Stopping in front of her, Baekhyun smiles politely. “I’ve been well, Mrs Park. Thank you for asking. How about you?”

“I just came back from Italy.” She returns with her own sweet smile, then she lets out a soft laugh. “It’s been so long since I came back, I can’t even differentiate the Upper East and Upper West Side anymore!”

“This is the Upper West Side, Mrs Park.” Baekhyun jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “The Upper East Side is there. Lenox Hill is.” Swirling his tongue inside his mouth, Baekhyun wonders if he shouldn’t have pointed out where the Park’s residence is because on second thought, he sounded really rude, assuming that Chanyeol’s mother doesn’t even remember where she’s staying.

Though she doesn’t look offended in the least. She’s always been very understanding and kind, which is why Baekhyun likes her too.

Shaking her head, her lips curve up even further. “I got it right then. This is Manhattan Valley, isn’t it? Where Chanyeol’s staying? He didn’t move back to Lenox Hill, did he? I dropped by earlier but no one was home…”

Baekhyun almost doesn’t hear the rest of her words because hearing ‘Manhattan Valley’ and ‘Chanyeol’ in the same sentence makes Baekhyun’s mouth go dry. No, Chanyeol isn’t staying in Manhattan Valley and no, he most definitely didn’t move back to Lenox Hill. He’s living in Carnegie Hill. Two doors away from Baekhyun. And how is Baekhyun supposed to tell that to his mother? Stupid Chanyeol and his stupid houses.

To be fair, it isn’t Chanyeol’s fault for changing addresses so many times. He used to stay in Lenox Hill with his parents when he was just born but with a model for a mother and a workaholic for a father, they thought it was best for him to live with his grandparents in Manhattan Valley in the Upper West Side. So technically, Chanyeol grew up on the Upper West Side despite going to school in the East. For a while, he moved back to Lenox Hill because his grandparents migrated to Australia to be with their daughter, Kyungsoo’s mother, signing the apartment over to Chanyeol’s name. That was when Baekhyun just entered high school when he was fifteen, five years ago. Not even a year later, Chanyeol was already moving out of his family’s home and going to another city for law school. Except at that time, Baekhyun thought Chanyeol was going overseas.

And now he’s living in Carnegie Hill. Great.

“I don’t think Chanyeol’s done with work yet…” Baekhyun trails off at the end, hoping that she isn’t going to try getting a confirmation from him about Chanyeol living in Manhattan Valley. Because it isn’t something that Baekhyun can confirm.

“Oh!” She sounds genuinely surprised. “Office hours, right.” Smiling sheepishly at Baekhyun, she tucks a loose curl behind her ears. “Are you still talking to Chanyeol?”

“Now and then,” Baekhyun lies with a nonchalant shrug, looking pointedly at Areum Shim’s nose, giving the illusion that he’s looking into her eyes.

“Can you let him know that I’m back and that I want to see him? I – ” she cuts herself off abruptly and her smile wavers. “I miss him,” she says so softly that Baekhyun has to take a step closer to catch the words.

“I’ll let him know, Mrs Park,” Baekhyun promises, taking a step back. “Don't worry,” he says but his mind is screaming _please worry_ because she can’t trust him. 

“Thank you, Baekhyun.”

 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t see Chanyeol that night because he goes drinking with Jongdae and Kyungsoo to celebrate the end of their final examinations and wakes up on Jongdae’s floor in the afternoon the next day. Then he spends the next hour quietly watching Jongdae book a flight to Germany for the winter break because Kyungsoo left and he doesn’t want to bother a hungover Kim Jongdae.

“So, what’s your plan for the holidays?” Jongdae asks once he pays for the ticket. Turning around in his rolling chair, he looks at Baekhyun who’s lying on his bed and playing on his phone.

“Oh? You mean since you decided to bail on me and Kyungsoo?”

“We hardly spend the break together, don’t be an ass.”

“I’m going sleep, like I already told Kyungsoo. Hibernate like a bear, you know? I already have my rations all stocked up. New York’s too cold for me to survive outside.”

“I mean, like seriously.”

Sighing, Baekhyun throws his phone aside and sits up, coming face to face with Jongdae looking at him earnestly. “I’m going to talk to Chanyeol.”

“Good.” Nodding his head, Jongdae swivels back to face his laptop. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

“Then I’m going to make-out with him and maybe try to have sex or at least blow him. If none of that works out, I’m going to jerk off to his face in my mind every day.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“You’re the one who wanted to know.”

 

Jongdae kicks Baekhyun out of his house ten minutes later and Baekhyun ends up spending eighteen minutes looking for his car only to realise that he didn’t drive to Jongdae’s place. He waves lazily at the yellow cabs zooming down the street until one stops in front of him. Stumbling forward, Baekhyun’s expecting someone to get in the cab from the other side and leave him stranded on the sidewalk. It doesn’t happen and he’s seated in the backseat, telling the driver to go to Central Park because he’s in the mood for feeding the ducks there.

When he reaches the pond, he doesn’t feed the ducks. Folding his arms on top of the railings, Baekhyun simply watches the ducks all huddled together in one section of the water. Baekhyun wishes he were a duck too so that he can cuddle with his kind during winter and not feel lonely or that emptiness in his heart.

Bending forward, Baekhyun rests his chin on his arms and wistfully stares at the shivering ducks.

 

That night, he doesn’t see Chanyeol again.

Though he did sit outside his door until he saw the lift coming up, prompting him to rush into his house. Then he stared into the peephole and his heart involuntary skipped a beat when he saw Chanyeol walking out of the lift with a tired look on his face that made Baekhyun want to sing the lawyer to sleep. He watched Chanyeol pause while opening his door as the older looked towards his door. Even when Chanyeol started to walk towards his door, Baekhyun could not take his eye away from the peephole. Only when Chanyeol stopped in front of his door did Baekhyun start panicking as if Chanyeol knew that he was spying on him.

Heart racing, Baekhyun turned around. With his back pressed against the door, he slid down until he was seated and brought his knees close to himself. Closing his eyes, Baekhyun thinks he can smell the scent of jasmine and rosewood in the air. There’s a warm hand in his hair, combing through his blonde locks and he sighs blissfully.

Blinking open his eyes, Baekhyun breaks the magic and suddenly, his heart is beating faster again. Standing up, Baekhyun almost crashes his face against the door when he rushes to look through the peephole again.

All he sees is Chanyeol’s back disappearing behind a closing door.

 

 

Christmas Eve is as boring as it gets. Couples roam the streets while holding hands and stop under streetlamps or beside fake Christmas trees to kiss and then take multiple photos together to upload onto social media. Baekhyun can’t imagine Kyungsoo doing any of that but Kyungsoo’s currently off with his secret boyfriend doing hell knows what. And then Jongdae is off to Europe again for hell knows what reason. For a holiday, or so he claims, but Baekhyun thinks that Jongdae’s rendezvousing with a secret lover. So that leaves him as the only person in their group of three without a significant other.

“Who needs one?” Baekhyun scolds himself for thinking so highly about those who had a special someone in their lives.

It doesn’t matter whether he’s single or not because he spends the whole day eating cake at different cafes and having a boyfriend isn’t really necessary for pigging out.

When he reaches his door on the sixteenth level, he’s suddenly aware of how bloated he is and feels like he had eaten enough for the rest of the month (which is already ending). He stares at his door and replays the Christmas Eve from three years ago, the one with Chanyeol knocking on his door smelling like red wine and tasting like strawberries. The one where he didn’t eat so much cake. The one where he got the pair of Gucci sneakers that he’s still wearing even though it’s already so last-last-last-last-last-last-whatever season just because it was Chanyeol’s first Christmas present to him.

But Baekhyun’s angry at him. Very angry.

He hasn’t forgotten how their last meeting ended – Chanyeol being a bitch by avoiding all of his questions and taking the lift up without him.

Inside Baekhyun, there’s only rage. Fiery, hot, burning rage.

The lift chimes and Baekhyun clears his mind of all nasty thoughts as he turns to the lift, looking unimpressed when he sees Chanyeol walking out. Though as soon as he catches the exhausted look on Chanyeol’s face, all of his anger dissipates into nothing and his heart clenches at how worn-out Chanyeol looks.

In that instant, Baekhyun is once again reminded why he can’t stay angry at Chanyeol for long. Because he’s too stupidly infatuated with the lawyer.

Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun when he notices him and it’s just a simple smile but it makes Baekhyun heart beat erratically and his knees weak. It makes Baekhyun feel like he’s seventeen and in boarding school again. It makes Baekhyun want to run over into his arms and sigh against his chest before standing on tiptoes to kiss Chanyeol on the lips. It makes Baekhyun miss Chanyeol.

Before Baekhyun can open his mouth to curse at Chanyeol for making him feel so confused, one of his neighbour’s door is opening and out walks Jihoon Sung. Baekhyun has to summon all of his will-power not to shout, “cock-block”.

Jihoon Sung looks surprised when he sees Baekhyun standing in the corridor. The next second, he just looks displeased and Baekhyun scowls at the old lawyer because the former is scanning his clothes with his judgemental eyes.

There’s _nothing wrong_ with his clothes. Baekhyun’s wearing a pristine-looking white shirt that barely reaches his thighs, an incredibly tight pair of jeans ripped at both knees, and the perfect pair of Dior boots to complete the ensemble. On top of his outfits, his eyes are rimmed with black liner and dusted with brown eyeshadow. He looks nothing but _fucking hot_. Not that someone like Jihoon Sung can appreciate the beauty of someone like himself.

Crossing his arms, Baekhyun stares back at Chanyeol’s mentor with a conceited look, making a face at his bright orange tie on purpose. It reminds him too much of his school uniform at Milton and Baekhyun doesn’t like anything related to his days at Milton.

“Um…” Chanyeol effectively breaks their staring competition but now two pairs of eyes are on him and he looks like he regrets interrupting. “Jihoon, the proposal.”

Nodding at Chanyeol, Jihoon Sung throws one last look at Baekhyun like Baekhyun’s nothing but a little kid. Meanwhile, Baekhyun stares back like Jihoon Sung is nothing but an old man.

They both aren’t wrong.

Holding his door open, Chanyeol nods inside and Jihoon Sung walks in with a briefcase in his hand. Chanyeol doesn’t go into his house straight away. Instead, he looks at Baekhyun.

“Goodnight, Baek,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun with a tired smile. “And Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Baekhyun hurriedly says back before Chanyeol walks inside and the door closes, courtesy of Jihoon Sung, Baekhyun is sure.

So what if Chanyeol addressed Jihoon Sung over Baekhyun? It’s dead obvious that Chanyeol would rather spend Christmas Eve with Baekhyun over Jihoon Sung. If it weren’t for that stupid proposal that Chanyeol mentioned, Baekhyun is certain that he’ll be happily snuggling against Chanyeol’s chest by now, complaining to the older about all the cake he ate and Chanyeol telling him not to overeat next time.

Only there’s one problem.

They’re not dating. So maybe that short but sweet ‘Merry Christmas’ exchange wasn’t supposed to happen even if Jihoon Sung didn’t appear like an apparition from one of Baekhyun’s worst nightmares. Chanyeol _isn’t_ supposed to make him feel this way, all lightheaded and floating in the sky – Baekhyun promised himself that three years ago. Yet he can still remember how he felt when he saw Chanyeol on the Friday Night Incident. He can still remember how he felt when he kissed Chanyeol in the car the day the lawyer gifted it to him and how he melted against Chanyeol so easily. He can still remember the easy way he joked with Chanyeol about having sex and how the older played along.

Is the Upper East Side that poisonous after all?

Opening his door and walking into his house, Baekhyun wonders when he can spend Christmas with Chanyeol like he did three years ago again.

 

 

When Baekhyun walks out of his door the next morning, ready to go to his parent’s house, he finds a Louis Vuitton paper bag sitting on his doormat. Looking around, Baekhyun’s eyes land on the door opposite his house, down the corridor and his lips automatically tug upwards. If the paper bag doesn’t scream _GIFT FROM CHANYEOL PARK_ , then Baekhyun doesn’t know what it can possibly mean. Unless Jihoon Sung decided to play a horrible prank on him on Christmas.

There’s a voice of reason in his mind that sounds very much like Kyungsoo telling him that Jihoon Sung isn’t that childish and has reasons to be so judgemental of Baekhyun. Shaking his head, Baekhyun erases the second half of the sentence. Scratch that, he erases the voice entirely and smiles to himself, pleased when all he sees in his mind is Chanyeol’s handsome face again. Not that Chanyeol’s face is constantly in his mind. It just frequently appears there, especially when Baekhyun’s in a foul mood.

Humming ‘Joy to the World’ to himself, he picks up the paper bag, suddenly in a merry mood and walks back into his house to place the present under his Christmas tree.

Squatting in front of the tree, Baekhyun notices that there’s a note attached to the paper bag.

_Merry Christmas._

_Sneakers are more durable._

It’s Chanyeol’s penmanship.

Smiling wider, Baekhyun places it next to Kyungsoo’s gift before smiling down at his trust Gucci sneakers.

 

 

“Areum is back, did you hear?” It’s the first thing Baekhyun’s mother says at the dinner table.

Seonghyun Byun simply nods and his eldest son looks surprised. Baekhyun chokes on his appetiser.

“Darling, are you alright?” Eunbyul asks with concern etched on her face.

“M’ fine,” Baekhyun says in a small voice before he takes a large gulp of water. “I um…I met Mrs Park a few days ago. She asked a favour of me to um…” he trails off and briefly looks at his father. “She asked me if I could contact Chanyeol for her but I don’t really see him so can you tell her that for me, mama?”

“Sure, darling.”

Baekhyun smiles at his mother before looking at his father again, watching for a shift in expression or any indication that his father hates Chanyeol. There’s none. But Chanyeol _is_ afraid of his father for some reason and Kyungsoo confirmed it. But what?

“How was she?” Baekhyun’s mother asks him.

Nodding, Baekhyun gives her a reassuring smile. “She looks well.” _Like she isn’t on her medication anymore._

The unspoken words hang awkwardly in the air as Baekhyun shifts in his chair.

“How’s school, Baekhyun?” Baekbeom breaks the silence and smiles at his younger brother.

“Great. Wonderful. Can’t wait to graduate.” Baekhyun flashes his brother a too-wide smile that’s obviously fake.

“I hope you’re focused on your studies,” Seonghyun says from opposite Baekhyun.

Baekhyun doesn’t know why but his mind is suddenly filled with soft kisses, warm hands, and images of a wine cellar on Christmas day. Licking his lips, Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol out of his head before smiling at his father. “I am,” he promises.

 

Throughout the rest of dinner, Baekhyun mostly remains quiet with his head hung down. From the corner of his eye, he can see his mother repeatedly glancing over to him worriedly, and he only hopes that she can’t see what’s on his mind. More specifically, _who_ is on his mind. His father and brother try their best to include him in the conversations but he just isn’t in the mood. He knows that his mother is feeling guilty for bringing up Chanyeol’s mother for a variety of reasons but he can’t blame her. He isn’t blaming her either. Areum Shim was one of his mother’s closest friends until she moved overseas because life on the Upper East Side was too much for her.

“Baekhyun, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun quickly replies, not even registering who was asking the question.

_“I will be fine.”_

 

 

Before going to the New Year Eve’s party, Baekhyun told himself that he wasn’t going to get drunk. He was going sto be sober enough to drive home by himself. Yet he still called a cab.

Before going to the New Year Eve’s party, Baekhyun swore that he wasn’t going to make-out with anyone. But he brought his strawberry lip-gloss with him because his partners usually like them.

Before going to the New Year Eve’s party, Baekhyun made a pact with himself that he wasn’t going to pass out drunk in the lift.

Currently, _after_ the New Year Eve’s party, Baekhyun’s leaning against the lift door at the lobby as he repeatedly jabs the button on the touchscreen while waiting for the lift to come. The metal doors open and Baekhyun falls inside. He winces at the pain that shoots through his head from the impact before crawling over to the buttons and pressing the number fourteen with a lot of effort. Breathing out harshly, Baekhyun stretches his legs out and rests his head against the wall of the lift.

He doesn’t pass out so at least one he kept one of his promises to himself. The moment he walked into the house where the party was held, drinks were immediately shoved to his face and Baekhyun Byun never said no to alcohol despite his shitty tolerance. After emptying his stomach in the toilet and washing his mouth, he really needed to taste something sweet, hence the strawberry lip-gloss. It wasn’t part of his plan but he ended up shoving his tongue down a few people’s throat until Kyungsoo finally found him and dragged him to Jongdae who threw him into a cab and sent him on his merry way home.

So here he is, sitting in the lift with his eyes shut tightly, his head pounding like a second heartbeat and his stomach full of acid.

“Baekhyun?”

Is there someone else in the lift?

Squinting his eyes, Baekhyun tries to find the other person and fails miserably.

“Baek?”

The person calling him has a low, bass-y voice that sends involuntary tingles down Baekhyun’s spine and all the way down to his toes. Blinking blearily, Baekhyun looks to the source and frowns when all he sees is a patch of blur again. His eyes are unfocused and his head is spinning like a top. He can feel bile rising up his throat and a strange churning in his stomach that makes him want to vomit.

“Just how much did you drink?”

There’s a reprimanding tone to the man’s voice that Baekhyun’s doesn’t like. That Baekhyun wants to take away and do something to redeem himself so that the man will be proud of him instead. He doesn’t even know this man.

Or does he?

Only one name flashes across his mind, brightly, like a shooting star.

_Chanyeol._

It’s always Chanyeol.

Chanyeol being the voice of reason in his head. Chanyeol telling him to make the right choices in his head. Chanyeol giving him advice in his head. Chanyeol chasing away all the demons in his head.

Ironically, Chanyeol also happens to be one of his greatest demons that he can’t cast away no matter what.

But it can’t be Chanyeol. It can’t be.

“Chanyeol’s in Canada…” Baekhyun slurs, head lolling to one side, the sudden movement sending a sharp pain echoing in his head and he scrunches his eyes shut but the pain does not subside. “He’s…” he hiccups. “He’s in Canada for law school.”

“Shh.”

Just moments ago, it was cold. Baekhyun’s face was warm because of the alcohol in his system despite the cool air in the lift. Now, there’s only warmth surrounding him, He groggily notes that the man is holding him in his embrace. His first instinct is to push away but the arms wrapped around him feel nice. They feel comfortable. They feel familiar. They feel like Chanyeol.

But…

“Chanyeol’s in Canada,” Baekhyun chokes, biting back a sob as he buries his face in the man’s chest. “Chanyeol’s in Canada.”

“Shh. Shh,” the man says comfortingly. “I’m right here.”

The last thing Baekhyun sees before he blacks out is Chanyeol wearing his blue Harvard University hoodie and smiling down at him as he flutters open his eyes on a large king-sized bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied about the update. I enjoy writing this fic too much and tbh, writing it makes me less stressed out whenever I procrastinate about school OTL so I'll probably update 2-3 times a week~
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!!
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> Next update: Friday/ Saturday while I try to cope with school and BAE
> 
> xoxo


	8. Don't Say Yes Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter >< I have two tests next week and I'm so stressed out over a lot of things and I should be studying but I love procrastinating...I'm sorry if this is confusing in any way OTL
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

When Baekhyun opens his eyes, all he sees is white. His vision takes a while to focus and he hopes that there’s more than a white ceiling when he can see clearly again. There’s a dull throbbing in his head and he’s acutely aware of how slowly he’s breathing, his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of his heartbeat. The bed he’s lying on is soft though unfamiliar and the comforters covering him makes him feel safe and warm. Everything is still a blur. He blinks and the ceiling’s still white.

“Baek?”

It’s Chanyeol’s voice.

Suddenly finding the strength to move, Baekhyun shifts a little before stopping entirely as he groans quietly, squeezing his eyes shut when the room starts to spin.

“Are you awake?”

The voice is nearer now and Baekhyun wants to open his eyes but the hammering in his head isn’t going away and he solemnly swears to himself that he’s never drinking so much at a New Year Eve’s party ever again.

Three promises – go back home sober, don’t make-out with strangers, and don’t faint in the lift. Just these three promises and Baekhyun failed to keep them all.

Memories from the previous night come rushing into his mind, sending a sharp pain through his head as he whimpers and shuts his eyelids tighter. He remembers Jongdae throwing him into a cab and he remembers stumbling through the rotating doors of his apartment building with the help of the staff members because he got stuck inside. He remembers entering the lift and slouching on the floor, feeling proud of himself for not passing out. He doesn’t remember pressing his floor level or the door opening. He doesn’t remember anyone carrying him out of the lift. He doesn’t remember how he ended up in this bed.

But he does remember a soft voice, talking to him gently. He also remembers leaning against someone’s chest, feeling safe and sound. He remembers the smell of jasmine and rosewood.

He remembers Chanyeol. Kind of.

“ – Baekhyun? Can you hear me?”

Slowly relaxing, Baekhyun opens his eyes, making a pathetic noise when he feels his head tearing into half again.

“Chanyeol?” he croaks. Or at least he thinks he croaked because he definitely doesn’t sound sexy at the moment. Or maybe he neighed? Like a horse? No, a toad is more likely.

“I’m here.”

There’s suddenly a hand in Baekhyun’s hair, patting his head in a soothing way that makes Baekhyun want to go back to sleep.

“Do you want some painkillers?”

Unable to find his voice, Baekhyun gives a very small nod and prepares himself to sit up. He wants to do it quickly because he has a feeling that he caused Chanyeol enough trouble last night. But as he’s about to shift, Chanyeol’s telling him, _“slowly, Baek”_.

After ten minutes or so, Baekhyun’s finally sitting upright, back leaning against a pillow Chanyeol propped up for him.

Drained of energy, Baekhyun stares at the two pills in Chanyeol’s open palm and he feels like vomiting again, the alcohol still stuck in his system. Unwanted thoughts rush through his head suddenly, and he tries to focus on how much better he’ll feel after taking the painkillers. It stops the nasty voices in his head. Temporarily, at least.

Chanyeol’s patient with Baekhyun, hand running down the younger’s back in an attempt to make him feel better while trying to coax him to take the painkillers.

And Baekhyun, being one to never say no to Chanyeol eventually relents and summons some willpower to pop the pills in his mouth and down some water to swallow them. He takes too long to swallow, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth from the melted tablet. Making a face, Baekhyun sticks his tongue out and he barely registers a low chuckle coming from his side.

“Go to sleep.”

Like a command that Baekhyun cannot disobey, he soon finds himself being pulled back to sleep by his weak resolve to keep his eyes open and the haziness that can’t seem to disappear from his brain.

He thinks he dreams of a life that isn’t so complicated. A place where he’s happily in love. Somewhere he can hold Chanyeol’s hand in public. A time where he doesn’t have so many dirty secrets that he’s too ashamed of telling the lawyer.

Baekhyun doesn’t actually dream of anything. 

 

The next time Baekhyun opens his eyes, some hours later, the ceiling’s still too white, not like his pastel blue ones that have yellow stars painted on with luminous paint.

“What time is it?” he asks blearily, not knowing why he’s so certain that Chanyeol’s still in the room.

“Almost three in the afternoon.”

Groaning, Baekhyun runs his fingers through his hair before pushing himself to sit up and then flicking his fringe out of the way. The first thing he notices is Chanyeol sitting on a rolling chair next to the bed, his legs stretched out and his elbows resting on the arm handles while he fidgets with his phone in his hand. As soon as the fog from Baekhyun’s mind clears, he takes in what Chanyeol’s wearing and he finds his mouth very dry.

Why?

Because he’s an idiot.

The lawyer is wearing a plain white t-shirt and blue jeans. It’s simple. It’s so basic. It's so damn normal. Chanyeol’s black hair makes him look even more ordinary but Baekhyun’s looking at him like he’s the most exceptional creature that Baekhyun has ever laid eyes on.

When Chanyeol looks up from his phone, Baekhyun averts his gaze immediately, not wanting the older to catch him staring.

Looking down at himself, Baekhyun belatedly notes that he’s still dressed in his clothes from last night. Loose black shirt that exposed a lot of his chest and a pair of skin-tight black jeans. He panics internally when he assumes that his makeup is still on. Rubbing his eye, Baekhyun sighs in relief when he sees his finger coming away clean and not smudged in black eyeliner or glittery eyeshadow.

“Are you feeling better?”

“No.”

Baekhyun feels more than he sees Chanyeol frown, the lawyer’s brows etched together sternly.

“Why did you drink so much?”

“It was a New Year Eve’s party.” Blinking innocently at Chanyeol, Baekhyun tries not to smile when he sees how serious the older looks. “Happy New Year,” Baekhyun says playfully in a sing-song tone and he feels his pride swelling at the way the corners of Chanyeol’s lips twitch upwards.

“Happy New Year,” the lawyer simply replies before grinning, leaning back against the chair and clasping his hands together in front of him.

Laughing, Baekhyun combs through his hair a few times, relishing in how soft they still feel, thankful that he decided not to put on any gel before he left his house last night. “Not how I thought I would be spending New Year.”

Shrugging, Chanyeol tilts his head slightly, grin still on his face. “Me neither.”

Baekhyun looks down and starts playing with his fingers. There are things he wants to ask Chanyeol, somewhere along the lines of ‘what the fuck did I say last night?’ but in a more eloquent way. But he suddenly remembers that there’s something else he has to bring up first. “I uh – I met your mother.” He lifts his head just in time to see a shift in Chanyeol’s expression before it’s back to being neutral.

“She’s back?”

“She hasn't contacted you?” asks Baekhyun, surprised. It’s been over a week since he saw Mrs Park.

With a grim look, Chanyeol bitterly says, “I don’t think she dares to contact me.”

 _“You shouldn’t be so hard on your mother,”_ is what Baekhyun wants to say. “She misses you a lot,” is what Baekhyun says. When Chanyeol doesn’t respond, Baekhyun fidgets a little. Talking about Chanyeol’s mother has always been a sensitive topic. “She looks well. Your mother.”

Chuckling lowly, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun. “Off the pills? Really?”

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun contemplates what to say. There’s nothing he can say to make Chanyeol feel better about his mother.

“Can we not talk about my mother?” Chanyeol interrupts his train of thoughts, sounding a little impatient.

“Sure.”

What else can Baekhyun say anyway? And there are more important things to worry about than Chanyeol’s mother like what the fuck did he say to Chanyeol while he was drunk?

“I’m sorry that you had to take care of me last night. Thanks for removing my make-up and not undressing me while I was drunk.” Chanyeol snorts. “I’m an awful drunk or so Kyungsoo and Jongdae say. I blabber a lot. Did I…” he squints at Chanyeol and swallows nervously. “Say anything last night?”

Licking his lips, Chanyeol nods and Baekhyun’s already panicking. “You said something that got me curious.”

The first thing that comes very eloquently to Baekhyun’s mind is – _fuck_. Various scenarios run through his mind about what he could possibly say to Chanyeol. Was it a confession? Did he scold the lawyer? Or did he accidentally spill all of his secrets?

“What?” Baekhyun asks eventually, deciding to do himself a favour of not thinking too much.

“You said something about Canada…”

Canada?

Flicking through all the distorted memories from last night, Baekhyun doesn’t see any mentions of Canada anywhere. Though he can guess that it went something like, “why did you go to Canada?” or “please don’t go to Canada”. Whining and begging aren’t below him when it comes to Chanyeol.

“You said that I was in Canada. Why did you say I was in Canada?”

Baekhyun mentally gives himself a pat on the back for saying something so normal instead of something pathetic like he thought he would.

“When you left for law school…” Baekhyun pauses, hesitates. “Everyone told me you went to Canada.”

“Everyone?”

Covering his eyes, Baekhyun nods. “My parents. Baekbeom. Jongdae…”

“Even Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked, his tone slightly angry but Baekhyun doesn’t know if he’s imagining it.

Letting his hand fall, Baekhyun shakes his head, stopping when he feels a dull pain throbbing. “Kyungsoo didn’t say anything. I should have known.”

“I never went to Canada, Baekhyun.”

“I know. I know,” Baekhyun says. “I knew that everyone lied to me when I saw you in Massachusetts.” Oh, how Baekhyun reminisces the time spent in Massachusetts. He regrets Milton, but not Cambridge. Never Cambridge. “I wouldn’t have cried so much if I knew that you weren’t going to another country.”

“Baek…”

“I kept thinking if it was my fault that you had to go to Canada for law school. Because I kissed you when I was fourteen and my mother saw. And my parents…they…I thought they asked your father to send you to Canada so that you would stay away from me. That they only allowed you to continue tutoring me until you graduated because they didn’t want me to suspect anything.” Baekhyun shakes his head, smiling bitterly at his old thoughts. “There’s no lack of good law schools in America and you could have continued studying in Colombia. I had no idea why you would leave America. I was stupid to think that I mattered enough for your father to send you away.”

“I wanted to go to Harvard. I wanted to be away from Manhattan.”

“I didn’t know that. You never…” Baekhyun sighs. “You never told me that. I didn’t know you hated Manhattan so much.”

Silence floods the room, so quiet that Baekhyun thinks he can hear his own heart beating.

Chanyeol breaks the silence. “You weren’t stupid and I don’t hate Manhattan.” Then he brings up a topic that Baekhyun doesn’t want to talk about. “And since you mentioned that kiss…”

Acting nonchalant, Baekhyun shrugs before gazing coolly at Chanyeol. “What about it?”

“That was the first time you kissed me.” Chanyeol licks his lower lip and Baekhyun sees some hesitance in his eyes. “I was over at your house, tutoring you as usual. Everything was…normal. But at the end of the lesson, you leaned over the table and you kissed me. And your mother walked into the room the moment your lips touched mine. She was furious if you remember. I was scared. But she didn’t say anything then and only told me that my dad’s driver was waiting for me before leaving the room. Then I asked you, ‘why did you kiss me?’. Do you remember what your answer was?”

It’s easy for Baekhyun to say that he wants to forget. Forget everything about Chanyeol. It’s easy for Baekhyun to think he already forgot. Forgot every minute he spent with Chanyeol. It’s easy for Baekhyun to lie and say that he forgot.

“No.”

Lips quirking up briefly, Chanyeol leans forward towards Baekhyun. “I asked ‘why did you kiss me?’ and you said it was for fun.”

_“It wasn’t.”_

“At that moment, I remembered just how young you were.”

The words come at Baekhyun like a thousand knives stabbing him. It hurts. Because he didn’t kiss Chanyeol for fun. It wasn’t for fun. But he doesn’t dare to say it. To Baekhyun, Chanyeol has always been a faraway star that he can’t reach. Someone meant for him to admire from a distance. Someone that will never be his no matter how hard he tries. Maybe in the past when Baekhyun still wasn’t so full of vices, he might have stood a chance. The seven years between them has never felt so big before.

Breathing in deep, Chanyeol settles his hands on his thighs and exhales. “I’ve seen the way you looked at me, Baek. When you were thirteen. Fourteen. And I know that I should have said something then because of how young you were but…I couldn’t. I always forgot how old you were because you weren’t like the other kids your age.” Jongdae and Kyungsoo. “You were smart. Witty. Mature even. I’m not saying that the other two weren’t but you were…different. I always forgot how much older I was. You weren’t even in high school and I was already finishing college. And despite that, I never saw you as a kid. Nor did I ever see you as a younger brother. You were always…special.”

 _I wish you said something_ , Baekhyun wants to scream but all he does is suck on his quivering bottom lip and try to fight back the tears gathering in his eyes.

“When you kissed me…” Chanyeol smiles sadly. “I was in a relationship.”

Just like that, Baekhyun’s entire façade crumbles. “You – what?” he chokes. His eyes are stinging with unshed tears.

“The first time you kissed me, I was dating a girl from college. I was already dating for two months.”

“I didn’t know,” Baekhyun cuts in, feeling his heart constrict painfully. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have…”

Nodding, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun. “I didn’t tell anyone about it because I wasn’t sure how serious it was. Turned out it wasn’t. I wanted to break up with her. The feelings just weren’t there anymore. Honestly, I’m still not sure if I ever had strong feelings for her or if it was just a tiny flame. One week after you kissed me, I did.”

It doesn’t concern him. It happened in the past but Baekhyun can’t help but ask, “why?”

“You confused me,” Chanyeol answers easily. “You were so young.” Smiling a little, Chanyeol pats Baekhyun’s head. “Still so young.”

Baekhyun’s twenty-one this year, he’s hardly _young_. But sitting on the bed of Chanyeol’s guest room with his bed hair and party clothes still on, he probably looks like a ninth grader trying to act grown-up, break the rules and do cool ‘adult things’, failing eventually by getting drunk and getting taken care of by a hot law student. Except he’s a second-year college student who still isn’t old enough to drink legally with his bed hair and party clothes still on and who got drunk and got taken care of by a hot lawyer. The difference isn’t very big to Chanyeol. Most likely.

“You made me so confused. I like girls, Baek.”

Sniffing, Baekhyun lets his tears fall.

“Or at least I liked girls.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun wipes away the tears on his cheeks before taking in a deep breath and looking at Chanyeol again.

There’s a sad expression on Chanyeol’s face, as if he’s trying to tell Baekhyun not to cry and it only makes the college student want to cry even more.

Tongue darting out to wet his lips, Chanyeol shifts closer to Baekhyun. “I like you, Baek. I already told you that in Cambridge, didn't I?”

“But you weren’t sure,” Baekhyun counters immediately.

“You need to be fair to me.” Chanyeol’s tone is reprimanding but Baekhyun doesn’t find it in himself to feel guilty. “I asked you if you were willing to take a risk on me.” He stares at Baekhyun, hard. “And you said no.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun turns his head to the other side and quickly rubs his eyes before he’s looking at Chanyeol again. “Were you expecting a yes? If you were, I’m _not_ sorry.” Folding his arms across his chest, Baekhyun fixes a glare on Chanyeol. “You didn’t even know if you liked boys. Why would I risk it?”

_“I would have been risking everything. My everything. I would have given you everything.”_

“Do you know if I like boys now?” Chanyeol shoots back immediately and when Baekhyun remains silent, his lips curve into a bitter smile. “That didn’t stop you from kissing me repeatedly or asking me to have sex with you.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun presses his lips into a thin line as he tries not to lash out at Chanyeol. “You kissed back. You _always_ kissed back.”

Weakly, Chanyeol says, “because I like you.”

Before Chanyeol’s even done talking, Baekhyun’s already shaking his head. “That’s not enough.”

“I kissed you back because I like you.” Chanyeol’s tone is firm this time but Baekhyun can see him wavering. “That two weeks in Cambridge…”

_“No, no, no. Don’t say Cambridge. Baekhyun’s ghosts are from Milton. Not Cambridge. Don’t take away the happy memories from Cambridge.”_

“They were the best two weeks of my life.”

_“Mine too.”_

“But it didn’t end well, did it?”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun sucks in a deep breath. No matter how hard he tries to forget, no matter how hard he tries to deny it, his ghosts were never from Milton. They were all from Cambridge.

“Maybe…maybe we did like each other back then. More than we ever liked each other before. But maybe our feelings aren’t the same anymore. Three years is a long time. Maybe it’s just the excitement after being separated for such a long time.” Chanyeol pauses and Baekhyun can see the lawyer’s internal conflict clear on his face. “I bought this unit because I knew you were staying here.”

Baekhyun’s breath hitched. He’s always suspected that Chanyeol living across him isn’t an accident but it’s the first time Chanyeol’s confirming it.

“I paid a lot of money for this unit. And I did it because I missed you. I _did_ miss you. A lot. I wanted to see you again. I came back to America for many reasons and you’re one of them.” There’s a small smile playing on Chanyeol’s face now. “The cab war was fun.” Baekhyun scowls, remembering all the times he was late for school. “Then I bought you a car and they stopped.”

“I’m starting to think that you only bought me a car because you don’t want to see me anymore.”

“I bought you a car to say sorry and because I know that you like driving.”

“You said it was my Christmas present.” Baekhyun’s stubborn. He doesn’t want to think that it’s anything more.

“It was November,” Chanyeol points out. “And it was my excuse for giving you a car.” The lawyer smiles wryly. “I gave you sneakers for Christmas, didn’t I?”

_“Like you did three years ago.”_

Closing his eyes again, Baekhyun tries to calm himself down. His brain is jumbled with thoughts and his heart is beating too quickly. The air-condition is turned on and he’s only wearing a very thin shirt but he suddenly feels warm all over. He isn’t looking but he can feel Chanyeol’s soft gaze on him.

“I haven’t made out in a car for years,” Chanyeol admits. “When you kissed me in the car, a spark went off. It was exhilarating and honestly, I never thought I would be able to kiss you again. It was…nice. We were playing this cat and mouse game with me stealing your cabs for so long that when you kissed me, it was nice. I didn’t know if you had moved on. After all, the first time I saw you again, you were…kissing another guy.” Chanyeol licks his lips. “Quite intimately.”

Puffing up his cheeks, Baekhyun’s face colours and Chanyeol looks slightly amused, probably wondering why Baekhyun feels embarrassed when the younger is usually so shameless.

“As to why I didn’t want anyone to see me coming out of your car, it was because…you know I don’t like my father and then there’s your father…I didn’t, I don’t want to complicate things.” Interlocking his fingers together, Chanyeol rests his hands between his legs. “Then you asked if we were dating and I panicked. Three years ago when we talked about the subject, we both agreed that it was too soon.”

“That was three years ago,” Baekhyun can’t help but interrupt.

“And we _just_ met again a few months ago. And like I said, what if our feelings changed?”

“Mine didn’t.”

“What?”

“I like you.” Swallowing, Baekhyun looks down at the covers. His eyes are starting to water again but he refuses to let a single teardrop escape this time. “I really like you.”

“Baek…”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol sadly, his eyes watery. “I really like you. I’m not good at talking, Yeol.” The nickname comes out unexpectedly but it makes Baekhyun smile to himself. “I kiss you because I don’t want to talk. I want to have sex with you because I don’t want to talk. I never know what to say to you. I don’t know how to define our relationship and I’m afraid of your answer.” Baekhyun relaxes his shoulder, not realising how tense he was. He sinks against the pillow. “I keep saying that I want to talk to you but every time we talk, I don’t know what to say. Every time we talk, I realise that I don’t really know what I want to say. I realise that I’m actually too afraid to say anything. It’s easier to just kiss you and talk about sex and pretend that we’re okay when we’re not.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun. “I guess we’re both at fault then. We don’t ever say what we really want to.”

Baekhyun hums in agreement as he stares at Chanyeol.

“I’m scared too, Baek. You’re not afraid on your own. You’re not on your own.”

Looking at Chanyeol, Baekhyun has the sudden urge to reach out. To hold the lawyer’s hand. To hold him close.

“Do you want my long overdue answer then?” Chanyeol looks Baekhyun dead in the eyes and the younger feels like he’s prepared enough for anything Chanyeol can possibly say. He’s played out every situation in his head at least ten times. “We can’t date.”

The words come crashing down on Baekhyun like a strong wave that he knows he’ll drown in. It was an answer that Baekhyun already expected but hearing it from Chanyeol’s mouth sounded so different from how everything played out in his imagination. Reality is, as usual, disappointing, a far cry from the world he has created in his mind.

“You’re afraid of my dad.”

“Baekhyun, it’s more complicated than that,” Chanyeol says sternly. His lips are pulled into a tight line and his brows are furrowed together.

“Let me guess.” Baekhyun chuckles bitterly. “You can’t tell me.”

He’s not being fair to Chanyeol. There are a lot of things he’s keeping as well. Things that he doesn’t want to ever admit aloud, especially not to Chanyeol.

“I don’t want to make you choose.”

Hugging himself, Baekhyun hangs his head down, both afraid and ashamed. “I don’t even know the options.”

“Your father doesn’t like me. That’s all you have to know.”

_“Why? Why? Why?”_

As always, Baekhyun doesn’t say it aloud, he only fakes a smile at Chanyeol. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe…” Baekhyun takes a deep breath as he shakes his head a little. “Maybe I’m just in love with the idea of liking you. Maybe I just want to be with you because you’re all that I have ever known.”

Eyes tracing Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun commits every single feature to memory for the nth time, a habit of his ever since he met Chanyeol again. The sharp curve of his nose, the innocence shining under the strictness in his eyes, the soft pair of lips that he loves so much, and those big ears that he loves the most. It isn’t the first time he’s doing this and it isn’t going to be the last, but Baekhyun wonders for how long he can do this for.

“So, what are we now?” When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun forces a smile on his face. “We’re not dating. Maybe I like you.”

_“I do like you.”_

“Maybe…you like me too.”

_“I really hope you do.”_

“You confuse me.” Raising a hand, Chanyeol touches Baekhyun’s face. So softly, so tenderly that it makes Baekhyun’s heart clench. “Don’t cry for me anymore.”

“I won’t promise you anything.” 

Taking hold of Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol presses a chaste kiss to his knuckles.

The action makes Baekhyun’s heart flutter uncontrollably at the memory of the last time Chanyeol kissed his knuckles. It was the first time Chanyeol said “I like you” to him. Never mind if Chanyeol wasn’t sure back then or if he was scared. He said it.

This time, Baekhyun isn’t expecting anything even remotely half as sweet.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t,” Baekhyun agrees easily, unblinking.

 

_“But I don’t deserve you either.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be away for a week (I'm serious this time) so leave me lots of comments and kudos to come back to hahas. Is this becoming too draggy? I already planned everything out but...
> 
> In other news, I have over 10 Chanbaek WIPs that will never see the day of light
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> Next update: Friday/ Saturday because I'm really dying with school and (veryverydisappointing)BAE
> 
> P.S.: I don't know when I'll update and I'm still really stressed from school but the story's back up. I'm so sorry to all my readers but I was really really stressed out and I suddenly didn't feel comfortable with this story being up so I didn't want to stress myself out even more. BUT. Thank Baekhyun for his insta live and making me happy again.


	9. Can You Hear My Heart? [M]

“It’s Martin Luther King’s Day. Meaning party day,” Baekhyun told Kyungsoo at Jongdae the morning of 15th January.

“Martin Luther King, _Jr_ ,” came Kyungsoo’s instant correction.

“Party day,” Jongdae agreed. “Before semester begins again tomorrow.” He shares a pained look with Baekhyun.

“I think it’s meant to be a celebration for labour unions,” Kyungsoo said, eyeing his two friends with something akin to utter disbelief.

 

And that’s how Baekhyun ends up in a club that evening with his best friends. He flaunts his official ID for the first time in his life because he’s finally turning twenty-one this year and he can drink legally. Some clubs are a little trickier to enter, its bouncers insisting that your birthday must have passed. But that’s nothing a little money can’t fix. The time has come to say goodbye to all of his fake IDs.

Strobe lights shine harshly against the dance floor on the throng of writhing bodies, changing patterns every now and then like a kaleidoscope. The bass from the music is thumping so loudly that Baekhyun can feel it in his heart. A mix of magenta and aqua lights fill the dance floor, casting dancing shadows on the walls. There’s a blend of the smell of alcohol, cologne, perfume, and aftershave hanging in the air, clinging to the leather seats of the club.

Throwing his hands up, Baekhyun dances. He dances freely. He dances without a care. He dances loosely, swinging his hips from side to side to the beat of the techno music. There’s a tiny bit of sweat gathered at the side of his forehead and he brushes it off as he pushes his fringe back up and cards his fingers through his hair. A stranger is pressed up against his back, hands placed on either side of his hips to pull him closer towards the tent in his pants. Smirking to himself, Baekhyun grinds his ass against the guy, tilting his head back so that it collides with the other’s firm chest. It’s too noisy to hear anything but the stranger is panting into Baekhyun’s ears and it gives the latter a sense of pride for making the stranger so turned on already.

Taking hold of one of the stranger’s hands, Baekhyun guides it to his abdomen before bringing it lower, and lower. He leads the guy’s hand to his right inner thigh and gasps when the other squeezes his thigh. A low moan slips from his parted lips as his eyelids flutter shut. The stranger has his other hand at the edge of Baekhyun’s now untucked shirt. Resting his head against the other’s chest, Baekhyun allows the stranger to slip his hands underneath his blue button-up shirt and run his rough fingers over the subtle lines of his body.

Feathery light touches linger on his body and Baekhyun wants to chase after the feeling. He wants the touch to stay longer.

The hand travels upwards, stopping just under his nipple. Then the stranger uses a finger to circle the pink flesh and Baekhyun has to bite down hard on his lower lip to stop a dirty moan from coming out of his mouth. He can feel a knot twisting in his stomach. When the guy brushes his fingers over the hardened nub, Baekhyun whines loudly, releasing his bottom lip as his jaw turns slack and his mouth hangs open.

Suddenly, Baekhyun’s being yanked away. The hand disappears and he faintly hears the stranger growling before Jongdae’s voice fills his senses. There’s a protective hand curled around his arm.

“He’s mine. Hands off.”

Scrunching up his nose in distaste, Baekhyun opens his eyes to shoot Jongdae a look but his friend is already dragging him through the sea of sweaty bodies.

They reach the bar and Jongdae finally lets go of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Don’t be gross. We fucked once. We’re not boyfriends.” Baekhyun folds his arms across his chest and shivers at the thought of dating Jongdae.

Raising a finger in warning, Jongdae narrows his eyes threateningly at Baekhyun. “Don’t mention that again, I swear, Baekhyun. Or I will – ”

“Fuck me again?”

Jongdae’s hand comes down on Baekhyun’s head without any warning and Baekhyun actually _screams_. There are a few people sitting at the bar and they all look at the pair. Some look away immediately but most nosy eyes linger, eagerly anticipating to watch the next scene unfold.

“There’s nothing to see!” Jongdae tells the group of onlookers and waves his hand at them dismissively. Not a lot of people bother listening to him of course but a few do have the decency to look away.

“What was that for?” Baekhyun cries pathetically, a hand on the side of his head as he fights back the tears gathering in his eyes.

The pain in his head is excruciating, not concentrated at any particular spot but spread out instead. It feels like someone’s continuously hammering his head with a copy of Moby Dick. 

“Shit. Does it really hurt that much?” Pulling Baekhyun’s hand away, Jongdae gently strokes Baekhyun’s head. “I’m sorry. But you were being a handful.”

“You could have just left me on the dancefloor.” Baekhyun closes his eyes again and scrunches up his nose in pain.

“That guy was getting too handsy and you’re kind of drunk.”

“And?” Baekhyun flickers open his eyes and stares at Jongdae with a blank look. He can smell the alcohol on his breath but he chooses to disregard it. There’s adrenaline rushing through his system – a clear sign that he’s starting to get tipsy. “It’s about time I got laid. It’s been ages since I had sex.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Jongdae stops his hand’s movement, though he keeps his hand on Baekhyun’s head. “And I pulled you away because I don’t want you regretting anything in the morning and not have the face to see Chanyeol for the next six months.”

Burying his face in his hands, Baekhyun groans, recalling New Year’s Day – how drunk he was and that talk he had with Chanyeol. How he called Kyungsoo and Jongdae two days later to enlist their help so that he’ll never get so drunk at a party or club ever again (it never works out in spite of their countless pacts over the years but still).

“You’re a good friend, Dae.” Raising his head, Baekhyun smiles sheepishly at his best friend.

“I _know_. And you’re going to repay me by sitting here and drinking water or cocktails until Kyungsoo or I get back to you and throw you into a cab.”

“Roger that.”

“Baekhyun…” there’s worry in Jongdae’s tone and it makes Baekhyun feel guilty because he already knows what Jongdae wants to say. “Don’t do anything stupid again. Kyungsoo and I can’t bear to see you go off the tracks again and seeing you with that guy back there. It just brought back a lot of bad memories. You drink. You dance. You party. Fine. But not like that. Not like how you were acting back there.”

“Okay…” Baekhyun says, his voice barely above a whisper but he knows that Jongdae heard him, or can at least guess what he said.

Seconds later and Jongdae has disappeared into the crowd, leaving Baekhyun alone sitting on one of the high chairs at the bar. He mulls over Jongdae’s words. His best friend’s right. While he drinks, dances, and parties, he’s never been too wild. No matter how inebriated he is, Baekhyun will try his best not to let anybody touch his bare skin, especially on the dance floor (unless if he has already made up his mind that he wants to sleep with the other). He doesn’t know what possessed him just now to let the stranger’s wandering hand trace his body. Baekhyun’s strict with himself. Sure, he sleeps around at times but never when he’s drunk, or tipsy even.

At least not anymore.

There’s a line that Baekhyun has drawn for himself that he isn’t willing or keen on crossing at all. Three years ago he swore to himself never to fall back into his old ways and live his life properly. Live his life properly like he promised Chanyeol he would.

There’s no turning back time so there aren’t any corrections Baekhyun can make to his lowest point in life. Right now, he can only look forward and try to live his life to its fullest and not do stupid things anymore. He’s an adult now. He should know better.

So why does the mere thought of Chanyeol make him feel like he’s seventeen all over again?

Massachusetts, Milton, _Cambridge_. They all suddenly don’t feel so far away anymore. Three years isn’t really a long time.

There’s a dull throbbing in Baekhyun’s head now but nothing he can’t bear.

“Strawberry daiquiri,” Baekhyun tells the bartender and ignores the snigger he gets in return. He promised Jongdae that he isn’t going to get drunk.

Though one drink later and Baekhyun’s chugging whiskey down like it’s water. A certain lawyer’s face keeps on appearing in his mind and he tells himself that he needs it. Needs the alcohol in his veins, the thrumming sensation that makes him feel tingly all over, and the haze that will fog his mind. 

“Oh no.”

It’s Kyungsoo’s voice, Baekhyun notes happily. He isn’t so hammered that he cannot recognise his other best friend’s voice.

“I’m not drunk,” Baekhyun says. His head is spinning a little but his eyes aren’t blurry and he still has a bearing on his surroundings. It’s an improvement from how he felt at the party on New Year’s Eve. “I swear.”

Kyungsoo’s looking at him sceptically. His eyes dart between Baekhyun’s flushed face and the empty glass in his hand before he reaches a conclusion. “Up you go. You’re done for the day.”

Pushing the glass away, Baekhyun hops off the chair and almost falls if it wasn’t for Kyungsoo catching him. “I’m fine.”

Scoffing, Kyungsoo helps Baekhyun stand properly. He doesn’t let go until he’s certain that the other isn’t going to fall flat on his face.

Nodding to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun feels his legs shake when Kyungsoo’s hand goes away. Looking down at his legs, Baekhyun suddenly isn’t so sure if he has the strength to walk out of the club. Maybe he isn’t so ‘fine’ after all. 

“Come on.” It’s all Kyungsoo says before he’s helping Baekhyun steady himself again. “I’ll go home with you.”

 

What Kyungsoo means by ‘go home with you’ is sharing a cab with Baekhyun and dropping him off in front of his apartment building at Carnegie before taking the cab back to his own house at Lenox Hill. Needless to say, Baekhyun struggles to get to the revolving door from the sidewalk.

Winter is cruel, prickling at Baekhyun’s skin unpleasantly. Wincing at the sensation, Baekhyun presses his lips together and stuffs his hands into his pocket. The security guard shoots Baekhyun a pitiful look as the college student approaches the revolving door and assists Baekhyun in entering the building.

Baekhyun stumbles into the lobby, sighing blissfully when he feels the warmth from the central heating spreading through his body. He sniffs, taking off his scarf and unbuttons his coat as he drags himself over to the lift unsteadily.

Resting his weight on one side of his body, Baekhyun jabs his finger against the touch screen and leans against the lift’s door, tripping inside when the doors open. He takes a while to stable himself before pushing the number sixteen.

The beat from the club is still drumming in his ear and he finds himself subconsciously nodding along as he shuts his eyes.

“Not again.”

Blinking open his eyes, Baekhyun sees Chanyeol standing in front of the lift dressed in only a white shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Even in his intoxicated state, Baekhyun thinks that Chanyeol needs to add more colours and patterns to his wardrobe.

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun greets, giggling when he takes a step forward and then he trips over the air and falls into Chanyeol’s open arms.

It wasn’t on purpose.

The smell of jasmine and rosewood makes Baekhyun go lax in the lawyer’s arms. There can’t possibly be anything laced in Chanyeol’s cologne but the scent is making Baekhyun go dizzy. Making him go crazy and he wonders how much it would take for him to get drunk on Chanyeol’s smell.

Very little, he concludes easily.

“I like you,” Baekhyun slurs, abruptly feeling woozier than before. As always, his mouth is already shooting off words before his brain can even comprehend what he wants to say. “I like you more than Stacy. I like you more than Stacy ever would!”

Cursing incoherently under his breath, Chanyeol tries making Baekhyun stand properly, giving up with a sigh when he notes that the college student seems perfectly happy in his arms. “Who’s Stacy?” he asks with a frown.

Before the lift doors can close, Chanyeol sticks his foot in between and then half-drags, half-carries Baekhyun out.

“I meant Tracy,” Baekhyun corrects with a hiccup.

“There was no Tracy,” Chanyeol deadpans, trying his best to lead Baekhyun to his door without either of them tripping. “Or Stacy for that matter.”

They reach Chanyeol’s door without any injury and Chanyeol’s opening his door, guiding Baekhyun in, then bringing the college student towards the couch to sit him down. Before Baekhyun can start whining about anything, Chanyeol’s already walking towards the kitchen. He comes back with a glass of water and two pills in his hand.

Not saying anything, Chanyeol stretches his palm towards Baekhyun and the latter thankfully accepts the painkillers.

“Who’s Stacy?” Chanyeol asks once Baekhyun has finished the glass of water.

“Your ex-girlfriend from Columbia.”

“What?” Chanyeol splutters. “My what? Where did you get that?”

“My brain.” The corner of Chanyeol’s lip twitch and Baekhyun has to fight back his own smile. “So what’s her name?”

“Monica.” Chanyeol walks over to the couch to sit next to Baekhyun.

The college student instinctively shifts closer to the lawyer.

“Do you even remember what you said just now?”

Nodding, Baekhyun faces Chanyeol and their faces are so close, too close that Baekhyun feels his breath taken away. “I said that I like you. More than Monica ever did or ever would.”

A smile blossoms on Chanyeol’s face this time. “I’m pretty sure you said ‘Stacy’ then ‘Tracy’.”

“I did.” There’s a soft lilt to Baekhyun’s voice. “And I meant it. I don’t know if there was any ‘Stacy’ or ‘Tracy’ at any point in your life but I’m certain that if there were, I will still like you more than they ever could. Chanyeol, I like you more than you can imagine.” Tilting his head, Baekhyun smiles at the lawyer who looks back at him with an unreadable expression, the smile gone from his face. “More than anyone can imagine. More than I even know. I don’t know how many people have been in your life before and yet I want to compare myself to them. Am I being stupid?”

Turning away from Baekhyun, Chanyeol interlocks his fingers together. “Joy.”

“What?”

“My first girlfriend’s name is Joy. Eighth grade.”

Letting the information sink in, Baekhyun realises what Chanyeol’s doing. He just doesn’t know _why_.

“Then I had a few girlfriends when I was in Regis. You know how many ‘sister schools’ we have.” Chuckling, Chanyeol’s lips quirk upwards.

A surge of jealousy rushes through Baekhyun as he can’t help but think about what fond memories Chanyeol has with all those girls. It all happened years ago, Baekhyun tries to convince himself that Chanyeol likes him now and that there’s nothing to worry about. But the green monster’s winning.

“Pretty girls came over to Regis almost every afternoon for the theatre program. I was no theatre student but sneaking in was fun, you know?” Baekhyun doesn’t stop the smile from slipping on his lips this time. “We had so many social events and dances with all these girls from different schools too. There was a Kate. And there was also a Chaeri. Then Jihee. Sandra. Flings here and there. Nothing important.” Breathing out sharply, Chanyeol leans back against the couch. “When I was in Columbia, there was Monica – you know that already.” There’s a bit of hesitance in Chanyeol’s voice.

The lawyer doesn’t have to continue because Baekhyun feels like he knows what he wants to say next. But Chanyeol still says it.

“Then there was you.”

“We never dated.” Baekhyun’s voice cracks.

Closing his eyes, Chanyeol tilts his head back slightly. “I dated someone called Amanda when I was in Harvard.”

 _“Before or after our time together in Cambridge?”_ Baekhyun wants to ask. The curiosity clawing at him begs him to ask the question but his stubbornness and fear win.

Though Chanyeol appears to be thinking about the same thing because he pauses too long. He gives an answer anyway. “It was after our two weeks together.” A look of guilt settles on Chanyeol’s face when he opens his eyes and looks at Baekhyun sadly.

“You don’t owe me any explanation,” Baekhyun says simply. And he must sound convincing because Chanyeol is smiling at him again as if telling him, _“thank you for being understanding”._

“I dated Stephanie when I was working in Australia.” Sitting upright again, Chanyeol turns to Baekhyun. “And then there was still you.”

“We’ve never dated before, Chanyeol…”

Nodding quickly, Chanyeol looks away. “I know.” Nodding again, “I know,” he repeats the second time. “But you were still in every one of the future I imagined.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun feels tears prickling in his eyes. “You can’t keep saying things like this.” Quickly wiping away a teardrop, Baekhyun looks to the other side so that Chanyeol won’t see any accidental tears that fall from his eyes. “You keep on saying things like that and it confuses me. The things you say mess with my heart. My mind. I can’t concentrate. It’s unfair. It’s so, so, so unfair. You can’t just keep on saying things like that and not me – ”

“I like you.”

Everything that Baekhyun was about to say completely flies out of his mind and suddenly, there aren’t any more words left coming out from his mouth. His mouth becomes dry and he feels his heartbeat accelerating. There aren’t any more tears in his eyes but he still doesn’t dare to look at Chanyeol. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Was it just a figment of his imagination? Did Chanyeol really say that? Did Chanyeol say anything at all?

“Baekhyun, I like you.”

Gasping, Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol. “Say that again,” he whispers.

“I like you.”

It’s not the first time Chanyeol’s saying this and Baekhyun knows that it won’t be the last either. But it’s the first time Chanyeol says it with such sincerity and genuineness, raw and pure honesty shining in his eyes. No hesitance, no uncertainty, no ‘maybes’ or ‘what-ifs’. It’s simple, straightforward, and most of all, it’s the truth.

Smiling, Baekhyun’s eyes crinkle at the corner. “It’s enough for me right now.” And it really is. Happiness is blossoming in his chest and he doesn’t remember the last time he felt such delight blooming in him.

“I do like you.”

The lawyer doesn’t say it but Baekhyun can hear it – the “thank you”.

Since Chanyeol’s being honest, Baekhyun can be too. 

“It wasn’t for fun,” Baekhyun starts.

“What?”

“I didn’t kiss you for fun.”

Pressing his lips together, Chanyeol hesitates before asking, “which kiss are we talking about here?”

Which kiss? Baekhyun finds himself wondering the same thing until the answer hits him and he laughs to himself. “ _All_ of them. My kisses to you…none of them were for fun. They were never for fun.” Baekhyun presses his lips together in a thin line before licking them. “When I was fourteen and I kissed you for the first time. I did it because I like you. I already liked you so much then. I still do. And I’m sorry if my mom got angry at you.”

“Why did you say it was for fun then?”

“I was scared,” Baekhyun replies honestly. “And when I kissed you again when I was sixteen? On our last lesson. The day before you left. It wasn’t for fun.”

“I know.”

Chanyeol’s answer slightly surprises Baekhyun but he composes himself quickly. “Then you gave me a watch at the airport. You held my face as you told me not to cry anymore. You told me that every time I saw that watch, I would know that you were there. You told me that I would always have a piece of you with me.”

“They all still hold,” comes Chanyeol’s quick affirmation. “You’re you, Baekhyun. You don’t know what it’s like to see you cry. It’s painful. I hate seeing you cry.” There’s a sad smile on his face. “And yet I’m the one who’s always making you cry.”

It’s true, Chanyeol’s words, but Baekhyun’s quick to refute them. “You make me happy in ways that I cannot describe.”

“The best two weeks of your life.”

Nodding, Baekhyun licks his lips before asking, “do I make you happy too?”

Swallowing, Chanyeol averts his gaze and Baekhyun feels his heart plummeting. “It’s late. You should sleep.”

Just like that, Chanyeol stabs Baekhyun in the chest again with a knife. The previous wound has barely healed but it’s now reopened again. Baekhyun wants to scream in frustration, wants to shout at Chanyeol to make up his damn mind. He wants to tell Chanyeol to leave the knife there because that way, it’ll hurt less.

The college student was really beginning to think that there was progress between them. Is Chanyeol really going to be so cruel?

Too lost in his thoughts, Baekhyun doesn’t realise that Chanyeol has taken hold of his hand and is gently pulling it, asking him to stand up.

Looking down, Baekhyun stands, allowing Chanyeol to lead him to wherever the lawyer is bringing him. The guest room again. Probably.

It isn’t the guest room. Baekhyun knows the instance he walks into the room and catches a whiff of jasmine and rosewood. It’s Chanyeol’s room.

“What are you – ”

 _“Doing? Why am I here?”_ Baekhyun completes the rest of the sentence in his mind and lets Chanyeol pull him towards the bed.

The next moment, Baekhyun finds himself lying on his back and Chanyeol hovering above him. The room is dark but Baekhyun’s eyes have adjusted enough for him to roughly make out Chanyeol’s facial features. Or it just might be because he has memorised Chanyeol’s face so many times, over and over again that he doesn’t need the light to picture the man anymore.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol starts, his voice low, sending a gentle tingle down Baekhyun’s spine. “You make me very happy.”

Leaning down, Chanyeol places a light kiss on Baekhyun’s lips, tenderly, sending sparks flying and driving Baekhyun mad with such a short and simple kiss. The taste of alcohol still coats the inside of Baekhyun’s mouth but it’s suddenly being overridden by the sweetness of Chanyeol’s soft and moist lips. Chanyeol presses down, bringing his hands up to tangle his fingers in Baekhyun’s hair. Tugging lightly, Baekhyun whimpers but he’s too tired to do anything else so he simply lets Chanyeol kiss him.

Never before had Baekhyun’s heart been bursting with so much happiness.

 

 

The alarm blares through the room, cutting the pin-drop silence that Baekhyun was enjoying so much. Then a human alarm enters the picture.

“Get up.”

“No!” Baekhyun protests immediately. He barely had enough sleep last night. He’s usually happy to hear Chanyeol’s voice, but not when the other is waking him up.

“You have school.”

Pulling the covers over his head, Baekhyun gives a muffled response.

“More importantly, I have work.”

Throwing the comforter off, Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol. “You’re such a drag.”

When Chanyeol glares back, Baekhyun grumbles something incoherent but he sits up anyway. Staring at the clock, Baekhyun moans pathetically when he realises that it’s only six-thirty in the morning.

“Get up,” Chanyeol repeats.

“My class only starts at ten.” Baekhyun licks his lips to wet them a little and he sees Chanyeol following the movement of his tongue. The memory of the taste of Chanyeol’s lips makes him dizzy.

“I have _work_.”

They have a staring competition for a while. Just for a while. Because Baekhyun loses quickly when his eyelids droop and he falls back down onto the bed, ready for the second round of sleep. But Chanyeol isn’t going to let him have any of that.

The lawyer literally drags him off the bed until he’s sitting at the edge with his feet touching the cold marble floor, making him whimper at the icy feeling. He shoots Chanyeol a pleading look but the older only looks back unsympathetically.

Chanyeol places his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulder and the latter automatically looks into his eyes. His dreamy, dreamy eyes.

“Go back to your own house. Wash up, then change. I’ll meet you in front of the lift in half an hour.”

 

Baekhyun walks out of his house an hour later, freshly bathed but only feeling just a little more awake than before. He’s wearing a light orange jumper, dark blue, almost black jeans, and a pair of sneakers. He feels great. Then a voice ruins his good mood and sends his head splitting into two as his belated hangover hits him.

“Good morning, Chanyeol. You’re up early.”

“Morning to you too, Jihoon.” Chanyeol yawns before jerking a thumb in Baekhyun’s direction. “Got to get him to school.”

Turning to his right, Jihoon Park frowns at Baekhyun who glares back at the old lawyer. “Didn’t see you there.”

“Eyes getting old too?”

“Guys.” Chanyeol looks at the two of them. “Please. Not now.”

The lift arrives and Chanyeol walks in the first. Baekhyun quickly steps in after, pushing past Jihoon Park on purpose.

“Children these days,” Jihoon Park comments lightly as he enters the lift and presses the ‘L’ button for the lobby.

The remark makes Baekhyun bristle and he almost kicks Jihoon Park’s butt. Almost. But Chanyeol conspicuously clearing his throat beside him reminds him that he shouldn’t be kicking Jihoon Park’s butt, or anyone’s butt for that matter.

It’s possibly the longest lift ride Baekhyun has ever taken in history. The air smells stale and Baekhyun knows that it’s his mind playing tricks on him because the lift usually smells sweet, like rose. His head is still throbbing and he feels like vomiting.

Once the lift reaches the lobby, Baekhyun rushes out of it and sucks in a deep breath before exhaling very dramatically. He sees Jihoon Park judging him and he sees a playful grin on Chanyeol’s face. Screw Jihoon Park’s judgement, really.

Straightening himself, Baekhyun ignores Jihoon Park as the older man walks past him, avoiding Baekhyun on purpose.

“Let’s go, you brat,” Chanyeol says, laughter ringing in his tone as he takes Baekhyun by the elbow and pulls him towards the exit.

“I’m too old to be a brat,” Baekhyun counters, scrunching up his nose slightly.

“Then don’t act like one,” Chanyeol scolds without really meaning it.

All Baekhyun does is to shrug Chanyeol’s hand off him and slump against the lawyer’s side. It makes it even more difficult to walk and Jihoon Park is still in the lobby so he can see whatever the pair’s doing right now. Frankly, Baekhyun’s a little scared about Jihoon Park ratting him out to Mr Park. He’s also afraid that Chanyeol might push him away because they’re in public and Baekhyun’s being too direct. But all such thoughts vanish from his mind when he feels Chanyeol’s hand snaking around his waist to support him.

Once Baekhyun’s out of the revolving door, the cold air that slaps his face wakes him up a little and he straightens his coat. Though he continues leaning against Chanyeol’s side.

“I can’t drive,” Baekhyun bemoans as Chanyeol helps him towards the side of the road.

The lawyer ignores him and looks out at the road, hands still supporting the college student in case Baekhyun decides to give up on standing at all. A yellow cab stops in front of them after Chanyeol flags one down. He opens the back door and helps Baekhyun in as the college student goes, “ow, ow, ow”, “I can’t move”, and “I can’t bend my head”, to which Chanyeol replies, “everyone can’t bend their head”. Then he stares at Baekhyun until the younger whimpers and shifts to the other side of the back seat so that Chanyeol can go in.

“Columbia University,” Chanyeol tells the driver as soon as he shuts the door.

“My head hurts,” Baekhyun whines. He’s resting his elbow on the armrest and covering his face with his hand.

“Serves you right,” Chanyeol says without any bite in his voice. “Sleep,” he adds a second later, concern laced in his tone.

Humming, Baekhyun closes his eyes. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest as if he were still in the club. Moving his hand away, Baekhyun turns to his side to look at Chanyeol. The lawyer has a frown marring his handsome face, eyebrows etched fiercely together as he looks at his phone.

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun tentatively shifts closer to the centre seat. If Chanyeol realises his movement, the older doesn’t acknowledge it. Still looking at Chanyeol, Baekhyun moves again until he’s seated in the centre. Chanyeol probably hasn’t noticed.

Sucking in a deep breath, Baekhyun slowly leans sideways, turning his head to the front at the same time, closing his eyes when he’s resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder. The lawyer’s shoulder relaxes instantly and Baekhyun thinks he hears a sharp intake of breath from Chanyeol.

When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun adjusts himself until he’s comfortable. A small smile plays on his lips when he feels a hand curling around his waist to hold him there.

_“I’m not going anywhere.”_

Baekhyun wonders how long this moment will last. He wonders when Chanyeol will push him off and tell him that this isn’t right or something along those lines. So he waits.

Nothing happens and Baekhyun concludes that the lawyer is quite content with how they’re sitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3
> 
> I don't know when the next update will be but soon, I promise. I don't like reading incomplete chaptered fics because I'm a very impatient person so I can understand how all of you feel hahas. But I've been quite upset about a lot of things recently so bear with me if I don't update within a week...I'm also gonna keep my A/Ns short after this and stop whining about everything under the sun
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> xoxo


	10. Slowly, Wildly [M]

“You’re in a good mood,” Kyungsoo points out after Baekhyun takes his usual seat next to him.

It’s a new school term but they’re in the same lecture theatre as the one from last semester.

“Because I’m early?” Baekhyun jokes, throwing his bag on the empty seat beside him and Kyungsoo narrows his eyes.

“Because you’re smiling.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun leans back before pulling out his MacBook. “I’m always smiling.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t always happy,” comes Kyungsoo’s reply.

Turning to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun’s still smiling. “It’s too early to be so serious, darling Kyungsoo.”

Ignoring Baekhyun’s sarcastic tone, Kyungsoo rests his arms on the folding tablet arm while facing Baekhyun with an amused look. “It’s nice to see you happy, that’s all.” Tilting his head questioningly, Kyungsoo asks, “is it Chanyeol?”

Unable to help himself, Baekhyun laughs, nodding to Kyungsoo happily as the events from last night unfold in his head. “He said he likes me.”

Kyungsoo breaks into a large smile. “I’m happy for you.”

There’s more that Kyungsoo wants to say – “what about his father?”, “what about _your_ father?”, “what are you guys going to do now?” – Baekhyun knows. But Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, merely turning to the front again, and Baekhyun is once again reminded why Kyungsoo is his best friend.

Baekhyun doesn’t have the answers to the questions. He doesn’t know what to do about Mr Park’s hatred for him. He doesn’t know what to do about his father’s supposed hatred for Chanyeol. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do now. It isn’t even a family feud that they have, the Byuns and the Parks got along fine. They’re no Romeo and Juliet but somehow Baekhyun finds their story more tragic.

 

After Baekhyun’s done with his classes, he goes straight to Mure Salon to change his hair colour. His black roots have grown out, clashing with his bright golden hair and it’s starting to look too jarring. His plan was to dye his hair to a darker colour, maybe chocolate or mocha, but he ends up telling his hairstylist that he wants dirty blonde.

As he waits for the dye to set, he pulls out his laptop, planning to prepare for his other classes. It’s only the first day of school but Baekhyun has always been an overachiever. His plan almost gets ruined when his phone rings.

_Did Chanyeol confess to you? Why am I hearing this from Kyungsoo and not you?_

Grinning, Baekhyun turns off his phone and throws it into his bag. There’s no need to reply Jongdae. His friend will understand. Besides, it’s not like Baekhyun wasn’t planning on telling Jongdae about it.

 

“Why did you turn your phone off, Byun?”

Looking up from his laptop, Baekhyun finds Jongdae glaring at him through the mirror’s reflection. He doesn’t turn around, but he pouts, knowing that Jongdae can see him from the mirror as well. “Why are you so mean, Dae?”

“I didn’t want to come but he didn’t really give me a choice,” Kyungsoo joins in, jerking a thumb in Jongdae’s direction. “He said you needed to talk to us about…” Frowning, Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae who nods encouragingly with a large smile on his face. “About Carnegie York Park.”

Brows knitting together, Baekhyun spins around in the chair to look at his best friends in confusion. “Carnegie Hill, Yorkville, and Park Avenue? Why don’t you say Carnegie York Lenox instead?”

“CYP,” Kyungsoo explains.

“Chanyeol Park,” Jongdae continues.

Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ever rolled his eyes so hard before.

 

The three of them walk into Lady M half an hour later and go straight to their usual table. They each order a cake and once the waiter leaves, Jongdae looks at Baekhyun expectantly and Baekhyun is once again reminded why Jongdae is also his best friend.

While Kyungsoo gives him his own space to think, Jongdae comes in later to encourage him to talk about the things that he’s too afraid to ever voice out loud. It’s a nice balance and Baekhyun knows that they both act this way because they care about him.

“I’m keeping too many secrets, right?” Baekhyun asks, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

Shrugging, Kyungsoo takes a sip of water. “He has his own secrets too.”

Two pairs of eyes turn to Kyungsoo.

“It’s not really a secret if you know something.” Jongdae’s trying to coax an answer from Kyungsoo even though he knows that it won’t work.

“I’m hiding a lot of things from him _and_ from my _uncle_ ,” Kyungsoo stresses and Baekhyun winces. “For you, Baekhyun!”

“I’m your best friend!”

“Chanyeol’s my cousin!” Kyungsoo reminds his two friends who start grumbling incoherently. “It isn’t really a secret anyway. I don’t know much but my parents told me that he wasn’t in a good place when he was working in Australia and that’s all I know. They didn’t say the details.”

“Adults,” mumbles Jongdae, bitterly.

“And one more thing,” Kyungsoo says, immediately drawing both Baekhyun and Jongdae’s attention to him again. “My aunt, his mother went to see him once but he turned her away.”

Shoulders deflating, Baekhyun leans back against the chair. “But she’s the only person in the family who likes me. Or doesn’t hate me, at least.”

Frowning, Kyungsoo kicks Baekhyun. “I like you.”

“Chanyeol likes you too,” Jongdae offers kindly but Baekhyun only whimpers. “What could have happened in Australia though? Did a kangaroo punch him?”

The comment makes Baekhyun laugh and Jongdae pats him on the back.

“You can ask him when you two decide to come clean with each other about everything,” Kyungsoo advises seriously.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Baekhyun nods. “Not yet. He can’t know yet. I’m not ready.”

 

 

There are things that Baekhyun wants to talk to Chanyeol about. Like, “why do you keep on acting like you hate your mother so much when you actually love her a lot?”. She wasn’t the best mother, always flying around for runway shows or too high on pills to recognise her own son, Baekhyun knows that. But she’s _still_ his mother. She’s also the only person who can make Mr Park accept him so Baekhyun is determined to talk to Chanyeol about this.

Also, there’s the question of, “how serious were you last night or are you playing around with my feelings again?”. It isn’t a fair question, not completely anyway because Baekhyun was the one who refused to take the risk three years ago and be with Chanyeol. But he wants to ask the lawyer how serious he was at least.

So he takes out a book to read while he waits in the lift lobby. Again.

But he doesn’t have to wait long this time.

“You’re always waiting for me.”

Looking up from his book, Baekhyun finds Chanyeol smiling down at him. Grinning back, Baekhyun shuts his book and throws it into his bag before grabbing his laptop case and standing up. “That’s because I love riding you.”

The comment makes Chanyeol’s eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me?”

“I love riding _the lift with_ you,” Baekhyun corrects, blinking his eyes innocently at the lawyer who snorts.

“You’ve _never_ ridden me before.”

“That’s because you won’t let me.”

“Lift.” The single word ends their mini debate with Baekhyun on the losing side.

Pouting, Baekhyun wordlessly walks over to the lift, trailing after the lawyer.

“Why were you waiting for me?”

“I wanted to talk.” Baekhyun pauses, unsure if he should ask Chanyeol about his mother first but decides against it, remembering how Chanyeol reacted the previous time when he brought up Mrs Park. “You were so sweet yesterday. This morning too and I just want to make sure that I wasn’t just dreaming and that it wasn’t all a lie.”

“Baekhyun.”

Looking up, Baekhyun finds himself caught off-guard as Chanyeol’s lips cover his and he almost drops his laptop.

The lift chimes when it reaches their floor and Chanyeol pulls away.

“Does that answer your question?”

Heart pounding, throat dry, and head dizzy, Baekhyun feels his face heating up. Shaking his head, Baekhyun uses his free hand to cover his eyes for a moment before looking straight into Chanyeol’s eyes. “No,” he answers.

Shrugging, Chanyeol steps out of the lift. “Then let’s talk.”

 

They end up in Chanyeol’s living room again and Baekhyun has got to stop enjoying watching Chanyeol taking off his cufflinks and rolling up his sleeves so much.

“What do you want to talk about?” Chanyeol asks as he goes around the couch to take a seat beside Baekhyun.

“You’re right,” the college student begins, nodding to affirm himself about what he’s going to say next. “We should take this slow.”

“Wait. What?” Leaning back, Chanyeol frowns at Baekhyun. “When did I say that?”

“You didn’t.” Baekhyun pauses, knits his eyebrows together as he recalls something, then nods to himself again. “Actually, I think you did. In a few, or at least one of our conversations.” He waves his hand dismissively. “And I’m not an idiot. I know you want to take it slow, whatever this,” he gestures to the small space between them. “Is. There’s your reluctance to have sex with me. Your distance from me at times. I just figured that you needed space.”

Pushing his tongue against his cheek, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun, incredulous. “You figured that I needed space?”

Nodding, Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest. “Yep,” he pops the ‘p’. “I’ve never forced you to talk to me before. I’ve always given you space.” Pouting a little, Baekhyun says sadly, “I always let you run away.”

When Baekhyun feels a hand on his knee, he looks down at it, willing his blush to go away when he hears Chanyeol’s reply.

“I’m not going to run anymore.”

 _“Then I won’t give you reasons to run anymore.”_ Baekhyun promises himself, telling himself not to bring up Chanyeol’s mother in any of their conversations until the lawyer wants to talk about her.

The hand moves away, making Baekhyun look up.

There’s hesitance in Chanyeol’s eyes and it scares Baekhyun until the words leave the older man’s mouth. “So you don’t want to get together?”

“I _do_ ,” Baekhyun answers quickly. “Just maybe…not right now. There’re a lot of things that we still aren’t sure of, right? And there’s our…” he cuts himself off immediately when he realises that Chanyeol doesn’t know about Mr Park hating him. “My father doesn’t like you for whatever reason.”

For a while, Chanyeol merely stares at Baekhyun and the college student wonders what’s going on in his mind. He hopes it’s not the things that come out of the lawyer’s mouth the next second. “You should look for other guys in college too. Maybe I’m not the right guy. Maybe I’m not the one for you.”

“Excuse me?” Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol in disbelief before scoffing and turning away. “I think I’ve been making myself quite clear and that I’m kind of crazy about you.”

Sighing, Chanyeol touches Baekhyun’s cheek and the younger reluctantly faces him again. “I’m so afraid.” Thumb rubbing Baekhyun’s cheekbone, Chanyeol looks at the younger with an expression that Baekhyun can’t read. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Baekhyun drawls sarcastically. “I _will_ look at other guys.” Baekhyun unceremoniously pushes Chanyeol’s hand away. “I’ve waited for you long enough. Time for you to chase me, don’t you think?” He shoots the lawyer a challenging look.

Chuckling, Chanyeol leans back. “I’ll chase you if that’s what you want.”

Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol. “One minute you’re acting like you want to date me but the next minute you’re telling me to look for other guys because you might not be the right one. Then you’re saying that you’ll chase me. Make up your mind, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol rubs his face tiredly. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your sorry,” Baekhyun answers curtly.

Bringing his hand away, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun with a soft smile. “You’re right, I do want to take things slow. I like you, Baek and I want to do this right. But I’m so scared and I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Then we just stay the way we are now. We don’t have to date yet.” Seeing Chanyeol so insecure breaks Baekhyun’s heart. Shifting closer to Chanyeol, Baekhyun wraps his arms around the lawyer’s head and Chanyeol automatically rests against Baekhyun’s chest. “But I will look at other guys. Maybe if just to see if you’re really not the right one for me or maybe I just want to spite you.” Chanyeol laughs. “But I will look at other guys.”

“Just come back to me at the end of the day.” 

 

 

Moaning loudly, Baekhyun tilts his head back, allowing the guy he picked up at the frat party – Timothy or something – to mark his neck with love bites and butterfly kisses. They’ll be a pain to cover in the morning but the adrenaline and ecstasy are ruling Baekhyun’s mind, telling him that it’s alright for the marks to blossom on his pale skin now.

“Seriously?” a low voice interrupts, not amused.

Laughing, Baekhyun pushes Timothy off him and places a finger to the latter’s lips when he tries to surge forward again. “Chanyeol,” he greets with a Cheshire-like smile.

“Your boyfriend?” Timothy asks after pulling Baekhyun’s hand away by the wrist and then kissing his palm.

Standing in front of the lift, Chanyeol narrows his eyes at the action, making Baekhyun smile.

Looking innocently at Chanyeol, Baekhyun answers, “no”.

“Do you want to take this inside, then?” Hand snaking around Baekhyun’s waist, Timothy pays Chanyeol no mind.

Turning to Timothy, Baekhyun smiles sweetly before pushing his hand away. “No.” Then he proceeds to push Timothy towards the lift, ignoring the other’s protest. The lift doors open and Baekhyun pushes the other inside as he says, “Bye!”.

Once the doors close, Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol in a sickeningly sweet way.

“I thought you liked me,” Chanyeol says accusatorily.

“I _do_ like you.”

“Then why the hell were you making out with another guy in front of the damn _lift_ for me to see out of all places?”

It’s the first time Baekhyun’s seeing Chanyeol being jealous and he has to fight the smile threatening to spill on his face. He tries his best to school his face into a neutral expression but ends up failing and looks at Chanyeol with a wide smile instead. “Would you rather me make out with him in my room?”

Licking his lips, Chanyeol fixes Baekhyun with a stern look. He raises a finger and points at Baekhyun before dropping it, shaking his head with an exasperated sigh.

“Timothy is a medical student.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes before walking towards his door.

 

 

“Wait!” Baekhyun shouts, dashing towards the lift and putting his hand in between the closing doors before sliding in when they open for him again. His eyes widen slightly when he spots Chanyeol inside, looking as handsome as always with his dark hair slicked back and in a three-piece Dior suit.

Suddenly, Baekhyun’s jeans feel tighter than before, especially with the way Chanyeol is eyeing him from head to toe. His eyes are lined rather prettily if he says so himself and his lips probably look swollen because of all the kissing he did back in the club. All that coupled with his messy dirty blonde hair, he’s one hundred percent certain that he looks nothing less than _fucking sexy_.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol looks like he can use a good night’s rest. It’s way past midnight and Baekhyun honestly thinks that Chanyeol works too much, too hard.

“Didn’t bring anyone home tonight?” Chanyeol asks as the lift doors close.

Baekhyun can see how hard the lawyer is trying not to stare at him and he grins to himself. “Nope.”

“Why not?”

“No one interesting and the guy I like is a jealous dick.”

Humming, Chanyeol nods, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

“You agree that he’s a dick?”

“Well,” Chanyeol begins, already sounding patronising. “I don’t think I know that guy but he probably just doesn’t want to see another guy’s hands all over you.”

“Jealous dick.”

“Concerned gentleman.”

Baekhyun scoffs derisively.

“I think he ended work on time but waited for you in the lobby.”

Snapping his head towards Chanyeol, Baekhyun can’t contain the wide smile spreading on his lips. His heart is beating quickly like metronome beats set to a fast tempo.

Looking straight, Chanyeol continues, “maybe he’s a little jealous too.”

The doors part and Baekhyun walks out of the lift. “If he’s so jealous, why doesn’t he get _his_ hands all over me, then?”

Without warning, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s hand and turns him around. Almost losing balance, Baekhyun falls forward slightly but Chanyeol steadies him. “What was that for?” Baekhyun asks, his eyes wide and curious, heart still thumping wildly as Chanyeol smirks at him.

“I wonder why?” There’s a teasing edge to Chanyeol’s voice that makes Baekhyun’s heart throb in anticipation.

The lawyer takes a step forward and Baekhyun takes one back. When Chanyeol moves forward again, Baekhyun moves back. The college student retreats until he can’t anymore, his back pressed against the wall just opposite the lifts and Baekhyun muses about how often he finds himself in this position.

Trapped between the wall and one of Chanyeol’s hand caging him to the spot, Baekhyun finds his knees grow weak, especially when Chanyeol leans nearer until their lips are almost touching. Instinctively, he shuts his eyes and parts his mouth slightly, slowing down his breathing when he feels soft puffs of Chanyeol’s breath against his lips.

“Goodnight, Baekhyun.”

Illusion broken, Baekhyun opens his eyes and sees Chanyeol’s back already facing him. There’s a strong urge to take off one of his sneakers to throw it at the lawyer’s head but Baekhyun finds his feet paralysed to the ground until Chanyeol disappears into his apartment.

Groaning, Baekhyun slides to the ground, burying his face in his hands and wondering why his cheeks feel so hot and why his heart is still beating so erratically. 

 

 

Walking into the club, Baekhyun spots his prey instantly – a tall guy with slick black hair held up with a generous amount of gel, large dreamy eyes that reminds him of a certain lawyer, and a sharp jaw that Baekhyun wants to trace with his lips.

“You need to stop looking at Chanyeol 2.0s,” Jongdae comments from beside him.

“I am not,” Baekhyun hisses acidly before following his friend to the bar, his prey forgotten.

He spends the next hour picking out guys to make out with, all of which are Chanyeol look-a-likes according to Jongdae and hence, disapproved by Jongdae.

“Byun, do you only have one type?” Jongdae asks exasperatedly. “Chanyeol Park isn’t the only guy in this world. Why are you even doing this? Didn’t he already confess his undying love to you so that you guys can elope to Paris?”

Raising his finger, Baekhyun shushes Jongdae. “This is driving me crazy,” he huffs, eyes scanning the crowd for a non-Chanyeol.

“Then go home,” Jongdae suggests with a roll of his eyes.

It’s one of the rare times that Baekhyun listens to Jongdae. He does go home.

That night, Baekhyun goes back more sexually frustrated than ever.

He jerks off quickly in the shower, screaming Chanyeol’s name when he comes.

Even as he lies in bed, he wants to scream Chanyeol’s name. It’s getting unhealthy – this need to be with Chanyeol. He’s the one who said that he doesn’t want to date yet and he’s the one finding guys who look like Chanyeol to make out with and not go all the way. He’s the one who’s driving himself crazy.

Pulling out his phone, he sends a quick text to Chanyeol, wanting to see the lawyer to end his suffering.

_Meet me for breakfast tomorrow_

The simple _okay_ he gets seconds later doesn’t make him smile like an idiot or giggle. No, it doesn’t. But it does make him bury his face in his pillow and try to imagine that he’s leaning against Chanyeol’s chest instead.

 

 

“Let’s go on a date,” Baekhyun proposes to Chanyeol over breakfast the next morning.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol takes a sip of his coffee. “Where?”

“A club.” The words slip from Baekhyun’s even though that isn’t the place Baekhyun intended to suggest. He wanted to tell Chanyeol to bring him to the movies or the theatre. He blames the whole week of clubbing.

Placing his fork down, Baekhyun patiently waits for an answer. A negative answer. He’s expecting the lawyer to refute his suggestion because why wouldn’t he? Who goes to a club for a ‘first date’?

“Okay.”

“Then bring me to – ” Blinking, Baekhyun takes a while to fully process Chanyeol’s words. “What?”

“Okay, let’s go to a club.” Picking up his napkin, Chanyeol cleans his mouth before leaning over the table and placing a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead. “I have something to do for my father but I’ll see you in our apartment lobby at eleven tonight.”

Touching the spot where Chanyeol kissed, Baekhyun feels his face heating up and he mentally scolds himself for being affected so easily.

“Oh, and Baekhyun?”

Quickly removing his hand, Baekhyun smiles at the older man.

“Pay for breakfast.”

Frowning, Baekhyun glare daggers at Chanyeol until the lawyer is out of sight.

Once he’s alone, he uses his fingers to brush his hair away from his forehead, touch lingering on the spot that’s still burning from Chanyeol’s kiss.

 

 

When Chanyeol walks out of the lift at eleven twenty sharp, he steals Baekhyun’s breath away. The lawyer’s not in one of his expensive three-piece suits. Neither is he dressed in plain t-shirts or hoodies and sweatpants.

There’s a white slim fit button down shirt hugging Chanyeol’s body. On top of it is a black blazer jacket and he’s wearing dark blue jeans. He’s holding a cream coloured winter coat in his hand and his hair is pushed back like any other day but there’s definitely more gel this time and his clothes make him look hotter than _any other day_.

Upon spotting Baekhyun, Chanyeol grins and the college student has to stop himself from whimpering audibly as the lawyer approaches him.

“Let’s go.”

Chanyeol curls his hand protectively around Baekhyun’s waist as they exit the revolving door, tightening his hold when he feels the younger shiver. Then he flags down a cab and opens the door, guiding Baekhyun in first before going in like a true gentleman. Like they’re really going on a date to the movies or the theatre and not a club.

 

They’ve barely sat down at the bar but Baekhyun’s already feeling restless. Fingers drumming against the glass table, Baekhyun scans the crowd. He’s with Chanyeol so there’s no reason for him to be looking for a target but old habits die hard.

“Dance with me?” Baekhyun asks, tilting his head cutely but fluttering his eyelashes in a sensual way.

Chanyeol pretends to think for a moment, unaffected by Baekhyun’s charms. “No.”

Faking a smile, Baekhyun rolls his eyes before making his way to the dance floor.

The floor is packed, neon lights shining down and making the place spin but Baekhyun’s been to enough clubs to know how to smoothly make his way through it. He ends up somewhere near the middle where he has a rather clear view of where Chanyeol is sitting at the bar. Their eyes meet and Baekhyun scowls when the lawyer waves at him with a mocking grin.

It’s obvious that Baekhyun doesn’t want to let Chanyeol out of his sight but Baekhyun’s more than determined to prove the older wrong. Or not be too obvious at the very least.

Running his fingers through his hair, Baekhyun messes up his dirty blonde locks a bit before he starts dancing, not bothering if Chanyeol’s still looking though he hopes Chanyeol still is.

Seconds later and he’s dancing with someone drunk. The guy’s too touchy, hand resting on his ass and fingers curling around his neck for too long. So Baekhyun promptly steps on the other’s shoe by ‘accident’ before attaching himself to another person. The drunk man probably doesn’t even that he just changed partners.

The new stranger’s handsome – with brown hair and alluring eyes, easily drawing Baekhyun in, trapping him in a sort of trance. There’s a smirk on his face and he licks his lips as if anticipating how Baekhyun will taste like. Handsome guys have always been and will always be Baekhyun’s greatest weakness. He lets the other pull him closer by his belt loops. He lets him whisper dirty words into his ear. He lets the other cup his face and plant a kiss on his lips. When the stranger pulls away, Baekhyun faintly tastes cocktails on his lips.

_“Then why the hell were you making out with another guy in front of the damn lift out of all places?”_

Lowering his gaze, Baekhyun’s mind becomes fuzzy from remembering Chanyeol’s words from last week and he vaguely hears his partner telling him, “don’t be shy” but he ignores it. Looking up again, he turns to the bar.

There’s a girl approaching Chanyeol now. She has long black hair that falls to her waist and the silver dress she’s wearing is bold. Half her breasts are visible and the dress’ hemline is short, riding even higher when she takes a seat next to Chanyeol and crosses her legs. Her lips are painted bright red and her eyes are large and beautiful like most of the girls in this club. A sweet smile plays on her lips as she rests her elbow on the table before resting her chin on her knuckles. Her lips are moving and Baekhyun can only imagine enchanting her voice is or how funny her joke must be because Chanyeol’s laughing and he buys her a drink.

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun tries pushing his jealousy away and he accidentally loses his footing, almost tripping if it weren’t for the stranger he was dancing with catching him.

“Careful. Wouldn’t want you to ruin your pretty face.”

Flashing the stranger a brief smile, Baekhyun goes back to looking at Chanyeol and his new companion.

“Hey, eyes on me.”

Baekhyun feels someone’s fingers under his chin and they gently turn his head.

The stranger is handsome, Baekhyun won’t lie. He has the kind of face that makes Baekhyun want to go wild and lost control. Maybe he will if Chanyeol isn’t in his life.

 _Is_ Chanyeol in his life though?

Throwing all burdensome thoughts aside, Baekhyun slides his hands up his partner’s chest and presses closer. He rolls his hips against the other’s hard-on in a maddeningly slow way, making them both moan at the contact. The stranger drops his hands to Baekhyun’s ass and he squeezes and Baekhyun’s eyes roll back as he parts his lips.

Suddenly, there’s a pair of hands encircling his waist. When he leans back, he finds himself leaning against someone’s chest. It makes him feel good, being sandwiched between two tall guys like that.

“Get lost.”

The voice almost makes Baekhyun freeze in place.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I said, get lost.”

Grumbling a few curses, the man Baekhyun was dancing with before leaves the dance floor in anger, pushing through the crowd aggressively, nothing like the caring prince he was with Baekhyun.

It only takes a moment for Baekhyun to compose himself and he spins around gracefully in Chanyeol’s arms, smiling up at the lawyer who’s staring down at him with dark eyes. Baekhyun’s breath hitches when Chanyeol leans down.

“Do you always dance with strangers like that?” Chanyeol asks lowly in Baekhyun’s ear, making the younger giggle at the ticklish sensation.

Avoiding the question, Baekhyun smiles teasingly at Chanyeol. “You’re no stranger.”

Pushing his knee between Chanyeol’s legs, Baekhyun hangs his arms loosely around Chanyeol’s neck as he starts to grind down on the older man’s leg. He doesn’t do it on purpose but he raises his knee a little and it briefly touches the tent in Chanyeol’s pants and the lawyer hisses before glaring at Baekhyun, his eyes dark and filled with lust.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol hisses, tone warning.

“Who was that girl, Chanyeol? Why did you buy her a drink?”

“I could ask you the same,” Chanyeol snaps. “Who was that guy? Why did you touch him?”

Ignoring Chanyeol, Baekhyun surges forward, capturing the lawyer’s lips. “I’m practically riding your thigh, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun pants into Chanyeol’s mouth. “What did she say that was so funny, hm?”

Growling lowly, Chanyeol stills Baekhyun’s hips with his hands, pressing down so hard that Baekhyun thinks there might be fingerprints on his skin tomorrow morning.

“Even if we don’t date yet, we should totally fuck.” Baekhyun drops his voice a tone lower. “I know you want to.”

“Do you ever shut up?” Chanyeol huffs, biting down on Baekhyun’s lower lip, making the younger whine in response.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispers, needy.

“Stop kissing other guys,” Chanyeol says it like it’s a command.

Nodding, Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol’s face closer and kisses him. Soon, the lawyer’s the one taking the lead, coaxing Baekhyun’s mouth open and pushing his tongue in to explore the hot cavern. Chanyeol’s hands feel warm on his waist and the way his fingers press down harder makes Baekhyun go crazy. Kissing Chanyeol like this is maddening. The delightful warmth from his lips is spreading throughout his body, a tingling sensation sending him into overdrive, blood pooling at his crotch.

Rubbing his thumb on Chanyeol’s cheek, Baekhyun deepens the kiss, tilting his head slightly.

Baekhyun drowns. He drowns in the music. He drowns on the dancefloor. He drowns in Chanyeol’s intoxicating lips and the kiss that’s driving him mad. He’s playing with fire, riding on pure ecstasy but the way Chanyeol’s fingers are running through his hair feels so right that he doesn’t find it in himself to complain. So he drowns. He drowns willingly in the deep, dark ocean called Chanyeol Park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3
> 
> Surprise update because chanbaekist (on AFF) introduced this song to me - Say It First by Sam Smith in the comments and I've been looping it so I felt really inspired to write. I should really be doing my work though so I'm signing out for the rest of the week >< please let me come back to lots of comments and kudos~ hahas
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> xoxo


	11. Back to the Beginning

Light spills into the bedroom, casting a soft glow on the pair lying in bed. The sun has already risen or maybe it has just risen, Baekhyun doesn’t know. All he knows is that it’s bright, too bright that it’s making his head ache. He didn’t drink that much last night so he knows that he won’t wake up with a raging hangover but his alcohol tolerance is weak so he also knows that he’ll inevitably suffer a little.

What he remembers most though is kissing Chanyeol on the dance floor as the lawyer ran his fingers through his hair. How they danced together, grinding against each other and Chanyeol’s hand gripping his ass or when he pulled the older man down for more kisses. He doesn’t remember how many times they kissed but he was certain that it was plentiful.

And it’s still too damn bright in the room.

“You didn’t close your curtains…” Baekhyun mumbles sleepily into Chanyeol’s very unfortunately clothed chest.

“ – na put you to bed…” Chanyeol replies groggily.

Whimpering, Baekhyun buries his face deeper into Chanyeol’s chest and the older grunts but complies and allows Baekhyun to adjust until he’s comfortable. Inhaling, Baekhyun smiles when he finds that Chanyeol still smells like himself, smells like jasmines and rosewood. The subtly floral scent is hidden beneath the musky smell, making Baekhyun’s mind go a little dizzy as he sighs in bliss, cuddling further into the lawyer’s broad chest.

They’re both still in their clothes from the previous night and honestly, it’s supposed to feel gross but Baekhyun’s too used to waking up and finding himself in his clothes from the previous wild nights so he doesn’t mind. Especially not when he’s snuggling Chanyeol who happens to be in his clothes from last night as well. He doesn’t have to feel disgusting alone.

The college student is basking in the silence, enjoying the way one of Chanyeol’s hands is curled loosely around his waist, how he can feel the rise and fall of the lawyer’s chest, and the content he simply feels. Nothing can ruin the peace, absolutely nothing. Not even the thought of Jihoon Sung The Cock-block can disturb the tranquillity he’s experiencing right now. (Though he prefers not to think about the old lawyer.)

Then everything crashes when Baekhyun realises how off something is.

He sits up abruptly and is thankful when his head isn’t tackled with a sharp jolt of pain. Glancing around, he quickly spots Chanyeol’s alarm clock which flashes 10:30. Letting out an undignified squeak, Baekhyun tries to throw the covers off himself but finds himself stuck. Head still fuzzy from sleep, Baekhyun has a hard time trying to figure out how to push the blankets off and wonders why the hell they’re so tangled in his and Chanyeol’s limbs.

“ – re you going?” Chanyeol asks sleepily, his voice low and scratchy from sleep, tempting Baekhyun to lie back down and throw his arms around the lawyer. Maybe finally suck him off if the older allows him to.

Chanyeol needs it, really. It’s the first conclusion Baekhyun reached when he woke up just minutes ago and realised that something hard was pressing against his thigh.

“I have school,” Baekhyun says exasperatedly, suddenly feeling more awake. He runs his fingers through his hair and rubs his face a few times before turning to look at Chanyeol who’s still peacefully asleep.

Sighing, Baekhyun loses the panicky feeling and leans down sideways, resting his elbow on the pillow and using his hand to support his chin as he watches Chanyeol sleep. The lawyer’s brows are scrunched up together and Baekhyun guesses that it’s because of the sun. How he would love to draw the curtains close but somehow, he still hasn’t found a way to leave the cocoon and he’s starting to feel his eyelids droop the longer he stares at Chanyeol.

“Don’t you have work?”

The lawyer murmurs something in reply but Baekhyun doesn’t catch it so he leans in nearer, until his ear is directly above Chanyeol’s mouth and he’s half-sprawling over the other.

“Work, Chanyeol. Work,” Baekhyun repeats in a stern voice.

This time, he doesn’t get a response but just when he’s about to pull away, he receives a soft nip to his earlobe which makes him squeak in surprise and pull away immediately. Covering his ear, Baekhyun can feel his face heating up and his heart thundering in his chest.

Whacking Chanyeol on the forearm, Baekhyun exclaims, “my ears are sensitive!”

Blinking open his eyes, Chanyeol smiles lazily at Baekhyun who’s still flushing furiously. “Good to know.”

“Oh, we’re doing bedroom talk now?”

Chuckling lowly, Chanyeol shifts a little so that he’s on his side and facing Baekhyun fully. “Isn’t this more like pillow talk?”

“Pillow talk’s for night time.”

Humming, Chanyeol regards Baekhyun for a moment before shutting his eyes and turning around, presumably to go back to sleep. He grabs Baekhyun’s pillow and swings it over his face to block out the sunlight.

Scrunching up his nose, Baekhyun tears the pillow away from Chanyeol despite the lawyer’s protest and whacks him with it. “I have school! My GPA!”

While it has always been Chanyeol forcing Baekhyun to wake up and go to school and in spite of Baekhyun’s tardy tendencies, the college student actually takes school very seriously. He’ll never miss a lecture even if he doesn’t really have to attend it. Say it’s a habit he brought back from boarding school but it’s certainly something that he can’t break out of. At least it’s a good habit.

“Missing one day of school won’t pull your GPA down,” Chanyeol reasons logically.

 _“Yes, it will,”_ Baekhyun wants to argue but he knows how ridiculous, whiny, and petty he’ll sound because no, really, missing a day of school isn’t going to affect his GPA. “You have work,” he ends up whining.

Yawning, Chanyeol blindly reaches for his phone, squinting at the screen when it’s right in front of him and presses a few buttons before placing his phone back on his small bedside table.

“Told my dad I’m sick.”

“Ugh.” Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol’s sleeping form. “Using connections to skip work? Are you the kind to use your status as the boss’ son to get your way, Chanyeol Park?”

“Don’t be stupid,” comes Chanyeol’s calm answer but it makes Baekhyun want to shout in indignation. “Besides, he’ll be ecstatic to receive a text message from me, regardless of the content.”

“Hm.”

“It’s the first time I’m doing this anyway. Never missed a day of work.”

_“I never missed a day of school since I transferred out of Milton.”_

The last time Baekhyun skipped school was probably that winter when he travelled all the way to Cambridge and met Chanyeol by accident. So many accidents in such a small city in such a short period of time.

Sucking on his lower lip, Baekhyun presses his lips into a thin line, willing memories of Cambridge to leave his mind. He’s feeling far too happy to allow anything to ruin it.

“Why are you doing this now, then?”

“Because of you,” Chanyeol replies in a heartbeat and Baekhyun’s heart skips a beat.

“What?” the college student splutters intelligently.

Turning back to face Baekhyun again, the lawyer smiles up sweetly. “Because lying in bed with you like this feels nice. This feels nice.”

The words are more than enough for Baekhyun to lie back down and go back to cuddling Chanyeol and shout, _screw my GPA_ (even though it won’t even be affected). But he’s stubborn and he finally realises why he can’t get out of the blanket. It’s because Chanyeol’s holding them down with his large hands on purpose.

Pushing Chanyeol’s hand away, Baekhyun successfully throws the covers off and he swings his legs off the bed, ready to stand up when someone pulls his hand back and he unceremoniously falls onto Chanyeol’s chests.

“Why?” Baekhyun whines, pulling his hand away and sitting up, turning around to pout at Chanyeol who still has his eyes closed.

“Stay with me.”

“No.”

Baekhyun climbs off the bed and Chanyeol doesn’t stop him this time. When he turns around, he sees a smirk ghosting on Chanyeol’s lips and he frowns.

On his way out of the room, he grabs a towel and one of Chanyeol’s shirts before going into the bathroom.

 

An hour later, he’s out of the bathroom, freshly washed up and his hair still wet, dripping down Chanyeol’s grey t-shirt. But it isn’t his shirt so he doesn’t care.

As he approaches the bed, he notices that the older is still sleeping and he feels his heart fluttering at how adorable the sight looks. The usually stern-looking and cool lawyer now looks like a vulnerable puppy and Baekhyun has always been weak towards cute things. Cute and hot things. Chanyeol Park is a mix of both. So naturally, Baekhyun crawls back into bed, the shirt slightly riding up his thigh, exposing more skin, and making him feel chilly from the air-con.

Once he’s lying down again, he throws an arm and leg over Chanyeol, making the older grunt in response. His hair isn’t dry and he’s wetting the pillow but it isn’t his bed so he doesn’t care.

One of Chanyeol’s hands come up and rests on his thigh and he feels the lawyer freeze.

“Are you wearing any pants?”

Baekhyun shifts and Chanyeol’s hand moves higher. “No.”

Eyes flying open, Chanyeol looks down and Baekhyun and tuts when he realises how wet Baekhyun’s hair is before removing his hand from the younger’s thigh and pushing Baekhyun and the blankets away simultaneously. He gets out of bed before Baekhyun can pull him back, making the younger pout at him. Laughing, he walks over to his wardrobe and pulls out a random pair of sweatpants before throwing it towards the bed, not bothering with where it lands – probably Baekhyun’s face if the college student’s squeak is anything to go by.

“Don’t catch a cold.”

It’s all Chanyeol says before he’s padding out of the room with a towel and a new set of clothes in hand.

 

Chanyeol goes back to bed around forty-two minutes later (not that Baekhyun was counting but he’s quick at mental sums) and is glad to find Baekhyun wearing pants this time.

“Please don’t tell me we’re just going to be sleeping the whole day,” Baekhyun asks from the bed, throwing his phone to the side when Chanyeol approaches. “I’m hungry.”

 

They try to make lunch but they end up with a few plates of burnt food because they were too busy kissing to monitor their cooking. Not that either of them was particularly thrilled about the idea of eating the food they were going to make anyway. So Baekhyun orders pizza enough for four people without telling Chanyeol and only tells the other that it’s their dinner too when the pizza boy arrives. The food has already been delivered so Chanyeol’s protests are futile and he can only watch Baekhyun pay for the four boxes of dough.

To Baekhyun, pizza means watching Netflix and when there’s Netflix, there’s chilling, except Chanyeol refuses to Netflix and chill. Just watching Netflix is fine.

Baekhyun’s curled up on the couch, leaning on Chanyeol’s shoulder as they binge-watch Suits while stuffing their faces with pizza together.

There isn’t a definite name to describe their relationship yet because none of them brings it up but it feels like they’re dating. It feels nice.

Smiling to himself, Baekhyun shifts closer to Chanyeol, the sides of his lips stretching wider when he feels Chanyeol’s hand go around his waist.

 

 

It only takes Baekhyun’s alarm to ring for a second before he’s out of bed. Turning to his side, he sees Chanyeol still asleep and he smiles gently at the lawyer’s sleeping form. Though it would have been more of a shock if Chanyeol isn’t in bed because Baekhyun made sure to set his alarm an hour before Chanyeol’s.

Quietly slipping out of the bed, Baekhyun exits the room as softly as he can before he puts on his sneakers at the door and goes back to his house. He’ll go back later so that they can leave the apartment building together – something that he has grown used to and can’t help but wonder when it’ll all end.

Walking into his house, Baekhyun looks around and realises how often he’s been spending time at Chanyeol’s place. It’s really got to stop.

He washes up quickly and throws on a white hoodie and puts on some ripped denim jeans before he’s making his way back to Chanyeol’s house.

Scanning the card he stole from Chanyeol’s wallet just now, Baekhyun keys in the code that Chanyeol told him some time ago. A short musical chime sounds before the door unlocks and Baekhyun pushes it open to the sight of Chanyeol looping a tie around his neck.

Letting the door shut behind him, Baekhyun leans against it as he looks at Chanyeol through the reflection of the mirror.

“I was wondering where you went,” the lawyer comments, finishing up his Windsor knot with ease. “You really own a lot of pairs of sneakers now, don’t you?” Chanyeol smiles, amused, when he spots Baekhyun in yet another pair of Gucci sneakers.

“They’re more durable,” Baekhyun answers teasingly and Chanyeol shoots back with a grin.

“I’ll be done in a minute.”

Nodding, Baekhyun pulls out his phone while Chanyeol goes back into his room.

After fifteen minutes, Baekhyun starts feeling restless.

“I’ll wait for you downstairs,” Baekhyun calls out because Chanyeol’s taking way too long for ‘a minute’.

 

When he reaches the lobby, the first person he sees is Jihoon Sung and he’s about to walk up to the middle-aged man to make some snarky comment when he sees Changhwan Park standing opposite the old lawyer. He wants to make a quick retreat but when he turns around, the lift doors have already closed. Just as he’s about to press the up button, he hears someone calling his name.

It’s Mr Park’s voice.

Forcing a smile on his face, Baekhyun spins around and his eyes widen in faux surprise. “Mr Park!” he exclaims as he walks towards the two businessmen in suits. “What are you doing here?”

“So it is you. I thought I got the wrong person,” Changhwan Park comments with a frown and Baekhyun’s smile falters.

 _“You didn’t have to call me out,”_ Baekhyun thinks in annoyance. “No, you didn’t.”

“You stay here now?”

Nodding, Baekhyun hugs his laptop closer to his chest. “I moved out of Yorkville when I started college.”

Humming, Changhwan Park turns his attention back to Jihoon Sung and Baekhyun finally lets the scowl settle on his face. His heart is racing from fear because it’s been four years since he had spoken to Mr Park but judging by the looks of it, it seems like Mr Park doesn’t hate him as much anymore. Or is he just that good at hiding it? Baekhyun’s betting on the latter. There’s no way Mr Park’s going to forgive him even though a few years have passed especially when the man treats Kyungsoo like his son.

“Is Chanyeol feeling better, Jihoon?”

Baekhyun almost interrupts to ask if Chanyeol’s sick because the lawyer didn’t seem sick yesterday when they spent the whole day together. Then he realises that Chanyeol called in sick. To his father. So he promptly shuts his mouth and pretends to be invisible as he awkwardly listens in on the conversation.

“I’m not sure. He hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t had the time to check up on him. Maybe you can look for him later.”

Changhwan Park hums, nodding. “I’ll go over to Manhattan Valley after work today then. I don’t think I’ll see Chanyeol in the office if he goes to work today because I’ll be having meetings outside the whole day.”

The words ‘Manhattan Valley’ make Baekhyun freeze because Chanyeol isn’t staying there and Jihoon Sung knows it. But Jihoon Sung is a colossal piece of shit.

“Baekhyun.”

Mr Park’s voice startles Baekhyun but he faces the other immediately. There’s an uncomfortable churning in his stomach as he anticipates what Mr Park wants to say. The last time they had a conversation, it didn’t end so nicely and Baekhyun still remembers the terrible things he said. He bites the inside of his right cheek to prevent himself from freaking out.

“You’re still hanging out with Kyungsoo, aren’t you?”

“We’re best friends,” Baekhyun chooses to answer, looking helplessly at Mr Park.

“Well,” the older man begins as he adjusts his coat. “I hope you won’t be dragging Kyungsoo into any of your foolish games this time.”

“I – ” Baekhyun gulps, struggling for words to say. So Mr Park _still_ hates him. That’s nice to know. “I won’t,” he says eventually and hangs his head low.

“I certainly hope so,” Changhwan Park says sternly.

When Baekhyun lifts his head, he sees Jihoon Sung nodding in agreement, giving Baekhyun a knowing look. Shooting a quick glare to Jihoon Sung, Baekhyun politely excuses himself, claiming to have forgotten something and goes back to the lift.

The moment the pair of doors slide open, Baekhyun sees Chanyeol and his eyes widen. Turning around, he sees that Mr Park’s about to look in his direction so he quickly pushes Chanyeol back into the lift and smashes the close button, ignoring the lawyer 

“You have to move back to Manhattan Valley because your dad’s going to find you after work today,” Baekhyun rushes out in one breath.

“Fuck.”

 

 

Baekhyun picks Chanyeol up from the office building after the lawyer’s work ends on the other’s request. He parks his car a few hundred metres away from the building though, not wanting anyone to recognise him. 

“Why does my dad want to see me, again?” Chanyeol asks as he enters the car, unbuttoning his coat hastily before tucking his briefcase beside the seat.

Shifting the gear into drive, Baekhyun looks to his right before turning out. “Because you called in sick!” Baekhyun looks at his GPS to make sure he’s going the right way. He’s familiar with the streets of New York City but he’s so used to driving to Carnegie Hill that he’s worried he might end up there instead of Manhattan Valley if he doesn’t follow the map. And that just won’t do.

“And he’s worried about me?” Chanyeol says sarcastically with a scoff, shaking his head.

Stopping the car at a red light, Baekhyun shakes his head. “Now is not the time for you to act like a petulant child.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you.”

The protest dies on Baekhyun’s lips when he turns to the side and Chanyeol leans in to kiss him sweetly on the lips.

Behind them, cars start honking but Baekhyun drowns the sound out easily and presses back to deepen the kiss but Chanyeol’s moves away, smirking when Baekhyun almost falls forward.

“Green light.”

Scowling, Baekhyun faces the road again and steps on the accelerator with a little too much force, grinning to himself when the lawyer jerks forward slightly.

 

Looking around the living room, Chanyeol smiles as he takes in how everything looks. “It’s been ages since I came here.”

It’s been ages since Baekhyun came to Chanyeol’s old apartment too. In the past, Chanyeol usually went over to the Byuns to tutor Baekhyun, then to the Kims to tutor Jongdae since both families stayed in Yorkville. But sometimes, Chanyeol would be too busy with school to even travel to Yorkville. So while Jongdae gave up on lessons entirely during these periods, Baekhyun would go over to Chanyeol’s house in Manhattan Valley to continue his lessons.

Nothing seems to have changed, all his photos from Columbia still hanging on the walls and every piece of furniture in the exact same place as Baekhyun remembers.

“It’s awfully clean,” Baekhyun points out, moving further into the living room.

“I paid someone to clean it for me twice a month,” Chanyeol explains and then he walks straight for the bedroom.

Baekhyun follows shortly after.

The college student throws his bag onto one of the chairs in Chanyeol’s room and sets his laptop down on the table before flopping down onto the bed and closing his eyes. “College is so tiring.”

“Try working,” Chanyeol comments lightly.

Baekhyun feels the bed dip and smiles when he feels a pair of arms encircling his waist and a kiss pressed to the side of his head. He adjusts himself so that he’s comfortably lying against Chanyeol’s chest.

“You need to stop doing that,” Baekhyun complains without meaning it. “It feels like we’re dating.”

“Is that a bad feeling?”

“No. But we’re _not_ dating.”

Looking up at Chanyeol, Baekhyun finds the older looking back at him with a small smile on his face.

“You sound like you want to date me an awful lot.”

Huffing, Baekhyun buries his face in Chanyeol’s chest. “I don’t.”

Because dating means being more open. Dating means committing. Dating means being more considerate to the person you’re with and trying not to hide anything from them. There are too many things that Baekhyun can’t say yet to be in a relationship with Chanyeol. It’s not fair to the lawyer. And if what Kyungsoo said is true, the older man is keeping a lot of things from him too. Entering a relationship with so many skeletons in the closet is just a set-up for failure and that isn’t something Baekhyun’s willing to risk. Not with Chanyeol.

“I don’t think he’s going to come,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun as he cards his fingers through the younger’s hair, tugging on a strand, making Baekhyun whimper softly.

Then the doorbell rings and Chanyeol grimaces while Baekhyun laughs.

“Said it too soon?”

Pecking Baekhyun on the lips, Chanyeol gets off the bed. “Stay there. Don’t come out. I don’t want my dad freaking out because I brought the Byuns’ youngest son to my apartment.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Baekhyun replies, faking a smile.

The lawyer throws him one last look before exiting the bedroom and Baekhyun’s smile immediately falls from his face. If Changhwan Park finds out that Baekhyun’s lying on Chanyeol’s bed right now, he’ll flip for an entirely different reason.

Jumping off the bed, Baekhyun presses his ear against the door, too curious not to eavesdrop.

After a few seconds of trying to catch the conversation, Baekhyun gives up because he can’t hear anything. Damn these soundproof worthy doors.

He lies back down on the bed and plays with his phone while he waits for Chanyeol to come back.

So lost in the game he’s playing, he doesn’t realise the door opening and jumps when he hears a deep voice calling his name, dropping his phone on his face in the process.

Quickly sitting up, Baekhyun clutches his nose in pain, squeezing his eyes shut. He hears a chuckle coming from the door and he opens his eyes to glare at Chanyeol.

“Very funny,” he states dryly and Chanyeol nods.

Removing his hands from his face, Baekhyun folds his arms and looks at Chanyeol questioningly. “So?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol sits down next to Baekhyun. “He just asked if I was feeling better. All that fake fatherly concern, you know. Then he asked me to go back home for dinner sometime soon because my mother’s coming home or something like that. I wasn’t really listening after a while then I told him that I wanted to rest so he left.”

Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol worriedly. “I think you should stay here for a little while longer in case your dad comes and checks on you again. Or you know, turns up asking you to go home for one dinner.”

Looking at Baekhyun with a hurtful expression, Chanyeol says, “but then I won’t see you so often anymore.”

Grinning, Baekhyun moves closer to Chanyeol. “You could always let me move in.”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun sceptically while the younger smiles back, all angelic-looking and innocent.

 

 

What Baekhyun wants, what Baekhyun gets, really. He officially moves into Chanyeol’s apartment at Manhattan Valley the next day, claiming that it’s a good idea because it’s much nearer to Columbia so he won’t be late all the time.

They’re sitting in Chanyeol’s newly converted office. It used to be his study room back when he was still studying in Columbia so there’s already a desk and rolling chairs there. He didn’t really have to change anything except to move his books aside and clear the table for his laptop and work documents _and_ Baekhyun’s laptop and books.

Seeing Chanyeol concentrating so hard makes Baekhyun want to tease him a little. Just a little.

Sliding down the chair slightly, Baekhyun stretches his legs out, careful not to touch Chanyeol’s. Then he lifts one leg slowly and uses it to trace Chanyeol’s legs from his ankle. Only when Baekhyun’s feet is nearing Chanyeol’s crotch does the older respond by rolling his chair back so that Baekhyun’s foot falls to the ground.

“You really like doing that, don’t you,” Chanyeol scolds light-heartedly and Baekhyun vaguely remembers doing the same thing to Chanyeol in a restaurant once. “Stop it. I can’t concentrate.”

“That’s kind of the point.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Chanyeol regards Baekhyun with a stern look. “We’re not having sex. I think we’ve been through this a few times.”

“Why not?” Baekhyun asks exasperatedly. “It’s just sex. I’m not a kid anymore if you’re worried about sleeping with someone underage.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says sharply.

“Is this about my dad?” comes Baekhyun’s quick conclusion. “Did he tell you that we can’t sleep together or something because he still thinks I’m thirteen? Is that why you’re afraid of him? Well, newsflash – I’m turning twenty-one in May in case you forgot.”

“Can we stop talking about your dad?”

“Can we stop talking about your dad?” Baekhyun mimics, earning himself a glare from the lawyer. “Can we not talk about my mom?” Baekhyun continues mockingly and Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “Then what exactly do you want to talk about?”

“Not about our parents maybe?”

“You do realise that we can’t be together if my dad doesn’t approve of you, right?” Baekhyun states like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

It makes Chanyeol scoff. “Come on, Baek. It’s the twenty-first century.”

“Exactly. It’s the twenty-first century and it’s _just_ sex.” Crossing his arms, Baekhyun continues, “and maybe you’re fine with being distant from your parents but I’m not going to disregard _my_ parents’ opinions just because I like you and want to be with you. They won’t have a final say over who I decide to date but I will respect what they have to say and if my dad doesn’t like you for some reason, I’ll find a way to work it out. But we need to do this together. If you don’t tell me anything, we can’t solve it.”

Baekhyun feels more and more like a hypocrite as the words leave his mouth because they’re all applicable to him too. Maybe he’s more daring in the sense that he doesn’t care about Changhwan Park hating him possibly more than his own father hates Chanyeol. Or maybe, he’s really just a coward who doesn’t even dare to admit to Chanyeol that the other’s father hates him. He shouldn’t say anything else because he doesn’t have the rights to but Baekhyun can’t stop the words from spilling from his mouth.

“You’re just scared of my dad, Chanyeol. And you know what? That makes you pathetic and a wimp. You can’t even stand up for yourself and fight for what you want.”

“And what is it that I want?” Chanyeol snaps back and under normal circumstances, Baekhyun would feel scared because Chanyeol has never raised his voice at him before but now Baekhyun only feels boiling rage.

“Me.”

Silence falls over them until Chanyeol breaks it with a bitter laugh.

“I want _us_ , Baekhyun. And until you realise that, I’m not going to fight for us.”

It’s Chanyeol’s house so Baekhyun should be the one leaving but the younger can’t find the strength to move, feet rooted to the ground as hot tears start to prickle in his eyes. They stare at each other angrily for a while until Chanyeol sighs, covering his face with a hand before letting it fall to his side, now looking at Baekhyun with an unreadable expression.

“You drive me so crazy,” Chanyeol says softly, his tone kinder before and Baekhyun’s breath hitches. “I want you but at the moment, I can’t have you.” Shaking his head, Chanyeol looks away. “It’s not just about your father hating me or me being afraid of him. It’s me trying to remember if I did anything wrong. So wrong that sometimes I can’t even face you. But I honestly can’t remember anything and I wonder if I’m so much of an asshole that I can bury a memory so deep or if I’m just delusional and don’t want to face what I did.”

Wanting to be closer, Baekhyun initially reaches out with his hand. But he pulls it back the moment Chanyeol’s gaze falls on him again and he cradles his hand to his chest. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” When the lawyer doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun takes one step closer. “Chanyeol…” he breathes out shakily. “What could you possibly have done?”

Smiling sadly at Baekhyun, Chanyeol closes the remaining distance between them until he can rest his hands on the younger’s shoulders. Leaning forward, eyes meeting Baekhyun’s, Chanyeol says, “I don’t know.” Moving up, he presses a kiss to Baekhyun’s forehead before pulling away completely. “Take care, Baekhyun.”

Too lost in thoughts, the college student barely registers Chanyeol walking away, walking past him and towards the door. He thinks he hears the door opening and shutting. When he finally gets hold of his bearings again, the only thing that’s left in the room is him and the lingering smell of a subtly floral and powerfully musky scent. The pictures of Chanyeol’s time in Columbia hanging on the walls are the only things of the lawyer left to keep Baekhyun company in the apartment. It feels lonely, incredibly lonely and cold, like someone just dumped a bucket of ice over his head.

Chanyeol’s words are still piercing his heart. It wasn’t a goodbye but somehow, it feels more painful than a goodbye. It feels like Chanyeol telling him, _you can do this without me_.

If that’s what Chanyeol means then the lawyer has never been so wrong in his life before. Because Baekhyun can’t. He can’t do this alone. He wants to do this together.

Stumbling forward, Baekhyun sits on the couch and he stares blankly into space when suddenly, tears start flowing down his face. Bringing his hand up to his face, he tries catching the stray teardrops, doing his best to wipe them away but they just keep coming and he gives up eventually, slumping back and dropping his hand to his side as he cries.

 

 

_“Kyungsoo…soo…what have I done? Why am I here? Did I…?”_

_“Baek. Baek. Listen to me. It’ll be alright. Everything will be fine. Just breathe.”_

_“Soo, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I disappointed you again.”_

_“Shh, it’s alright.”_

_“Please don’t let anyone know about this. Not my parents, not yours, and especially Chanyeol. **please** don’t let Chanyeol find out.”_

_“I promise. I promise.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3
> 
> I came back to 13 comments and that's the most I've gotten so far so it made me really happy. Thank you! :D Also, feel free to leave your guesses about what Baekhyun and Chanyeol are trying to hide in the comments. I'd love to hear any theories! And I draw inspiration from the comments sometimes (like the one about Chanyeol being jealous) so if you comment what you want to see, maybe I'll feel inspired enough to write it XD
> 
> I know a lot of you have a lot of questions but trust me, they'll all be explained. There's a reason for Baekhyun pushing for sex so much and there's also a reason why Chanyeol's avoiding it so much.
> 
> Spoiler for next chapter (because I'm really happy with how many people's liking this fic so far): Chanyeol sees Baekhyun playing volleyball shirtless
> 
> In other news, I'll be crazy busy in March so expect slow updates >< I'm also going crazy trying to write my BAE.
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> xoxo


	12. Everywhere to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that this is so late >_> But I'm really so busy with school...it's driving me nuts. Please don't give up on me or this story because I'm not planning on giving this story up (also, I promised way too many people including myself that I'm gonna complete this).
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo

“Is it wrong to want to be fucked by someone who actually cares about you?” Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo and Jongdae very seriously over breakfast, firm lines set on his face to show that he isn't joking.

It's been on his mind since last night when he left Chanyeol's apartment at Manhattan Valley with red puffy eyes and his head hung low. After Chanyeol walked out of his house, Baekhyun stayed there, sitting on the couch and bawled his eyes out for a good two hours or so. He was expecting Chanyeol to go back home. After all, the other _is_ staying there now, until the whole thing with his father blows over anyway. And Baekhyun really wanted to leave before Chanyeol went home but he couldn't. His legs refused to move. Also, there was a part deep within him that was stubborn and that wanted him to stay put to meet the older man and maybe confront him about what was going on with them.

The lawyer walked into the house again shortly after Baekhyun stopped crying. He was surprised, or at least Baekhyun thinks he was (his eyes were too swollen and there were still some unshed tears making his vision blurry). But Baekhyun remembers. He remembers how softly and gently Chanyeol asked, _“Baek? What are you still doing here?”_. He remembers standing on his wobbly feet and stumbling towards Chanyeol who steadied him by the arms before he buried his face in Chanyeol's chest and sobbed silently, asking what went wrong when they were doing so fine.

Chanyeol didn't say anything. He only pulled away and cupped Baekhyun's face to look into the other's eyes before leaning forward and kissing his forehead, then his eyes, then his cheek, catching a stray teardrop and finally over his lips. It was soft, sweet, and everything that made Baekhyun's heart ache painfully because of the reminder that they aren't together.

And then Baekhyun left the apartment, back to Carnegie Hill where he knew that he wouldn't be seeing Chanyeol in the lift or coincidentally walking out of his door just opposite his.

Sighing, Baekhyun looks at his two friends expectantly, still waiting for an answer and finds Kyungsoo staring back at him weirdly like he's wearing mismatched clothes and Jongdae isn't even facing him, too engrossed in his sunny side up.

“Guys,” Baekhyun says as he bangs the table with his fist a few times, making the cutlery clink. “I asked a question.”

“Did something happen?” Kyungsoo asks worriedly, taking hold of Baekhyun's hand in case the latter decides to slam the table again.

“I think what he meant was,” Jongdae swallows before continuing. “Is it wrong to want to be fucked by Chanyeol?” Pointing a fork at Baekhyun, Jongdae grins. “Am I right?”

Frowning, Baekhyun slumps back in his seat, allowing Kyungsoo to continue holding his hand as he averts his gaze to the side. “Yes. And no.”

“Why the sudden...?” Kyungsoo trails off, not knowing what to say.

Shrugging, Baekhyun pulls his hand away from Kyungsoo's and hugs himself. “You guys know I haven't dated since high school, right?” He receives two simultaneous nods from his best friends. “And you guys know that I slept around quite a bit during our first year at Columbia, right?” They nod again. “And you guys _also_ know that it's been a while since I slept with anyone, right? Since Chanyeol turned up and all...”

“Oh, Baek.” Dropping his toast onto his plate, Jongdae stands up from his seat and goes to the other side so that he can sit next to Baekhyun and throw his arms around the other. “People have meaningless sex all the time.”

“Jongdae!” Kyungsoo chides.

“But he's right.” Baekhyun sulks even further. He doesn't miss the glare Kyungsoo shoots Jongdae. “People _do_ have meaningless sex all the time.”

“But your case is different,” Kyungsoo argues, tone stubborn.

“Why?” Jongdae asks, releasing his hands from Baekhyun and leaning back to rest on his palms. “Because you two did stupid shit in high school?”

Baekhyun winces at Jongdae's words and he looks away, ashamed. He doesn't have to look to know that Kyungsoo is glaring at Jongdae again.

“Listen, Baekhyun Byun,” Jongdae says seriously. “You've got to face up to what you did one day. It's the first step to resolving whatever complication you have with Chanyeol. You've got to tell him one day.”

“Not yet. Just not yet. I'm not ready.” Looking at Jongdae, Baekhyun nibbles on his lower lip nervously. “Please Jongdae. I need more time. Don't force me about this.”

“Fine,” Jongdae relents easily. Then his eyes soften and he rests a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder. “If you ever need to rehearse - “ Baekhyun's laughter cuts him short and he breaks into a grin. “Don't mull over sex in the morning, it isn't healthy.”

“Your breakfast isn't healthy,” Baekhyun retorts even though he's eating the exact same thing.

“Children,” Kyungsoo says sarcastically. “Are you going to finish eating your breakfast?” He looks pointedly at Baekhyun's plate that's still three-quarters full. “Because _I_ ,” he stresses, despite really meaning 'we'. “Have a lecture in five minutes and I'm going now.”

Grabbing his toast, Baekhyun stuffs it into his mouth in a very unglamorous fashion and pats Jongdae on the shoulder as he flashes Kyungsoo a smile with his lips pressed together and his cheeks full.

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo grabs his bag and pulls Baekhyun's shirt as they leave the cafe together.

“You okay?” Kyungsoo asks when he sees that Baekhyun's cheeks are getting smaller.

Swallowing, Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo a tight smile. “What do I do?”

“Why can't you guys just talk like normal people?”

“Easier said than done,” Baekhyun mutters dryly but Kyungsoo hears him and stops in his tracks, making Baekhyun stop as well. “What?”

“Chanyeol's easy to talk to. So just talk to him. He likes you enough to put up with all your nonsense so far. So just talk to him. He'll understand.”

“You don't know that.”

“Do you?” Kyungsoo counters before walking off on his own.

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun calls, catching up with his friend. “Jongdae doesn't know everything, right? He's not going to spill anything to Chanyeol, right?”

“I didn't tell him anything that he didn't already know when you were at Milton if that's what you're worried about.”

“Who knows about it?”

Sighing, Kyungsoo stops again and faces Baekhyun as he counts off his fingers. “You. Me. And your mom. That's all.”

Worrying his lower lip between his teeth, Baekhyun nods. There's one more person that Kyungsoo doesn't mention but Baekhyun knows that the person's name is hanging in the air. “Good.”

 

 

It's been a week since Chanyeol moved to Manhattan Valley. So it's been a week since Baekhyun saw Chanyeol. Needless to say, he misses the lawyer. A lot.

His mornings have been unreasonably dull, except for the occasional encounters with Jihoon Sung where he'll make a snarky remark or two about the other's hideous neckties and ugly shoes. In response, well, Jihoon Sung doesn't actually say anything, merely casting Baekhyun a look of disdain that the college student has gotten so used to.

Other than that, there hasn't been much going on. He goes to school and he goes back home. Then he showers and he eats and does his work. Boring.

That's why when Jongdae invites him out on a Wednesday night to a bar downtown, he doesn't say 'no'. Even if he's Kyungsoo's replacement because Kyungsoo cancelled on Jongdae to go out on a date with his boyfriend.

There's some ladies' night going on at some bar in Brooklyn tonight, (every Wednesday night, Jongdae informed him) so it'll be jam-packed with ladies but Baekhyun doesn't really care. He doesn't care much about girls. Never did and probably never will. He's only in the bar to accompany Jongdae.

“I'm not interested in girls,” Baekhyun deadpans as he watches the bar slowly getting filled with people, mostly females all dressed to the nines.

“But I am.” Jongdae grins when he spots a pretty brunette smiling at him. “I always go to those sketchy high-class clubs with you on the Upper East Side when you're looking for boys so indulge me for once, will you?”

“Sketchy and high-class don't go together.” Scrunching his nose, Baekhyun looks around the establishment. It's not small per se but smaller than Baekhyun's used to. He will never understand why Jongdae likes hanging out in Brooklyn so much. It's only been less than ten minutes since they arrived but Baekhyun was already feeling a little restless. There were one or two cute guys around but he was feeling too upset to feel like approaching any of them or doing something fun for the night. “And I _am_ indulging you. At least for the,” he pauses to look for the time on his wrist only to realise that he isn't wearing a watch. Hadn't worn one in a while. “Past ten minutes,” he concludes inaccurately. It's only been seven minutes. “I'm sorry, Jongdae but I have to go.”

As Baekhyun gets up from his chair to leave, he feels Jongdae pulling him back by the hand. Turning his head, he raises a brow at his friend.

“I heard you crying in an empty lecture hall yesterday.”

Shaking his hand out of Jongdae's grip, Baekhyun cradles his hand to his chest protectively. “I was upset.”

“You've been upset for so long.” Standing up, Jongdae wraps his arm around Baekhyun's arms and the latter slowly brings his hands around Jongdae's waist. “Sleep early tonight. Stop thinking about asshole lawyers, seriously. You're always thinking about them.”

Chuckling, Baekhyun tightens the hug, breathing in Jongdae's cologne that always smells so minty and fresh, nothing like the musky sweetness of Chanyeol that clings to him like a second skin. He kind of misses the lawyer's smell though.

“I love you, Jongdae.” Kissing Jongdae on the cheek, Baekhyun lets go of Jongdae and walks away.

 

It might be easier for Baekhyun to stop thinking about asshole lawyers _or_ neighbours if they don't suddenly appear in front of him like an apparition out of nowhere.

The lift doors are about to close but Baekhyun pushes the 'open' button before they do and they slide open, revealing Chanyeol standing inside with his slick black hair and dark blue Armani suit. As always, he looks so handsome and Baekhyun lowers his head as he walks in to stand beside Chanyeol who instinctively moves away to make more space for him.

As the doors close, Baekhyun turns to his side and stares at Chanyeol for a few seconds, suddenly realising how much he missed seeing the older man. It's easy not to think about Chanyeol when the other isn't even staying in Carnegie Hill but now that he's standing in the lift right next to him, it's an entirely different story. Not that Baekhyun has to think about the other man now that he can actually see the other.

The lawyer clears his throat, eyes resolutely fixed on the buttons, the number '16' lit up.

“Are you going to look at me?” Baekhyun asks casually, voice light.

Sighing, Chanyeol runs his fingers through his hair, but it doesn't mess up his perfectly gelled black locks, before turning to Baekhyun.

“I didn't know you were back,” states Baekhyun in a conversational tone.

“I um...” Loosening his tie, Chanyeol shifts his eyes away briefly before they land on Baekhyun again. “I just came back. It's my first night back.”

“Your father's not checking up on you anymore?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol looks away. “I don't really care about that anymore. But I don't think he'll check in again.” Chanyeol swallows and Baekhyun's eyes move to the lawyer's Adam's apple.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why don't you care?”

“Because I - “

The lift doors open with a chime but Baekhyun remains rooted on the spot.

“Say it.”

The lawyer turns to face Baekhyun fully, to look at the college student with sad but loving eyes. “Because I missed you.”

Baekhyun's heart skips a beat but he doesn't show it. Nodding, Baekhyun walks out of the lift and towards his door, not turning his head back. But he does hear Chanyeol sigh.

 

 

Winter's depressing grey turns into spring's bright and cheerful colours without a warning but Baekhyun's glad to finally shed an extra layer of clothing off. Too bad for him that he doesn't get to shed the extra layer of worry and stress away because the cause of his problem is constantly in his line of sight.

He sees Chanyeol often. They live in the same building so it's to be expected. But now that Baekhyun isn't deliberately trying to bump into Chanyeol, he finds that he sees the lawyer _way more_ than he would like to.

The first few times were awkward as hell - small nods and hesitant 'heys' and 'byes' that made Baekhyun want to bang his head against a wall (he did, once or twice). Then it got worst. They started to make small talk. Baekhyun hates small talk, especially when neither of them really cared to talk about something as insignificant as what they had for breakfast. Thankfully, by the time May rolled around, things got normal. Way too normal. Their greetings to each other were pleasant, cordial, and plain. Simple. Baekhyun likes simple.

 

 

“Is it trong? To want chubee fucked by somewran who actuarly cares abouchu?” Baekhyun asks drunkenly.

They're in their finals week but it's not every day that Baekhyun counts down to turning twenty-one and it's a Saturday so it's all good.

His party's at full blast - the music pounding against the walls of the function room that his parent rented out for him for as long as he needed. Familiar and unfamiliar faces alike occupy the once empty spaces and make the place look way livelier than Baekhyun thought it was going to be.

“Whoar all tis peeple?”

“Your friends,” Kyungsoo responds kindheartedly, staring at the cups in front of Baekhyun in disbelief. “How much did you drink?”

“Hey!” Baekhyun slurs, pointing at Kyungsoo, or at least he tries to. “I asked a queschion.”

“No, no, no. It's not wrong.” If there's one thing that Kyungsoo is brilliant at when it comes to his friends, it's placating Baekhyun. “Maybe you should ask Chanyeol instead of me though.”

“Is Chanyeol here?” Looking around, Baekhyun blinks sleepily, the alcohol making his mind hazy.

“No,” a new voice joins in. Jongdae sits next to Kyungsoo and pushes a small box wrapped in blue towards Baekhyun. “But he left you this.”

“Did he drop by?” Kyungsoo whispers to Jongdae who shrugs in response.

“I can hearchu.” Lifting his hand, Baekhyun waves in his friends' direction. “I can.” He hiccups before reaching for the gift and reading the card attached to it on a string.

_Happy 21st, Baekhyun_

It's amazing that he can still recognise Chanyeol's handwriting in his drunken state of mind.

With shaky fingers, he pulls the ribbon apart and opens the box with much difficulty. Inside, he finds the shiny surface of a watch glittering back at him. The glass is polished, all smooth and shiny and transparent, showing the gears turning inside and the clock face just above them. It's pretty.

Resting his arm on the table, Baekhyun leans on it as he looks at the watch sideways. The second needle is ticking away slowly and when Baekhyun closes his eyes. he thinks he can hear the quiet tick-tock of his watch.

 

When he falls asleep on his bed at three in the morning, he vaguely hears someone saying, “happy birthday, angel”.

But when he wakes up at four thirteen in the afternoon, all he sees is his pastel blue wallpaper and Kyungsoo and Jongdae lying in bed with him. The thought of either of his best friends calling him 'angel' makes him want to vomit and he shakes it out of his head.

After Kyungsoo and Jongdae wake up, they get some takeout and spend the rest of the day studying for their exams. It is finals week after all. Hangover be damned.

 

 

Baekhyun's happy and proud to say that Chanyeol was off his mind the entire of finals week and that he probably aced all of his papers. Even after the end of his exams, Baekhyun doesn't find himself thinking about Chanyeol at all. At least that's what he tells himself.

With Chanyeol out of sight, the lawyer is naturally out of mind - at least Baekhyun's good at convincing himself of that.

The vibrant colours of spring are going to turn to golden and red soon when summer arrives and Baekhyun wonders if the new season is going to bring some new changes in his life as well. Maybe something to do with Chanyeol. Preferably something to do with Chanyeol. But his life has been peaceful so far _without_ Chanyeol and he wonders if he really wants to be by Chanyeol's side again.

Who is he kidding?

He does.

The moment Baekhyun snaps is when he sees Chanyeol's hand resting on the waist of a pretty blonde and guiding her out of Daniel, a fancy French restaurant on 65th street.

Straightening his back, Baekhyun walks over to the pair in long strides and stops right in front of Chanyeol who gives him a look of surprised but remains silent otherwise. Glancing towards the woman, Baekhyun eyes her from top to bottom before rolling his eyes in her face and Chanyeol splutters.

“Excuse me?” the woman asks, sounding offended. “Who are you?”

“Who is she?” Baekhyun directs the question to Chanyeol.

“I thought you said you weren't dating?” the woman looks at Chanyeol.

“I'm not,” Chanyeol replies easily as he moves to the side, the other two following suit so they won't block the entrance. “Baekhyun, what - “

“Baekhyun? Is he the boy you were telling me about?” Her eyes widen slightly as she looks at Baekhyun. “A bit young, isn't he?” she comments, not unkindly.

“Who is she?” Baekhyun repeats patiently.

“Sandra, my - “

“I'm his ex-girlfriend,” she tells Baekhyun in a sweet voice, stretching out a hand.

Baekhyun stares at her proffered hand for a moment before taking it. “Baekhyun.” He doesn't stop there. “His future boyfriend.”

Amused, Sandra pulls back with a large smile on her before looking over her shoulder at Chanyeol. “He's cute.”

The lawyer has a hand over his mouth, probably trying to cover the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Are you blushing?” Sandra teases with a laugh. Looking back at Baekhyun, she bends down slightly so that they're on eye-level with each other. “He must really like you. He never blushed like that around me before.” She stands straight again, offering Baekhyun a small smile.

“What are you guys doing here?” Baekhyun tries to ask casually but comes across sounding jealous instead. Honestly, he doesn't know what he's doing or why he's acting like this. They aren't even dating. Maybe it's because he hasn't spoken properly to Chanyeol in over a month and the only pleasant kind-of-interaction they got was Chanyeol sending him a brand new limited edition Jaeger-LeCoultre watch on his twenty-first birthday.

Stepping out from behind Sandra, Chanyeol answers, “dinner?”

“We bumped into each other on the street. Turns out that I work quite near to his father's building.” Chanyeol shoots her a look and she laughs before continuing. “We did some catching up and I asked if he was dating or if he would like to get back together. I didn't think he would grow up into such a fine man.”

Lips curving upwards, Baekhyun flashes Sandra a sarcastic smile.

“He said he wasn't dating but there was this boy. I told him to bring me out for dinner, for old time's sake.”

“And he brought you to Daniel?”

“I told him 'bring me to the restaurant you like to bring that boy to and tell me all about him'.” Looking at Chanyeol, she smiles. “And he did.”

Looking past Sandra, Baekhyun fixes his eyes on Chanyeol and the lawyer stares back seriously.

“I'll leave you two to it,” she says as she looks between them. Then she turns around completely to face Chanyeol and the lawyer breaks eye-contact with Baekhyun. “It was nice seeing you again, Chanyeol.” Bringing her arms up, Chanyeol meets her halfway and they hug for a while.

“See you around, Sandra.”

Kissing Chanyeol's cheek, she pulls away before facing Baekhyun again. Bending down, she whispers into Baekhyun's ear, “he never said it before but I always knew that this one liked boys too.”

“Really?” Baekhyun asks, surprised, looking at Sandra with widened eyes when she moves away.

“Really,” she promises with a small smile and a sparkle in her eyes that makes Baekhyun smile back genuinely. “Take care of him,” she tells Chanyeol before waving them goodbye.

“What did she say to you?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun stuffs his hands into his pockets. “She said that if I ever don't want you anymore, I should tell you that she's still waiting for you.”

Scoffing, Chanyeol leans against the pillar next to the wall. “She wouldn't say that.”

“It's a secret then,” Baekhyun says with a playful smile.

They fall into a comfortable silence and Baekhyun finds that he actually enjoys it quite a lot. No talking. Just the two of them, there.

“We can't keep going on like this, Baek,” Chanyeol says suddenly, offering Baekhyun a small smile.

Laughing, Baekhyun stuffs his hands into his jeans pockets. “Bring me to Ladurée and we'll talk.”

 

Ten minutes and six macaroons later, Baekhyun finally talks.

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Baekhyun folds it neatly back onto his lap before regarding Chanyeol with a serious look. “I want to have sex with you because it's been a while since someone fucked me like I meant something.”

Eyebrows shooting up, Chanyeol looks to his side as he shifts in his seat. “Wow, Baekhyun. You're diving right in, aren't you.”

“Then what do you want to know?”

Clearing his throat, Chanyeol faces Baekhyun again. “Since you know my list of exes, why don't you tell me about your exes?”

“Ex.”

“What?”

“Ex,” Baekhyun repeats calmly. “I've only dated once.”

Brows knitting together, Chanyeol leans forward, bringing his hands up to the table to interlock them together. “You're joking, right?”

“No. I only dated once. In high school.”

“Is that why you said...”

Looking down, Baekhyun nods. It isn't the entire truth but he nods anyway. He'll get around to the truth one day. He can't possibly tell Chanyeol that his ex-boyfriend didn't fuck him like he meant something.

“But you're so...” Chanyeol sighs. “Amazing.”

“I'm not what you think I am, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, hoping that his voice isn't shaking. “I'm not that good.” Before Chanyeol can respond to that, Baekhyun continues, “let's talk about you. Why are you so against having sex?”

Leaning back, Chanyeol takes a sip of coffee. “When I was in Australia,” he begins and Baekhyun's ear perks up. It's the first time Chanyeol's saying anything about his one year overseas. “I had a girlfriend. Stephanie, if you remember.” Baekhyun doesn't but he nods in acknowledgement. “She was...” The right corner of Chanyeol's lips quirks upwards. “A little insane. She was on drugs.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun sucks on his lower lip, wondering if Chanyeol's having bad memories of his mother and wondering if he should stir them away from the topic, not wanting Chanyeol to be upset but the lawyer seems determined to keep on talking.

“But that wasn't what bothered me.” Sighing, Chanyeol laughs bitterly. “I went to Australia because I wanted to disassociate myself from my dad. I wanted to prove that I could make it on my own and for the first few months, it was okay. But people just started finding out that I was a Park, the one with a family living in Manhattan. Stephanie found out too and when she did, she almost tricked me into sleeping with her younger sister who was underaged so that they could sue me for statutory rape.”

“Gosh. Chanyeol, I - “

Shaking his head, Chanyeol cuts Baekhyun off. “You're barely twenty-one, Baek. I know that seventeen is the age of consent but I've known you since you were what? Thirteen?” Stopping, Chanyeol leans forward in his seat, eyes cast downwards. “I'm not saying that I didn't have sex in middle school or high school but I...” he looks at Baekhyun, lost and confused all of a sudden. “Don't know what to do when it comes to you. I don't want to have sex with you and then lose everything. I can't afford that.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun looks down, struggling with his internal feelings. Relationships are a two-way thing, Baekhyun has always known that but talking to Chanyeol like this just makes him more aware of it. There're his own insecurities and memories that he wants to erase but Chanyeol has his own problems and demons too and he can't just brush them aside. “I won't push it anymore. I swear.”

“I know you're not underage anymore, Baek,” Chanyeol tells the college student with a tired smile. “But I may have done something wrong and your father doesn't like me very much and I don't want to anger him by sleeping with you especially when I want to be serious about you.”

Opening and closing his mouth, Baekhyun replays Chanyeol's words in his mind over and over again until a silly smile appears on his face. “You what?”

“Want to be serious about you.”

“We should just totally talk.” Tilting his head, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol. “Like all the time. And stop letting misunderstandings get in the way.”

The lawyer nods. “I'm still keeping things from you, like about your father, and you know that.”

Licking his lips, Baekhyun moves back in his seat, not liking where Chanyeol is going with this.

“I know you're keeping some things from me too, Baekhyun.” The lawyer is sporting an infuriating smirk on his face. “But I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready to tell me.” He crosses one leg elegantly over the other and settles his hands on top of his knee as he flashes a smile to Baekhyun.

Laughing, Baekhyun picks up his cup and nervously sips on the liquid. He almost chokes when he hears Chanyeol's next line but he can't say that he doesn't enjoy the way the lawyer's making him feel flustered.

“If it helps you sleep at night, I really want to fuck you,” says Chanyeol in a low voice. “But like I said, until I figure something out, I won't.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun covers his face with his hands. “You can't say things like that.”

“Have I gotten drunk around you before?” Chanyeol asks abruptly.

Slowly removing his hands from his face, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol questioningly, ignoring the burning in his cheeks. “Why?”

“Have I?”

Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun knits his brows together, wondering if he saw Chanyeol drunk before. It's usually the lawyer seeing him drunk.

“Once or twice. When I was younger. When I went over to your house...when you told me not to,” Baekhyun adds hesitantly.

“Did I...?” It's Chanyeol's turn to be unsure. “Did I ever do or say anything.”

Yes.

Baekhyun flashes Chanyeol a bright smile but it wavers a little. “Nope.”

The lawyer smiles back but it doesn't reach his eyes and Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol saw through his lie.

They finish up their drinks and leave the shop.

“Do you want to drive?” Baekhyun asks, pulling out his car keys.

“No,” comes Chanyeol's short answer. Before Baekhyun can ask why, Chanyeol's already explaining. “I got into an accident when I was in Australia.”

“A lot of things happened in Australia, huh?” Unlocking the car doors, Baekhyun slips into the driver's seat.

“ _A lot_ ,” Chanyeol affirms when he's seated at the passenger's side of the car. “I'll tell you what happened one day.”

“Can't wait,” Baekhyun answers dryly, ignoring the way his heart starts to beat faster when Chanyeol explodes into laughter and ruffles his hair.

“I think I've let you down before.”

 _“We never dated before so you could never have let me down,”_ comes Baekhyun's first thought. _“Don't tell me you slept with Jongdae before,”_ is his second for some bizarre reason. “Let me know when you remember,” he settles for saying as he shifts the gear into drive.

 

 

“I talked to Chanyeol,” Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo over the phone.

“And?”

“I don't know how to tell him what happened in high school.”

“Maybe you should really tell Jongdae what happened first. It'll be good practice and don't you feel bad about keeping this from him?”

Baekhyun winces at Kyungsoo's slightly accusative tone. “I do. I do. But...I'm too ashamed to tell him about what happened. Like he said, he wasn't part of all the trouble we caused five years ago.”

“Jongdae will understand and Chanyeol will too.” 

“Talking about Jongdae, do you think he slept with Chanyeol before?”

It remains silent for so long that Baekhyun almost thinks that Kyungsoo got disconnected. But he can hear his friend's soft breath so he waits patiently for an answer.

“You can ask Jongdae.”

 

Honestly, Baekhyun wants to tell Jongdae what happened, he really does. He also wants to ask Jongdae if the other slept with Chanyeol before because he's unreasonably and irrationally paranoid. _“Where did you even get that idea?”_ Kyungsoo hissed at him when they met before heading to Jongdae's house together. Frankly, Baekhyun doesn't even know but he'd like to ask Jongdae anyway.

Though when he rings Jongdae's doorbell and the latter opens it, looking all excited with a pile of magazines in his hands, telling Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to hurry up and get in so that they can find a place to spend summer together, Baekhyun doesn't have the heart to bring anything up. It's going to be their first summer together in forever and he definitely isn't going to ruin anything with his insecurities.

Kyungsoo shoots him a knowing look.

“I've never been to Hawaii before,” Baekhyun says lightheartedly, grabbing a magazine from Jongdae's arms as he settles on the couch.

“Me neither,” Kyungsoo responds, bored, as he flips through a magazine about Egypt.

“We have a place then,” Jongdae quips.

“Let's go to Hawaii,” Kyungsoo says with a tone of finality in his voice, flipping the magazine in his hand shut and Baekhyun enthusiastically nods in agreement, thoughts of telling Jongdae anything about high school or asking the other about Chanyeol flying out of his head.

 

That's how the three of them find themselves on a plane to Hawaii the next morning with only their phones and wallets and the clothes they had on. Oh, and a pair of shades.

They settle in a nice beach resort facing the ocean and book themselves a private suite, meaning they get the whole floor to themselves.

“How long are we staying here?” Baekhyun asks, flopping back onto the bed before turning to his side to stare at the palm trees painted on the wall.

“The whole summer?” Jongdae suggests jokingly.

It's a ridiculous suggestion but Baekhyun and Kyungsoo agree to it in a heartbeat and Jongdae stares at them like they're idiots.

“Don't you have a boyfriend to spend time with?” Jongdae raises a brow at Kyungsoo.

“He's away for the summer,” Kyungsoo explains and then shifts the topic immediately but no one says anything. “Let's go play beach volleyball.”

 

They're at the beach playing shirtless with a group of random guys twenty minutes later and losing because they all suck at volleyball, let alone beach volleyball.

“Chanyeol,” Jongdae says suddenly and Baekhyun gets distracted.

“What?”

The ball flies directly towards Baekhyun, hitting the side of his head and sending him sprawling on the sand.

“Fuck,” he hisses as his hand flies to his head to make sure there isn't a dent there. He can hear his friends chuckling at him from above.

“Take a rest,” Kyungsoo advises and jerks his thumb to the left when Baekhyun glares at him.

Turning his head, Baekhyun finds himself looking at a very familiar back. “Chanyeol?” he gasps and quickly stands up, dusting sand off himself. Someone from the other team is asking if he's alright but he waves the guy off and slow-jogs over to where Chanyeol is...squatting?

When he nears the lawyer, he realises why Chanyeol isn't sitting. One, Baekhyun belatedly realises that the older man is in a three-piece suit so he probably doesn't want to dirty it. Two, Chanyeol is actually talking to a woman lying down on a beach mat. Three, Chanyeol hasn't noticed his presence yet so he isn't standing and diverting all his attention to him.

But the last one can be easily rectified.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls sweetly and he sees the lawyer freeze before looking back.

Then he sees Chanyeol telling the woman something before he stands up and walks towards Baekhyun, his eyes travelling down the college student's body appreciatively as he approaches him.

“You're staring,” Baekhyun points out with a cheeky grin.

“You're shirtless,” Chanyeol retorts weakly.

“It's a beach.” Spreading his hands out, Baekhyun laughs. “Why are you in a suit? Isn't it stuffy?”

“I'm in Hawaii for business but I got tricked into coming to the beach so I didn't have time to change out.”

“Tricked?” Baekhyun muses before leaning to his side and looking behind Chanyeol. “By her?” he points at a woman wearing a bikini underneath a translucent white shirt and sitting on a beach mat.

Turning around, Chanyeol grumbles something. Then he looks at Baekhyun again with a frown on his handsome face. “By her father. He said 'pick her up and come back to the hotel' which is what I intended to do.”

“But princess doesn't want to move,” Baekhyun says in a mocking tone, smirking and Chanyeol rolls his eyes fondly. “Well then.” Taking a step forward, Baekhyun uses his barefoot to throw some sand onto Chanyeol's now dirtied dress shoes. Placing a hand on Chanyeol's arm, Baekhyun lets his finger slide down slowly then he smiles sweetly at the lawyer. “Have fun.”

He flashes Chanyeol one last smile before spinning around and jogging back to where the rest of the group are still playing beach volleyball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3
> 
> I'm not happy with this chapter but I really don't know how else to write it...
> 
> Thank you for all your lovely comments so far! I go back and read most of them sometimes (now a lot of the times cause I'm really stressed out with school) and they really make me feel better (and remind me that there are people who like this so all the more reason not to give up)!
> 
> If you have any theories about anything, I'd love to hear them :D
> 
> x [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare) (fic)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) (main)  
> x [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare) (fic)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Next update: next Saturday (hopefully)
> 
> P.S.: I'm 1/3 done with this story yay


	13. All About Summer [M]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Brief mentions of drug abuse (minor character), rape mentioned (but it doesn't actually happen)

It’s almost seven in the evening when Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Kyungsoo finally leave the beach. Or at least the sandy part of the beach. They’re on the way back to the hotel to grab a bite when they spot a bar playing nice music (read: Justin Bieber) according to Kyungsoo so that’s where they’re headed to now.

The place is decorated with orange fairy lights hanging on palm trees, connecting one to the other. A few wooden tables are arranged in no particular order around the place, each with four to five straw chairs surrounding them. Small chatter fills the space, mixing with the melody coming from the speakers, creating a pleasant buzzing atmosphere.

“Chanyeol said he let me down before.”

Frowning, Jongdae lifts a knife and points it towards Baekhyun. “Is this really an appropriate dinner conversation?”

“Just let him.” Kyungsoo pushes the knife down and Jongdae pouts but doesn’t complain any further.

“And the only explanation that I can think of is that he slept with you before, Jongdae,” Baekhyun says in a sombre tone, eyes sad and brows knitted together.

Jongdae promptly chokes on the air and he pats his chest a few times as Kyungsoo looks at him worriedly.

“Because that’s possibly the only thing I’ll feel upset about,” Baekhyun continues very seriously. “Betrayed by my best friend and the guy I like.”

“Are you crazy?” Jongdae hisses, glaring daggers at Baekhyun. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“I don’t know!” Throwing his hands up, Baekhyun slouches in his seat. “Because that’s like the only thing that Chanyeol can let me down about! I know about his other exes but I don’t know any of them personally but _what if_ I _do_ know one of them personally?” He gestures towards Jongdae who looks about ready to strangle him. “And it just escalated from there. Like I was thinking, what if you had a crush on him too? Because, you know, since he tutored you and all too...”

Folding his hands in front of him, Jongdae looks at Baekhyun with a blank face, very obviously trying not to scream at his foolish, oversensitive, and paranoid best friend. “You want to know the truth, right? Then yes, I had a crush on him before. But,” he quickly continues when he sees the hurt flashing in Baekhyun’s eyes. “It lasted for a week. You were so crazy about him and I definitely wasn’t going to be falling for the same guy as you. Besides, any idiot could tell that Chanyeol cared about you the most in our inner circle and I was and am also not into pining after asshole lawyers or law students or whatever you’re into.” Pointing the knife at Baekhyun again, Jongdae continues, “I didn’t sleep with him, you idiot.”

“Oh.” Shoulders deflating, Baekhyun juts out his lower lip.

“And why are you upset about that?” Kyungsoo questions, sounding slightly exasperated yet tinged with a little concern.

“Because then I don’t know why else he would say that.”

“He didn’t say anything else?” Jongdae prods.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun rests his face against his palm. “He said it’s something he needs to figure out by himself.”

“Then let him,” Kyungsoo states plainly and Jongdae nods in agreement. “Chanyeol has a lot of issues, doesn’t he? Didn’t you say something about him not being sure if he likes boys before?”

“The two of you are so perfect for each other,” Jongdae drawls.

There’s a sharp retort on the tip of Baekhyun’s tongue but he stops himself when he feels a leg kicking him. Turning to his right, he mouths _‘what?’_ to Kyungsoo, offended.

 _‘Tell him’_ , Kyungsoo mouths back.

Seeing that Jongdae is now preoccupied with the menu, Baekhyun takes the chance to communicate not-so-secretly with Kyungsoo. _‘About?’_

_‘High school. Tell him.’_

Eyes widening in realisation, Baekhyun nods firmly, turning back to face Jongdae just as the other places the menu back onto the table.

“Have you guys decided what to eat?” Not waiting for a response, Jongdae’s already calling the waiter over.

They order their food and some drinks and then Baekhyun’s grabbing both of Jongdae’s hands, making the other stare at him suspiciously with squinted eyes.

“Remember when you said that if I ever needed to practice telling my high school story to someone, you would help me?”

“No.”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun whines. “You need to know.”

“I already know!”

“Not everything,” Kyungsoo supplies and Jongdae looks between his two best friends in disbelief. “Baekhyun was too ashamed to say anything.”

“Spill. You have five minutes, Byun.”

“Can I have ten minutes?” Baekhyun requests sincerely but he immediately shuts his mouth and shrinks back at the look Jongdae gives him. “Okay. So...”

 

 

Lying on the bed and facing the pastel yellow ceiling, Baekhyun wonders how he’ll be spending the rest of summer. Slowly, his mind drifts to four summers back when he didn’t know how his future was going to look like and when everything was bleak and his life a blank. When he thought that the world was closing in around him and drowning him alive. When he wanted to disappear forever. But he shouldn’t think so far behind or ahead. He must live in the now. “So how are we going to spend today?”

The room is silent and Baekhyun thinks that the other two might still be asleep so he waits for a while before repeating his question. Again, he is met with no response.

Sitting up, Baekhyun looks around and finds the two other beds empty. Scanning the room, he sees that everything is still in place and that his best friends hadn’t run away in the middle of the night - Jongdae because of his confession about the full story and Kyungsoo because he doesn’t want to be alone with Baekhyun for the rest of summer.

But they’re both gone.

Getting off the bed, Baekhyun drags himself to the bathroom and washes up at a leisurely pace. There’re no lectures or tutorials to rush to and no lawyer to try bumping into in front of the lift so Baekhyun has all the time in the world. Especially when he has a feeling that both his best friends have ditched him to pursue their own adventures.

His suspicions are confirmed in the form of two papers - one in Kyungsoo’s handwriting and the other in Jongdae’s - lying conspicuously on the glass table in the living room. Picking up Kyungsoo’s paper, Baekhyun reads: _bf called_. Shrugging, he drops the paper, not bothering with where it lands. Then he takes Jongdae’s paper and frowns upon reading the message. _Gone to seaside shack. Someone left me her number last night._

What in the world and where the hell is seaside shack? (Not that Baekhyun really cares).

Crumbling the paper, Baekhyun throws it into the bin before grabbing his shades and leaving the room. He can have fun by himself too.

 

Walking into the beachside cafe, Baekhyun is pleasantly surprised to find Chanyeol sitting at the bar counter. He won’t have to spend his day alone anymore. Honestly though, what is the point of having friends who are going to abandon you in favour of talking to their boyfriends or trying to hook up with someone? Baekhyun’s starting to doubt his choices in friends.

Stepping next to where Chanyeol’s sitting, Baekhyun turns to his side and leans against his hand as he blinks innocently at Chanyeol. The reflection of the transparent Jaeger-LeCoultre face sparkles under the sunlight filtering in. “Hello.”

“Where are your friends?” comes Chanyeol’s instant response. The lawyer looks around as if expecting Kyungsoo and Jongdae to pop out suddenly.

“You don’t have to entertain princess anymore?” Baekhyun asks sarcastically, not out of jealousy. 

“ _Princess_ ,” Chanyeol mimics annoyingly. “Is not part of my job scope.”

“But you had to get her off the beach yesterday?” Scoffing, Baekhyun raises a brow. “How did you get her off the beach anyway? With your handsome face?”

Shaking his head, Chanyeol simply says, “she’s not you”, causing the college student to splutter, indignant. “Also, I’m not her type. I told her that her girlfriend was waiting for her in the hotel lobby so they could have an early dinner together and she went back with me.”

“And was her girlfriend there?”

“Nope,” Chanyeol answeres cheerfully and Baekhyun rolls his eyes, a smile slipping onto his face at the same time. “So why are you alone?”

Pulling out the chair beside Chanyeol, Baekhyun takes a seat and faces the lawyer, a mischievous spark twinkling in his eyes. “Kyungsoo is having phone sex with his boyfriend.”

Groaning, Chanyeol looks away, covering his face. “I did not need to know that about my cousin.”

Chuckling, Baekhyun pokes Chanyeol’s side to get his attention back. “Jongdae is flirting with the whole Hawaii in some shack somewhere.”

Nodding, Chanyeol then squints at Baekhyun. “You were lying about Kyungsoo, right?”

Waving his hand dismissively, Baekhyun grins at Chanyeol. It’s enough for the lawyer to know that he was lying.

“Lunch?” Chanyeol points to the menu on the chalkboard.

“Are you treating?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol orders two plates of Rib-Eye and two glasses of red wine. Then he takes Baekhyun by surprise with an unexpected question.

“Do you want to know about Australia?”

Faking a laugh, Baekhyun tries acting nonchalantly even though his curiosity is clawing at him beneath his skin. “About the kangaroos?”

“About my one year there.”

Swallowing, Baekhyun internally sighs in relief when the two glasses of wine come. He quickly grabs when glass and takes a sip, letting his mouth stay on the rim longer than necessary. “What happened in Australia?”

“I fucked up in Cambridge, Baek.”

Heart thudding quicker, Baekhyun feels his mouth go dry. “This isn’t about Australia.”

“I know, I know. But just...just listen to me first.” Chanyeol sounds like he’s almost begging and Baekhyun can only nod mutely. “I should never have told you that I didn’t know if I liked boys.”

“No,” Baekhyun can’t help but interrupt. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I wanted you to take that risk on me.”

“Just continue,” Baekhyun says, resolutely avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze.

“After I graduated from Harvard, I went to Australia. You know that my aunt and uncle are there, right? Kyungsoo’s parents. Anyway, they wanted to watch over me and make sure that I was doing fine but I told them that I wanted to be independent so they left me on my own.” He frowns, then adds, “mostly.” Holding the stem of the wine glass, he brings it closer to his lips but he puts the glass down before he takes a sip. “I applied for a job in Australia at the beginning of my last year in Harvard and I got it so I simply started work as soon as I arrived there. It was really normal and I did all the newbie lawyer jobs. It was nice that I wasn’t getting any special treatment.” Sighing, Chanyeol takes the wine glass and gulps it down this time. “Then I met Stephanie. She was working in the firm as a secretary. She was sweet at first but then I found out...”

“That she was on drugs?” Baekhyun asks hesitantly, unsure if he should bring it up but seeing that Chanyeol merely nods, he guesses that it’s fine.

“I didn’t mind that. But after she found out about my background, she started becoming more...distant. In a way. At first I thought it was because she was afraid that she couldn’t keep up with my lifestyle but I was a fool for thinking that. She was planning to cheat me of my money. To supply her drug addiction.” He laughs, the sound bitter and hurt. “I wonder if that’s what my mom did to my dad.”

Baekhyun winces at the accusation even though it isn’t directed at him because Chanyeol’s mom is a genuinely good person.

The lawyer seems to realise his mistake though and he corrects himself immediately. “No. No. My mom...she was a good person...” he asks for a refill and almost downs the second glass but Baekhyun stops him. Smiling at Baekhyun appreciatively, Chanyeol moves his hand away from the wine glass. “She drugged me one day. Got me into a room with her underaged younger sister. We didn’t do anything, of course, but she accused me anyway. I was almost sued for statutory rape, almost. And that would have ruined my entire career. But then my aunt stepped in and helped me. She contacted my dad and my grandparents helped out too.” Rubbing his face, Chanyeol’s about to reach for his wine glass again but he stops himself and fully retracts his hand. “I couldn’t stay in Australia after that but I didn’t want to go back to New York either. Then I heard about...I heard about you from my aunt. She said that the three of you were all in Columbia and I just...I missed you. I missed you so much and I really wanted to see you again so I accepted the flight ticket from my dad and I went back to New York. And you know the rest of the story.” He flashes Baekhyun a grin and the college student smiles back knowingly.

“You bought the unit opposite mine at Carnegie Hill to stalk me,” Baekhyun teases and Chanyeol chuckles lowly.

“I didn’t expect to see you making out with a guy in front of the lift of all places during my first week back in New York though.”

“Ha.” Baekhyun takes the wine glass and hurriedly drinks a mouthful.

Leaning closer to Baekhyun, Chanyeol whispers, “I was so jealous.”

Tilting his head, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, hoping that his expression won’t betray how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

“And when that guy in the club had his hands all over you? I couldn’t stand watching it too.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun feels his breathing getting heavier. Memories of kissing Chanyeol, touching Chanyeol, and simply lying in bed with Chanyeol float into his mind, rendering him speechless.

Thankfully for him, his thoughts are interrupted by a waiter serving their meal. Chanyeol politely thanks the man but Baekhyun’s still too dazed to say anything, eyes looking down at the slab of meat on the white porcelain plate.

They don’t say anything to each other after that, not much anyway. He hands Chanyeol the salt when the older man asks for it and they get a few more wine refills. Occasionally, Baekhyun sneaks one or two glances at Chanyeol. More often than not, he catches Chanyeol watching him back and it sends his heart spiralling into a frenzy though he won’t show it on his face.

The moment Baekhyun falls in love with Chanyeol isn’t very special. It isn’t when the other is smiling at him with stars in his eyes or when he’s touching his face like he means the world. It isn’t even when Chanyeol’s saying anything particularly sweet or sexy or looking even remotely sweet or sexy. There aren’t any fireworks exploding in the sky or any butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

Choosing to stare at the lawyer, Baekhyun abandons his food. Chanyeol has a knife and fork in his hands, easily cutting through the piece of meat on his plate in front of him.

The moment Baekhyun falls in love is when Chanyeol’s taking a bite of his steak.

 

Somehow, from eating steak and drinking wine together at a humble cafe by the beachside, they end up making out hotly in the hotel’s lift.

_“You’re staying in that hotel too?” Baekhyun asks, genuinely surprised at how much of a coincidence that would be._

_“No. But I can get a room.”_

It might have something to do with their hands brushing and thighs knocking throughout lunch. Or the lingering stares and the accidental touches which led them up to this moment.

“The door,” Baekhyun pants as Chanyeol sucks on his neck, pulling away with a loud pop just as the doors slide open.

A hotel staff member is on the other side and he gives them a courteous smile, holding the button open for them as they hurry out, not bothering to straighten their dishevelled appearances.

Once they’re in the new room that Chanyeol booked, Baekhyun is immediately pressed against the door and Chnayeol’s lips are over his again. Hitching a leg up, Baekhyun moans when he feels Chanyeol grabbing onto his thigh then resting his hand on the cleft of his butt.

They stumble the whole way to the bedroom and Baekhyun falls backwards when he feels the back of his knees hitting the edge of the bed. Chanyeol lands on top of him shortly after, making him grunt at the impact but his discomfort only lasts for a moment before he’s back to kissing Chanyeol. Wet, sloppy noises fill the room as their lips smack against one another.

Wrapping his legs around Chanyeol’s back, Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol down even further and uses the momentum to flip their positions so that he’s straddling the lawyer. Breaking the kiss, Baekhyun sits up, panting harshly as he looks down at the older man.

Shifting, he stills momentarily when he feels something hard pressing against the back of his thigh.

Sucking on his lower lip, Baekhyun reaches for the knot on Chanyeol’s pants. “Can I?”

Staring into Baekhyun’s eyes, Chanyeol nods but then his hand flies to stop Baekhyun when the college student pulls the string apart.

“Baekhyun, wait.”

Immediately, Baekhyun stops his hands from moving, leaving them awkwardly around Chanyeol’s waistband. “We can stop.”

Quickly shaking his head, Chanyeol places his hand over Baekhyun’s to make sure that the college student doesn’t pull away. “No, it’s not that.” His thumb starts caressing the back of Baekhyun’s hand. “I haven’t...with a guy...I mean it’s...”

“You haven’t been with a guy before?” Baekhyun guesses, tone inquiring as he tries to pull his hand back but Chanyeol’s hand remains firm over his and he relaxes.

A surge of emotions rush through Chanyeol’s face and it seems to take a lot of effort for him to say the next two words. “I...I have.” He stops moving his thumb and licks his lower lip. “It’s just been a while.”

Letting Chanyeol’s words sink in, Baekhyun slowly nods.

“But I want this.”

The side of Baekhyun’s lips twitch. “You mean you want me to blow you?”

“If you want to put it like that.”

When Chanyeol removes his hand, Baekhyun tentatively tugs at Chanyeol’s waistband again. The lawyer nods, lifting his hips up a little for Baekhyun to pull his pants down. Once Chanyeol’s pants are out of the way, Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol up so that they’re both in a sitting position. Then Baekhyun leans forward and presses a kiss to Chanyeol’s lips.

Sliding to the ground, Baekhyun kneels between Chanyeol’s parted legs, sliding his hands up the older man’s bare thighs and leaning in to nose at the clothed bulge. A choke spills from Chanyeol’s lips and Baekhyun smirks to himself. Then he moves his lips up and kisses along the band of Chanyeol’s boxers before using his teeth to slowly drag it down. He uses his hands to pull them off completely, allowing Chanyeol’s erection to spring up.

Licking his lips, Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol with large eyes, making the lawyer groan, frustrated. Not breaking eye contact, Baekhyun moves closer until his lips are touching the tip of Chanyeol’s hard cock. Slowly opening his mouth, Baekhyun wraps his pretty lips around the swell, averting his gaze when the intensity in Chanyeol’s eyes starts to get too much. When he feels Chanyeol’s fingers tangling in his hair, he proceeds to engulf the remainder of the older man’s dick.

Moaning, Baekhyun closes his eyes, reminding himself to continue breathing through his nose as he sucks hard.

“Baek,” Chanyeol hisses, hips involuntarily jerking forward, pushing more of his length down Baekhyun’s throat.

Surprisingly, Baekhyun’s gag reflex doesn’t activate but he’s starting to feel the stretch of his lips. Hollowing his cheeks, Baekhyun relaxes his throat at the same time to accommodate Chanyeol’s length better.

“Fuck.”

Smiling slightly, Baekhyun hums, sending vibrations through the tip of Chanyeol’s dick and the latter shudders at the sensation. Careful with his teeth, Baekhyun blows Chanyeol enthusiastically, eagerly, and hopefully in a way that drives the lawyer out of his mind.

Opening his eyes, Baekhyun notices how Chanyeol’s fisting the sheets, so hard that his knuckles have turned white. Bringing his right hand up, Baekhyun splays his fingers over Chanyeol’s abdomen, stroking every so slightly with butterfly touches that makes Chanyeol throw his head bag and spread his legs even wider.

“Pull away,” Chanyeol says suddenly, urgently.

But Baekhyun’s never one to listen to orders. He gives a particularly long suck, waiting to see when he can finally unravel the lawyer. There’re hands pushing at his shoulders but Baekhyun’s determined to suck Chanyeol to completion.

Unashamedly, Baekhyun moans loudly, moving nearer so that he’s deep-throating Chanyeol again. The lawyer’s hands stop and they now rest limply on his shoulders. One hand travels up to tangle his fingers in Baekhyun’s crown of dirty blonde locks. With Chanyeol’s fingers in his hair, tugging lightly, Baekhyun feels a tightening in his stomach and he tries not slip out a whine.

He knows Chanyeol’s near but he still isn’t prepared for the other’s release. Tears start to gather in the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes and he chokes a little but he does his best to swallow everything. Cum dribbles down the corners of his mouth, mixing with some drool. The lawyer tightens his fingers, pulling Baekhyun’s hair and the college student whimpers, feeling himself cumming in his pants.

This time, when Chanyeol pushes at his shoulder, he lets him. But he makes a point to seal his lips tight so that the lawyer’s cum won’t spill out. Then he’s tilting his chin up, making a show of swallowing the remaining of Chanyeol’s cum in his mouth, tongue darting out to lick the sides of his mouth clean afterwards. And he watches as Chanyeol’s mouth hangs open, eyes glazed over because of him. All because of him.

Grinning, Baekhyun doesn’t bother about how there’s still some cum and saliva dribbling down his chin. Though his heartbeat quickens when he sees Chanyeol reaching out to wipe the excess cum away from his face.

“Do you need help?” Chanyeol looks down at Baekhyun’s pants, raising a brow when he sees a wet spot in front but he doesn’t comment on it. “Where did you even learn all these?” Chanyeol closes his eyes shut in his post-orgasm bliss.

“Columbia,” Baekhyun answers proudly like he has a license in giving heads. Chanyeol opens one eye just in time to see Baekhyun smirking and licking his lips again to make sure that there aren’t any white stains left, making Chanyeol open his other eye.

Their gazes are locked on one another and Baekhyun slowly starts to feel irrationally self-conscious so he looks away and hugs his arms around himself.

“My alma mater,” Chanyeol states simply. “I’m pretty sure Columbia doesn’t teach you that.”

Waving his hand, Baekhyun makes his way back to the bed to sit at the edge, placing most of his weight on his left hand as he leans to his side to face Chanyeol. “You just didn’t go to enough parties to learn.”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol pats his side, asking Baekhyun to sit next to him. Baekhyun takes a moment before he complies and slowly crawls over until he can go under the covers to lean on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“You go to a lot of parties?”

“We kind of met after I came back from a party, if you don’t remember,” Baekhyun supplies helpfully despite his reluctance to bring up the Friday Night Incident.

In response, Chanyeol hums thoughtfully, bringing his hand up to comb through Baekhyun’s hair.

They spend a few minutes like this - in silence, Baekhyun almost dozing off with how comfortable Chanyeol’s fingers feel in his hair. Suddenly, Chanyeol tugs a little on Baekhyun’s hair, jerking the college student awake.

Pulling Chanyeol’s hand off, Baekhyun holds the lawyer by his wrist before he turns to glare at him. “What - “

There’s a spark of interest in Chanyeol’s eyes that makes Baekhyun blush and look away.

“Do you have a hair-pu - “

“No,” Baekhyun replies monotonously even before Chanyeol’s done asking the question. “No. No. No. I don’t.” When Chanyeol looks at him sceptically, Baekhyun scowls, combing through his hair with his fingers a few times to calm his erratically beating heart. “I don’t.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol complies easily, smiling at Baekhyun. The older man then interlocks their fingers together before kissing Baekhyun on the knuckles. “What do you want to do now?”

“Wash up,” is what Baekhyun says. But he ends up scooting closer to Chanyeol, allowing the lawyer to put an arm around him and kiss his forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips.

Before knowing what’s going on, Baekhyun is lying on his back again.

“You’re amazing, angel,” Chanyeol says softly, affectionately stroking the side of Baekhyun’s face.

Baekhyun is in love with Chanyeol. He knows that he’s in love.

 

The college student sneaks out of the room when he’s certain that the lawyer is fast asleep. He jerks off again in the shower when he’s back in his own room and ignores Kyungsoo for a whole hour before he forgives the other for ditching him so suddenly. Jongdae goes back to their room after dinner time and they both ignore Jongdae for a good amount of time before Baekhyun finally asks if Jongdae hates him now for keeping such a huge secret for so long.

 

“We’re the non-judging Three Musketeers, Baekhyun,” Jongdae reminds him.

 

They spend the rest of the night watching Harry Potter on the hotel’s television and falling asleep together on the couch with their limbs entangled.

 

 

“So what did you guys do yesterday?” Baekhyun asks over breakfast. They’re eating the hotel’s breakfast. The boring hotel buffet one. Boring but it’s nice.

“I got laid,” Jongdae states simply and the other two don’t even bat an eyelash. “Thrice.” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are still not surprised.

“I was talking on the phone. That’s all.”

Baekhyun and Jongdae know Kyungsoo well enough to know not to prod when he doesn’t say much. Kyungsoo will fill them in on the details when the time is right. Among the three of them, Kyungsoo is arguably the most logical, rational, and sane one. So there isn’t a need for Baekhyun or Jongdae to worry about him. If Kyungsoo wants to keep his boyfriend a secret then they’ll let him keep it a secret for as long as he needs to.

“I blew Chanyeol,” Baekhyun offers in return and Jongdae stops eating to stare at him while Kyungsoo drops his soup spoon to the floor, the metal clanging loudly against the linoleum floor. “That’s all. Oh no, wait. Then I escaped the room while he was sleeping.” Suddenly jumping in his seat, Baekhyun frantically looks around. “Fuck. He’s still in this hotel.”

“Baekhyun, what the fuck?”

Kyungsoo rarely curses and when he does, Baekhyun knows not to play a fool.

“I realised that I’m in love with him, okay,” Baekhyun admits, sounding quite pathetic even to his own ears. “Or I fell in love with him while watching him eat steak.” Cue Jongdae’s laughter but Baekhyun ignores him. “I don’t know, but I love him.”

Just then, Chanyeol walks into the restaurant and Baekhyun panics. The college student throws his napkin onto the table and stands up abruptly, pushing his chair backwards, scraping the floor noisily but no one looks over. No one except Chanyeol.

“Fuck, did I just say that I love him?”

Blatantly ignoring the lawyer’s gaze, Baekhyun makes a grab for his shades but ends up grabbing Kyungsoo’s baguette instead. He smiles sheepishly at his friend but stuffs one-third of the bread into his mouth and reaches for his shades correctly this time. Biting part of the bread off, Baekhyun places the uneaten part onto an empty plate before putting on his shades and quickly hurrying out of the restaurant.

Glancing around the lobby, Baekhyun’s face brightens when he spots a row of large potted plants and darts over to them.

Chanyeol’s following right behind him. Not that he knows.

“Baekhyun, why are you hiding behind a tall plant?”

“I’m trying to hide from Chanyeol,” Baekhyun answers truthfully, not even aware of who he’s replying to. He ducks behind the plant abruptly when he spots a tall man with black hair, a nice back profile and dressed in a well-fitted suit. Thankfully, he got the wrong person. Heaving a sigh of relief, Baekhyun adjusts his shades before frowning when he realises that there’s still someone next to him. “If you can’t help me avoid Chanyeol then please kindly get lost.”

“I am Chanyeol.”

Whipping his head to the side, Baekhyun pulls off his Gucci shades in one swift motion and stares at the person standing next to him. His jaw drops when he realises that it _is_ Chanyeol.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun exclaims.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Chanyeol counters, folding his arms across his chest, a clear indication that he isn’t going to back down.

“Avoiding you!” Baekhyun shouts back in exasperation then his eyes widen comically. “That’s right. I’m avoiding you.” Flashing Chanyeol a smile, he puts his shades back on and straightens his back before walking away. When he nears the exit, he dashes out, mortified at what just transpired between him and the lawyer.

He bumps into Jongdae at the entrance and he immediately grabs his friend by the shoulder and drags him to stand beside a tree.

“Baekhyun, seriously?” Jongdae deadpans. “What are you doing?”

“I’m avoiding Chanyeol.”

“Oh?” Jongdae leans forward, acting like he’s interested to know about Baekhyun’s situation but the latter knows better. “Really?” He then makes a big show of looking around, stretching his neck and turning his head from side to side very slowly. “Is Chanyeol around? Because I don’t see him anywhere and I think it’d be pretty easy to spot him.”

“Why are you like this?” Baekhyun whines, tugging on Jongdae’s sleeves.

“Why are _you_ like this?”

“Because I love him!” Baekhyun covers his mouth immediately after his outburst and Jongdae bends over laughing. “Did I just admit that out loud again?” he squeaks.

“Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun,” Jongdae starts and Baekhyun frowns, subconsciously pouting at his best friend’s tone.

“What?” Baekhyun prods when Jongdae doesn’t say anything.

Lips quirking up, Jongdae merely shakes his head before patting Baekhyun on the shoulder and walking away, leaving Baekhyun standing next to the palm tree and feeling ridiculous.

Once again, Baekhyun is questioning his choices in friends.

 

He spends the rest of the day successfully avoiding Chanyeol, not knowing that the lawyer was only close by at times. But what Baekhyun doesn’t know can’t hurt him. Or traumatise him in this case.

But he doesn’t wipe the memory of Chanyeol’s cock down his throat and his lips stretched around the lawyer’s dick successfully. So he shamefully finds himself getting hard in the middle of the day and struggling to make his way back to the hotel room.

Yet he doesn’t find it in himself to get embarrassed when he walks out of the bathroom after screaming Chanyeol’s name for a good five minutes and sees Jongdae sitting on the couch, in clear listening range of the toilet.

 

 

They’re in the hotel’s restaurant eating the buffet breakfast again. Boring but reliable. And reliability is something Baekhyun needs in his life so he appreciates the venue. At least more than he did yesterday.

The lobster broth sitting in front of Baekhyun looks delicious but there are too many things running through his mind for his appetite to be stimulated. Sighing, he slouches over the table and rests his chin on his folded arms.

Bad table manners, he can hear his dad chiding him while his mom would find him unreasonably adorable. But New York is far away. So are his parents. And Baekhyun has to live in the now. He glances at the time on the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch but gets distracted by how pretty the surface is and forgets to read the time.

Flicking Baekhyun’s forehead, Kyungsoo ignores the whimper that escapes Baekhyun’s mouth. “Why are you acting like you have a terminal illness when you’re just in love?”

Closing his eyes as if in pain, Baekhyun sits up straight and raises a finger. “Shhh. Don’t.” His friends aren’t about to say anything but Baekhyun shushes them again.

“Can you calm down?” Jongdae asks, amused.

“I am calm,” Baekhyun retorts agitatedly, tapping his fingers against the table.

Hand going Baekhyun’s to stop him from drilling a hole into the table, Kyungsoo looks into his eyes. “Why are you so uptight?”

“Because...because...the course of true love never did run smooth.”

“Oh no, this isn’t A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” Jongdae says the same time Kyungsoo tells Baekhyun, “please don’t quote Shakespeare.”

“Because it’s not so simple anymore.” Kyungsoo and Jongdae stare at him wordlessly, expectantly and Baekhyun squirms a little in his seat, not liking the way both of his best friends are looking at him. But they’re the non-judging Three Musketeers. Right. “I know that it’s been complicated between the both of us since the beginning but we don’t - we didn’t - I wasn’t in love!” He cringes at the word, scrunching his face. “But now I...I love him and...I feel more obliged to tell him everything and - “

“It’s not that bad,” Jongdae supplies helpfully now that he knows the whole story and Baekhyun fixes him with a helpless look.

“It is,” Baekhyun says softly, looking to Kyungsoo for support. “But I’m really not ready to tell him everything.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Baekhyun shuts his eyes tightly. “Can I just pretend that none of it ever happened? I’m good at being in denial.”

“Honestly, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo begins and Baekhyun moves his hand away to look at him. “It’s okay to forget. It’s been four years. You were young and stupid. Really stupid. And I hate seeing you like this. So torn and broken over a past you can’t change or erase. If forgetting or acting like all of it never happened is going to be better for you then so be it. You’re my best friend and while I don’t agree with everything you say or do, I don’t want you to keep on suffering over one huge mistake. If you want to let go, just know that I support you. And I don’t blame you for what happened. I never blamed you once.”

“Soo’s right. If you’re hurting so much, maybe you should just let it go. You’re not the same person anymore, Baek,” Jongdae adds on kindly. “If you want to act like none of it happened, I’m fine with it too. I’m not saying that it’s good or that it’s the right thing to do but as a friend, as your best friend...” Jongdae sighs. “I love you, Baek. I don’t want to see you hurting too. We can treat it like it didn’t happen if you want us to.”

Something happened four years ago when Baekhyun was seventeen. Something big and something horrible. Something that Baekhyun’s too embarrassed, too afraid, too ashamed, and too disgusted with himself to face again. Something that Baekhyun wants to bury forever. Something that Baekhyun wants to lock away for life. Something that Baekhyun wants to pretend it never happened.

Something that should stay in the past.

After all, Baekhyun must live in the now.

“In the summer of 2014, I was working part-time at a beach, much like the one we went to on the first day,” Baekhyun says. “I was serving drinks. Before that summer, I was going for club activities and social events like I did in my first year of Regis.”

“You’ll be fine,” Jongdae assures and Kyungsoo nods readily.

From across the room, Chanyeol raises a brow at Baekhyun, pointing to his own plate, telling Baekhyun to eat.

Leaning forward, Baekhyun picks up his spoon and drinks some soup before looking at the lawyer again who’s smiling back at him lovingly.

Baekhyun has to live in the now but the Baekhyun in the now is still so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3
> 
> I hope my readers here aren't giving up on me or this story ;; Anyway, I just really want to say a big thank you to all my readers. To those who left me comments, to those who upvoted, to those who are busy but still take time to read this, to those who enjoy this. They all really mean a lot to me.
> 
> Feel free to leave any guesses or speculations about what happened!
> 
> Also, I didn't intend on updating but when inspiration strikes...well...no more surprise updates >< there're some notes I posted on my fic twitter in case all this is getting too confusing :x I'm sorry for being a sucky writer in this aspect T__T
> 
> Twitter [(main)](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.S.: alternatively, this chapter can be called 'What Happened in Australia' (I'm joking). The initial title was 'Temperature Rising' but I changed it


	14. Cab-Sharer, Heart-Taker

Being in love is all very new to Baekhyun.

It’s all rainbows and sparkles and so cliché that it makes him want to barf at how sentimental he’s getting over Chanyeol. Yet at the same time, nothing much has changed and Baekhyun wonders if he has actually already been in love with Chanyeol for some time. Except he knows that he hasn’t because now he’s thinking of commitment and Baekhyun doesn’t do commitment.

Loving someone else is really tough.

Sure, he’s always admired Chanyeol. He appreciates the lawyer’s good looks and good brain and is fond of the older man’s smiles, laughter, and even frowns. But that has always been it. Baekhyun has always liked Chanyeol and there’s nothing more to it. It has always been a simple infatuation, an insignificant crush, or just puppy love as Kyungsoo and Jongdae likes to say. There was also a period when Baekhyun thought he was merely obsessed but he got rid of that notion as soon as he saw what obsession really was like.

Now love though, that’s a very different story.

“Why the fuck is he still in Hawaii?” Baekhyun snaps over breakfast while chewing on his pink straw, glaring at Chanyeol who’s sitting across the room, talking on the phone and neglecting his Belgian waffles and strawberries which Baekhyun would gladly eat for him.

Sniggering, Jongdae whispers something to Kyungsoo which makes the latter frown and throw a piece of croissant at him.

“What?” Baekhyun asks curtly.

“Stop blowing him then. And maybe he’ll leave Hawaii.”

The moment Baekhyun stands up, Jongdae already has his chair pushed back, laughing uncontrollably and clutching onto his stomach while Kyungsoo restrains Baekhyun from jumping onto the table to strangle Jongdae. They’ve been in such a situation enough times to know that Baekhyun will eventually overpower Kyungsoo so Jongdae runs out of the restaurant shortly after, but not without pointing at Baekhyun with a teasing glint in his eyes first.

Even though Jongdae has already left, Baekhyun is still struggling against Kyungsoo’s hold.

“Let go of me!”

“He’s gone!”

“I know! So let go!”

Hesitantly, Kyungsoo loosens his arms around Baekhyun, expecting the other to sit down and calm himself down like always. But as soon as Kyungsoo frees Baekhyun, the latter is dashing out of the restaurant.

“Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo shouts but his best friend is already out of sight and Kyungsoo knows better than to give chase. Baekhyun can be a very fast runner when he wants to be.

 

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun growls menacingly, determined to find the other and throw him into the swimming pool only to smash into someone’s chest the very next second.

“Woah, slow down,” a familiar voice tells him as a pair of very familiar hands stable him by the arms. “Where are you rushing off to?”

“Weren’t you in the restaurant?” Baekhyun shoots back before even looking up to confirm that it’s Chanyeol he’s talking to.

“Were you watching me?” When Baekhyun only stares at the lawyer, unable to find any words to say, Chanyeol crosses his arms across his chest with a smirk on his infuriatingly handsome face. “Don’t you always have a lot to say?”

If being in love means Baekhyun turning mute in front of the person he _loves_ then screw being in love.

“Baek?” There’s a frown on Chanyeol’s face now as he slowly unfolds his hands, reaching out with one to curl around the side of Baekhyun’s neck, his thumb resting just below his cheekbone. “Are you okay?”

Sighing, Baekhyun looks down and pushes Chanyeol’s hand away. But as the lawyer withdraws his hand, Baekhyun grabs onto it before looking at the older man again. Chanyeol’s wearing a white shirt and a grey sweater. Baekhyun doesn’t bother with what pants the other is wearing as he concludes that Chanyeol looks flawless as usual.

It’s a random meeting in the hotel lobby and Baekhyun’s heart shouldn’t be beating so quickly but it is. They don’t even have plans together for the rest of the day but Baekhyun can’t stop himself from pulling Chanyeol towards the lift.

“Baek?”

Resolutely not facing Chanyeol, Baekhyun squeezes the lawyer’s arm.

 

The older man probably didn’t expect to find himself in his room again with Baekhyun’s mouth all over him.

Hiking a leg up, Baekhyun presses Chanyeol against the back of the door, reveling in the way the lawyer gropes his ass while holding on to his thigh. He kisses Chanyeol eagerly, with a kind of urgency that he doesn’t understand. But the lawyer is kissing back as enthusiastically and he thinks that the former doesn’t really mind that much.

He doesn’t realise that he’s being backed away until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls backwards. The situation is oddly familiar and so are their positions. 

Chanyeol doesn’t give Baekhyun any time to think too much as his mouth latches onto a patch of skin on the college student’s neck.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun gasps, bucking his hips up shamelessly and grinding against the lawyer’s thigh, receiving a low grunt in response.

Suddenly, it all becomes too much - Chanyeol’s lips on his neck, Chanyeol’s fingers in his hair, and Chanyeol, Chanyeol Park in his heart.

“Wait. Wait,” Baekhyun breathes out shakily, pushing at Chanyeol’s shoulder so that the older man will pull off.

“What’s wrong? Did I do anything wrong?” Chanyeol asks worriedly, sitting up as soon as Baekhyun clambers off him.

The college student leans against the pillow and headrest as he draws his knees up to him, a faraway look in his eyes as he stares at the blank television screen. Swallowing, he closes his eyes, tilting his head to one side and letting it hang there for a while. “No. No, you did nothing wrong. I’m fine,” he says softly, leaning down onto Chanyeol’s shoulder and the lawyer’s hand automatically goes around his shoulder. “I’m fine. Just...give me a moment,” he mumbles, his heart clenching when he feels a soft pair of lips pressed against the side of his forehead, making him cuddle in closer.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol repeats patiently, hand now stroking Baekhyun’s dirty blonde locks.

“What happened in Australia?” Baekhyun digresses absentmindedly. “You never told me the full story.”

Humming, Chanyeol stops his hand movement, shifting closer to Baekhyun. “About?”

“You said you got into an accident.”

“Ah.”

Opening his eyes, Baekhyun turns his head slightly to the side. Their faces are close, so close that Baekhyun feels his breath being taken away by the sheer proximity. “So?”

Chanyeol stares back without saying a word and it’s times like this that makes Baekhyun wonder what’s going through the lawyer’s mind but he doesn’t dare to ask either.

“Car accident.”

Eyes widening, Baekhyun squeezes Chanyeol’s arm.

“My ex was high,” is all Chanyeol offers.

But Baekhyun’s curious. Baekhyun’s extremely curious. “Oh,” is all Baekhyun ends up saying.

“If you want to know something,” Chanyeol begins as if he’s able to read the college student’s mind. “Just ask me, Baek. I’ll tell you.”

He’s being given the go-sign but Baekhyun still takes some time to gather the courage to ask. They’re not even dating. Is he going to be overstepping boundaries here? “So you got into a car accident because your ex was high?”

“Is that your question?”

Sighing, Baekhyun turns his head, not looking up this time and burying his face in Chanyeol’s chest. “No,” he mumbles against the fabric of the lawyer’s shirt. “I want to know the details. I want to know everything.”

_‘I want to know everything about you.’_

Does being in love mean becoming more selfish? Because Baekhyun certainly feels like he wants to know more. He’s becoming greedier and he’s not sure if that’s a good thing.

“I was the one driving but she...” Chanyeol trails off and Baekhyun can’t see what expression he’s making but he assumes that Chanyeol is pressing his mouth into a thin line – something the lawyer does whenever he’s recalling a past event or finding the right words to say. “She was high so she kind of just took the wheel. Literally. The car swerved and we rammed into a few hedges before colliding into a fence. Then we got sent to the hospital.”

Chanyeol’s obviously okay from the accident so Baekhyun doesn’t harp about his injuries. “And you didn’t break up with her?”

“I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

An unintentional scoff leaves Baekhyun’s lips.

“Though if I had known that she took drugs before, I wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with her.”

Because of his mother, Baekhyun knows. “Why didn’t you end it when you found out though?”

“Because I liked her. I liked her enough to stay. I know I said I didn’t mind that she was on drugs but I did. Still, I liked her enough to stay.”

“Did you...did you...” Baekhyun sighs, struggling to say the word.

“Love?” Chanyeol fills in for him and Baekhyun can only nod. Chuckling, Chanyeol shakes his head. “It wasn’t love. I didn’t love her. I don’t even think I really know what love is now.”

Inhaling deeply, Baekhyun catches the faint scent of jasmine and rosewood and he realises just how much he has missed the smell.

“I missed you so much,” Chanyeol says suddenly and Baekhyun doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “I missed you so much when I was in Australia.”

Oh.

“I missed you too,” Baekhyun admits before his brain can even stop him from saying the words aloud. “I missed you when you were in Australia too. Thank you for going back to New York.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol reminds Baekhyun, “I didn’t have much of a choice.”

 _‘Thank you for coming back to me,_ is what Baekhyun doesn’t dare to voice out.

 

 

The rest of summer passes like an adrenaline rush. It’s filled with waves crashing against his knees and surfboards flipping upside down and dancing on table tops. It’s filled with cycling under the hot sun and swimming in the evenings and cocktails at midnight. It’s filled with crazy laughter and singing off-pitch to love songs in the bathtub. It’s filled with overflowing feelings and uncontrollable heart palpitations.

For the rest of summer, Baekhyun does his best to avoid Chanyeol. But he also ends up on his knees blowing the lawyer more times than he’d like to admit.

Thankfully, the end of August brings the trio back to New York and then Baekhyun’s back to avoiding Chanyeol like the plague. Seriously this time. After landing in New York, he immediately concludes that it was the summer heat that must have gotten to his brain while he was in Hawaii for him to blow the lawyer so many damn times. Especially since they aren’t even dating.

The end of August brings about Baekhyun’s renewed sense of dread for school.

He spends the remaining days of the summer holiday playing games and watching movies with Jongdae because Kyungsoo’s too busy with his boyfriend to even reply their messages.

“Who do you think Soo is dating?” Baekhyun casually asks over a game of Mario Cart. “I respect his privacy but why so secretive, you know? Who can it possibly be?”

“The Senator,” Jongdae answers very seriously as he swerves his cart to the left and overtakes Baekhyun.

From then on, Baekhyun stops letting his mind wander and he focuses on the game, not allowing himself to be distracted by anything. He’s almost winning one match when Jongdae breaks his concentration.

“Chanyeol called just now when you were in the bathroom.”

Remote control falling out of his hand, Baekhyun scrambles for his phone to check his call log. It isn’t like Chanyeol never contacted him first before but Chanyeol _never_ ever contacted him first when it’s obvious that Baekhyun’s avoiding him on purpose.

The last number he sees on his phone is his brother’s and when he turns back to the screen, he sees Jongdae’s cart coming in at first place.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, he flings it at the back of Jongdae’s head. It hits the target but his best friend only throws the pillow back at Baekhyun while laughing maniacally on the floor.

 

 

“Happy twenty-first, Jongdae. You know that I love you.” Baekhyun pulls his friend’s face towards his and attempts to land a kiss on the birthday boy’s lips. He almost succeeds but Kyungsoo pulls him back by the back of his shirt, telling him not to “traumatise the boy ( _“man”_ , Jongdae cut in) of the day”.

It has only been a few weeks since school started and they’re already drowning in assignments though Jongdae’s already making it more bearable with his birthday party. Thank goodness for Jongdae being born near the end of September.

“Are all these people your friends?” Baekhyun scans the place quickly, finding a few familiar faces in the crowd. “From your major? Media?”

“From Regis, yeah,” Jongdae answers and Kyungsoo sniggers when Baekhyun flashes Jongdae his middle finger.

“Happy Birthday, Jongdae.”

Chanyeol.

Spinning around, Baekhyun almost melts against Kyungsoo’s side as he drinks in the sight of Chanyeol’s dark parted hair. The lawyer’s dressed in a simple striped button shirt and black slacks but he still looks so gorgeous.

“You look good, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol comments, shifting the present he’s holding from one hand to the other.

Looking down at his attire, Baekhyun _guesses_ he looks good. It’s Jongdae’s birthday so he has to dress nicely, but not so much that he outshines the boy of the day. He’s wearing a black shirt which almost slides down his left shoulder, exposing his left collarbone and an artfully tight pair of denim jeans that hugs his ass in all the right places. He guesses he looks good.

“You too, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun replies, smiling a little dizzily as he leans against Kyungsoo and his best friends makes a face at him.

Chanyeol’s smile widens if that’s possible and Jongdae makes a point to clear his throat very loudly.

“Will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Jongdae looks between the older man and his very pathetic best friend. “I mean, seriously. It’s my birthday party and I don’t want any of this nonsense unless the two of you are dating!”

Pulling Jongdae into a hug, Baekhyun buries his face in the side of Jongdae’s neck. “Come on, Dae. Don’t say that.” He gets pushed off immediately.

Hand stretching out towards Chanyeol, Jongdae stares at the present in the lawyer’s hand. “Are you ever going to pass that to me?”

“Oh!” Smiling sheepishly, Chanyeol passes the rectangular-shaped present to Jongdae. “Right…” he mutters before sneaking a look at Baekhyun who smiles back timidly and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the middle-school-like interaction.

“I wonder if you got me a watch,” Jongdae muses sarcastically as he carefully opens the wrapping paper, receiving a dry laugh from Chanyeol. Once the present is unveiled, Jongdae fakes a surprised gasp and throws a hand over his mouth. “You didn’t get me a watch!”

“Don’t you think the box is a little too big for a watch to be inside?” Chanyeol finally asks and Jongdae smirks at him.

But it’s Baekhyun who answers. “Some people don’t grow wiser with age.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re speaking from experience,” Jongdae retorts instantly and Baekhyun almost sticks out his tongue because of sheer pettiness. Almost.

Lifting up the box, Jongdae stares at the brand name. “Baekhyun gets a limited-edition Jaeger-LeCoultre watch and I get a…” Jongdae squints his eyes, acting like he doesn’t have perfect eyesight. “I get a leather jacket.”

“It’s not a limited-edition,” Chanyeol decides to point out, ignoring Jongdae’s mocking behaviour directed at him. “It’s customised.”

Turning to Baekhyun, Jongdae flashes him a sardonic smile. “Baekhyun Byun, your boyfriend is a downright dick.”

Covering his face, Baekhyun moans in distress. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“It’s Gucci?” Kyungsoo offers, not unkindly. “And stop acting like you’re bitter when you’re not. Chanyeol will actually feel bad.”

“It’s the first time I’m seeing you defend me.” Chanyeol grins at Kyungsoo.

Waving his hand dismissively, Kyungsoo eyes his two friends who are bickering over the release date of the jacket. “I defend you all the time when you’re not around to hear what these two have to say about you. Especially that one.” He nods in Baekhyun’s direction.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol turns to Kyungsoo, curious. “Do they um…”

“You can use the singular third person pronoun.”

Chuckling lowly, Chanyeol looks down, avoiding his cousin’s teasing gaze. “Does he talk about me a lot?”

“All the time,” Kyungsoo states plainly, honestly.

“What does he say?”

When Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol lifts his head again and finds the former grinning at him.

“Baekhyun’s an idiot.”

“I heard that,” Baekhyun snaps, lifting a hand to Jongdae’s face to stop whatever comeback the other was going to make.

It’s as if Baekhyun just realised that Chanyeol’s standing a few centimetres away from him and didn’t converse with the other or spend at least two minutes checking the lawyer out in the past ten minutes because he suddenly squeaks and drags Jongdae to a side.

“Why did you invite him?” Baekhyun asked Jongdae in a hushed whisper. Not like Chanyeol could hear him over the noise from the speakers or the crowd but better safe than sorry. Though it isn’t like Baekhyun’s trying to be highly secretive about anything.

“Because I know him and he used to tutor me and he gets me really nice and expensive things every time?”

Leaning back, Baekhyun gives Jongdae a judgmental look, scrunching up his nose in distaste. “He gives you presents every year?”

“Stop acting like you don’t know!” Jongdae hisses and whacks Baekhyun on the head, ignoring the wince and the pout that follow. “But if you really want to know the real reason why I invited him, it’s because…” Jongdae trails off.

“Because?” Baekhyun presses impatiently.

Smiling widely, teeth showing, Jongdae pats Baekhyun on the shoulder. “I invited Chanyeol because,” he starts softly. “I know you want to see Chanyeol, Baek!” he says loudly. Very loudly. Just as the music playing through the speaker stops, causing too many pairs of heads to turn in their direction.

Covering his face, Baekhyun groans as Jongdae bursts out laughing. The music starts playing again then and everyone goes back to minding their own business, though a few nosey ones are still turning their heads to see what’s going on.

“Baek?”

Spreading his fingers apart, Baekhyun shuts them as soon as he sees Chanyeol’s face. “Go away.”

“Why are you acting like that? I thought you wanted to see me?” There’s a teasing lilt in Chanyeol’s voice that Baekhyun doesn’t like. That Baekhyun _loves_.

“I don’t,” Baekhyun says without any conviction. “Go away,” he mutters again.

He feels a hand on the side of his head. Then he feels a pair of lips pressed against his temple.

“I’ll see you at home, Baek.”

 

 

If Baekhyun tells Jongdae that he hates him the next day because Chanyeol kissed the side of his head at the party, Jongdae knows that he’s lying and the he actually means, “Jongdae, I love you.”

 

 

A squirrel dashes out onto the road suddenly but Baekhyun is more surprised at the fact that he notices it, swerving his steering wheel just in time to avoid the little creature and unfortunately crashing into a tree. The impact sends him falling forward but his seatbelt tightens because of the abrupt movement, securing him in place. 

“Fuck!” Baekhyun still finds the need to shout because he swears he heard a very loud crash.

The airbag inflates, squishing Baekhyun’s face and his hands flail as he tries to reach for his phone on the passenger’s seat.

“Siri!” he shouts for the mostly useless assistant. The robot-like voice comes on and he doesn’t know what possesses him to make the command, “call Chanyeol!”

A few rings later and the line connects.

 _“Baekhyun?”_ comes Chanyeol’s voice. Low, tantalising voice and Baekhyun can’t help but wonder if Chanyeol speaks like that at work the whole damn day. But now isn’t the time to be thinking about such things.

“I crashed my car into a tree at Central Park.”

_“I’m on my way.”_

Then the line went dead.

 

Twenty minutes later, Chanyeol’s helping Baekhyun out of the car saying some things along the lines of, “are you okay?”, “are you injured anywhere?”, “are you hurt?”, and Baekhyun can feel himself melting, not from the summer sun (besides, it’s almost autumn soon). And then, “you’re really an idiot”.

Pushing Chanyeol off, Baekhyun dusts himself as he stares mournfully at the big truck ready to bring his car away.

“How do I get to school now?” Baekhyun bemoans the loss of his car.

“How did you get to school last time?”

Shooting Chanyeol a pleading look, car all but forgotten, Baekhyun reaches for the lawyer’s hands but the latter moves away on purpose with a teasing smile on his face.

“Don’t steal my cabs, _please_. It’s my third year. It’s important to me,” Baekhyun says like his first and second year didn’t matter that much.

Shrugging, Chanyeol takes a step back, turning to look at the road just in time to flag a yellow cab. “We’ll see,” he tells Baekhyun as he gets into the backseat of the car.

The door remains wide open and Baekhyun merely stares at it until Chanyeol sticks his head out.

“Are you getting in?”

Without wasting another second, Baekhyun walks towards the car but Chanyeol slams it shut before Baekhyun reaches it and the cab drives off, leaving Baekhyun standing on the road looking like an idiot.

The college student’s phone rings and he angrily unlocks his phone.

_There’re too many cars behind. Had to leave. Sorry_

“Yeah right!” he shouts at his phone and doesn't bother with a reply as he shoves it into his pocket.

Then he looks at the number of cars starting to line the street and makes a pathetic noise at the back of his throat. He pulls out his phone again the next second, praying to all the Uber Gods. 

 

 

“No no no no!” Baekhyun shouts, rushing out of the apartment building and going straight for the sole yellow cab that’s parked right outside.

Slamming his hand against the window, Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol who currently has a hand on the door handle as he looks at Baekhyun, amused, far too amused.

“This is _my_ cab,” Baekhyun grits out, internally reprimanding himself for not getting up earlier and for spending so much time styling his hair. But at least the wind didn’t mess it up from his short sprint.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says patiently, hand already reaching for the college student’s wrist. “Hands off.”

Pushing Chanyeol back with his free hand, Baekhyun pouts at the older man. “No. It’s _my_ cab.”

“Really?” Chanyeol asks with a raised brow. “Is your name on it?”

“Don’t be childish.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol easily pulls Baekhyun’s hand away and opens the car door, ignoring the younger’s squeak of protest. “Get in.”

Surprised, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, wide-eyed for a few moments before he quickly slips into the backseat before the lawyer changes his mind. And because Baekhyun is vindictive, he slams the door shut before Chanyeol enters and tells the driver to go.

 

 

“Shouldn’t your car have been ready like a week ago? It’s been two weeks.”

Baekhyun pauses to think. “No?”

In fact, it was supposed to be ready a day after the accident since the damage isn’t that big and well, frankly, Baekhyun can pay for a quick service. But he delayed the payment on purpose, telling the servicing company to just keep his car for now because he wanted to see if Chanyeol was going to steal his cabs again (he quite enjoyed that to be honest). Of course, he didn’t tell the workers the reason why but they never asked for it either.

Everything’s turning out more pleasant than Baekhyun expected. The lawyer isn’t stealing his cabs. The lawyer is _sharing_ them (except on the first day which Chanyeol still claims that there were cars waiting behind and the second day when Baekhyun’s pettiness acted up but all is well).

Sharing cabs mean Baekhyun gets to play with Chanyeol’s fingers in the backseat and nap on the older man’s shoulder when he wants to. It almost means Chanyeol kissing him on the cheek when the cab drops Baekhyun off at Columbia.

All is well.

“See you at home!” Baekhyun chirps after Chanyeol leans in to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“See you.”

Before Baekhyun leaves the cab, he stares at Chanyeol for a while and smiles at the older man stupidly until the latter tells him to get off while laughing. And Baekhyun has never been so in love before.

“Are you ever going to fix your car?” Kyungsoo asks plainly when he sees Baekhyun exiting the cab, knowing full well that Chanyeol’s also inside.

“Maybe I won’t,” Baekhyun replies merrily, hooking arms with Kyungsoo as they walk towards their class together. “It’s so nice to see him every morning.”

“You see him every day,” Kyungsoo deadpans.

Waving him off, Baekhyun shakes his head. “That’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

“It’s just nice seeing him. It makes me happy.”

Untangling their arms, Kyungsoo makes Baekhyun face him. “Then tell him.”

Smiling, Baekhyun only holds Kyungsoo’s arm again, sticking closer to his best friend this time. His answer isn’t probably what Kyungsoo’s expecting or used to.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONGish A/N
> 
> I took forever to finish writing this chapter because one, I have no motivation and two, I worry too much. Recently, I've spoken to a few friends about seriously quitting writing and they all tell me not to if I really enjoy it. The problem is, I do enjoy writing but it's also a source of stress. I also do love this story but I put too much effort and emotions into it so it gets really frustrating for me when I can't put my thoughts into words.
> 
> Though I still hope to finish this because I love this story!
> 
> Twitter [(main)](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> PS: I don't know when the next update will be because the next two-three weeks are going to be crazy at school with all my assignments due
> 
> PPS: I just planned a ten-chaptered Chanbaek Dragon fic based on Wings of Time (one of my 12 Days of Chanbaek) but I'm really not confident of my writing anymore this feeling sucks T___T


	15. Let's Try This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this and tweeting about it, use #LDTR (yes, I'm trying this again because I'm a failure who doesn't know how to give up.)! :D

“Kyungsoo, when will you tell us who you’re dating?” Baekhyun asks as soon as their lecture ends and his friends give him a look of disdain. “Just curious,” Baekhyun defends quickly. “I’m not forcing you or telling you to tell us now. But you know, just curious.”

“Have you been thinking about that throughout the whole lecture?”

“I’d be lying if I said I was.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo picks up his bag and gets out of his seat. Baekhyun does the same and trails after Kyungsoo when the other starts walking towards the door.

“So?” Baekhyun prods.

“When I break up with him, maybe.”

The answer Baekhyun gets makes him stop in his tracks but Kyungsoo continues walking as if he gave a perfectly normal answer.

“Soo,” Baekhyun calls but his best friend continues walking so Baekhyun has to pick up his pace again to catch up. “Soo,” he repeats when he’s walking beside Kyungsoo, hand resting on the latter’s shoulder to stop him. “You know that Jongdae and I will always have your back no matter what, right?”

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo nods.

“And if there’s anything that we can do – ” Baekhyun stops short when he sees Kyungsoo shaking his head.

Flashing Baekhyun a smile, Kyungsoo assures, “it’s nothing. Don’t worry too much about it. And please don’t tell me that Jongdae’s going to be questioning me about this later as well.”

Narrowing his eyes, Baekhyun leans in towards Kyungsoo. “Why wasn’t I invited to this outing?”

“You said you wanted to study in the library!” Kyungsoo exclaims. “And then catch Chanyeol in your apartment building lobby when you get back in the evening. You’re really quite the stalker, aren’t you, Baekhyun Byun? I don’t even know what time my uncle gets off work and I stayed with him for more than half my life.”

Lifting a finger, Baekhyun frowns. “I did not say the second part,” Baekhyun argues but Kyungsoo merely shrugs, unbothered. “And your uncle is the boss. Bosses don’t have fixed timings like lawyers.”

“Corporate lawyer,” Kyungsoo points out unnecessarily. “You’re not going to deny that you’re going to try catching him?”

“Well, if it’s a coincidence, it can’t really be helped, can it,” Baekhyun says dismissively.

Shaking his head fondly, a small smile appears on Kyungsoo’s face. “You’re incorrigible.”

“I’m a man in love,” Baekhyun argues.

Smirking, Kyungsoo starts walking again when people from the next class start filtering into the hallway. “In love, huh?” he muses when Baekhyun falls into step next to him. “What makes you so sure?”

Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun contemplated Kyungsoo’s words. _What_ did make him so sure?

Eventually shrugging, Baekhyun turns to Kyungsoo with a grin. “Don’t know.”

“Like I said, incorrigible.”

“Aren’t you sick of Jongdae’s face yet? I mean you guys did spend an entire year at Regis without me,” Baekhyun digresses, not willing to hear any more insults thrown at his face by his beloved best friend.

“Jongdae’s arguably more bearable than you because he doesn’t mope about my cousin 24/7.”

Making a noise of protest, Baekhyun glares at Kyungsoo. “I do not mope about Chanyeol 24/7.”

“You were like a puppy back then,” Kyungsoo continues in a mocking tone. As Baekhyun’s about to shoot back a reply, Kyungsoo stops and points to something behind Baekhyun’s head. “Library. Off you go. Be a good student and make Chanyeol proud so that his tutoring efforts wouldn’t go to waste.”

Smiling sarcastically at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun turns around and walks into the library. There’s just something about the smell of intelligence hanging in the air that renews his determination of finishing all or most of his assignments. Jongdae would say that it’s just the smell of the aircon and some fragrance they sprayed, like in every library. But Baekhyun thinks he’s an idiot because it’s obviously the smell of paper and old books.

He remembers going to the library when he was younger to pretend to study when he actually went there to watch Chanyeol bury his nose in law books because the older boy was preparing for law school. He remembers falling asleep all the time because the air conditioning was always too cold. He also remembers Chanyeol draping a jacket over him every single time until Baekhyun just started to wear his Colombia varsity jackets and hoodies to keep himself warm. Chanyeol didn’t smell like jasmine and rosewood back then, and Baekhyun wonders if the other only started to wear cologne when he was in Harvard.

There’s also one time when Chanyeol forgot about him, left him sleeping until the library was closing and a librarian woke him up. Though more than guilt, Chanyeol was far more amused that Baekhyun could sleep undisturbed for such a long period of time. And Baekhyun was all too happy to play the part of being the upset and spoilt child when he was actually amused about the whole situation himself so that the older boy would treat him to yoghurt for the whole week.

Excuses. So many excuses. Baekhyun was always good with coming up with excuses - to skip school, to get a new toy, and the list goes on. Oh, and to see Chanyeol. At one point, it was probably obsession, Baekhyun’s certain of it now but he still doesn’t know how such an irrational obsession came about and he concludes that it was probably hormones (which is Jongdae’s favourite excuse for anything that happened during middle school and high school).

Baekhyun’s always liked Chanyeol though. The older man was easy to like, it helped that he had a good face, but he was always so much more than that.

But at the end of the day, what is love, really?

 

 

Reversing his car into his designated lot, Baekhyun pulls the brake and stays in his seat for a while. Not having a car was starting to get inconvenient so Baekhyun finally decided to collect the vehicle after leaving the library (at an earlier time than he planned) and drove back home.

The clock in the car reads 7:45 PM and Baekhyun waits until it’s 7:50 PM for no reason before he turns off the ignition and grabs his bag from the passenger seat before getting out of his car and locking it.

He isn’t trying to catch Chanyeol or trying to bump into the other. No, he isn’t.

To say that he’s surprised when he spots Chanyeol near the cushion seats at the lift area when he enters the building is a little bit of an understatement. He stops dead in his tracks and stares. Stares at the lawyer’s side profile. Stares at the way the older man’s hands are moving as he explains something over the phone.

At times like this, Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol Park is even real and wonders if the latter will suddenly disappear one day and he’ll wake up from this fairytale dream.

Slowly, he approaches Chanyeol. When the older man notices Baekhyun, he gives the college student a gentle smile, pointing to his phone and Baekhyun takes it as a cue for him to take a seat and wait for the lawyer to be done.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol gestures towards the lift and Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Yes, I’m still here. Sorry about that,” Chanyeol says, flashing Baekhyun a sheepish smile before he continues pacing as he resumes his conversation, entirely focused on it this time.

Baekhyun’s flattered to know that Chanyeol was distracted by him enough to forget responding to the person on the other line. He smiles at the thought that Chanyeol might possibly be as infatuated with him as he is with the older man. But he wipes away the thought quickly, having learnt not to hold too many expectations, especially when it comes to _love_.

For some bizarre reason, Baekhyun reaches the conclusion there and then that love is a cruel and unpredictable thing that he cannot trust. Though he changes his mind immediately when Chanyeol is back to facing him again with a charming smile on his face.

“I’m done with my call. You want to...”

“Go up?” Baekhyun completes the question with a chuckle. He stands up without saying another word and goes over to the life to touch the up button, suddenly feeling butterflies in his stomach when Chanyeol stands next to him and the smell of jasmine and rosewood fill his senses.

“Do you have classes that end so late this semester?” Chanyeol begins. He doesn’t sound entirely interested to know the answer but Baekhyun knows that he is because of the way he keeps looking towards Baekhyun’s direction.

“I was studying in the library,” Baekhyun explains. “Why?” he asks, a cheeky smile appearing on his face.

The lift doors open and Baekhyun takes a step inside, Chanyeol following after and pressing their floor level. None of them move to press the button to close the doors.

“Just curious,” Chanyeol lies and Baekhyun is mildly surprised at how easily he can read Chanyeol today.

“Were you waiting for me?” Baekhyun teases, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he scrunches his eyes, a playful smile on his lips. He already knows what the answer would be and how it’ll sound like - a straight and simple ‘no’ if Chanyeol really wasn’t waiting or a hesitant ‘no’ if Chanyeol was trying to cover up. Baekhyun guesses that he’ll be able to tell anyway.

“Yes.”

The pair of doors finally slide close and the space inside the lift is suddenly too small and to quiet. So quiet that Baekhyun can hear his own heart beating so loudly in his ears.

With wide eyes, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol. The lawyer’s looking back at him with a serious expression on his face to show that he wasn’t lying and that Baekhyun didn’t hear wrongly. Swallowing, Baekhyun opens his mouth to say something, anything, but he finds that words have once again failed him.

But he only takes a split second to compose himself and form a proper sentence. Though the words that come out of his mouth next aren’t what he intended to say.

“I really feel like pressing the emergency stop button right now and kiss you on the lips and never let go.”

Tilting his head to the side, one side of Chanyeol’s lips quirk upwards. “You don’t have to press the emergency button.”

Closing the small distance between them, Chanyeol bends down, turning his head sideways so that he can kiss Baekhyun full on the lips.

Eyelids fluttering shut, Baekhyun melts into the kiss and can’t help but wonder if this is how love tasted like. Resting his right hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, Baekhyun gradually moves it upwards to curl around the lawyer’s neck, then to caress his face and to bring him closer to deepen the kiss.

The lift has stopped moving, or at least Baekhyun thinks it has - he doesn’t really know. All he knows is that right now, with his hand on Chanyeol’s cheek and his lips occupied with the lawyer’s, he has never been more in love.

When they break apart, the lift doors are open and somehow Baekhyun expects Jihoon Sung to be standing right there to ruin the moment but when he checks, there isn’t anyone standing outside.

“You’re tense. A little flighty,” Chanyeol notes all of a sudden, observing Baekhyun with gentle eyes.

“I’m not,” comes Baekhyun’s instant response.

So many things could go wrong when it comes to Chanyeol. So many things that Baekhyun doesn’t dare to risk but wants to risk all the same.

“You kissed me,” Baekhyun says softly, stepping out of the lift, going straight to Chanyeol’s door and not his own. “Why?” he asks, turning around to face the lawyer.

“You kissed back.” Chanyeol walks until he’s standing in front of Baekhyun. “Why?”

_“Because I love you. But do you love me?”_

“Because I wanted to.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol pulls his card out and scans it against his handle before keying in his passcode, not bothering to hide it from Baekhyun since the other already knew.

“You’ve been acting strange recently,” Chanyeol points out when the door closes behind Baekhyun and they’re both in the comforts of his living room. “Ever since we came back from Hawaii.” Frowning, Chanyeol pauses in taking out the cufflinks on his left sleeve. “Even when we were in Hawaii actually. With you hiding behind the tall plant and all.”

The memory of running away from Chanyeol all summer resurfaces in Baekhyun’s mind and he has the decency to look embarrassed. The memory of blowing the lawyer all summer also resurfaces and Baekhyun scowls this time.

“Did the blowjobs make it awkward?” Chanyeol asks tentatively.

Scoffing, Baekhyun brushes a stray strand of hair aside. “No,” he answers in a tone that leaves no room for argument. “I would gladly blow you again.”

Laughing, Chanyeol shakes his head in disbelief. “You really are ridiculous, you know that, Baekhyun Byun?”

Leaning against the doorframe, Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol unloosens his tie and takes it off.

“But something happened, right?” the lawyer continues probing.

_“Yeah. I fell in love with you, you idiot.”_

This is one of the moments when Baekhyun hopes that he didn’t actually say any of his thoughts out loud by accident. Going by how Chanyeol’s still looking at him with a mixture of worry and confusion, Baekhyun knows that he didn’t slip anything out. Sighing, he looks down at the painted golden stars of his trust Gucci sneakers.

“Are you going to sit down or are you just going to stand there?”

Not lifting his head up, Baekhyun trudges towards the couch while counting the number of stars there are on his sneakers. There are seven on each side, he already knows that but he counts up to eight stars this time and doesn’t bother wondering where the last star came from. (From his imagination most likely.)

The couch dips seconds later and Baekhyun instinctively leans on Chanyeol’s shoulder. A hand curls around his waist to bring him nearer and he sighs in contentment, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth and the smell that is so distinctly Chanyeol.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asks for the umpteenth time in yet another variation.

“What are we, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun knows that he sounds tired.

“What do you want us to be?”

“What about you?” Baekhyun counters, hoping that he’ll get an answer and not another question in return.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to give Chanyeol a reply. He does, he really does. But he also honestly doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what he wants them to be. Family friends? Friends? Friends with benefits? Lovers? Boyfriends? Or something else entirely?

There’s too much at stake for any of the options and Baekhyun isn’t willing to feel vulnerable over something he suggests. Being just family friends is too unrealistic, too impersonal, and simply just too unthinkable. Being just friends feel the same way. As friends with benefits, that’s a different story, but all too painful for Baekhyun to consider another second longer. Being lovers sounds like a good idea, but the term also sounds too scandalous for the title of their relationship and Baekhyun doesn’t want that. Maybe being boyfriends would be nice. At least Baekhyun won’t be so confused about their relationship anymore.

“I want us to be together.”

Shocked, Baekhyun pulls away from Chanyeol so that he can see the lawyer’s face. So that he can see if there’s any doubt or even a hint of a smile on the older man’s face to show that he doesn’t mean it, to show that he’s only joking.

“Be serious,” Baekhyun warns.

Together. It isn’t even a title per se, so abstract, so intangible, but at the same time, it sounds so possible.

“Be serious,” Baekhyun repeats sternly.

“I am serious.” Bringing a hand to Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol smiles at the college student. “We’ve been at this whole thing for so long, don’t you think it’s time to give it a try? Give us a try?” When Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol continues. “We want each other, I think that much is obvious. But we can never move ahead if we don’t even try. If we don’t even start. I know you’re scared and I am too. So let’s be afraid together.”

But there’s still so much at stake.

“I like boys, Baek,” Chanyeol says, stroking Baekhyun’s cheek tenderly. “Are you willing to take this risk on me?” There’s a hint of a smile in his voice.

And really, there’s only one thing Baekhyun can say - “yes”.

Smiling, Chanyeol leans forward, sealing their lips together for the second time that day and Baekhyun kisses back eagerly, more surely this time.

Breaking the kiss, Chanyeol looks into Baekhyun’s eyes. “I know that there are still so many things that we don’t know about each other. So many things that we are keeping from each other. Your father still hates me and I’m so terrified but I want you more than I am afraid of your father.”

“I want you too,” Baekhyun says, slightly breathless as he drowns in Chanyeol’s eyes. “I want you too.”

There’s a storm raging in Baekhyun’s heart, conflicting emotions making his head spin, but before his eyes is Chanyeol and that’s really all he ever wanted.

“They say the course of true love never did run smooth.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol cups Baekhyun’s face with his hands, and bends forwards to press their foreheads together, whispering, “and who said that? Lysander?”

“Never pegged you for a Shakespeare person,” Baekhyun jokes, knowing full well that Chanyeol knows his English texts.

“And what do you say, Baekhyun?”

There’s still so much at stake. So much to risk. So much to lose. So much to be heartbroken and feel pain over. But there’s also so much to take. So much to gain. So much to love. And so much to be happy.

There are still too many lies. Too many secrets. Too many unwanted memories. Too many broken thoughts. But there are also too many chances. Too many fond memories. Too many happy thoughts. And too much love.

“I say let’s try this.”

 

 

Waking up next to Chanyeol isn’t something new to Baekhyun. It’s something that he’s rather used to. Too used to in fact.

But it suddenly feels strange when Baekhyun opens his eyes in the morning and feels a warm body pressed close to his back and arms looped around his waist. Very slowly, he removes Chanyeol’s hands and quietly gets off the bed. Looking around the room, his face brightens up when he spots a pair of dark blue room slippers lying on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Standing on his tiptoes, Baekhyun makes his way towards the room slippers and slips into them. They’re too big for him but they keep his feet warm so he isn’t going to complain.

Looking back over his shoulder, Baekhyun sees Chanyeol still sleeping soundly, watches the calm rise and fall of the lawyer’s chest as he snores softly. It’s a Saturday and Baekhyun thinks that Chanyeol can really use a good nap and sleep in so he doesn’t bear to wake the other up. It’s also nice watching Chanyeol sleep because he looks so different from his usual professional self.

And Baekhyun’s going to leave before he starts to become one of those creepy boyfriends.

 

Sitting at the dining table, Baekhyun stares blankly at the photo frame of Chanyeol’s graduation picture at Harvard with his grandparents.

What do people who are dating actually do? Baekhyun’s dated once before, sure, but it wasn’t conventional to say the least.

Though he’s watched enough movies and Netflix series to know that making breakfast is always a good way to go. But first, he has to update his dear best friends.

Walking over to the couch, Baekhyun easily finds his phone sticking out of his bag. He opens the group chat he has with Kyungsoo and Jongdae and types a very simple _I’m dating Chanyeol_ before he sends the message.

A reply comes within seconds and Baekhyun isn’t even surprised. What slaves they are to technology.

 _Congrats_ , reads Kyungsoo’s message.

 _Details_ , is Jongdae’s nosey one.

 _Later_ , Baekhyun promises and throws his phone back into his bag, ignoring the urge to pick it up again when he heard it vibrate.

With a mission in mind, Baekhyun proudly walks into the kitchen only to remember that he can’t cook. Dismissing that fact from his mind, Baekhyun casually walks over to the fridge and opens it to see what Chanyeol has inside. Despite being over at the lawyer’s house so often, Baekhyun realises how little of the place he’s actually seen before. It’s always the living room and the guest room, though it quickly became the bedroom.

Eggs, vegetables, milk, bottled drinks, snacks.

The contents are all very boring.

Groaning, Baekhyun pushes the door shut and folds his arms across his chest as he contemplates what he should do next. He could go back to his house, find a new set of clothes to change into and then go out and buy some breakfast but he doesn’t feel like changing out of Chanyeol’s shirt.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun decides to wash up first, hoping that Chanyeol will be up by the time he’s done brushing his teeth so they can go out for breakfast together.

 

Chanyeol isn’t awake by the time Baekhyun’s done brushing his teeth and more asleep than ever.

“Seriously?” Baekhyun muses aloud from the door before closing it again so as to not disturb the lawyer’s rest.

Baekhyun isn’t a very creative person when it comes to breakfast ideas so MacDonald’s it is.

After ordering the food, he sits himself down on the couch, bringing his knees up as he scrolls through his notifications, ignoring most of them and going straight to his group chat with his best friends.

There aren’t many messages after his last reply but it appears that Kyungsoo grew curious after all judging by the last message sent to the group.

_How did it happen?_

Yeah, how _did_ it happen?

Pondering for a moment, Baekhyun types and backspaces a few times before he’s satisfied with his answer.

_It just did_

Technically, it just _did_. There wasn’t a particularly memorable thing from last night that Baekhyun could pinpoint in his mind as the moment that he and Chanyeol decided to start dating. It just kind of happened.

Bringing his fingers back to his keyboard, Baekhyun quickly adds, _I told him that the course of true love never did run smooth_

The next second Baekhyun receives almost identical responses from his two best friends.

 _Did Chanyeol reply: But either it was different in blood?_ , comes Kyungsoo’s reply while Jongdae’s one is a simple _Did Chanyeol finish the rest of Lysander’s line?_

Baekhyun’s betting his newest pair of sneakers on the fact that Jongdae doesn’t remember the lines. He’s also regretting taking English classes with the two of them in high school (not that he had much of a choice).

 _That’s not the point_ , Baekhyun tells his best friends. _I said love and he didn’t refute it. Do you guys think he loves me too??_

It takes a while for either of them to reply this time and Baekhyun frowns at his phone. How typical of them to go quiet when they’re not going to poke fun at him.

Jongdae’s the first to reply.

_I think he loves you. But I also think that he probably thought you were just quoting from Shakespeare._

As Baekhyun’s about to reply, he gets a new text message that the MacDonald’s delivery boy is waiting in the lobby because he doesn’t have any access to go up.

 _Ttyl. Got to collect breakfast_ , Baekhyun notifies.

_What did you order..._

It’s a text message but Baekhyun can hear the worry in Kyungsoo’s words.

 _MacDonald’s_ , he stares at the fast food restaurant’s name for a few seconds and debates on coming up with a lie but decides to send it anyway. Let them judge away.

_You’re so romantic, Byun_

It’s a text message but Baekhyun can hear the sarcasm in Jongdae’s words.

And he doesn’t really care.

Smiling to himself, Baekhyun grabs his folded pair of jeans he changed out of last night and kicks off the house slipper before he puts them on and steps into his sneakers. He isn’t quiet about leaving the house at all but he makes it a point to shut the door gently even though the doors in this building don’t slam.

When Baekhyun reaches the lobby, the first person he sees is Jihoon Sung, who’s wearing an extremely ugly orange tie that reminds him of his dreadful Milton days. Then he sees the delivery boy. But he chooses to approach Jihoon Sung first even though he has no business with the older man.

“Working on a Saturday?” Baekhyun doesn’t know why he’s making conversation with Jihoon Sung and making the poor delivery boy wait.

The moment Jihoon Sung opens his mouth, Baekhyun immediately apologises and excuses himself to take the paper bag from the delivery boy before standing in front of the old lawyer again, smiling brightly. Meanwhile, Jihoon Sung doesn’t look all too happy, staring at Baekhyun with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t like you,” Jihoon Sung says, the raw honesty in his voice making Baekhyun want to burst out laughing.

“I know,” Baekhyun replies easily, holding back his sniggers.

“I know what you did in high school, Baekhyun. I think the whole Upper East Side knows.”

“I think not,” Baekhyun counters, unwavering.

“You need to stay away from Chanyeol,” the old lawyer warns, gritting his teeth. “You’re no good for him and I care about Chanyeol. He’s like a son to me.”

“We’re dating.”

The revelation leaves Jihoon Sung speechless for a whole good minute as the lawyer opens and closes his mouth a few times, seemingly struggling to find the words he wants to say.

“I’m telling Mr Park.”

“No!” Holding Jihoon Sung’s hand, Baekhyun looks at the older man fearfully. “Please don’t. Please don’t do this to me.”

“Then you have to tell Chanyeol what you did.”

“I will,” Baekhyun promises. “Just...just not now. Please. I need more time. Don’t do this to me.” It’s now that Baekhyun realises that he’s not above begging a man he detests so much. All for the sake of love. Chanyeol Park better be worth it.

“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t call Mr Park right here and now and tell him that you’re dating his son?” The phone’s already in Jihoon Sung’s hand and he seems like the kind of man who makes good on his words.

“Because I care about him too,” comes Baekhyun’s quick reply but Jihoon Sung is shaking his head. “Because I won’t hurt him.” Another shake of his head and Baekhyun groans, frustrated. “Because I love him!”

Staring at Baekhyun, Jihoon Sung slowly pockets his phone and Baekhyun can finally breathe again. “I know you’re not bad by nature, kid. And I can see that you really love Chanyeol. But that boy’s been hurt so many times and as his mentor, I don’t want to see him go down the wrong path again.”

“Thank you,” is the only thing that Baekhyun can say.

The old lawyer nods curtly and he’s on his way out of the building.

 

When Baekhyun returns to Chanyeol’s apartment, he dumps the paper bag onto the dining table before making his way to the bedroom to find that Chanyeol’s still sleeping.

Mouth twitching, Baekhyun sits on the bed and pokes Chanyeol’s arm a few times. “Wake up.” He pokes harder this time. “I. Said. Wake. Up.” Still no response. Frowning, Baekhyun leans down to check if the lawyer’s breathing, then he sits up straight again. “You’re not dead, are you? You can’t die! You can’t die when we just decided to start dating last night! We just got together!”

“I’m not dead. Stop shouting,” Chanyeol mumbles sleepily, pressing his eyes shut tightly before he slowly cracks one eye open.

“You had a good sleep,” Baekhyun muses sarcastically, pointedly trying not to look at Chanyeol’s toned chest and wishes that the lawyer can put on a shirt soon.

“Kind of.” Chanyeol yawns, stretching a little before he’s smiling at Baekhyun. “What did you get for breakfast? I heard you going in and out of the house.”

Oh. So maybe Chanyeol has been awake for quite some time now.

“MacDonald’s.”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol asks, “really?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun leans to one side, resting his palm on the bed. “Yeah.”

“How romantic.”

It’s Baekhyun’s turn to raise a brow because of the lack of mockery or sarcasm in Chanyeol’s voice. It almost sounds like he really means it. “Really?”

Grinning, Chanyeol nods. “Yeah.”

Sitting up, Chanyeol brings a hand to the back of Baekhyun’s head suddenly, pushing it forward so that he can press their lips together in a kiss.

Caught off guard, Baekhyun’s eyes remain wide open as he lets Chanyeol kiss him. The lawyer’s lips are dry, a little chapped because of the air conditioner left on for the whole night. But the way he’s nibbling Baekhyun’s bottom lips makes the college student think that they’re actually really soft.

Eyelids fluttering close, Baekhyun moves closer to the older man, tentatively placing his hands on the latter’s bare shoulders.

When Chanyeol pulls away, a lazy smile on his face, dark hair wild and all over the place, Baekhyun doesn’t feel like chasing after the kiss. But he tilts his head slightly, stares at Chanyeol, and he doesn’t dare to blink.

“Are you going to disappear if I blink? Because I can’t keep my eyes open for much longer,” Baekhyun says softly.

“You can try,” Chanyeol whispers back sweetly.

And Baekhyun blinks. It’s only for a split second but he thinks his heart stopped for that split second.

“Good morning, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated because I want the date stamp to be on my birthday. AND! It's a happy chapter! They got together! Yay. Thank you to those who left me comments on the previous chapter for all your sweet encouragements. I'll try to reply them soon ><
> 
> Twitter [(main)](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> xoxo


	16. Stay Away From My Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do use #LDTRCB on Twitter or @ me [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> if you're reading this!
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> xoxo

“Soo, we’re dating.” It’s the first thing that comes out of Baekhyun’s mouth when he settles in the seat next to Kyungsoo come Monday.

Leaning on his palm, Baekhyun flashes a sickeningly sweet smile to his best friend who looks back at him with doubt written all over his face.

“We’re dating,” Baekhyun repeats when Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything while still trying to connect his laptop to the university’s Wi-Fi. “Like me and Chanyeol.”

Frowning, Kyungsoo continues typing on his keyboard but he gives Baekhyun a reply this time. “Why does this sound oddly familiar? I remember you telling me something like this approximately a year ago.”

“Really?” Baekhyun feigns surprise. “You must have a very good memory, then. Because I don’t recall telling you anything like this before.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo mimics in the same tone. “Because I remember you falling head over heels and being mopey and whiny and – ”

“But it’s real this time,” Baekhyun cuts Kyungsoo off, not wanting to hear any more of the mockery by his best friend.

Scoffing, Kyungsoo finally looks away from his screen, giving Baekhyun a wry smile. “You told me and Jongdae about this through text yesterday and then proceeded to ignore us for the rest of the weekend.” Before Baekhyun can protest, Kyungsoo holds a finger up to stop Baekhyun from speaking. With a sarcastic grin and an even more patronising tone, Kyungsoo asks, “where did you guys make out this time? On the sofa? In the lift?”

The corner of Baekhyun’s lips tug upwards and Kyungsoo scowls in disdain before pinching Baekhyun’s arm, making him wince.

“But congratulations, really,” Kyungsoo continues more seriously this time. “You can fulfil your thirteen-year-old fantasy of having sex with him.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun buries his face in his hands. “He doesn’t want to have sex,” he mumbles to his palms but Kyungsoo probably heard him because he’s pulling Baekhyun’s hands away the next second. “Because he almost got sued for statutory rape?” Baekhyun explains without needing Kyungsoo to ask, knitting his brows together as the words leave his mouth.

When he glances at Kyungsoo, he sees his best friend’s eyes large like an owl’s, making him scowl.

“No,” Baekhyun says immediately, unable to keep the annoyance out of his tone. “He didn’t rape anyone if that’s what you were thinking. His druggie ex wanted to frame him.”

Scrunching up his nose, Kyungsoo pats Baekhyun’s arm sympathetically. “Tough luck.”

“Why are you being so cryptic?” Baekhyun snaps, roughly pushing Kyungsoo’s hand away. “There’s nothing wrong with us.”

“Baek.”

“Shut up.”

They remain silent for a few moments until Kyungsoo breaks it.

“Baek.” Kyungsoo’s using a softer, gentler tone this time, encouraging Baekhyun to face him. “I didn’t say that anything was wrong with you and Chanyeol dating.”

Swallowing, Baekhyun nods, pushing his hair out of his eyes. When Kyungsoo places a hand on his arm again, he tenses, inhaling sharply.

“Mr Park would flip.”

“Not if your parents flip first,” Kyungsoo points out helpfully.

 

 

The moment Baekhyun’s doorbell rings, he’s skidding towards the door and opening it in record speed. As expected, Chanyeol’s standing on the other side in his impeccable three-piece suit. Though he looks a haggard from a day’s work. But he looks handsome enough for Baekhyun to tiptoe and place a short kiss on his lips.

“Are you going to let me in?” Chanyeol raises a brow when Baekhyun doesn’t budge from the door. “Because I’m fine with standing here too. Until Jihoon comes up, you know.”

Scowling, Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol’s arm and pulls him in before slamming the door.

Laughing, Chanyeol places his briefcase aside before cupping Baekhyun’s face and kissing him on the lips.

Holding Chanyeol’s hand, Baekhyun guides him to the couch, pushing him onto it so that the lawyer’s lying flat on his back. Straddling the older man’s waist, Baekhyun leans down and connects their lips again, sighing into the kiss when he feels Chanyeol’s arms encircling his neck.

He touches Chanyeol’s face, dragging his fingers up slowly until he can bury them in the lawyer’s gelled hair. Slowly and with much difficulty, he combs through Chanyeol’s black locks, not caring how much he’s messing them up.

Finally pulling away, Baekhyun grins down at the older man who smiles back sweetly.

“You’re going to make my hair fall off at the rate you’re disentangling them at.”

Chuckling, Baekhyun bends down and kisses Chanyeol again. Then he flips around so that he’s lying on Chanyeol’s chest, the lawyer’s hand naturally curling around his waist.

“As much as I enjoy lying down here and kissing you, shouldn’t we talk? About how things are going to change between us?” Baekhyun asks abruptly, worrying his lower lip. “I mean. Things _are_ going to change, right?”

“Like what?”

“Like...” Pressing his lips into a thin line, Baekhyun tries thinking about the _inevitable changes_ that come with the start of every romantic relationship, theoretically anyway, and comes up with nothing. “There must be something,” he concludes as he sits up a little to turn and face Chanyeol.

“Well, if you’re talking about making love – ”

Waving his hand dismissively, Baekhyun shakes his head. “I already said I won’t force you when it comes to sex. I can’t deny that I’m more than mildly surprised at your aversion to sex but whatever.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol picks up Baekhyun’s hand, littering kisses over it. “It’s not just about my _aversion_ to sex. It’s about you too.”

Pulling his hand back to himself, Baekhyun uses his other hand to card his fingers through the lawyer’s black hair. “I’ll let you know that I’m all up for sex.”

Catching Baekhyun’s hand again, Chanyeol kisses it, ignoring the scowl that settles on the college student’s face. “I don’t want to rush into the next step. I want to do this slowly. Properly.”

“Why?” Baekhyun asks, despite already having an inkling about what Chanyeol’s answer might be.

Lips quirking upwards, Chanyeol presses his lips to Baekhyun’s arm. “You know,” he mouths against Baekhyun’s skin, sending involuntary shivers down Baekhyun’s spine. When Chanyeol reaches the crook of Baekhyun’s elbow, he moves away, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s lips. “You. Because of you.”

Unable to contain the smile any longer, Baekhyun beams brightly at the older man, shifting closer just because he can. “Have you always been such a gentleman in your past relationships?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun’s forehead. “I’ve never felt this way before. But yes, I’ve always been very gentlemanly.”

With a scoff, Baekhyun rolls his eyes fondly, smiling when Chanyeol’s lips find his own again. “Why do you keep on kissing me?”

“Because it’s nice,” Chanyeol says, tone teasing. “Talking about kissing you, I guess I should tell you something.”

“What is it?” Baekhyun asks, dread pooling in his stomach. He isn’t willing to let anything ruin this blissful moment. Not even the truth about anything. Especially not the truth about anything. Though judging by the way Chanyeol still seems relaxed and unbothered, it can’t be anything that serious.

“Remember the first time you kissed me?” Chanyeol begins and Baekhyun already doesn’t like the direction they’re going towards. But Chanyeol’s fingers are still combing through his hair.

“It wasn’t for fun,” Baekhyun blurts out before Chanyeol can say anything else, making the lawyer chuckle. Smiling nervously, Baekhyun turns back around so he can lie on Chanyeol’s chest again. “It really wasn’t. I already liked you back then.”

“I figured as much. But that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. What I wanted to say was that your mother confronted me about it.”

“Really?” Baekhyun can’t say that he’s shocked. “When?”

“On the day itself.”

“What?” Baekhyun splutters, tilting his head up, trying to look at Chanyeol’s face. Craning his neck like this isn’t very comfortable though so he settles back onto Chanyeol’s chest. “Why? I thought you said she didn’t say anything.”

“She didn’t say anything in your presence, of course. She talked to me when she was seeing me out.”

“What did she say?” Baekhyun prods, impatience no doubt seeping into his voice.

“She told me to stay away from you.”

“Because you were turning me gay?” Baekhyun guesses with a frown. “But she always knew that I liked boys.” When Chanyeol laughs, Baekhyun can feel the rumble in the lawyer’s chest and his frown deepens. “What’s so funny?”

“Everyone knew you liked boys, Baekhyun.”

“I resent that.”

“She wanted me to stay away from you because you were, you _are_ her baby boy,” Chanyeol states simply, sounding resigned.

“Am not.”

“Because I should have been pulling your math grades up and not kissing you behind closed doors.”

“But you didn’t kiss me. _I_ kissed you,” Baekhyun argues stubbornly.

Laughing again, Chanyeol wraps his other arm around Baekhyun. “I couldn’t very well have said that, could I? Besides, I bet she knew that you initiated the kiss. Our mothers are best friends. Mrs Byun knew what kind of a boy I was.”

“And what kind of a boy were you?”

“A good one who wouldn’t take advantage of minors like you.”

“Hah,” Baekhyun says unenthusiastically.

“I’m serious.”

Chanyeol moves to sit up so Baekhyun has no choice but to shift as well.

Turning to Chanyeol, Baekhyun gives him a curious look. “There’s something else you’re not telling me. My dad hates you for some reason.”

“He knows about the kiss. The first time we kissed,” Chanyeol offers but Baekhyun shakes his head.

Hand reaching out to touch Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun uses his thumb to stroke the lawyer’s cheekbone. “That’s not it, right?” When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun sighs and lets his hand fall to his side. “Is this really a good idea? Dating, I mean. When we’re keeping so many secrets from each other.”

“At least we know that there are secrets.”

Grimly, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol. “It’s not enough.”

“I don’t know what your secrets are, Baek. But I know mine and I know that there are things that I have to sort out by myself before I can let you know about anything. I stand by that.”

Smiling, Baekhyun touches Chanyeol’s face again. “You’re a man of principle, are you?”

“Would you rather I’m not?”

“No,” Baekhyun says softly, slowly shaking his head. “Not at all.” When he feels his hand start to shake, he pulls away and rests his palm on the couch. “But I think you should go. It’s late.”

If the surprise on Chanyeol’s means anything, the lawyer doesn’t say it. He simply stands up and makes his way over to the door. Turning around, he watches Baekhyun for a few moments.

“We're fine, aren’t we?” Chanyeol asks softly.

Facing the lawyer, Baekhyun forces a smile onto his face. “If you want us to be.” 

Nodding, Chanyeol then leaves the house, letting the door shut soundlessly behind him.

Trying to calm himself, Baekhyun closes his eyes and manages to count to four in his head before he’s reaching for his phone and pulling up his group chat with Jongdae and Kyungsoo.

 _Where’s my medication?_ , he types with shaky fingers.

Jongdae’s the one replying within seconds. _Top drawer in your kitchen. Furthermost right. You okay?_

 _I’m fine_ , Baekhyun sends back quickly before going into the kitchen.

He finds the blue pills he was looking for and he stares at the bottle for a good minute or so. With a sigh, he pops one into his mouth before getting a glass of water.

Fingers curling around the cool cylindrical surface, Baekhyun leans over his kitchen counter, wondering if it’s really a good idea to be dating Chanyeol. He hasn’t had any need for his anxiety medicine for over a year now, ever since Chanyeol appeared in on the Upper East Side again. Funny how it takes Chanyeol and him to start dating for him to turn to these pills again.

His heart beat slows and his hands aren’t shaking anymore. But he can still hear the distant waves crashing and the low sound of the thunder rumbling.

 

 

On Tuesday, Baekhyun drags himself to school and it’s only through sheer willpower that gets him past the whole day. The message he sent to his friends about his medication obviously got them worried judging by the glances thrown his way. But he’s thankful that neither of them say anything about it. Not even when he pulls the bottle of pills out of his bag and takes one after they have lunch together.

He ignores all of Chanyeol’s messages and doesn’t even bother answering his door when he hears the doorbell ring some time in the evening.

The same thing happens on Wednesday. Except Kyungsoo tells Baekhyun not to rely on the pills too much while Baekhyun waves him off, telling him that he’s only eating one per day to keep his nerves down. Jongdae has more to say though – asking why he’s back to taking his medication when he hasn’t been taking them for a year.

“Why aren’t _you_ back to taking your medication?” Baekhyun quips, effectively shutting Jongdae up.

Baekhyun skips school on Thursday and Friday in favour of spending two whole days in bed. He sent a message to Kyungsoo on Wednesday night, telling him that he just wasn’t feeling well. It was an obvious lie that his friend could easily see through but Kyungsoo didn't call him out on it, merely telling him to _get well soon_.

When he finally drags himself out of bed and washes up, it’s already almost six on a Friday evening and he grimaces when he sees that the sun is already setting. Winter is coming, no doubt. The summer breeze in September long gone and replaced by the sepia hues of autumn, soon to turn to the greyish colours that are so familiar to winter.

Sitting on the couch, Baekhyun brings his legs up to himself, wrapping his arms around them as he stares blankly at the black television screen.

It’s nice dating Chanyeol, it really is. But other than the first weekend they spent together and the Monday night when Baekhyun sort-of chased him away, they haven’t really spoken much. Scratch that. They haven’t spoken at all.

By Wednesday, Chanyeol stopped texting him and by yesterday, Chanyeol stopped ringing his doorbell. And today, Baekhyun expects, won’t be any different.

Sure, they spent the first two days of officially dating lazily making out in Baekhyun’s house and then couldn’t keep their hands to themselves on Monday night. But it all went downhill the moment Chanyeol opened his pretty mouth and started sounding like he had morals. Baekhyun guesses that Chanyeol _does_ have morals anyway. The older man is probably one of the few people in the Upper East Side who actually has any morals.

But he had secrets and he seems adamant about keeping them. Honestly, Baekhyun’s fine with that because Baekhyun has his own secrets too. Although right now, Baekhyun’s starting to question if dating Chanyeol is really the right thing to do. Knowing that the person you like is keeping secrets from you is one thing. Dating the person you like while he’s keeping things from you is an entirely different situation and Baekhyun just can’t help but wonder if getting into a relationship was a wrong choice after all.

A knock on the door snaps Baekhyun out of his towards and he looks towards the door. He doesn’t make any attempt to move though, as if he’s paralysed to the spot. Another knock makes him sigh and finally stand up. As he approaches the door, his mind starts to wander again. He hopes that it’s Chanyeol because he misses the lawyer’s face more than he likes to admit but he doesn’t keep his hopes up. He doesn’t really know who or what to expect when he opens the door but it’s definitely not Chanyeol leaning against the wall and holding out two Broadway tickets to him.

Raising a brow, the first thing Baekhyun does is to grab the two tickets from Chanyeol’s hand, eyes widening when he sees the play’s title.

“Hamilton? For this Sunday?” Baekhyun’s unable to keep the surprise out of his voice and he stares at Chanyeol with an expression that matches his tone. “How did you even get them? Haven’t they already been sold out since forever?”

“Why are you even asking? The theatre keeps overpriced tickets like that for people like us,” Chanyeol replies patronisingly with a smirk.

Baekhyun wants to roll his eyes. He really does. But he feels the corner of his lips twitching upwards instead.

“So, what do you say?” Chanyeol looks uncertain now and sounds even more unsure of himself. “You’ve been ignoring me the whole week. I don’t know if it was something I did or say but…you like Broadway, don’t you? And you’ve been wanting to see Hamilton…”

It’s kind of sweet, to see the lawyer who’s usually so full of confidence fumbling now while asking Baekhyun out on a date. An _actual_ date to the theatre and not to a club.

The corners of Baekhyun’s lips stretch widely when the memories of strobe lights and a very, very jealous lawyer come into his mind.

As Baekhyun’s about to give Chanyeol an answer, they both hear the sound of the lift arriving, its door sliding open to reveal an elegantly-dressed woman.

“Mom?” Baekhyun stares at the newcomer, incredulous as he hastily shoves the tickets into Chanyeol’s chest. “What are you doing here?” Sending Chanyeol a nervous glance, Baekhyun wipes his hands on his sweatpants and walks over to his mother to place a kiss on her cheek.

“What’s Chanyeol doing here?” Eunbyul asks, removing her shades and keeping them in her case, not even sparing the lawyer a single glance.

Not wanting to stutter because then it would be too obvious a lie, Baekhyun keeps quiet while hoping Chanyeol won’t make any facial expression that would give them away until his mother looks at him expectantly.

Well, Baekhyun’s can’t very well say that Chanyeol’s staying here, can he?

“He was just leaving my house.”

“Why? I didn’t know you two were _still_ on such good terms. I thought you didn’t see him much. Wasn’t that what you told me last Christmas, darling?”

“He’s tutoring me,” Baekhyun blurts out before his mother can come up with any more theories in her mind. “Just recently. Starting from this semester.” 

“Tutoring?” Eunbyul raises a sceptical brow, eyes trained on Baekhyun. “You need tutoring at a university level?” She raises a finger when Baekhyun opens his mouth. “Answer me at the same time,” she says in a scarily authoritative voice and Baekhyun tries not to wince. His mother doesn’t usually take on such a tone with him. “What’s the subject? On the count of three.” Finally, she turns to Chanyeol. “One. Two.” Turning away, she looks at Baekhyun. “Three.”

“Business Law,” both Baekhyun and Chanyeol answer simultaneously and Baekhyun has to consciously stop himself from grinning like an idiot. Glancing at Chanyeol, Baekhyun happily notes that the lawyer has no trouble keeping an impassive facial expression at all.

Eunbyul hums, a smile plastered on her face when she looks at Chanyeol. “You were just leaving?”

“Yes, Mrs Byun.” Chanyeol straightens his back. “I was just going home.” Nodding to Eunbyul, Chanyeol walks over to the lift, not once looking back at Baekhyun because he can feel Eunbyul’s eyes trained on him like a hawk.

Only when Chanyeol enters the lift does Eunbyul turn back to face his son and Baekhyun immediately schools his expression.

“What are you doing here, mom?” Baekhyun laughs, hoping he doesn’t sound nervous. “How nice of you to drop by.”

Waving her hand, she walks past Baekhyun into the house and it’s only then does Baekhyun notice the small luggage behind her.

“Did you just come from the airport? Why didn’t you go home?” Baekhyun scratches the back of his head awkwardly as he closes the door, wondering how long his mother might be staying. Hopefully just for a while.

Baekhyun’s phone vibrates on the dining table then and seeing as his mother is busy looking at her own phone and not giving him an answer, Baekhyun quickly reads the message that appears on his screen.

_I’m actually just waiting in the lobby. Should I go though? Or is your mother leaving soon?_

Frowning at his phone, Baekhyun types a quick message. _Just go back to Manhattan Valley for tonight. Sorry._

He puts his phone down and turns back to his mother just in time to hear her reply.

“You sound like you don’t want me here, Baekhyun.”

“Not at all!” Baekhyun hurriedly assures his mother and rushes to her side. “I’m really happy you’re here. None of you ever visit me.”

“Because you told us not to,” Eunbyul points out and Baekhyun ignores the jab at him. “Anyway, I’m here because your father and I had a little argument over the line I’m currently working on. But what does your father know about fashion, right?”

Without another thought, Baekhyun nods his head in agreement. His mother _is_ the fashion designer after all.

“So I’ll be staying here for the weekend before I’m flying to London.”

Forcing a smile on his face, Baekhyun internally cries over missing Hamilton on Sunday. “Sure, mom.”

 

 

Thankfully, Chanyeol takes Baekhyun being unable to attend the show with stride. Not that he has a choice but he’s surprisingly calm about the whole thing. And Baekhyun finds out the reason why on Saturday evening while he’s shopping with his mother in Barney’s.

“Areum is in the country too. She told me she’s going to spend some time with her son.”

“How long will she be staying?” Not that Baekhyun is particularly concerned but it’s only polite to ask. Besides, the sooner she left, the sooner Chanyeol could get back to his side. It isn’t like Baekhyun has any ill feelings towards Mrs Park, in fact, he likes her a lot, but he has to put his own interests first.

“We were supposed to be going to London together on Sunday,” Eunbyul responds plainly, picking up a brooch that’s on display and tilting it slightly to see the gemstone’s colour change. “But there was a change of plans and she said she’d be joining me on Monday instead. I don’t know which time zone she was referring to though.” Placing the brooch down, she turns to Baekhyun. “Chanyeol’s bringing her to the theatre on Sunday it seems. To watch Hamilton.”

Nodding absentmindedly, Baekhyun has to stop himself from feeling sorry for Mrs Park who essentially became his replacement as Chanyeol’s companion to the play. But what she doesn’t know cannot hurt her. “That’s nice of him,” Baekhyun comments lightly, trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing.

“Indeed,” Eunbyul says, eyes still fixed on Baekhyun. “He ought to treat his mother better, don’t you think?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun stuffs his hands in his pockets, eyes wandering around the area. “I guess.”

“Tell me, darling,” Eunbyul begins as she takes one of Baekhyun’s arms, forcing his hand out of his pocket. “Chanyeol wasn’t really at your house to tutor you, right? What was he there for?”

“Tutoring?” comes Baekhyun’s immediate response. Again, he tries acting casual about the whole situation. “Why else would he be there?”

“You tell me.”

“Can’t think of any other reasons.”

Baekhyun’s answer makes his mother laugh heartily and she pats him gently on the arm as she stirs him in another direction.

“Do you still like him?”

_“I never stopped.”_

“Does it matter?” Baekhyun stops in front of glass cabinet filled with diamond accessories and pretends to be picking something out for his mother.

“Just curious. So, do you still like him?”

 _“Well, I love him now if you really must know.”_ Baekhyun wonders when the day he’ll be able to admit it aloud to his mother will come.

“I think this will look pretty on you, mama,” Baekhyun digresses instead, pointing to a lovely piece with a medium-sized diamond in the shape of a teardrop.

Laughing, Eunbyul agrees as she gives Baekhyun a rather exasperated yet fond look.

 

 

On Sunday night, Baekhyun doesn’t see his mother off at the airport despite wanting to. She tells him to study harder for business law so that he doesn’t need tutoring anymore and it takes all of his restraint not to roll his eyes. But he does as she tells him to and buries his face in his textbook the moment she’s gone.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been reading the textbook and trying to memorise some definitions when the doorbell rings.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun takes a step back, allowing the lawyer to stumble into the house and fall onto the couch. “Are you drunk?” Baekhyun sniffs the air a little and he swears that he can smell the faint traces of alcohol left behind by Chanyeol. “Aren’t you watching Hamilton tonight?” Glancing at the clock, Baekhyun notes that it’s almost midnight so the show’s already done. “How was the play?”

“Great,” Chanyeol mumbles into the pillow.

“Did your mom like it?” Baekhyun tries, unsure how things went between Chanyeol and Areum.

Scoffing, Chanyeol sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. “She didn’t go.”

“She couldn’t make it?” Baekhyun presses on despite knowing that he’s treading on thin ice.

“I chased her away,” Chanyeol says nonchalantly as he stands up to undo his tie. His fingers are useless in doing the job and Baekhyun doesn't find it in himself to help the older man after hearing what he just said. But he does manage to loosen the tie a little before he’s leaning against one of the walls and sinking to the floor. Resting his head against the wall, Chanyeol stretches out his long legs and closes his eyes.

“Why would you do that?” It takes a lot of self-control for Baekhyun not to snap at Chanyeol. He thinks back to his conversation with his mother and wonders why he didn’t just agree with her about how Chanyeol should really be treating his mother better. He honestly thought that Chanyeol was going to be nice to his mother for once. She made mistakes, yes, but she’s trying to make up for them. Maybe it also has something to do with Baekhyun’s own selfish interest for Chanyeol to make up with his mother because of the fact that she’s the only one (besides Kyungsoo) who’ll speak up for him to Mr Park.

Walking over the Chanyeol, Baekhyun nudges the lawyer’s thigh with his feet. Seeing that Chanyeol isn’t going to respond, Baekhyun sighs and squats beside him.

For the first time in a while, Baekhyun notices how tired Chanyeol really looks. Hard lines on his face and dark circles under his eyes, Chanyeol looks older than he really is. Brushing a stray strand of hair away from Chanyeol’s eyes, Baekhyun touches the lawyer’s face.

“What's wrong, hm?”

When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything again, Baekhyun sighs loudly and sits next to the older man on the floor. Almost immediately, Chanyeol leans against his shoulder and Baekhyun instantly finds his hand snaking around the other’s waist to hold him close.

“I’m allergic to prawns,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun suddenly, slurring a little. “Did you know that?”

With knitted brows, Baekhyun shakes his head. “No?”

Laughing, Chanyeol closes his eyes. “It’s fine. I’ve never mentioned it before and we haven’t eaten seafood together before so you probably won’t know. But she’s _my mother_.”

Maybe it’s just Chanyeol being a little tipsy or on the way to being drunk but Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ever heard the lawyer sound so disappointed before. And Baekhyun also knows better than to tell Chanyeol otherwise whenever it comes to the older man’s mother.

“There, there,” Baekhyun tries comforting the older man but it only serves to make the lawyer chuckle again, sounding more light-hearted this time.

“You suck at this, Baek,” Chanyeol does slur this time. “Really. You do.” Nuzzling into Baekhyun’s neck, Chanyeol kisses the pulse there, making Baekhyun inhale sharply. “But thank you,” he mouths against Baekhyun’s skin.

All Baekhyun can do is to tighten his arm around Chanyeol and pull the lawyer closer to him, hoping that it’s enough to make the other feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that it's only been a week but turns out it's been two weeks since I last updated oops. Sorry about that >< I'm busy with life (and dying with school work) and indulging myself in a series I've been waiting to watch for 5 years so you can say that I'm a little distracted and unmotivated and uninspired to write (especially after reading this amazing fic that I'm very hung up over) ;;
> 
> Nonetheless, I hope you'll enjoy this! I had a really difficult time writing...and thank you for all the lovely comments. I hope I'll have time to reply to at least some soon D:
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)


	17. Holding On

“You should get new shoes,” Baekhyun comments offhandedly when Chanyeol finally lifts his head off his shoulder, looking soberer than he did five minutes ago. Though there’s still a light flush tainting the lawyer’s face and it makes Baekhyun smile cheekily because he’s usually the drunk one between the two of them.

Brows furrowing, Chanyeol stares at his shoes with unfocused eyes, blinking a few times to get a clearer vision. “Why should I?”

Laughing, Baekhyun shakes his head in disbelief as if Chanyeol just asked a ridiculous question. Well, it _is_ ridiculous. “Because they’re old,” Baekhyun says simply, using his bare foot to nudge the side of Chanyeol’s black Oxfords. “They’re so so many seasons ago.” Chuckling again, Baekhyun wraps his arms around his knees now that he doesn’t have to comfort Chanyeol anymore. “I would know. I bought them.”

Shrugging, Chanyeol begins to untie his shoelaces with unsteady fingers. “I like them.”

“Evidently,” Baekhyun snorts, not bothering to help the older man. The shoes look decent enough but Baekhyun knows better and their worn condition did not go unnoticed by him at all. “But still, you should get new ones. It’s not like you can’t afford them.” Frowning, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol again. “ _Why_ don’t you even have more shoes?”

“I do,” Chanyeol says with a laugh, kicking off his shoes and groaning when he sees that he still has his socks on. “I have around four or five pairs and I alternate between them. Not everyone needs a thousand pair of sneakers.”

Making a sound of protest, Baekhyun glares at the lawyer but choose to ignore the jibe. “These are your oldest pair, aren’t they? Just throw them away.”

“But I like them,” Chanyeol repeats his previous words as he pulls of his socks and throws them aside. “They’re nice.”

“Of course, they’re nice,” Baekhyun scoffs haughtily. “I bought them.”

“Exactly.”

Tilting his head, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol. “Hm?”

“You bought them,” Chanyeol says softly, eyes closing. “They’re the only things you’ve ever given to me.”

Quietly, Baekhyun lets the words sink in and he nods to himself when he realises the truth behind them. And he knows that it wasn’t the lawyer’s intention to make him feel bad but he starts feeling lousy about himself, especially when he thinks about the expensive watches and sneakers the other’s given to him before. Oh, and the striking yellow Audi that’s sitting in the building’s private carpark.

“You still wear that pair of sneakers I first gave to you too,” Chanyeol points out, now looking at Baekhyun, his eyes slightly hooded as if he’s struggling to keep them open and a gentle smile on his lips that gives Baekhyun butterflies.

“They’re durable.” Baekhyun shrugs, trying to act nonchalant and resisting the urge to climb into Chanyeol’s lap and smother kisses all over the other. “It’s your birthday soon, isn’t it?” In slightly more than a week to be precise if Baekhyun got it right.

Chanyeol hums in agreement. “Your car would turn one.”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, not quite understanding what Chanyeol means.

Smirking, Chanyeol leans closer to Baekhyun. “I gave you the car on my birthday.”

Eyes widening, Baekhyun lets his mouth hang open for a few seconds before he splutters. “You – what? You never said anything! Why didn’t you say anything? Chanyeol! It must have slipped my mind! I swear! Who the hell would give a car away on his birthday anyway?”

“I did,” Chanyeol answers casually, paying no mind to how Baekhyun’s freaking out beside him and making up bad excuses for himself. “I don’t care about my birthday, Baek. I didn’t care then and I don’t care about it now. It’s no big deal.”

Shoulders deflating, Baekhyun faces front, bottom lip jutting out slightly as he sulks. “Still. You should have said something.”

“Are you feeling guilty?” Chanyeol teases and Baekhyun only sulks even more. “You can make it up to me?”

“How?” Baekhyun all but whines. The guilt is enough to make him bite back a playful comment about not christening the car yet.

“Kiss me?”

A smile creeps onto Baekhyun’s face as he slowly lifts his head and turns his head towards Chanyeol. “I can do that.”

Moving closer to the lawyer, Baekhyun brings a hand to rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder before he closes the remaining distance between their lips. It’s been something he’s been waiting to do all night. Sighing into the kiss, Baekhyun’s eyes flutter shut in pure bliss when the familiar scent of jasmine and rosewood cloud his senses while the bitter alcohol taste on Chanyeol’s tongue and the warm hand on the small of his back make his head spin.

 

 

On the morning of Chanyeol’s birthday, Baekhyun’s up before his own alarm rings. Groggily, Baekhyun sits up and stares at the wall opposite the bed until his eyes get used to the dark. Turning to the left, he sees Chanyeol still fast asleep and looking so sweet that it brings a lopsided smile onto his face. Resisting the urge to run his fingers through the lawyer’s hair or lean down to kiss the other’s forehead, he sighs internally. Quietly, he rolls out of bed and slips into Chanyeol’s house slippers before silently leaving the room in a way that would make a burglar proud.

He doesn’t turn any of the lights in the living room on, not wanting to risk waking Chanyeol up so he maneuvers his way through the darkness, surprised to find it easier than he expected. He washes up quickly in the guest room’s toilet before slinking back into the dark again. Only when he reaches the kitchen does he turn on some of the kitchen lights.

Glancing around, it’s the first time Baekhyun notes how bare the area is and he feels a little sad when he thinks about how little time Chanyeol must spend eating here. It must be lonely. Baekhyun would know since his kitchen looks the same.

Opening the fridge, Baekhyun grimaces when he sees how empty it is before closing it softly. He reckons that the cupboards should be empty as well so he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds a box of pancake mix. That should be easy.

Despite not being able to cook, Baekhyun can at least follow instructions well and he smiles proudly at the deformed circles (there isn’t a manual on how to make perfect circles) that he transferred from the frying pan onto two serving plates. He grabs a bottle of syrup and takes one of the plates with his free hand while balancing the other on his arm, bringing them to the dining table just outside the kitchen to set them down.

Walking over to the couch, Baekhyun lifts the middle cushion up and pulls out the paper bag hiding underneath. It’s quite a wonder how he managed to hide a relatively big box under Chanyeol’s cushion for a week but then again, he’s never seen Chanyeol sit in the middle before.

With a wide smile on his face, he pushes open the bedroom door and is pleased to find Chanyeol still asleep.

“Happy birthday!” Baekhyun jumps onto Chanyeol as a way of greeting and throws the paper bag in his right hand onto the empty side, his side of the bed. “Happy birthday!” he repeats chirpily, laughing heartily when Chanyeol groans and tries to push him off.

“You’re heavy,” Chanyeol grumbles but the smile on his face betrays his true feelings.

Grinning, Baekhyun pokes Chanyeol in the chest. “And you’re _old_.”

“Don’t remind me,” Chanyeol complains but accepts a kiss from Baekhyun anyway. “You’re up early,” he muses.

Baekhyun grabs the paper bag and flings it onto Chanyeol’s chest, causing the lawyer to choke.

“You’re not very nice.”

Shrugging, Baekhyun rolls off Chanyeol and onto his side to watch him open the present.

“Valentino?” Chanyeol laughs when he sees the designer’s name on the paper bag. “A bit edgy for a lawyer, don’t you think?”

“No such thing.” Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Baekhyun glances at the box. “You don’t like it?” he asks even though Chanyeol hasn’t even seen the shoes.

Laughing, Chanyeol takes off the cover and touches the brown leather strap in the middle before turning to Baekhyun with a loving gaze. “I like anything you give me.”

Eyes twinkling, Baekhyun shifts closer to Chanyeol. “You remember our time at Cambridge, don’t you?”

“The best two weeks of my life. Of course, I remember.”

Gesturing between them, Baekhyun frowns. “But we’re dating now. Isn’t _now_ better?”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol looks more amused than anything. “I never thought I’d ever date you honestly.”

There’s a faraway look in Chanyeol’s eyes now that makes Baekhyun’s heart sink and he wants to do something, anything, to pull the lawyer back to the present but how can he when he’s drowning himself?

“Remember you told me I got drunk around you before? A few times, you said?”

“Once or twice,” Baekhyun quickly corrects. 

Nodding, Chanyeol presses his lips together. “Right…” he says quietly, voice still distant. Then he looks at Baekhyun with a tight smile on his face. “You’d tell me, won’t you? If I ever did something to you before when I was drunk.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun sighs deeply. “You did kiss me once when you were drunk,” he admits softly, opening his eyes to meet Chanyeol’s weary ones. “But it was nothing. Really. Just a peck on the lips. Then you kind of…” A smile tugs at Baekhyun’s lips. “You just kind of fell over. You were drunk. Really drunk. I guess you don’t remember anything about that?” He’s hoping that Chanyeol doesn’t remember at all.

“When was that?” Chanyeol asks, his voice tight. “Did I…” he pauses, hesitant. “Did I do anything else?”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol. The lawyer didn’t answer his question directly but it’s enough for Baekhyun to know that that he didn’t have any memory about that day. “Just a kiss,” Baekhyun assures and it sounds like the truth even to his own ears. “And I don’t remember when. It’s been so long ago.”

“ _So long ago_?”

Chanyeol’s tone makes Baekhyun wince and on hindsight, maybe he should have just ended it at ‘I don’t remember when’. 

“How old were you?”

“I don’t remember,” Baekhyun hurriedly says. “I was eighteen,” he lies and Chanyeol’s right not to look convinced. “Maybe?”

“You were back in Regis when you were eighteen. Don’t lie to me.”

“Look. Can we not talk about this?” Baekhyun almost snaps. His hands are shaking a little and he quickly bends his fingers into his palms, clutching them tightly into a fist. “It’s your birthday,” he continues conversationally. “So let’s not argue?”

Grudgingly, Chanyeol nods, giving in to Baekhyun like he always does. “We weren’t arguing.”

“If you say so,” Baekhyun appeases Chanyeol with a small chuckle. “I made breakfast.”

 

“They’re actually not bad.” Cutting into the second pancake, Chanyeol grins at Baekhyun who rolls his eyes in return.

“They’re good,” Baekhyun insists smugly. “Just admit it.”

“It’s pancake mix.” Chuckling, Chanyeol steals a strawberry from Baekhyun’s plate when the college student isn’t looking. “They’re not supposed to go wrong.”

“You never know.” Looking back at his own plate, Baekhyun frowns. There seems to be a strawberry missing but maybe he already ate it.

“If you can do it, anyone can.”

Baekhyun laughs without humour in it and Chanyeol merely grins back.

The sour mood from before long forgotten, Baekhyun is suddenly filled with a new sense of purpose. Watching Chanyeol carefully and seeing only signs of the other acting normal, Baekhyun decides to bring up a topic they don’t really talk about even if they should.

“So, what’s on your to-do list today?” Baekhyun begins, going for a casual conversation and not anywhere remotely near a serious one that will no doubt end in disagreement.

“Work?” Chanyeol raises a brow. “I told you, I don’t care about my birthday. I’m not going to start caring about it now. Though you can take me out for dinner if you like.”

“I was actually hoping you’d say me.”

“You?” Frowning, Chanyeol stuffs another large pancake piece into his mouth before promptly choking on it when he realises what Baekhyun means. Lightly hitting his chest, he grabs the glass of water next to his plate and downs it. Face slightly red, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun in disbelief. “Give me a warning next time when you’re going to be such a little shit, will you?”

Shrugging unapologetically, Baekhyun continues eating his pancakes. “I mean, why not? It’s your birthday. I know you have that whole ‘I’m not going to have sex with you until I figure some things out by myself’ thing going on but surely, you need a break from that too?” Resilient, Baekhyun stops eating and stares at Chanyeol. “No?”

Silence fills the empty space between them as Chanyeol looks back at Baekhyun wordlessly. The seconds stretch into minutes and Baekhyun starts to feel antsy, shifting forward in his seat so that his toes are touching Chanyeol’s slacks. Slowly, he drags his feet up, going higher and higher until it reaches Chanyeol’s clothed knee.

Then Chanyeol breaks the silence. “Sure.” Pushing his chair back, Baekhyun’s leg falls back to the floor as Chanyeol stands up, taking his plate with him and going to the kitchen to wash them. When he goes back to the dining table, Baekhyun has abandoned his food and is staring at Chanyeol with unconcealed surprise.

“What?”

“Really?” Baekhyun asks, just to be sure. The excitement has yet to seep into his bones but he knows that it’s too soon to anticipate it anyway. “I don’t want to force you into doing anything that you’re not comfortable with.” Although Baekhyun cannot fathom why Chanyeol would feel uncomfortable having sex with him. It does sound completely ludicrous now that Baekhyun thinks about it but he chooses not to say anything as he patiently waits for a response.

“You’re not forcing me into anything,” Chanyeol assures with a laugh as he puts on his cufflinks before moving on to his tie. Rounding the table to Baekhyun’s side, Chanyeol bends down and kisses the college student on the side of his head as he grabs his suit jacket off the back of the couch. “Don’t be late for school.”

Nodding, Baekhyun uses his fork to roll around the last strawberry on his plate, not bothering to turn around when he hears the door open to say goodbye. When the door closes, Baekhyun sighs and jabs into the red fruit before plopping it into his mouth.

Leaving his seat, Baekhyun smiles when he sees the empty Valentino box lying on the floor next to Chanyeol’s shoe cupboard, his own pair of Gucci sneakers next to it. His hands are shaking again and Baekhyun grits his teeth as he walks over to his bag to rummage through it for his anxiety pills. The familiar blue pill settles heavily on his palm and Baekhyun stares at it for a few seconds before dumping it back into the bottle and then combing his hair to calm himself down. Things are progressing with Chanyeol at least and that’s a start.

 

 

“I’m finally going to have sex with Chanyeol,” Baekhyun announces to Kyungsoo and Jongdae during lunch.

Kyungsoo scrunches his nose up while Jongdae laughs, patting Baekhyun on the back.

“And why do we want to know that?” Kyungsoo frowns at Baekhyun.

“I do,” Jongdae admits cheerily.

“Why do _I_ want to know that?” comes Kyungsoo’s immediate correction. Looking at Jongdae with disdain, Kyungsoo asks, “why do _you_ even want to know that?”

“So that I can mentally prepare myself for the days to come when Baekhyun won’t stop gushing over how _big_ Chanyeol’s dick is.”

“Oh, we all know Jongdae’s sex life is non-existent,” Baekhyun sneers but Jongdae only grins at him, both of them knowing full well that Jongdae has more sex than Kyungsoo and Baekhyun combined. Not that Baekhyun gets any.

“I thought he was scared of having sex with you?” Jongdae jokes the same time Kyungsoo says, “are you sure he’s going along with this?”

Grimacing, Baekhyun purses his lips, contemplating his friends’ words. Admittedly, they both make sense (although Jongdae could have phrased his question in a more elegant way) and Baekhyun’s been thinking about Chanyeol’s sudden acceptance on his way to school as well.

Eventually, Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe he had a change of heart.” Before Jongdae opens his mouth again, no doubt to make some snide remark _again_ , Baekhyun shuts him up. “And Chanyeol isn’t _scared_ to have sex with me.” There’s a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jongdae’s in his head asking, _what if he **is**?_ and Baekhyun shakes his head to chase away the thought.

“Maybe he hasn’t been with a guy before,” Kyungsoo suggests. “And maybe that’s why he’s so apprehensive about the whole thing.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo with a sad smile. “He said he’s been with a man other than me before though so I don’t think that’s it.”

“Yes, but how far?” Jongdae questions. “It could just be a handjob or a blowjob from a guy who isn’t you. Meanwhile, he’s been sleeping with girls for years. It’s quite different, you know.”

“But you don’t have any problems with changing,” Baekhyun grumbles.

“That’s because I’m openly and proudly bisexual and have been that way for years. Not some almost thirty-years-old lawyer who doesn’t know where to put it when he’s with a guy because he has so many personal problems that he wants to ‘resolve by himself’.” Jongdae uses his fingers to put air quotation marks beside his head to emphasise his point. “So, maybe, it has nothing to do with you per se. But more of the fact that you’re a _guy_.”

Burying his face in his hands, Baekhyun lets the dig at Chanyeol slide as he groans loudly. “I hate it when Jongdae sounds logical. It makes me feel stupid.”

“He does make a very good point though,” Kyungsoo points out.

Letting his hands fall to the table, Baekhyun finds Jongdae smirking at him smugly and Baekhyun finds it quite tempting to punch his smirk off his face. “You know what? You’re right,” he admits begrudgingly much to Jongdae’s satisfaction. “But do you know what else? It’s going to be okay.”

“If you say so,” Kyungsoo mumbles, looking like he wants to forget that the whole conversation even happened and Baekhyun almost takes pity on him. Almost.

“It _will_ ,” Baekhyun insists stubbornly.

“If you say so,” Jongdae parrots Kyungsoo with a gleeful smile.

 

 

“It’s not going to be okay,” Baekhyun huffs exasperatedly as he nudges Kyungsoo’s shoulder so that he has more space to sit. His two friends look like they’re on the verge of going, “I told you so” but Baekhyun won’t give them the chance, especially since they didn’t _tell him so_ , so he continues ranting. “It’s been a week since I saw him and he barely replies my messages. I don’t even know if we’re still dating. Why is this such a disaster?”

It _is_ a disaster and saying the words out loud makes it feel more real than Baekhyun thinking about it over the past month ever since he started dating Chanyeol. Sure, it was nice and sweet at first like all romances are. At the beginning, they cuddled in bed and made out on the couch though they didn’t on any dates. And Baekhyun was fine with the lack of dates, really. Because more often than not it was because Baekhyun was busy with assignments or Chanyeol busy with some legal issue and those were more important matters than holding hands in Central Park. 

Then the kisses and cuddles got lesser and lesser, not to mention that there was that weekend when their mothers popped up from nowhere and demanded their company. What was worse was that they _never_ talked and Baekhyun found that he felt more like he was dating Chanyeol when they weren’t together than he did now.

“It’s the end of the year,” Kyungsoo begins. “Work gets busy. Besides, our final exams are next week.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” Baekhyun hisses and Jongdae rolls his eyes while Kyungsoo almost does because they both know that Baekhyun prioritises his school work over anything. “We didn’t even meet the night of his birthday. I _did_ want to take him out for dinner.”

At that, Kyungsoo’s eyes widen in surprise and Jongdae looks at Baekhyun sympathetically.

“You didn’t say anything,” Jongdae says gently.

Sighing, Baekhyun tucks a lock of hair behind his ears. “I didn’t want to think that anything was wrong and I didn’t want you guys to worry.”

“Didn’t Chanyeol go home that night?” Kyungsoo prods worriedly.

“He went back to Manhattan Valley that night,” Baekhyun admits softly. “Said he got off work too late and Manhattan Valley was nearer.” A bitter laugh escapes his lips. “In fact, he’s been staying at Manhattan Valley the past week and he _never_ stays there. If it weren’t for the fact that he still occasionally replies my text messages, I might start to think that he’s avoiding me,” he says even though he’s already thinking that. Kyungsoo and Jongdae don’t correct him, clearly a sign that they too thought that Chanyeol’s avoiding Baekhyun.

“You can go to Manhattan Valley to look for him?” Jongdae offers.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun stares blankly at the table. “I don’t want to see him,” he lies. “He probably thinks I’m some sort of sex fiend,” he jokes without meaning it. “Why can’t he just say that he doesn't want to have sex with me instead of agreeing and then running away?”

“Talk to him about it,” Kyungsoo says kindly.

Folding his arms across the tabletop, Baekhyun rests his chin on them. “I don’t want to talk to him.”

 

 

It’s another week before Baekhyun sees Chanyeol again – the lawyer sent him a message out of the blue asking him to go over to his house (“Which house?” Baekhyun had to clarify rather bitterly though his mood was instantly soothed when Chanyeol told him, “Carnegie Hill”).

So there Baekhyun is, lounging lazily on the couch reading his business law textbook while Chanyeol is doing his work in his office. Shutting the textbook, Baekhyun dumps it on the low coffee table beside him and swings an arm over his eyes as he stretches his legs. Lying on Chanyeol’s couch again feels nice; it’s a familiar feeling and Baekhyun missed the lawyer too much. They exchanged a short kiss when Chanyeol opened the door and then went about doing their own things, the both of them acting as if the last two weeks never happened at all. The issue remained in Baekhyun’s head though, clawing at him and telling him to just bloody talk to Chanyeol.

Picking up his phone to check the time, Baekhyun groans when he realises that only an hour has passed since he arrived. There isn’t much for him to study and it was rather painful for him to tell Chanyeol that he still has two chapters left to read. It’s already finals week and Baekhyun isn’t the typical last-minute kind of student. He’s already prepared for his papers way in advance. But excuses had to be made if he wanted to avoid a direct confrontation with Chanyeol so soon.

Though seeing as he really has nothing to do other than to wait for time to pass while he tries not to be bored to death, he figures that bothering Chanyeol now won’t be too much of an issue.

Throwing his legs off the couch, Baekhyun walks over to Chanyeol’s study room with a newfound purpose. Carefully, he slides open the door, hoping that he isn't too noisy in case he disturbs Chanyeol. To his relief, he finds the lawyer sitting on a single chair with his laptop in his lap and earpiece on, back facing the entrance.

Curious, Baekhyun moves closer to Chanyeol, wondering what’s got the older man so engrossed that he didn’t even notice Baekhyun entering. Upon leaning in closer, Baekhyun finally makes out what’s on Chanyeol’s laptop screen. Unimpressed, he folds his arms across his chest and makes his way past Chanyeol to stand opposite him to silently announce his presence.

At once, Chanyeol slams his laptop shut and looks at Baekhyun with a mixture of shock and guilt.

Raising a brow, Baekhyun cocks his hip to the side. “Seriously?”

“Weren’t you studying?” Chanyeol shifts nervously in his seat, avoiding Baekhyun’s accusing eyes.

“Seriously?” Baekhyun repeats in the same unhappy tone. “You rather watch porn than have sex with me?”

Leaning back in his seat, Chanyeol tries to smile at Baekhyun, failing miserably when all the college student does is to glare back. “Don’t put it that way.”

“Then why were you watching porn?”

With a shrug, Chanyeol sets his laptop aside and crosses his legs. “I have my needs.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun quickly counts to fifteen in his head before opening them and fixing a steely gaze on Chanyeol. “I’m your boyfriend,” he states, anger seeping into his tone though he tried to hold it back. Gritting his teeth, he continues, “you won’t even let me touch you now even though you did when we _weren’t_ dating.”

Sighing heavily, Chanyeol combs his hair back and it’s the first time since Baekhyun entered the room that he has a clear view of the lawyer’s face. He looks tired, incredibly worn-out and Baekhyun wants to feel pity for him but he’s too angry to summon any other emotion.

“Well, then maybe we shouldn’t be dating.” The words leave Chanyeol’s mouth easily like he’s been wanting to say it for some time but Baekhyun knows better.

Despite knowing better, Baekhyun still feels like someone just plunged a knife into his heart. “You don’t mean that,” he says, voice strained with pain.

Nodding, Chanyeol runs his fingers through his hair again, a guilty expression settling on his face. “You’re right. I don’t. I’m sorry.” Looking up, he beckons Baekhyun over, standing up with a sigh when the college student refuses to move. “I’m sorry,” he repeats as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s chest, cradling the latter’s head as he buries his nose in the other’s hair. “I’m sorry.”

Pushing Chanyeol away, Baekhyun shakes his head. “You should have just told me that you didn’t want to have sex.” Sniffing, Baekhyun rubs his eyes, glad to find them dry. “Do I repulse you that much?”

“No, no, no,” Chanyeol soothes immediately, hands coming up to cup Baekhyun’s face. “It’s not you. It’s – ”

“Me,” Baekhyun finishes for Chanyeol. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol says lamely, hands falling to his sides.

“Funny how everyone always says that when problems are always a two-way thing. Sure, some drama queens are hell bent on being paranoid and over-sensitive about everything in life but they usually act that way because of their environment.” Looking at Chanyeol scathingly, Baekhyun’s gaze hardens. “So, no, Chanyeol. It’s not _just you_.”

“Baek – ” Chanyeol tries reaching out to the college student again only to be refused as Baekhyun raises his hands and takes a few steps back so that he’s out of reach. “Baek, just listen to me please.”

“Maybe another time,” Baekhyun says. “Maybe when I’m not having my exams. Maybe when you really want to tell me what's up. Or maybe when you finally get over yourself and your problems.” He starts walking towards the door. “I’m not obsessed with you anymore, Chanyeol. And contrary to what you think, I have better things like my papers to worry about than _you_.” 

The anger drains out of Baekhyun the closer he walks to the main entrance but he still makes sure to slam it shut when he leaves the house. Maybe he’s a little disappointed at the fact that Chanyeol didn’t give chase. And maybe, he’ll be able to admit it to himself when he doesn’t have better things like his exams to be concerned over.

 

 

Baekhyun ends up in Kyungsoo’s house half an hour later after debating in his car for ten minutes whether he should just sulk at home or storm back into Chanyeol’s house and demand for the explanation that Chanyeol was so willing to give but he had refused out of spite. “Chanyeol would rather watch porn than have sex with me. Can you believe that?”

“Actually, I can,” Kyungsoo says calmly, raising a brow at Baekhyun who’s pacing back and forth. “Can you stop walking around like that? It’s giving me a headache and I can feel your anxiety rolling off you in waves. Stop.”

Glaring at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun grabs a chair and sits next to his friend lying on the bed. “What is wrong with you? You’re supposed to be on my side.” He’s directing his anger onto Kyungsoo and honestly, he’s feeling more than a little sorry for his friend but he can’t bring himself to stop.

“I broke up,” Kyungsoo offers casually, shrugging as if he’s talking about the weather and not the end of his relationship.

Instantly, the fight leaves Baekhyun’s body and he sits down next to Kyungsoo, putting a hand onto his best friend’s arm. He tries catching Kyungsoo’s expression and is surprised when he sees Kyungsoo looking like he _is_ talking about the weather. “Are you okay?”

Shrugging again, Kyungsoo leans back on his palms but makes no attempt to brush Baekhyun’s hand away. “I could be better.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, Baekhyun knows not to ask any more about how Kyungsoo’s feeling but decides to try his luck on another subject matter. “Are you going to tell me who he was?”

“Doesn’t matter now anyway.”

Nodding, Baekhyun shifts closer to Kyungsoo and throws his other arm over his friend’s shoulder to pull him into a hug. Leaning into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, Baekhyun snuggles him, hoping it might provide some comfort, all thoughts of Chanyeol leaving his mind. Kyungsoo’s what’s important right now. Exams are what’s important right now. Boyfriends and ex-boyfriends be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really late, I know. But I'm losing motivation...any tips on how I can find inspiration? Lols


	18. Why Would You?

Boyfriends and ex-boyfriends be damned, indeed.

Finals are finally over and everything is as right as rain again. For Baekhyun and Kyungsoo at least. Jongdae is still agonising over his last examination and wondering why he didn’t just do business with the former two instead. (“You wouldn’t be able to cope,” Baekhyun kindly informed him to which he surprisingly agreed with ease.)

“So.” Slinging an arm around Kyungsoo, Baekhyun grins widely. “Who’s the ex-boyfriend?” When it turned out that Kyungsoo only needed four hours and two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s to get over his failed relationship, Baekhyun had taken it upon himself to drill a name out of Kyungsoo. It was fun at first when Kyungsoo shot him scathing looks with unconcealed judgement. Then it got interesting because Baekhyun picked up a new language or could at least fill in a Spanish-Italian dictionary full of curse words because. Initially, Kyungsoo called him names in Spanish, switching to German when Jongdae joined in the interrogation because he speaks Italian, and then switched back to Spanish again because, _“Baekhyun deserves to know what he’s being called”_.

Now it’s just _very_ fun. Because Kyungsoo actually jokes with him about it.

“Are you ever going to give it up?” Kyungsoo laughs as he pulls Baekhyun’s hand off roughly, twisting it at a weird angle briefly before letting go and chuckling even louder while Baekhyun rubs his arm.

“It’s a professor, right?”

“Um, no?” Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun mockingly. “I’m not you. Besides, you guys already knew that he was in high school.”

“Oh right,” Baekhyun drawls in an annoying tone. “I like the old ones and you like the young ones, got it. Why can’t we be normal like Jongdae, yeah? Openly and proudly bisexual, was it?”

At that, Kyungsoo scoffs. “I’m pretty sure he’s pansexual at this point. But yeah, why _can’t_ we be normal like Jongdae?”

Throwing his head back in laughter, Baekhyun whacks Kyungsoo’s arm a few times, knowing that it makes his friend grimace and only encouraging him to land a few more slaps and stopping before Kyungsoo twists his arm again. “I can’t believe we’re actually saying this.” Letting his hand fall to his side, he nudges Kyungsoo with his elbow. “Jongdae? Normal? Never thought there’d come a day where either of us would say that, let alone the both of us.”

“To be fair though, Jongdae is relatively normal.”

“If you use us as comparisons, yeah.” Baekhyun grins conspiratorially at Kyungsoo who mirrors his expression. “I mean, he wasn’t even part of all that shit we did back in high school.” Suddenly, Kyungsoo stops walking and Baekhyun slows to a stop before turning around and raising a brow. “What?”

“I thought you were in the denial stage over the things you did. It was mostly you by the way, don’t lump us together,” Kyungsoo says jokingly even though he looks apprehensive, relaxing only when Baekhyun laughs. “It’s nice to see you joking about it.”

Shrugging, Baekhyun stuffs his shaky hands into his pockets, praying that Kyungsoo doesn’t see them as he shuffles his feet, the sole of his sneakers making a scratchy sound against the ground.

“So, which is it? Denial stage or full-blown paranoia that Chanyeol is going to find out soon stage?”

Tilting his head to the side, Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo a look, evidently displeased about his best friend’s poor naming sense.

“Chanyeol. Twelve o’clock,” Kyungsoo announces out of the blue.

Frowning, Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo a blank look before looking past his shoulder to see if the six-foot-tall lawyer is anywhere behind.

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo holds Baekhyun by the shoulder and turns him around. “My twelve o’clock, idiot.”

True to Kyungsoo’s word, Chanyeol is indeed standing outside their apartment building on Carnegie Hill. Dressed in a dark brown coat that falls just behind his knees and a simple pine-coloured scarf wrapped around his neck, Baekhyun is suddenly reminded of how effortlessly elegant Chanyeol looks all the time. Casting his eyes down, he can’t stop the smile that forms on his lips when he spots a familiar pair of Valentino dress shoes. Looking up again, Baekhyun belatedly notices the bouquet of roses in Chanyeol’s hand.

“He is so cliché,” Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo, a lilt in his voice.

Patting Baekhyun’s shoulder, Kyungsoo’s about to walk away when Baekhyun grabs his arm and stills him. “I’ll leave you to it,” Kyungsoo hisses, trying to push Baekhyun’s hand off but to no avail. Baekhyun can be really strong when he wants to be.

“Denial stage, by the way,” Baekhyun answers belatedly, Chanyeol’s sudden appearance making his mind up for him. “Let’s go say hi to your cousin.”

“Baekhyun, no.”

“Hey! Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol calls when the pair approach. “Hi, Baekhyun,” he continues lamely.

“It’s been a while,” Kyungsoo says conversationally, having to force a smile on his face because all he wants to do is turn back and walk away. “You don’t turn up for family dinners. Uncle misses you. And well, aunt too now that she’s back.”

“You’ll be more of a son to them, or at least to my dad than I will ever be anyway. So just keep that job of being a filial son for me?” Chanyeol manages with a chuckle and Kyungsoo laughs at that too.

“You two have fun catching up,” Baekhyun tells the two of them cheerily.

“Baekhyun, wait.” Chanyeol quickly stops the college student from escaping, his tone urgent and pleading and Baekhyun feels like he deserves some pity.

“Roses, really?” Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo whispering to Chanyeol in disapproval.

“I’m with Kyungsoo on that.” Nodding towards the bouquet of flowers, Baekhyun laughs. “More like, flowers, really? I know you’ve only dated girls before, Chanyeol but you can try harder than this.”

Kyungsoo snorts in amusement, wanting to escape again only to be prevented _again_ by Baekhyun.

Chuckling, Chanyeol looks at the brightly coloured flowers. “Bad idea, huh? Though I don’t know about that whole stereotype. I’d fancy receiving some flowers at times myself.”

“He has a point.”

Turning to Kyungsoo with a look of betrayal on his face, Baekhyun is aghast to find Kyungsoo nodding in agreement.

“I just want to say that I’m sorry,” Chanyeol continues sincerely.

“Can I go now?” Kyungsoo asks impatiently, pointedly glaring at Baekhyun who casually ignores him.

“For?” Baekhyun questions.

“For being an ass,” Chanyeol supplies.

“Okay, seriously,” Kyungsoo complains. “It’s time I make myself scarce.”

“Sure,” Chanyeol answers the same time Baekhyun says, “no”.

Pulling his arm free from Baekhyun’s grip, Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun, unimpressed. “I’m going. You have my emotional and moral support here,” he lays a palm over Baekhyun’s chest where his heart is. “Always.” And then he’s walking off.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down, Baekhyun faces Chanyeol again, impassive, the despairing look he gave to Kyungsoo’s back vanishing completely. “Continue.”

“I want to say that I’m sorry for being such an ass to you all the time.”

Raising a brow, Baekhyun nods. “And? That’s all?”

Brows furrowing, Chanyeol lifts the bouquet up and offers it to Baekhyun who takes it. “And that I don’t mean to lash out at you all the time?”

“Can you just say your apologies all at once?” Baekhyun says, impatience sipping into his voice although he feels none of that urgency. He likes the feeling of being chased, so what?

Mouth hanging open, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun and the college student can see the cogs turning in the lawyer’s brain as he struggles to find words to say. Seeing how red Chanyeol’s nose is becoming, Baekhyun takes pity on him and gestures towards the revolving door before going in first, Chanyeol following behind closely.

“I can explain,” Chanyeol starts again and Baekhyun nods thoughtfully. “I don’t want to put you in a difficult position,” he continues explaining as if Baekhyun knows what he’s talking about.

Frowning, Baekhyun tilts his head. “You really need to try harder, Chanyeol.” Before Baekhyun turns on his heels, he waves the bouquet of roses in Chanyeol’s face. “But thanks for the flowers.”

 

 

The next day, Baekhyun doesn’t see Chanyeol but he’s surprisingly fine with it. Maybe because he knows for certain that the lawyer _is_ going to chase him.

On the morning of the 22nd of December, Chanyeol turns up at his doorstep in the morning with a Gucci paper bag. Peering inside, Baekhyun easily spies a shoe box.

“You’ve really got to try harder than this, Chanyeol Park. Bribing me with shoes? You really think this is going to work?” But Baekhyun graciously accepts the new pair of shoes anyway since it’s his size and they’d be wasted on another pair of feet before kindly shutting the door on Chanyeol’s face.

On the morning of the 23rd of December, Chanyeol turns up at his doorstep in the morning again, this time, with a frying pan with circles indented in it; clearly, it’s for making pancakes and Baekhyun can’t help but feel amused. Though he merely takes the box and smiles politely at Chanyeol before kicking the door shut with his foot because his hands are full. When he hears Chanyeol laughing outside before the door fully closes, he only makes sure to laugh along when the door has fully shut.

On the morning of the 24th of December, Baekhyun’s ready to turn Chanyeol away again until he spots the pair of theatre tickets in Chanyeol’s hand. Containing the urge to reach out and grab one of the tickets, Baekhyun clenches his fists.

“Hamilton. On Christmas.” 

Mouth dropping in disbelief, Baekhyun gives in to the itch clawing at his skin, reaching out to take one of the tickets from Chanyeol. Fingers tracing the ticket, Baekhyun stares at it lovingly, thinking back to the previous time they couldn’t go before smiling up at Chanyeol. “You have yourself a date.”

Gesturing vaguely past Baekhyun, Chanyeol has a hopeful look on his face. “Do I get to come in? It’s Christmas Eve after all.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun shakes his head. “So? See you tomorrow!”

This time, he lets Chanyeol hear him laughing before the door closes.

 

 

The play was no less than spectacular as Baekhyun had expected. It was leaving the theatre that was dreadful. They had walked to the theatre against both their better judgement so they could only brave the cold as they spent half an hour walking back to their apartment building. Taking a cab was an option but neither of them suggested it, preferring to huddle together side by side in the snow as their shoulders bumped against each other. Though as soon as the familiar revolving door appeared, Baekhyun all but dashed towards them, leaving Chanyeol behind. The lawyer whined about it a little later on, laughing it away in the lift when Baekhyun propped himself up on the railing to cup Chanyeol’s face and kiss him senseless. And Baekhyun allowed the older man to carry him out of the lift as he hooked his legs around the latter’s waist with his arms around the other’s neck.

Now curled up in Chanyeol’s bed, all warm and wrapped up, Baekhyun couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas date.

“I’ll drive you to work tomorrow,” Baekhyun mumbles sleepily into Chanyeol’s chest, smiling when the lawyer hums and the sound vibrates where Baekhyun’s snuggling into. “Don’t be late.”

 

 

“Whose car is this? What happened to your car? And why don’t you put the hood up? It’s like minus thirty out here.”

Laughing, Baekhyun tightens his scarf. “I rented this car. My car’s getting serviced. And because I like driving down the streets while freezing my face of – ”

Before Baekhyun completes his sentence, he finds Chanyeol’s mouth covering his. Too surprised to move, Baekhyun simply sits there, eyes opened, almost going cross-eyed, as Chanyeol deepens the kiss. Finally getting over his initial shock, Baekhyun brings his hand up to the crook of Chanyeol’s neck, pulling the lawyer closer and parting his lips so that they can kiss properly. As soon as his lips are parted, Chanyeol roughly slides his tongue in and Baekhyun moans, wincing quietly when he feels Chanyeol tugging his hair.

It’s the first time in a long, long while that Chanyeol’s kissed Baekhyun so aggressively and it feels nice to be wanted.

Pulling away, Baekhyun hardly has time to catch his breath before Chanyeol’s attempting to pull him back in for another kiss, making him chuckle. “What’s up with you?” He doesn’t get an answer but he finds one all the same when he sees Chanyeol quickly glancing to his side. Turning his head, Baekhyun sees his father waiting at a pedestrian crossing.

“Oh, really?” Baekhyun musters his best unimpressed tone. “Really, Chanyeol? You kissed me so passionately in hopes that my dad wouldn’t spot us sitting out here in my obnoxiously bright yellow car?”

“It’s not like that,” Chanyeol tries placating but Baekhyun sees through him easily.

Shaking his head in mock disappointment, Baekhyun straightens in the driver’s seat before shouting, “dad!” and waving his hands to catch his father’s attention.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol hisses, pushing Baekhyun back into the seat but the damage was already done and there’s nothing Chanyeol can do to stop it. He opens the car door, prepared to dash away but thinks again and shuts it more forcefully. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Chanyeol curses rapidly when he sees Baekhyun’s father quickly advancing towards them.

Smirking, Baekhyun leans back into the chair, amused with how Chanyeol’s reacting more than anything. “Exactly, Chanyeol. Fuck, that’s all I’ve been wanting you to do for one whole year.”

“Do what?” Baekhyun’s father asks as he stops next to the car.

“Papa!” Baekhyun’s eyes sparkle. “Dad,” he corrects immediately and grimaces when he sees Chanyeol rolling his eyes from the rearview mirror.

“Do what?” comes Seonghyun’s patient reply although his expression betrays him as his eyes dart between his son and Chanyeol until they finally land on the latter. “Do what?”

The corners of Baekhyun’s lips tug upwards again, oblivious to how his father is staring Chanyeol down. “To drive this,” he says casually and he gestures vaguely to himself, or to the car – he’ll let his father decide what he’s really referring to.

Raising a sceptical brow, Seonghyun shifts his gaze onto Baekhyun. “You’ve been wanting Chanyeol to drive,” he pauses thoughtfully with a frown before waving a hand at the car. “This?”

“Yeah. I mean not _this_ particular car because it’s rented. I mean _my_ car which is undergoing some servicing as we speak.” Beaming at his father, Baekhyun unnecessarily adds, “probably,” as an afterthought.

“A whole year?”

“An exaggeration,” Baekhyun laughs the lie off easily. “I really only meant this semester. He’s been tutoring me in business law if you heard from ma – mom. So as a thank you, I give him a lift to work from time to time. It’s the day after Christmas so I thought it’d be nice of me. But I’m always the one driving, you know and I was starting to feel like his driver so I thought he could drive himself to work for once.” Obviously, Baekhyun doesn’t mention that the Audi is a present from Chanyeol in the first place so it’s only right to send him to places at times.

“And you have to be in it?”

“I’m going out with Jongdae afterwards.”

Staring at Baekhyun suspiciously, Seonghyun shrugs eventually like he always does. “No, I haven’t heard from your mom,” Seonghyun says drily. Lifting a hand up, Seonghyun checks the time on his watch. “I’ve got somewhere I need to be soon so I have to go now.”

“Sure.” Baekhyun stands up to kiss his father on the cheeks.

“Come home some time,” Seonghyun tells Baekhyun before looking at Chanyeol. “It’s good to see you, Chanyeol.” He nods stiffly, turning away slightly before he faces them again. “You’re not going to do the driving?” Looking pointedly at Chanyeol, he gestures for them to swap places.

“Oh, yeah, yeah.” Opening his side of the car, Chanyeol almost stumbles out of the vehicle as he clumsily makes his way over to Baekhyun’s side, occupying the driver’s seat and looking ill at ease when Baekhyun’s leaves.

“I’ll go home soon, papa,” Baekhyun says softly, kissing his father’s cheeks again before waving goodbye to the man and then going around the car to get into the passenger’s seat seeing that Chanyeol isn’t going to move.

As soon as Seonghyun Byun disappears from their view, Chanyeol grits out, “why would you do that, Baekhyun?”

Quizzically, Baekhyun blinks at Chanyeol. “Huh? Do what? I don’t get what you mean.”

“Call your father over like that.” The lawyer’s tone is calm, scarily calm in fact but it isn’t enough to unnerve Baekhyun. What does unnerve the college student though, is the way Chanyeol is gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles are turning white and how his face is set in a hard expression. “You shouldn’t have done that. What if he knows?” Loosening one hand from the steering wheel, Chanyeol vaguely gestures between them.

And suddenly, Baekhyun doesn’t feel so intimidated anymore.

Folding his arms across his chest, Baekhyun fixes Chanyeol with a stern gaze. “Knows about what, Chanyeol? Knows about what? Knows that we’re together? It’s bound to come out, you know? I wasn’t planning on keeping it from my family forever because unlike you, I actually talk to them because I love them.”

There’s a shift in Chanyeol’s demeanour, his shoulders becoming tensing up and his face pulling into a bitter scowl. As if that’s supposed to make Baekhyun feel bad about his words.

When silence remains the only thing that floats around them, Baekhyun feels the pang of guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“You did.”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun uncrosses his arms, choosing to fiddle with the pretty watch wrapped around his wrist instead, ignoring the prick in his chest reminding him that it’s a gift from Chanyeol. “Fine, I did and I’m not going to take it back but I feel guilty, happy?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol shifts the gear into drive. “Good enough.”

“Though to be fair, you hardly touch me at all and the only time you decide to kiss me out of the blue so heatedly is when you want to avoid my dad? Seriously?”

“Fair enough.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes again, Baekhyun leans the side of his head against the window, the hood of the car now up because Chanyeol changed the settings, feeling the engine’s vibrations when the car starts moving. “Why shouldn’t I have done that?”

“Because your father hates me and I told you,” Chanyeol says plainly, making the guilty weigh a little heavier in Baekhyun’s chest.

Ashamed, Baekhyun screws his eyes shut. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I wasn’t thinking.” Upon hearing a scoff from his side, Baekhyun opens his eyes again and looks to his side only to find Chanyeol shaking his head slowly, incredulity painting his face. “What?”

“You never think through anything, Baekhyun.” The way Chanyeol says his name sounds so patronising and all of a sudden, Baekhyun is eleven again. Eleven and full of hatred for Chanyeol. 

“I don’t even get why you hate my dad so much – ”

“He hates me.”

“No, you act like you hate him t – ”

“I don’t hate – ”

“He’s threatened me before.”

“Oh? Threatened you? With what?” Baekhyun sneers derisively. When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun turns to glare at him and even though the lawyer’s eyes are fixed on the road, Baekhyun’s certain that Chanyeol can sense his displeasure. “What? All of a sudden you have nothing to say?”

“Your dad once told me that he’d make sure I’d lose my license as a lawyer and I’m not certain that he won’t tell me the same thing again or actually do it now that he saw us together.”

That sounds serious but Baekhyun also knows that Chanyeol is the most law-abiding lawyer ever. “And what charges can he press against you?”

“Statutory rape.”

“Statutory – what?” Baekhyun almost shrieks and he whips his head to look at Chanyeol so quickly he thinks he might have sprained his neck a little. “But you didn’t do it. You didn’t do anything in Australia.” The words tumble out from his mouth and he starts feeling apprehensive.

“It didn’t happen in Australia.”

“Then where?”

Chanyeol makes a turn somewhere on the road but Baekhyun isn’t paying attention so he doesn’t know where they’re heading. “Here. Manhattan. The Upper East Side,” Chanyeol says, his tone short and clipped.

“Who?” Baekhyun presses.

The car stops abruptly and Baekhyun jerks forward, the seatbelt pulling him back. Looking around, he notes that Chanyeol stopped along a roadside somewhere in the East Village.

“You.” Before Baekhyun has the chance to say anything, Chanyeol pulls the key out of the ignition and throws it onto Baekhyun’s lap. “We’ll talk about this tonight.”

“You can take the car.” It’s all Baekhyun can blurt out as his mind tries to make sense of what Chanyeol just said.

Shaking his head, Chanyeol undoes his seatbelt and pulls the door handle. Sparing Baekhyun one last glance, Chanyeol smiles sadly. “I’ll take a cab,” he continues as he puts on his coat and tightens the scarf around his neck as he leaves the car.

When the car door shuts, Baekhyun is all alone and it isn’t the first time he’s in a car alone but it certainly is the first time he feels lonelier than ever. The intoxicating scent of Chanyeol’s cologne attack his senses and he closes his eyes, finds comfort in the smell while mulling over Chanyeol’s words. Chanyeol has never slept with him before – Baekhyun would know. So why would the lawyer say that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What horror, I'm getting worse and worse at writing. Someone give me writing classes. I'm also sooo unmotivated D:


	19. Let’s Stop This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll reply to all of your lovely comments in the morning! Do use #LDTR on Twitter if you want to talk about this fic (because I want to stalk what my readers think and because I've tried this before and I really don't know how to give up) or @ me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> ! Come say hi~
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.S.: This chapter is sad even by my standards

Half an hour after Baekhyun sent an SOS text message to the group chat with Jongdae and Kyungsoo, they arrive at Ladurée, easily making their way over to their usual spot and joining Baekhyun who currently has two plates filled with macaroons in front of him and three identical teacups with the same orange-brown liquid in them, steam rising to the air in wisps. Plucking one pink macaroon – rose-flavoured – from the plate, Jongdae pops it into his mouth, all the while grinning at Baekhyun like a Cheshire cat.

“Stop him, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun whines. “He’s creeping me out.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Jongdae teases.

Knitting his brows together, Baekhyun stares at Jongdae in confusion. “I guess?”

“What’s the problem, again?” Kyungsoo asks and Jongdae is already shaking his head before Kyungsoo finished the question. “So?”

“He hasn’t told us,” Jongdae says without much amusement, unlike his usual cheery tone.

“Chanyeol kind of got pissed at me because I called my dad over to my car while the hood was down. The rented one.”

Smiling, Kyungsoo pats Baekhyun on the shoulder in what seems like a very encouraging manner. “Very informative, Baekhyun!” he exclaims sarcastically. “Are we going to get more details?”

Pushing Kyungsoo’s hand off, Baekhyun scowls at him. “I was getting to that.” Before Jongdae can even open his mouth to say something along the lines of, _no you weren’t_ , Baekhyun continues his story. “So Chanyeol was in the car with me and he started kissing me like crazy. Out of nowhere! And I was really happy, you know because he – ”

“We don’t need to know about your feelings. As much as I enjoy you story-telling, please get to the main point so we can solve this already.”

Glaring at Jongdae, Baekhyun’s torn between feeling exasperated and slightly flattered because he _knows_ how much Jongdae _does_ enjoy his story-telling sessions. “So he kissed me out of the blue and I was wondering why. Well, turns out that he was kissing me so that my dad wouldn’t notice us and then confront him or kill him or something.”

Guffawing, Jongdae has to stuff another macaroon into his mouth before he starts getting stitches in his stomach. “In that obnoxiously yellow rented car of yours?” Turning to Kyungsoo who looks disturbed at Chanyeol’s intelligence, or lack thereof, Jongdae grins. “Your cousin’s a smart lawyer, isn’t he?” Chuckling quietly to himself, Jongdae shakes his head in amusement. “Can’t believe I let that tutor me in middle school."

“Don’t be mean,” Baekhyun scolds even though he thought the same thing about Chanyeol just an hour before. “Anyway, I got pissed because he obviously only kissed me because he didn’t want my dad to see us so I called my dad over.”

“You do know that your dad doesn’t like Chanyeol, right?” Kyungsoo interrupts thoughtfully, a frown still on his face.

“Yes! I do!” Baekhyun says in an overly-fake cheerful tone. “Thanks for reminding me even though no one would tell me why!”

As Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say something, probably to finally tell Baekhyun why, his phone rings. Pulling it out from his pocket, his eyes widen. “I got to go,” he says abruptly, standing up and taking his coat along with him. “Rain check?” he asks Baekhyun but it’s Jongdae who answers.

“No need. I’ll solve whatever little conundrum little Baekhyun has here.”

Kyungsoo gives Jongdae a warning look to which Jongdae laughs off.

“Bye, thanks for your help,” Baekhyun drawls and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes before walking away. Turning his attention back to Jongdae, Baekhyun continues the story. “Anyway, I forgot that my dad hates him because I was just so angry. Then it got really awkward between my dad and Chanyeol, obviously. And then after my dad left, Chanyeol just got into this really sour mood and reminded me that my dad hates him and all that. So I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him why my dad hates him and guess what he said?” When Jongdae opens his mouth, Baekhyun immediately places a hand over it. “No, I don’t really mean that.” Removing his hand, Baekhyun pops a vanilla macaroon into his mouth. “He said that my dad wants, or wanted at least, his lawyer license to be revoked based on the charges of statutory rape with _me_.”

At that revelation, Jongdae almost spits out his tea but he forces it down his throat just in time although it leaves him with a temporary coughing fit.

Throwing Jongdae an ‘I know right’ look, Baekhyun passes his best friend a glass of water. “Why would he say that? I mean we’ve never even had sex before. Absolutely never before.”

“Or you wouldn’t be so desperate to get into his pants.”

“Exactly,” Baekhyun agrees easily and Jongdae almost chokes again, only this time it’s from laughter.

“I don’t know, Baek,” Jongdae tries with different angle but ends up going back to the same point about sex. “Maybe you guys _did_ have sex before.”

Resolute, Baekhyun shakes his head. “No. Never.”

“And how would you know that?”

Licking his lips, Baekhyun eats another macaroon before taking a sip from his teacup, enjoying the complementary taste on his tongue. “He’s referring to an incident when he was drunk and while he doesn’t remember what went down that day, I remember what happened then.”

“How clearly do you remember everything?” It’s an appropriate question to ask.

“As clear as the sky.” The sky isn’t exactly bright and blue today, winter casting an eternal gloomy atmosphere around the place especially now that Christmas is over, but Baekhyun makes do with what he has. “We didn’t do anything. We just shared a kiss.”

Scrunching up his nose in distaste, Jongdae leans away. “Is ‘kiss’ a euphemism for ‘sex’?”

“Ugh, no. I already told you no!” Puffing up his cheeks, Baekhyun steals the macaroon Jongdae was reaching for.

Lazily waving his hand, Jongdae rests his cheek against his palm. “You know what you should do?”

“What?”

“Easy.” Snapping his fingers in front of Baekhyun, Jongdae crosses his legs. “Just talk to Chanyeol.”

“He already said,” Baekhyun pauses and clears his throat before continuing, “we’ll talk about this tonight,” he says in an imitation of Chanyeol.

Shrugging, Jongdae smiles lazily at him. “Then, talk. Tonight.”

So much for helping Baekhyun solve his ‘little conundrum’.

 

 

Chanyeol’s already home by the time Baekhyun rings the doorbell and if Baekhyun expected a kiss, he’s sorely disappointed because Chanyeol wastes no time and dives right into the conversion they’re supposed to have.

“No point beating around the bush,” Chanyeol begins calmly. He continues whatever he was doing before opening the door to let Baekhyun in and starts taking off his tie and Baekhyun guesses that the lawyer just reached home.

When Chanyeol moves on to undoing his cufflinks, Baekhyun continues staring, lingering next to the dining table, transfixed. He has always liked watching Chanyeol go about doing his routine.

“Your dad called me when we were in Cambridge.” Keeping his things in place, Chanyeol rests a palm on the cool glass surface, directly addressing Baekhyun. Not that there’s anyone else in his house for him to address but Baekhyun won’t put it past Chanyeol to choose talking to a wall over him. “You remember me being an ass, don’t you? When I told you that I wasn’t sure if I liked boys or not.”

Throat suddenly feeling dry, Baekhyun nods, the memory still as fresh as the first breath of spring in his mind. He remembers the days that the scene used to play in his head over and over again like a broken DVD player. And despite everything that happened over the past year, Baekhyun honestly still can’t get the image of Chanyeol saying that out of his mind.

“I did feel that way but I wasn’t planning on telling you because I didn’t want you to feel insecure or anything of that sort. Or start doubting yourself or any moment in the past two weeks that we had and even now, I can assure you that everything that happened back then was genuine.” Looking Baekhyun in the eye, Chanyeol pauses for a moment to let Baekhyun absorb what he was saying. “But obviously, things didn’t go the way I wanted them to. You remember me leaving the room for a while, don’t you? Well, I got a phone call from your dad and I freaked out. I couldn’t answer the call in the room so I had to leave and I remember thinking that there were secret agents ready to jump out from nowhere and assault me for kidnapping you.” Chanyeol chuckles at the silly memory. “I thought your dad knew that I was with you and I remember how awful I felt when I picked up the phone. And you know what’s the worst part? Your dad _did know_ that I was with you that whole time in Cambridge. Even our little getaway to Boston. He _knew everything_.”

Eyes widening, Baekhyun pales a little. He definitely didn’t see that coming, especially when his dad has never mentioned anything about it to him before.

“And I was wondering a little. What exactly did you do, Baekhyun Byun, that your parents had to keep such a close eye on you even when you were a hundred and eighty miles away from home?”

Swallowing, Baekhyun felt his throat constrict and suddenly, breathing is difficult. “I got into some trouble,” he says, voice strained.

“You don’t say,” Chanyeol points out drily. “So much for being independent, huh?” Seeing that Baekhyun isn’t going to offer an explanation, Chanyeol continues. “Your dad knew about me being drunk around you for some reason and he was convinced that something happened. And since I don’t remember anything that happened because I was so drunk out of my mind…” Gulping, Chanyeol wets him lips and Baekhyun finds the motion oddly and inappropriately distracting when they’re having such a serious conversation. “You can see how well that has gone with me for the past three years, especially with what happened in Australia. It’s my license on the line here, Baekhyun. And I didn’t go through four years of university and three years of law school to get it revoked for something I can’t remember I supposedly committed. Any damned lawyer wouldn’t want that. _Even_ if it’s because of something they did do.”

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun’s finding some words to say, anything. “I’m sorry,” is all he can manage in a pathetic tone.

“Why are _you_ sorry?” Bemused, Chanyeol raises a brow. “You know what’s the worst part of it all? That I would even do something like this to you. That I would act all high and mighty about not having sex with you when we were in Massachusetts when I had already taken advantage of you when you were much younger.” Giving Baekhyun a tired smile, Chanyeol hangs his head low. “The guilt is the worst of it all. I don’t think you can understand how I’ve felt all these years or how I’ve felt whenever we were together. Or how I feel _now_.”

“But we didn’t have sex that day,” Baekhyun insists stubbornly. “You were drunk and we kissed. That’s all.”

Raising his head, Chanyeol dares to look at Baekhyun. “Why are you so sure? How are you so sure?”

“Because I can remember?” Baekhyun says, incredulous.

“Maybe you forgot.”

“Maybe I didn’t and I am very sure about that.”

“How sure?”

“ _Very_ ,” Baekhyun stresses, glad that Chanyeol didn’t ask him, _‘how clearly do you remember everything?’_ like Jongdae did because the sky is sure as dark as hell now.

Though Chanyeol still looks at Baekhyun as if the latter is joking because _‘very’_ isn’t exactly quantifiable. Fair enough. But Baekhyun isn’t expecting the question that leaves Chanyeol’s mouth the next second. “Was this before or after you became reliant on anxiety pills?” Laughing bitterly, Chanyeol shakes his head. “Don’t answer that. It was after, right?”

All the colour drains from Baekhyun’s face. “What? How? What…?” Legs feeling numb all of a sudden, Baekhyun reaches a hand for the top of the dining table to steady himself. His vision blurs a little and he doesn’t know if he’s swaying but he feels like he is. “How did you know?” he manages to say though his throat is feeling too dry all of a sudden.

Sighing, Chanyeol walks over to Baekhyun, placing a hand to the college student’s lower back and slowly guiding him towards the couch before moving away. He appears in front of Baekhyun again with a glass of water in his hand and he’s nudging it into Baekhyun’s hands. “Drink.”

With shaky hands, Baekhyun tries to grip the glass and fails miserably. “I ca – ” he doesn’t complete his sentence because Chanyeol’s suddenly sitting next to him, a hand resting on his shoulder as the glass is brought to his lips. Tilting his head back slightly, Baekhyun allows Chanyeol to tip the glass forward, the warm liquid rushing into his mouth and soothing his senses. “Thank you,” he mutters and Chanyeol sets the glass down. Timidly, Baekhyun raises his head to look at the lawyer. “How did you know?” Chanyeol isn’t touching Baekhyun anymore but the places where his hand was burn.

 

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Chanyeol silently claps his hands together. “Did you really think that your parents would have allowed me to tutor you if I didn’t know about any existing medical conditions you had? I knew about Jongdae’s too. Just thought I should let you know since we’re at it. I got a full and thorough brief from both your fathers before I began the job. You both have anxiety, so what?”

Now significantly calmer, Baekhyun folds his hands in his lap. “I didn’t know that you knew.”

“Of course, I knew.” Chanyeol could barely contain the exasperation in his tone. “I _had to_ know. What if one of you had a panic attack while I was teaching you calculus, right? I had to know that it wasn’t anything to do with fractions,” he jokes, probably trying to diffuse the tension and keep the situation light. Under normal circumstances, Baekhyun would have laughed but as of now, the college student is feeling too numb to even manage a small smile. “I had to know what to do. But thankfully, neither of you fell into a panic attack around me before and I’m sure the same can’t be said for your math examination papers.” Pausing, Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun. A genuine smile. “It made me feel good about myself, you know? That I had such a calming effect on two middle schoolers who were too young to be going through a life crisis but were anyway. It was easy for me to understand too. Teenage angst? Been there, done that.”

“It was nice to be around you,” Baekhyun admits softly, chancing a smile. “Though what has my anxiety or eating those pills got to do with my memory?”

Casually waving a hand in the air, Chanyeol chuckles. “For someone who’s been taking them for years, you sure don’t know anything about them. Never listened properly to the doctor, am I right?” He laughs when Baekhyun ducks his head, looking sheepish. “The anxiety pills, most of them for that matter, that you and Jongdae take fog up your memory if you take too much.”

“I don’t take too much of them,” Baekhyun snaps defensively.

“Are you kidding me?” There’s a one hundred and eighty degrees change in Chanyeol’s tone. “You take them like their supplement pills that you need every two hours.” Frustrated, Chanyeol leans back against the couch, messing up his carefully-styled hair. “What do you take anyway? Estazolam?” Before Baekhyun says anything, Chanyeol’s already answering his own question, shaking of his head. “Your pills are blue and white. So, Flurzepam?”

“I thought you were a lawyer, not a doctor.”

“You get such cases sometimes,” Chanyeol rationalises for Baekhyun.

After a moment of silence, Baekhyun feels the need to defend himself again. “Flurzepam isn’t that strong.”

“I’m sure they’re not and I may not be a doctor but I still think that they are _prescribed_ with a _dosage_ for a reason.”

“But I don’t take them every two hours,” Baekhyun hisses, hands already itching to grab the bottle of pills from his bag.

Scowling, Chanyeol crosses his arms. “I’m not going to argue with you about this.”

“Okay, then,” Baekhyun gives in temporarily. If Chanyeol wants to play this game then Baekhyun’s happy to play along. “Let’s say that my memory _is_ a little screwed up because of the anxiety pills.” Chanyeol nods, telling Baekhyun to continue with his made-up situation. “I’m a hundred percent sure that I was willing to sleep with you.” At that, Chanyeol scoffs. “How could I not be? I’ve been wanting to sleep with you since I was thirteen and there you were. Drunk and willing when I was fourteen and more than willing. So it wasn’t _rape_ per se, or statutory rape if we’re going to be so precise, if I gave consent.”

“I don’t doubt that you would have been willing, or so you say, but that’s not the point.” Fixing a hard gaze on Baekhyun, Chanyeol dares the college student to start another quarrel with him but he doesn’t. “You were underage. It doesn’t count because you _couldn’t_ have given consent. And me, being the older party should have been the one making the _right_ decision instead of taking advantage of your hormonal teenage self. But seeing that I was drunk, I wasn’t really capable of any decision-making so it all fell onto you and my inebriated self. But you do realise that if anything had happened, which it apparently did, the fault lies with _me_ , right?”

Baekhyun honestly hates lawyers and he remembers why now.

“But that doesn’t matter,” Baekhyun says in what is hopefully a patient but patronising tone. Regardless, the effect of annoying Chanyeol seems to be there as the lawyer glares at him. Clapping his hands together and looking far more gleeful than the situations calls for, Baekhyun beams at Chanyeol. “Because we didn’t have sex.”

Sighing, resigned, Chanyeol sinks back into the couch. “Your dad is so sure of it, you know. That we slept together when you were fourteen.”

“Why?” Baekhyun asks tiredly, letting his head roll back, thudding against the back rest when he slides down in his seat.

Bitterly, Chanyeol admits, “you dad even told me that he has proof.”

Opening his eyes in surprise, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol. “And did he show them to you?” His expectant feelings are crushed when Chanyeol shakes his head. “Then why do you even believe him?”

“Because there’s a very high possibility that what he’s saying is true. That, and I don’t want to take chances with my career. Becoming a lawyer meant everything to me and being one…that’s something that I won’t throw away.” Smiling sadly at Baekhyun, Chanyeol says, “I’m sure you can understand where I’m coming from. Becoming a lawyer was all me. My hard work and effort, my money. I was on a scholarship,” he explains when he sees a look of confusion flash across Baekhyun’s face.

“That’s good,” Baekhyun mutters because he has no better things to say.

Once again, the room falls silent. Only this time, neither party has anything to say to fill the silence. There still seems to be a never-ending string of arguments waiting to be tackled but at the same time, there doesn’t seem to be anything they can talk about with so many secrets standing in between them. They’re both stubborn, too stubborn, unwilling to take a step back because they want the other to move back first. Yet, they both want to step forward until they find common ground. The both of them are acting like kids who want to learn how to run before learning how to walk. But with no compromises, they can only find themselves at a standstill.

It’s Baekhyun who breaks the quietness again, his voice cutting through the silence. “So, what now?”

Grimacing, Chanyeol shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

Resting his head against the back of the couch, Baekhyun turns, his cheek pressing against the soft cushion as he stares at Chanyeol, longing to reach out. His arms are desperately seeking for something, _someone_ to hold on to and he’s simply yearning for some warmth. Snow continues to fall relentlessly outside the windows and the heater is working perfectly fine but Baekhyun feels a frozen spot in his chest where his heart is supposed to be. “Everything was going so well. Hamilton, Christmas lights.” Swallowing, Baekhyun sucks in his bottom lip before releasing it slowly. “What happened? What went wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol says, softer this time, his gaze gentle as he watches Baekhyun.

Steeling himself, Baekhyun looks Chanyeol straight in the eye. The clock is still ticking, the wind is still blowing, and the snow is still falling. They have to move forward too but maybe, they have to do it alone. “We can’t go on like this forever.”

Straightening in his seat, Chanyeol purses his lips as he looks at Baekhyun. “What are you saying?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking that this.” Lifting a hand, Baekhyun’s about to gesture to the empty space between them before he drops his hand back to his lap with a hollow laugh. “Whatever it is between us. Whatever…thing that we had going on. Whatever it was.” Swallowing, Baekhyun forces the words out of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking that…I was thinking…” Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun curls his fingers into his palms, looking away from Chanyeol. Suddenly, he feels small and afraid like the whole world is going to consume him. “It was a mistake,” he breathes out anyway, shakily, despondently. “This. We. Us. Not like us-us being a mistake but getting together was a mistake.”

“What are you saying?”

Opening his mouth, Baekhyun finds it incredibly dry. There are words stuck in his throat and he knows that he doesn’t want to do this but he also knows that he has to. If he ever wants to be happy with Chanyeol then he has to do this. Looking up, he determinedly meets Chanyeol’s eyes with a sad, wavering smile, daring himself not to break eye contact this time. “We should end this.”

Slowly, Chanyeol nods and Baekhyun can see the lawyer struggling to find words to say as the cogs turn in his brain. Eventually, Chanyeol sighs. “Yeah, we should.”

It’s Baekhyun who suggested breaking up but Chanyeol agreeing to it completes the empty half of making it real. And that knowledge alone makes Baekhyun’s heart clench painfully, making the ice around it crack, leaving a scar right in the middle. “Will you come back to me one day?” Baekhyun tries to find reasons to drag this on.

“Perhaps.”

“Because I’d go back to you at the end of every day.”

“Let’s not go there,” Chanyeol hurriedly interjects, always the more sensible one of the two. Mostly he is anyway. Now he is.

Inhaling sharply, Baekhyun nods easily, seeing Chanyeol’s point clearly. It’s a good point, to be fair. “Fine. But promise me that you’ll come back to me one day. No matter what,” Baekhyun adds because it’s a guarantee that he needs.

“I can’t promise you that.” There’s always a time for being truthful and Baekhyun guesses that Chanyeol thinks that the time is now. He appreciates, really. As cruel as Chanyeol’s being, Baekhyun thinks it’s better than white lies and empty promises. “Don’t make me promise you something I don’t even know if I can keep.”

Nodding again, Baekhyun rubs his eyes, feeling the familiar prickling sensation in them and the queasiness in his stomach that he gets whenever he’s about to cry. “I don’t regret it.” He doesn’t need to clarify what he means for Chanyeol to understand.

“Me neither.”

“And we tried to make it work, right?” There’s a hopeful edge to Baekhyun’s voice but he knows full well that it’s too soon for them to be reconciling their differences even if it’s just by a little. “No matter how short what we had was.”

With a quick nod, Chanyeol looks like he’s about to reach for Baekhyun but he doesn’t. “Yeah, of course we did. We tried very hard, that’s for sure.”

Sniffing, Baekhyun nods, more to move than for anything else as he tries to force a smile on his face only for it to crumble. He scrunches his face up when the tears won’t stop welling in his eyes. Some teardrops escape and they only leave the pool in Baekhyun’s eyes more quickly with every second, now overflowing, streaming down his cheeks like scattered pearls. Screwing his eyes shut, Baekhyun takes in a few deep breaths to calm himself down, trying to draw comfort from each fresh breath he takes, painfully aware that Chanyeol isn’t going to hold him if they’re going to end this.

“I’m making you cry again, aren’t I?” A grim laugh slips past Chanyeol’s lips. “All the more reason why we should end this. You shouldn’t be with someone who only knows how to make you cry.”

“But I love you so much,” Baekhyun chokes out unexpectedly. This wasn’t how he had planned on telling Chanyeol that he loves him but things don’t ever go as planned. In his vision, he’s telling Chanyeol that he loves him when they’re lying in bed, side by side, whispering stupid things to each other about chipmunks and donuts but this isn’t his vision and they aren’t lying together side by side, happy and worry-free. He also wants to argue with Chanyeol that the lawyer doesn’t _only_ make him cry but no other words can come out and Baekhyun doesn’t think it’s the right time to open another argument either.

“I know, angel.”

Furiously rubbing at his eyes, Baekhyun continues to sob brokenly, hiccupping as he chokes back his tears. He presses the heel of his palms against his eyelids in an attempt to stop the tears from coming out. It’s working to a certain extent at least because Baekhyun doesn’t feel his cheeks getting wetter anymore. “Why do I love you so much?” he sniffs. “Why?” he hiccups. “Just why?”

“Baek…” Chanyeol sounds sorry but Baekhyun doesn’t want him to be sorry. “Don’t be like that.”

Removing his hands, Baekhyun’s proud to note that there aren’t any more tears running down his face. “You don’t get to feel sorry for me. Only I get to feel sorry for me.” Wordlessly, Chanyeol nods, offering him a kind smile but Baekhyun doesn’t want kindness either, especially not from Chanyeol. So he changes topic completely. Yet, there’s still a lingering want in him to be held safely and comforted with soothing words and soft kisses, a large hand combing through his dirty blonde locks. “You know, excluding all the times we quarrelled, we probably only dated for two weeks.”

A mixture of emotion flashes across Chanyeol’s eyes, memories mixing and thoughts jumbling up. “Two weeks, huh?” His voice sounds distant.

There’s a faraway look in Baekhyun’s eyes and he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he can smell the flowers in Boston Common. “Those two weeks in Cambridge can never be replaced but I’d give anything in the word to date you again. _Even_ if it’s just for two weeks.”

Again, Chanyeol looks like he wants to reach out to Baekhyun and again, he doesn’t. “We’ll get to where we want to be some day. We don’t get to decide how things will go from here but I hope that wherever I get to in the future, that you’ll be there with me.” Sincerity shines in Chanyeol’s eyes as he speaks. “I trust that we want to get to the same place.”

“And where is that?” Baekhyun’s voice quivers. Briefly, he glances at the second hand ticking away on the transparent window of his wristwatch. Even now when Baekhyun’s world is slowly falling apart, it’s so, so pretty.

Looking at Baekhyun thoughtfully, Chanyeol says, “to be happy. Together.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun’s ready to take back all of his words and ask Chanyeol to come back to him. “But it’s not that easy,” he cries miserably.

“Oh, angel. But the course of true love never did run smooth.”

Breath hitching, Baekhyun shuts his eyes, shaking his head again. “I can’t do this.” Opening his eyes, Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a look of despair. “You don’t regret anything, do you?”

Smiling softly, Chanyeol indulges Baekhyun one last time and shakes his head. “You’re stalling,” he points out.

“I know. I know.” He probably sounds like a broken radio beyond repair right now but Baekhyun can’t care less.

“You have to let me go.” If Chanyeol’s finding it difficult to say any of these words, it doesn’t show on his face.

Or maybe Chanyeol doesn’t even find it difficult to say all of these words but Baekhyun make-believes. For one final time, Baekhyun lets himself believe what he likes. He tells himself that Chanyeol is feeling as torn and broken as he is feeling inside. He tells himself that for every word that leaves Chanyeol’s mouth, a part of himself dies a little inside. He tells himself that every time Chanyeol pushes him away, he’s calling him back a thousand times more on the inside.

He tells himself that Chanyeol feels for him as strongly as he feels for the lawyer.

He tells himself that Chanyeol loves him.

But make-believes don’t exist and Chanyeol is leaving.

Leaving because of Baekhyun, yes, but leaving nonetheless.

“Are you going to disappear if I blink?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol says without hesitation even though it’s scientifically impossible and Baekhyun smiles a little at that.

“Then go when my eyes are closed.” Eyes fluttering shut, Baekhyun’s wet lashes hang heavily against his cheekbones like how his heart is hanging heavily in his chest. “Because I can’t bear to watch you leave.”

It’s all silent for a moment, for the last time now, and when Baekhyun opens his eyes, he’s all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos and love you all are showing this fic! Also, this fic has officially hit 100k *claps* (sorry for being so long-winded?)
> 
> AND. Do come say and hi to me on twitter if you want hahas I'm actually a really lonely author (I sound like a sorry case, don't I). Drop me a DM, an @, anything! Most people who've DM-ed me so far stopped replying after I answered >_< I'm not that unapproachable, right?!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)


	20. Rewind to the Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I rushed through this chapter D: I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless! And I'll reply the previous chapter's comments in a day or two!
> 
> xoxo

“I broke up with Chanyeol,” Baekhyun tells his friends a week after New Year.

The New Year’s Eve party was a blast; the biggest one being Baekhyun losing conscious on top of the bar counter after downing tequila shots with Jongdae, thinking he could beat the other. Of course, Baekhyun had planned on getting that drunk, not wanting to relive memories of the previous New Year’s Eve party which had ended up with him in Chanyeol’s house and the lawyer taking care of him through the night. Needless to say, no one had taken care of Baekhyun that night (or maybe Kyungsoo had after dragging the three of them, including himself, back to Baekhyun’s apartment since it was the nearest before giving up halfway because Baekhyun and Jongdae together had been too much to handle).

Besides, Chanyeol had moved back to Manhattan Valley like they had agreed after an incredibly awkward conversation. They had their huge fight in Chanyeol’s apartment but Chanyeol had been the one leaving while Baekhyun had stayed on. The college student had been too heartbroken to even realise that he hadn’t been in his own home and had ended up crying to sleep on Chanyeol’s bed, only to be awaken a few hours later by the sound of the lawyer entering the room. And after the world’s longest and most awkward and most embarrassing and mortifying silence and mini staring competition, Baekhyun had all but scrambled out of the bed, apologies spilling from his lips. Now that Baekhyun thought back about it, it was kind of ridiculous.

Anyway, Chanyeol’s departure made Carnegie Hill incredibly lonely again so there hadn’t been a judgemental lawyer waiting to ambush the three of them in the lobby or outside the lift on the sixteenth floor to give them a lecture about alcohol limits.

Breaking into a grin, Jongdae pats both his friends on their shoulders, looking between them gleefully. “Hurrah! Join the singles club again. It’s so good to have you both back!” Lifting his hands off, he proceeds to grab the bourbon bottle off the table and pour them each a glass, two for himself even though Baekhyun needs it more.

“Can you at least pretend to be sad for me?” Baekhyun says with a frown and Kyungsoo raises his hand. “For _us_ ,” Baekhyun corrects, smiling at Kyungsoo thoughtfully and Kyungsoo nods to thanks as they share sympathetic look and Jongdae rolls his eyes.

Shaking his head exasperatedly, Jongdae chuckles, shoving a glass of bourbon into each of their hands. “No way. I’m being a good friend by helping you guys celebrate this and joining in on the celebration.”

Frowning, Baekhyun tilts his head to the side, not understanding how Jongdae celebrating their break-ups and joining in have got anything to do with helping them. A similar look of confusion settles on Kyungsoo’s face as they watch Jongdae down one of his glasses.

“You guys were _miserable_ when you were dating or not-dating,” he explains, then points at Baekhyun with a knowing smirk, “in your case for the latter.”

Setting the bourbon glass down, Baekhyun clears his throat. “What is not-dating even, Jongdae?” Hearing a sipping sound beside him, Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo in disbelief, branding Kyungsoo with the word ‘traitor’ all over his face.

Shrugging, Kyungsoo takes another sip before setting the glass down, ignoring Baekhyun’s pitiful stare. “But yeah, alliances aside, what exactly is not-dating? You’re seriously full of crap, aren’t you, Jongdae Kim?”

Scrunching up his nose, Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo with distaste. “There is no need for that,” he chides in an annoyingly superior voice. “Not-dating is whatever Baekhyun and Chanyeol were before they officially started dating,” Jongdae explained very seriously as if it’s a dictionary definition before bursting out laughing. “Even if it _is_ crappy, don’t you guys agree?”

“Why would I ag – ” Baekhyun unceremoniously whacks Kyungsoo across the chest when he sees the latter nodding enthusiastically.

Grinning widely, Jongdae lifts his glass and knocks it together with Kyungsoo’s like a new pact has been formed, the clinking sound grating on Baekhyun’s nerves.

“But you shouldn’t be encouraging him to drink,” Kyungsoo reprimands Jongdae and pushes the Baekhyun’s glass of bourbon further away from Baekhyun. “He didn’t give up anxiety pills to become an alcoholic.”

“Hah,” Baekhyun says drily, leaning back against the couch and popping his feet onto the table much to Jongdae’s disgust. Regardless of what Baekhyun thinks, what Kyungsoo said is true. After his breakup with Chanyeol, his panic attacks had gotten lesser and lesser, up till the point that he doesn’t even think he has anxiety anymore. Sad as it sounds that the reason for his anxiety this entire time was being with Chanyeol, it is the fact. Good thing is, he doesn’t have to take the pills anymore, at least for now. (“Until you start dating Chanyeol again,” Jongdae remarked snidely. “If you guys ever do reconcile.” But Baekhyun took it in stride, reasoning to himself that Jongdae was just bitter about still having to take the pills.)

“You know what the problem is, Baekhyun?” Jongdae crosses his legs elegantly, staring pointedly at Baekhyun with an unreadable expression, making the latter fidget under his gaze. “You’re too dishonest.”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo scolds, knowing how delicate Baekhyun is at the moment. Jongdae knew too but he was just the more direct best friend.

Fixing Kyungsoo with a stern look, Jongdae hisses, “you know it’s the truth.” Turning back to Baekhyun, the cold look in Jongdae’s eyes make him flinch. “And you know it too. You keep on lying to Chanyeol, covering up lie after lie until you can’t even keep track anymore, am I right?”

“He doesn’t know that I’m lying.” Baekhyun winces at the dirty look Jongdae throws him. “I’m not that bad, right?” He turns to Kyungsoo for support but the other casually looks away and Baekhyun knows that there isn’t going to be anyone on his side this time.

“It’s good that you broke up with Chanyeol though, honestly.” Frowning, Jongdae points at Baekhyun, his tongue sticking out slightly between his teeth. “Or did he break up with you.” At Baekhyun’s look of irritation, Jongdae waves him off. “Never mind about that, the details aren’t important. It’s just good that you guys broke up. I don't even get why Chanyeol would date you in the first place.”

Hurt, Baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Why would you say that, Jongdae?”

Looking Baekhyun straight in the eye, Jongdae sits up. “Because it’s true?”

Sucking in his lower lip, Baekhyun stares back at Jongdae hopelessly.

With a sigh, Jongdae breaks eye contact, determined not to let Baekhyun sway him. “Because you’re so fucked up.”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo cuts in, eyes narrowing in contempt at him. He wasn’t on Baekhyun’s side earlier on but looks like the tables have shifted. “Don’t.”

Shaking his head, Jongdae tells Kyungsoo, “no”. Leaning back again, Jongdae clasps his hands together on his lap. “Someone has to say it to you two. I would have done this earlier, but seeing as Baekhyun only decided to tell me the full story when we were in Hawaii three months ago, I couldn’t have. Someone has to be cruel and as your best friend, I get that free pass to be a certified asshole to you guys.” Quirking his lips, Jongdae reminds them, “you guys had had your fair share of being a shitty friend to me too, don’t forget.”

Kyungsoo groans and Baekhyun looks away, ashamed. Jongdae was right. They may not have used words like Jongdae but their fists had hurt the latter pretty much the same. Back in high school, Jongdae was almost on the verge of going off the rails. Of course, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had done everything possible to prevent that from happening, even if it meant beating Jongdae to a pulp and landing him in the hospital if it meant stopping him from doing something stupid. Words had never worked with Jongdae so they had to resort to their fists. They had succeeded in getting Jongdae back onto the main road and while Jongdae had long forgiven them for it, it didn’t stop him from occasionally bringing it up to guilt-trip them or remind them of their extreme measures.

On the other hand, words do more damage to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo than fists ever can and Jongdae is perfectly aware of that fact.

“So you see,” Jongdae says rationally. “Someone has to be cruel to you guys and who’s a better option than me?” At their silence, Jongdae grins. “Figured. No one.” He gives Kyungsoo a small smile. “You’re not defending Baekhyun. And neither are you protecting him every time you jump in to scold me or warn me about breaking Baekhyun’s fragile heart. You don’t want me talking about Baekhyun’s faults because it reminds you of your own.”

Shamefully, Kyungsoo looks away, gesturing vaguely in Jongdae’s direction for him to continue.

“I wouldn’t date you, Baekhyun,” Jongdae starts. “If I were Chanyeol, I wouldn’t date you. Heck, I wouldn’t even think of dating you.” For a moment, he stays quiet, watching Baekhyun’s face to make sure that the other can take it. Only at Baekhyun’s nod does Jongdae continue. “I would sleep with you because you’re hot but I wouldn't want to be serious with you because you have too many problems in your life, with yourself especially. You’re a train wreck waiting to happen and sometimes I’m just scared that the crash that was supposed to happen six years ago is going to happen soon.”

“Dae,” Baekhyun says softly, sad that he had been worrying his friend this whole while. A single look at Kyungsoo’s face tells Baekhyun the former feels the same way. Worrying both his friends then.

“A little bit late but a train with no breaks will eventually hit a barrier, won’t it?” Jongdae smiles wryly. “I’m sorry about what I said about you being dishonest because I know that’s one of your coping mechanisms but I won’t take it back. You need to start being truthful to Chanyeol, Baek. And in order to do that, you need to start being truthful to yourself.”

“I know,” Baekhyun whines a little.

Jongdae’s face soften at his tone. “That means that you have to stop leaving in denial like Kyungsoo has been letting you live these past few years. I was happy to play along at the end of our trip in Hawaii because I thought it would be good for you. You were…” Jongdae struggles to find the right word to say, eventually setting with, “happy”. But he frowns after the word as if it’s still not the correct one. “Knowing things really change your perspective and after hearing the full story of what happened in our second year of high school, I couldn’t look at you in the same way, Baekhyun. I don’t mean it in a bad way though,” he hurriedly adds on, not wanting Baekhyun to misunderstand him but Baekhyun only smiles at him kindly, telling him that he didn’t take it the wrong way. “I started noticing things that I didn’t in the past and I saw that you weren’t happy. It made me realise what a horrible best friend I’ve been this whole time.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kyungsoo reassures Jongdae immediately, beating Baekhyun to it. “He’s a damn good actor. Fooled me a good number of times even though I knew the whole story from the start. Heck, I was even part of the story and Baekhyun could still lie to me without me catching on.”

Smiling sheepishly at the two of them, Baekhyun quickly motions for Jongdae to continue, not entirely wanting to hear his two best friends discuss how much of a con artist he is.

“So beginning from now, you’ve got to start living in the present, Baekhyun. Stop living in the past and stop living in your world of lies. Face up to them one by one. And Kyungsoo,” he turns to his other best friend. “You need to stop supporting Baekhyun’s decision to live in denial. You’re not helping him and while it may save him temporarily from his pain, all these lies are going to catch up to him one day and it’ll be too late for him to regret. I also know that one of your reasons for approving his ways is because this way, you can run from your past too. The only black mark in your life.” Looking between his two best friends, Jongdae takes their hands, one each, and squeezes before letting go. “You guys need to acknowledge what you’ve done and stop hiding behind a wall that’s about to crumble.”

“Are you done?” Kyungsoo asks without any bite, only truly wondering if Jongdae is finished with his speech. When Jongdae nods, Kyungsoo smiles. “It hurts, Jongdae but you’re right. We needed that.” He turns to Baekhyun for confirmation but the other merely meekly nods his head. Sighing, Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae again. “But we can deal with Baekhyun’s mountain of lies and my insecurity later. Now, we should deal with the more pressing issue.”

Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo, puzzled. “Which is?”

“ _Why_ did Baekhyun and Chanyeol break up in the first place?” Kyungsoo lays out the question of the day for them. “Seeing that you,” he glances at Jongdae before continuing, “didn’t resolve anything after I left the café that day, let’s hear what Baekhyun has to say about his break-up.”

Breaking into a grin, Jongdae pretends to be annoyed at Kyungsoo and all is well between the three of them again. It makes Baekhyun feel warm all over, seeing how easily his friends fall back into their usual carefree mood despite the tension just now. Nothing could truly wedge them apart. No matter how big the conflict and no matter how big any lie is, they will forever be the non-judging Three Musketeers.

“What did you guys talk about after I left?” Kyungsoo prompts.

“Nothing much but Jongdae wasn’t very helpful,” Baekhyun fills him in and Jongdae doesn’t even bother to try denying it. “I can give you a condensed version of what I told him. Basically, my dad threatened to charge Chanyeol for statutory rape with me and get his lawyer’s license revoked. Which is absurd because I’ve never slept with Chanyeol before.”

Nodding in agreement, Kyungsoo rests his elbow on the armchair, face leaning against his palm. “Weird. But could it be a possibility that you guys _have_ slept together before?”

“No,” Baekhyun answers drily, picking up the abandoned glass of bourbon. “Chanyeol’s talking about an incident when he was drunk but I remember everything that happened very clearly. He’s only been drunk around me four times.”

“And every single time, he told you not to turn up to his house because he knew he was going to drink,” Jongdae adds on.

“But you turned up anyway,” Kyungsoo finishes.

“Not the point,” Baekhyun sneers at his friends. “The first time I saw him drunk, I was twelve and I was still in that semi-hate-Chanyeol, semi-like-Chanyeol phase but he was crying about his mother collapsing from an overdose and I felt bad like any human being would. The second and third times, he was just useless and fell asleep on the floor.” His lips pull into a smile at the memory. “I left him there both times.” Then the smile falls from his face. “The last time I…the last time I…he…”

Burying his face in his hands, Baekhyun fights back the tears, not knowing why it’s so painful talking about it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo soothes. “Take your time.”

Clasping a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, Jongdae shakes him lightly. “We’ll always be here for you, Baekhyun.”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun chokes out, pressing his eyes shut tighter to keep the tears out.

 

 

A new semester beings but the weather remains the same, cold and unforgiving, the winter wind sending chills down Baekhyun’s spine as he walks across campus, hurrying to his next class. He’s taking all of his classes with Kyungsoo this semester and he’s mostly happy about that but it also means they have to take turns going out of their way to get the best coffee from the arts building.

“Coffee delivery from California,” Baekhyun announces cheerfully, setting the paper cup on Kyungsoo’s open folding table. Yesterday, it was Las Vegas.

“How ever did you get here so quick?” Kyungsoo plays along though the sarcasm has already seeped into his tone.

“I went to the arts building, idiot.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo dumps his bag into the empty seat beside him just as Baekhyun is about sit down.

“Childish.” Picking up Kyungsoo’s bag, Baekhyun throws it into the former’s lap and takes his seat the moment the professor walks into the lecture theatre.

The lecture passes slowly, the second hand taking a minute to shift if Baekhyun wants to be dramatic. As soon as the bell rings, Baekhyun is hauling Kyungsoo out of his seat and dragging his best friend out of the auditorium. 

“What’s the hurry?” Kyungsoo asks, slightly annoyed as he adjusts his bag on his shoulders. Baekhyun hardly gave him time to keep his laptop.

“I need you and Jongdae in the same place now before I change my mind,” Baekhyun says very seriously and Kyungsoo gives him a sad look of understanding. Rounding a corner, they find Jongdae approaching them. “Let’s go,” Baekhyun tells Jongdae as he walks past him, offering no other explanation.

Leading his friends to the carpark, Baekhyun ushers them into his car before climbing into the driver’s seat and turning on the engine, willing the heater to work faster.

“I went to Manhattan Valley last night.” Baekhyun turns to his right to look at Jongdae in the passenger seat then to Kyungsoo at the back. “I couldn’t even last two months without seeing him,” Baekhyun moans, banging his head against the steering wheel.

The last time he saw Chanyeol, it was at a New Year’s party, some fancy gathering of the elites they had every year. For the past few years, Baekhyun has been skipping it because he doesn’t like seeing his ex-classmates but he didn’t have a much of a choice this year. His mother demanded his presence and Baekhyun has never been able to say ‘no’ to his mother whenever she made a direct request to him.

While Chanyeol was there, Baekhyun spent the whole night avoiding him. And if Chanyeol noticed him at all, he did a very good job of pretending that Baekhyun wasn’t there. That, or he genuinely didn’t see Baekhyun because the latter was so good at hiding. Of course, he had Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s help.

February’s just coming to an end, the next week would have marked the second month since Baekhyun last saw Chanyeol and he couldn’t even last until then.

Tentatively, Jongdae places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and the latter jerks up. There’s a red mark on his forehead but Jongdae doesn’t find it in himself to laugh. “Did you talk to him?”

“I couldn’t,” Baekhyun admits pitifully. “And even if I could, I wouldn’t have dared to.”

“What do you mean by you couldn’t?” Kyungsoo frowns in confusion. “Did he have…” Unsure, Kyungsoo trails off, avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze in the rear-view mirror.

“Company?” Baekhyun completes, nodding to himself. “Yeah, he had company. Some pretty girl wearing high heels so high that she reached his shoulder hanging off his arm. She looked pretty drunk too or maybe she was faking it, I don’t know.” He shrugs, trying to act nonchalant about it but he isn’t fooling anyone in the car, especially not himself. “He saw me though and it might have been the cold getting to my head but I think I saw him mouthing the word ‘sorry’ to me. Why though? He can fuck whoever he wants. I don’t care.”

Feeling someone kicking the back of his chair, Baekhyun glares at Kyungsoo.

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo gives the chair one last kick before leaning forward between the driver’s and passenger’s seat. “You don’t have to act in front of us, Baek.”

Grumbling, Baekhyun crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Fine. I’m sad and bitter he’s already hooking up with some chick, so what? It’s probably just a one-night-stand,” Baekhyun adds, more to comfort himself than anything. “It’s all my dad’s fault. Why does he want Chanyeol’s license revoked anyway? Oh right, because Chanyeol ‘raped’ me,” Baekhyun drawls sarcastically. “Apparently, my dad even has _evidence_ of it.”

Brows furrowing, Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun. “What evidence?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says with a shrug. “Chanyeol just said that my father is really certain about it.” Seeing Kyungsoo becoming nervous, Baekhyun snaps his fingers in front of the former. “Spill it.”

“I’m not sure, Baekhyun, but this ‘evidence’ might be the same reason as to why Chanyeol’s afraid of your dad and this probably has something to do with what you said before you got sent off to boarding school.” Kyungsoo looks uneasy and only at Baekhyun’s prodding does he continue speaking. “You remember the day you heard about the news that you were going to be sent to boarding school?”

“I just got back home after three months of torture expecting to sleep in my bed until school started again only to find out that I was going to be sent to Massachusetts, of course I remember.” Baekhyun’s tone is full of bitterness. “You turned up at my house that day. What about it?”

Sighing, Kyungsoo shares a look of despair with Jongdae and Baekhyun groans when he realises that Jongdae already knows this story.

“You can’t blame us, you never wanted to talk about high school,” Jongdae points out and Baekhyun winces pitifully for himself.

Giving Baekhyun a sorry look, Kyungsoo pats the former on his shoulder. “You were shouting at your dad, cursing mostly but you also started admitting to things like smoking which I knew wasn’t true. I asked you about it after your parents left us alone anyway and you told me that nothing you said was true.”

“What else did I say?” Baekhyun prompts. A dreadful feeling in his heart is telling him that Kyungsoo’s keeping something from him.

Sucking on his lower lip, Kyungsoo stares at his own fingers. “I don’t really know how to say this, Baekhyun but you told your dad that you lost your virginity to Chanyeol when you were thirteen and he might have taken you seriously.”

“Way too seriously,” Baekhyun mumbles as he sinks into his seat. “That’s why my dad hates him, right? That’s why Chanyeol’s so afraid of my dad, right? And this is all my fault, isn’t it? Why did I even say that? Oh gosh, oh gosh.”

Jongdae holds Baekhyun by the shoulders and turns him so that they’re facing each other. “Calm down.” When Baekhyun stops shivering, Jongdae lets go. “Just tell Chanyeol about this.”

“How?” Baekhyun asks, licking his lips nervously, already dreading how he should broach the topic to Chanyeol. “How should I start this? Just jump into it or – ”

“No,” comes Kyungsoo’s immediate response. “Definitely not. Don’t jump straight into it.” Kyungsoo shakes his head, looking forlorn. “Chanyeol would explode.” Times like this, Baekhyun’s thankful for Kyungsoo being cousins with Chanyeol.

“Then what should I do?” Baekhyun’s starting to panic and he doesn’t know if it’s his anxiety acting up but he doesn’t have the pills in his bag to save him from it anyway.

“Just jump straight into it?” Jongdae suggests and Baekhyun whips his head to the right. He thinks he might have pulled a muscle. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo is looking at Jongdae in absolute dismay.

“Did you not hear what I said?” Kyungsoo asks the same time Baekhyun says, “did you not hear what Kyungsoo said?”

Raising his hands to pacify them, Jongdae frowns at the both of them. “Calm down, I heard what Kyungsoo said but don’t you guys think it’d be good for Chanyeol to explode this once? Let him get it all out? That way, he can’t harbour any hatred for Baekhyun, right?”

Closing his eyes in misery, Baekhyun bangs his head against the headrest with a pitiful groan.

 

 

Standing outside Chanyeol’s apartment in Manhattan Valley, Baekhyun starts to re-evaluate his decision of telling Chanyeol the truth.

“You’ve already come all the way here, Baekhyun,” he tells himself. “You can’t give up now.” Shaking his head, he looks down at his trusted pair of Gucci sneakers, not the ones from Chanyeol, wondering if they can give him an answer. “But he’ll end up chasing you away anyway, so what’s the point? Well, the point is, you’re taking the first step at being truthful.”

Laughing to himself, Baekhyun covers his face with his hand, thinking that he has officially gone insane if he’s starting to play ‘Angel and Devil’ with himself.

“How much longer are you going to stand out there?”

At the sound of Chanyeol’s voice, Baekhyun jumps, hand immediately dropping to his side as he lifts his head and stares at the man in front of him with wide eyes. Then, he chuckles, shaking his head. “I am crazy,” he mutters to himself. “So crazy that I’m imagining Chanyeol standing right in front of me. How could he when I didn’t even hear the door opening?”

“Excuse me?”

Frowning, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, contemplating how real the man is before looking at the door. Realisation dawns on him and he brings his hands to his face in horror. “You _are_ real,” he squeaks.

Slowly nodding, Chanyeol points to the ceiling and Baekhyun automatically looks up. Anything to avoid Chanyeol’s gaze. He sees a round black thing attached there. A camera.

“Does it record sound too?”

“Yes, but I muted the screen inside because it got too noisy. Why? Is there anything I should have heard?”

“I rather you not,” Baekhyun says quickly.

Contemplating Baekhyun’s words for a moment, Chanyeol shrugs eventually and invites Baekhyun in.

Standing awkwardly at the entrance, Baekhyun waits for Chanyeol to sit down and beckon him over to the couch before he starts talking. “I need to tell you something,” he says without taking a seat.

“Go on,” Chanyeol encourages, jerking his thumb towards the couch but Baekhyun shakes his head. “I didn’t assume that you came here for a cup of coffee.”

“It’s my fault,” Baekhyun begins, hoping his mouth will do the rest of the talking for him before his heart or brain intercepts and tells him that isn’t a good idea. “My dad thinks that you’ve slept with me before because I was the one who told him that.”

Staring at Baekhyun blankly, Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something but no words come out. Finger tracing his lips, he looks away from the college student, as if debating if he should kick Baekhyun out then and there.

“I can leave now if you want me to,” Baekhyun offers, hoping to help with Chanyeol’s dilemma.

“No,” Chanyeol answers sharply. “Don’t think you can run away without giving me a proper explanation.”

“I wasn’t going to run away,” Baekhyun protests, shutting his mouth when Chanyeol shoots him a glare. “I already came all the way here to tell you the truth, why would I run away?”

“Because that’s what you’re best at doing,” Chanyeol grits out.

The accusation makes Baekhyun squint his eyes in anger. “What _I’m_ best at doing? Isn’t that a little hypocritical, Chanyeol?”

“Do you want to give me clearer explanation or do you want to discuss my insecurity about my sexuality?” Chanyeol asks very calmly. “Because I’m good with either.

Again, Baekhyun clamps his mouth shut, a retort at the tip of his tongue. “I’m sorry,” he says instead when he has calmed down. “I didn’t mean to – ”

“Yes, you did,” Chanyeol cuts in. “You meant to insinuate something against me so cut me the excuses and explain properly.”

Shuffling on his feet, Baekhyun hangs his head low. “I kind of told my dad that I lost my virginity to you when I was thirteen. It wasn’t, still isn’t, the truth, of course because I lost it to Jongdae at fourteen.”

Chanyeol scoffs at that. The lawyer knows because Baekhyun told him about it back when they were together in Cambridge.

“I said it out of anger and I don’t even remember saying it but Kyungsoo heard. He was there when I said all that and when he asked me if anything I said was true, I simply said ‘no’.” Baekhyun pauses to check Chanyeol’s face to see if the lawyer is about to start shouting at him angrily, but Chanyeol’s expression remains blank. “I didn’t remember a single thing I said but all I knew was that whatever I had said, it had been all out of anger so they were all definitely untrue.”

“Including the line about you losing your virginity to me.”

“Including that line,” Baekhyun mutters, ashamed.

“Why would you even say that out of anger?” Chanyeol raises his voice, making Baekhyun jump. He leaves the couch as he starts to pace back and forth. “What is wrong with you, Baekhyun Byun?”

“I wasn’t thinking! I don’t know why I said that!” Baekhyun shouts in defence. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry, Chanyeol,” he continues weakly. “I’m really sorry.” 

Throwing his hands up, clearly exasperated, Chanyeol glares at Baekhyun. “You never think, Baekhyun! Like I’ve said before, you _never ever_ think before opening your mouth!”

Helpless, Baekhyun reaches out to hold Chanyeol but the older man pulls away roughly at Baekhyun’s touch, making the college student flinch. A flash of guilt sparks in Chanyeol’s eyes but it’s soon replaced with the previous hardness it held.

“When do you ever think?” Chanyeol grits out angrily. “Tell me, Baekhyun, huh? When do you ever – ”

“I was in rehab!” Baekhyun shouts and suddenly, the whole room falls to silence.

“You – ” Chanyeol pauses, brows etched together. “Baekhyun, what? You – what?” The lawyer looks a mixture of angry, hurt, and confused. Then his expression shifts completely into one of worry. 

“I was in rehab,” Baekhyun repeats, softer this time, eyes darting away to avoid Chanyeol’s gaze.

“Why were you in rehab?” When Baekhyun remains silent, Chanyeol walks over to him and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Did something happen to you?”

Baekhyun’s answer comes out as a tiny whisper. “Yes.”

“Is it because you…” Mouth opening and closing, Chanyeol very obviously struggles to find the right words to say. “I didn’t even know you went to rehab before,” he settles for saying instead. “When was that?”

“The summer after my second year at Regis.” It’s the first time Baekhyun’s admitting to going to rehab aloud and it feels weird. Though at the same time, it feels kind of refreshing and it’s like Baekhyun can suddenly breathe again after drowning for so long. “I went to rehab partly because of someone, a guy I met. So you can say that I went to rehab because of…” Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun feels himself grow cold at the memories of what happened. “Because of relationship problems. But I honestly thought that I already recovered from it and that I was ready to start another relationship.”

“What you’re saying is that we really shouldn’t be together,” Chanyeol concludes and he looks like he’s hurting himself with those words. “At least until you sort yourself out.” Touching Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol smiles sadly at the college student. “You are so messed up,” he laughs humourlessly. “But you’re still so precious,” he mutters, brushing his fingers over Baekhyun’s cheekbones before pulling his hand away. “I guess I can’t really blame you for it either, huh? Since you were obviously so out of it when you said all that.” Smiling at Baekhyun kindly, Chanyeol shakes his head. “What kind of a monster would that make me if I blamed you?”

“Give me some time,” Baekhyun begs, eyes flickering down to Chanyeol’s hand, yearning for the lawyer to touch him again. “I promise I’ll get better.”

Shaking his head, Chanyeol holds Baekhyun’s hand. “Don’t promise me that. Promise yourself that. Don’t get better for me, Baek. Don’t get better for anyone. Get better for yourself.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says softly. “Okay.” Looking down at their intertwined hands, he smiles. “Will you wait for me?”

“Baekhyun.”

Looking up, Baekhyun tilts his head in question.

“I will always wait for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The number of comments I got on the previous chapter is kind of insane for me O__O thank you to everyone who commented! Tweet me, DM me, or something if you want to let me know that you're enjoying this! Or hashtag #LDTR (I'm never giving up on this)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> P.S: I'll update tomorrow! Cheer me on? (Also, a hint about the next chapter: the moment you've all been waiting for)  
> P.P.S: There are 36 chapters in total (see I updated the description?) (there have been 36 chapters from the start but I just wanted to reveal it now since I'm almost there hahas)


	21. Tonight, Everything is Alright [M]

“He’s angry at me,” Baekhyun tells his two best friends over lunch, picking at the fries on his plate with a fork, occasionally using it to fend Jongdae off from stealing them.

A week has passed since Baekhyun’s conversation with Chanyeol. It turned out better than Baekhyun had hoped for and it was encouraging. Though Chanyeol still hasn’t moved back to Carnegie Hill and they haven’t been in contact.

Yesterday, Baekhyun finally sent Chanyeol a text message, asking the lawyer if he wanted to have dinner together. Chanyeol’s reply was a simple and straightforward ‘no’ but Baekhyun was persistent. He continually bugged the older man until the latter finally told him, _Baekhyun, I don’t want to see you_. Even Baekhyun isn’t that desperate.

“Of course he’s angry at you,” Kyungsoo chuckles, succeeding in plucking a fry from Baekhyun’s plate without the other noticing. “He doesn’t blame you because that would make him a dick but he has every right to be angry at you. I mean, who goes around telling their dads they lost their virginity to someone seven years old than them when they were still a minor?”

“Spring break is coming up,” Jongdae says before Baekhyun can make some remark about Kyungsoo cradle robbing. “You can go home and talk to your dad about it. Explain everything like you did with Chanyeol, you know? Get him to have dinner with Chanyeol or something. Tell them to make up and admit that everything was mostly your fault. Nothing can go wrong when there’s good food and fine wine.”

Scowling, Baekhyun finally starts eating his fries. “I hate it when you make sense.” 

“Sure, but you love it even more when my sensibility solves your problems.”

Patting Baekhyun on the shoulder, Kyungsoo gives him an apologetic smile. “Make sure your dad’s really on board with apologising to Chanyeol though. Don’t make Chanyeol embarrassed about the whole thing when it isn’t even his fault.”

Smacking his lips together, Baekhyun nods determinedly. “Just one thing.” He looks at Kyungsoo. “This is the only reason why my dad hates Chanyeol, right? Because he thinks Chanyeol took advantage of me when I was thirteen?”

“Well,” Kyungsoo begins and Baekhyun doesn’t like his tone already. “He might assume that your whole Regis fiasco was because of your obsession with Chanyeol but that’s not – ”

“His fault,” Baekhyun completes, frowning. “That’s – ”

“Your fault,” Jongdae finishes for him, doing a mock-bow with a stolen fry between his thumb and index finger.

“So, what do I tell my dad? I’ve never spoken to him about this before. It’s like those two years of my life never existed to my family.”

“Hey papa,” Jongdae imitates Baekhyun’s voice, causing the latter to glare at him. “I lied about having sex with Chanyeol so could you please stop threatening to have his lawyer’s license revoked?”

“Because he doesn’t deserve that,” Kyungsoo says suddenly, not giving Baekhyun a chance to speak.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, perplexed and Jongdae looks no less confused.

“Because he doesn’t deserve that,” Kyungsoo repeats, staring at his friends like they each need to grow a brain. “Add that line to the end of whatever Jongdae said.”

At that, Jongdae guffaws, reaching over the table to pat Kyungsoo’s shoulder gleefully.

“That crap version of me?” Baekhyun grimaces.

“Hey!” Jongdae protests, indignant. “If anything, I’m a better version of you.”

“Kids.” Kyungsoo claps his hands together to shut them up. “Seriously, you two need to grow up. Anyway, I’m obviously not telling you to repeat Jongdae’s words verbatim but he has the right idea so just tweak a few words and prepare your dad for the conversation and then you’re good to go.”

“I honestly hope that you’ll be wrong one day,” Baekhyun tells Jongdae half-jokingly.

Grinning, Jongdae points his fork at Baekhyun. “When that day comes, it’s your problems that are going to screw you over.” 

Baekhyun really hates it when Jongdae makes sense.

 

 

“Papa?” Poking his head into Seonghyun’s office, Baekhyun finds his father sitting at his work desk. “Can we talk?”

“About?” Seonghyun asks, not looking up from his paper.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says honestly, walking into the room and tentatively taking a seat opposite his father, carefully observing his father for any change in expression.

Flipping a file shut, Seonghyun looks up as he pulls his glasses off and leans back in his leather chair. “I knew you came home for a reason other than missing us.” Seonghyun drily adds, “or so you claim.”

Smiling sheepishly, Baekhyun leans over the desk. “I do miss you guys but please? Let’s talk?”

“I’m listening.”

Flashing a triumph grin, Baekhyun sits up straight, ready to dive into the problem. “I heard about all your threats, papa. How you told Chanyeol to stay away from me or you’d get his license revoked because you could sue him for statutory rape,” Baekhyun tells his father evenly. “With me,” he specifies, laughing at the end. No matter how many times he’s said it, he still finds the notion of him sleeping with Chanyeol before oddly amusing.

“Did he tell you?” Seonghyun looks calm, a picture of tranquillity but Baekhyun knows that there’s a storm brewing on the inside.

Pursing his lips, Baekhyun drags a finger over his lips, pretending to think. “He might have mentioned it,” he concludes with a shrug. “So? Do you have anything to say for yourself? Because if you don’t want to say anything, then I’ll go first.” Seeing that his father is just staring at him with annoyance, Baekhyun clears his throat. “I’ve never had sex with Chanyeol before. I said it out of anger because I wasn’t thinking and I didn’t even know what I was saying. I only found out about this recently because Kyungsoo told me about it. And at that time, I had a feeling that you guys were sending me to Massachusetts because of Chanyeol. But I probably forgot about it because I didn’t think you guys would be that petty. I definitely didn’t think that you were going to take the words of a guy who just got out of rehab so seriously and threaten someone with them.”

“You _know_ that the reason we sent you away to boarding school in the first place was because of Chanyeol,” Seonghyun says stiffly.

“It wasn’t because of Chanyeol!” Baekhyun shouts back. “Stop blaming everything on him!”

“We sent you away because you spent the entirety of your second year at Regis – ”

“It wasn’t because of him!” Baekhyun argues, but deep down, he knows the truth is otherwise. “I did what I did during my second year because I was a rebellious kid who wanted more attention than what I already had.”

Looking at Baekhyun sternly, Seonghyun crosses his arms and Baekhyun lowers his head in shame. “You got our attention, Baekhyun. And you got more than just that. You nearly got the whole Upper East Side’s attention.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun looks up again, staring at his father with watery eyes. “And there’s the reason, isn’t it?” When Seonghyun doesn’t say anything, Baekhyun pushes back the chair angrily and rounds the table so that he’s standing in front of his father. “That’s the real reason you and mom sent me away to boarding school, right? I screwed up so badly that I was a disgrace to the family so you guys sent me away. One year was enough for all the drama surrounding me to die down because it _is_ the Upper East Side after all. You get stories about people like me with problems circulating the grapevine every day.”

“Baekhyun, that’s – ”

“Don’t lie to me,” Baekhyun chokes out, feeling tears welling up in his eyes and he curses the side effects of the anxiety pills. “I know that you guys love me but upholding our family’s image is really important too, isn’t it? I _understand_ that. I’m not a kid anymore. And I understand the sacrifices that has to be made sometimes. If it meant sending me away from the year so people would forget me and what I did, then I don’t mind. Just don’t blame all of this on someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Frustrated, he pushes his hair back and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down and to stop the tears from flowing because he isn’t even feeling sad.

Daringly taking a step forward, Baekhyun bends forward to look his father in the eye.

“I’m not the same person I was at sixteen. You can trust me to do the right things now. Or start doing the right things anyway.” Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun closes his eyes before opening them meet his father’s gaze again. “But I can’t start if you’re going around threatening someone I still care about with baseless lies.”

Seonghyun furrows his brows as he stares at Baekhyun and the college student can see the cogs in his father’s brain turning as he reaches a decision. After a moment of silence, Seonghyun eventually gives in. “Fine. What do you want from me, Baekhyun?”

“It’s really simple, papa,” Baekhyun says conversationally and perches himself on his father’s desk, grinning down at him.

 

 

“My Byun,” Chanyeol greets, walking over to Seonghyun to shake his hand.

Baekhyun can tell that he’s nervous, almost fidgety. But in his father’s eyes, Chanyeol probably looks the same as he always does – impeccable. Except Seonghyun is also looking at Chanyeol with something akin to distaste and Baekhyun groans internally.

“This is all Baekhyun’s idea, not mine,” Seonghyun says curtly, gesturing for Chanyeol sit down at the table he reserved. It wasn’t easy to get a table at ‘The Simone’ on a Saturday night at such short notice but he isn’t Seonghyun Byun for nothing.

Smiling at Seonghyun, Chanyeol slowly turns his head to Baekhyun and the smile’s long gone from his face, replaced by a scowl that screams, ‘ _what in the world is this?_ ’.

Before Baekhyun can say anything, Seonghyun is already starting the conversation. “I’ll try to make this quick, Chanyeol. You’re generally a good person and I don’t hate you.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol says politely, glancing at Baekhyun with trepidation. “May I know what this dinner is about, Mr Byun?”

“Let Baekhyun tell you,” Seonghyun scoffs, gesturing to Baekhyun as he opens the menu.

When Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun, the latter is already getting out of his seat.

“I think I want to have a word with the chef,” Baekhyun explains, faking a laugh as he tries to slip out of the room only to be stopped by Chanyeol’s glare. Quietly, he sits back down and picks up the menu, looking at the food items even though he already knows what he wants.

“I’ll cut to the chase, then.” Closing the menu, Seonghyun tells the waiter to serve his usual and he waits for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to decide on their dishes before addressing the lawyer. “I heard from Baekhyun that the two of you have never slept together before.”

Swallowing, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun in surprise. “That is correct.”

“He told me that he had lied about it, though not on purpose, of course,” Seonghyun adds hurriedly and Baekhyun finds it sweet how his father is defending him. “So I shouldn’t have threatened you the way I did,” Seonghyun continues. “But I only did what I did because I care about Baekhyun. Because I love him.”

“Of course,” Chanyeol agrees like the well-mannered man he is but his face remains passive and Baekhyun feels slightly annoyed at how well Chanyeol can mask his feelings.

Nodding, Seonghyun meets Chanyeol’s eyes. “Baekhyun was in a very bad place five years ago and you weren’t there to see it.”

 _“Thank God.”_ Baekhyun can’t imagine how Chanyeol would have reacted. Then again, Baekhyun wouldn’t have acted the way he did if Chanyeol hadn’t left. But they were all just ‘what-ifs’ now and it’s better if Baekhyun doesn’t dwell on them.

“You don’t know how it was like for me and his mother to see him like that.”

From his seat, Baekhyun groans, glaring at his father, resolutely avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze. He wants to tell his father to stop talking about it because it’s _his_ story to tell, not anyone else’s.

“I um, I heard he went to rehab,” Chanyeol offers and Seonghyun nods. “Also, I wouldn’t dare to assume to know how you and Mrs Byun felt but it must have been very difficult.”

“Then you must understand that he was very in a very volatile position when he accidentally slipped that lie.”

“I do and I don’t blame him for it.”

“I know you blame me, Chanyeol,” Seonghyun states but Chanyeol doesn’t acknowledge his words, neither does he deny them. “And I do admit that I was in the wrong for threatening you like that.”

Incredulous, Baekhyun stares at his father, wondering how many ways he can skirt around saying an apology.

“You were only worried about Baekhyun,” comes Chanyeol’s diplomatic answer and Baekhyun doesn’t think it’s the right time to swoon over Chanyeol so he crushes the butterflies fluttering around his stomach.

The food arrives then and Baekhyun happily digs in, glad for the distraction. He almost chokes on his food when his father starts discussing his personality. 

“Listen very carefully now, Chanyeol. Baekhyun loves a lot. And when he loves, he gives his whole so I know that he’ll take care of you,” Seonghyun tells Chanyeol sternly. “So I hope that you’ll take care of him too if you ever get together.”

 _“Get **back** together,”_ Baekhyun thinks wryly but his father doesn’t have to know that. Despite his father admitting to being in the wrong back in the house, it’s still too soon to let him know that he’s been sneaking around with Chanyeol for the past year. He’ll tell his father eventually. But firstly, he needs time to recover from the shock that his father knows that he still has feelings for Chanyeol.

“I can’t make any promises because I don’t even know if we’ll ever get together,” Chanyeol admits, lying smoothly at the end after some consideration and Seonghyun seems satisfied enough with his answer.

The rest of dinner passes smoothly, Seonghyun making small conversation with Chanyeol, asking him about his job and how he’s settling back into New York even though it’s already been a year and Baekhyun doesn’t really think that his father should be asking such questions. But Seonghyun is making an effort, which makes Baekhyun happy so all is well. It’s only when Seonghyun starts asking about their business law tuition sessions does Baekhyun start to panic mildly. Attempting to deal with the situation as gracefully as possible as, Baekhyun and Chanyeol come up with lies on the spot, trying to match one another’s stories to the best of their abilities and it appears to convince Seonghyun enough as he doesn’t question them about anything or show any signs of suspicion.

“Papa, you promised,” Baekhyun says suddenly after their dessert plates are cleared and Chanyeol looks at the college student questioningly.

Mouth twitching, Seonghyun glances at Chanyeol before staring at Baekhyun warningly.

Pouting back, Baekhyun musters his most pitiful expression. When his father groans, Baekhyun has to resist the urge to grin brightly, the corners of his lips twitching upwards.

“I apologise, Chanyeol.”

The apology makes Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise. Abruptly, he stands up, pushing his chair back and almost colliding with the table as he walks over to Seonghyun. “You don’t have to apologise, Mr Byun.”

Shaking his head, Seonghyun then smiles at Chanyeol, a genuine smile the first time that evening. He pats Chanyeol on the shoulder. “I do have to apologise.” Nodding towards Baekhyun, Seonghyun explains, “because I promised my son that I would.” Then he sighs and faces Chanyeol again, slightly ashamed. “And because I made a mistake and wrongfully accused you, threatening you even, so I’m sorry.”

 _Thank you_ , Baekhyun mouths to his father before smiling at Chanyeol happily.

 

 

“Chanyeol, I’m really sorry about this whole big misunderstanding,” Baekhyun tells the lawyer once they’re in the lift back at Carnegie Hill. The college student was supposed to give Chanyeol a lift back to Manhattan Valley but it slipped his mind so he ended up going straight to Carnegie Hill. Upon arrival, Baekhyun noticed his mistake and offered to send Chanyeol back home but the latter refused. “I never meant to lie to you. But I didn’t even remember saying something like that to my dad.”

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol answers shortly and presses the button for the lift doors to close. “It’s all over now.”

Nodding, Baekhyun looks down at his Chanel sneakers, trying to focus on the patterns instead of Chanyeol breathing next to him. He feels oddly like a creep listening out for the lawyer’s breathing sound but it’s also been so long since Chanyeol stood next to him.

“So, what now?” Chanyeol asks just to fill the silence of the lift.

Chewing on his lower lip thoughtfully, Baekhyun stares resolutely at the rows of buttons in front of him. The question hits Baekhyun with a renewed sense of deja vú and he wonders how many times he’s already heard that question. Tentatively, he looks to his side and spots Chanyeol staring at him, his eyes soft and Baekhyun gives the lawyer a tiny smile.

It’s been a while since they had a normal chat which didn’t end up with either or both of them shouting at least once throughout the conversation. And it’s also been a while since Chanyeol had looked at Baekhyun so gently so the college student soaks it all up, relishes in the moment while it lasts.

“Friends?” Baekhyun suggests, laughing to himself because even the notion of being friends with Chanyeol sounds funny to his ears.

Once upon a time, they were friends. Or maybe they were never friends to begin with and Baekhyun just made it up all in his mind. He’s liked Chanyeol for a long time now, but he also remembers a time he used to hate the lawyer. For real. Yet, Baekhyun doesn’t know the exact moment his feelings changed.

Waiting for a response, Baekhyun glances at Chanyeol timidly. He was about to reach out for the older man when he spots the cold expression on Chanyeol’s face. Dejected, he places his hand on his other arm instead, trying to make himself smaller.

He doesn’t want to face Chanyeol, not when Chanyeol is looking like that. But the smell of jasmine and rosewood is tempting Baekhyun to turn his head back.

To be fair, Baekhyun does try his hardest not to give in and look at Chanyeol, eventually failing the moment the lift chimes and stops at the sixteenth floor. Chanyeol walks out first and Baekhyun sighs, lingers a little while before following Chanyeol back to the lawyer’s apartment.

“Can I get an answer at least?” Baekhyun prods, laughing to lighten the atmosphere.

“You know we can’t be friends, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol replies easily, back still turned to Baekhyun as he unlocks his door.

“Why not?” Baekhyun questions despite feeling the same way. When Chanyeol pushes open the door wordlessly, Baekhyun grows frustrated. Grabbing Chanyeol’s hand, Baekhyun forces the lawyer to stay in place. “Why not?” Baekhyun presses, tightening his grip, refusing to let go until he gets a satisfying answer.

Finally, Chanyeol turns to Baekhyun and the expression he sees on Chanyeol’s face isn’t one that he was expects. There’s a look of desire on the lawyer’s face, his eyes pooled with lust, making Baekhyun’s throat constrict and his mouth go dry, his pants growing tighter with each increasing second.

“Because I’m fucking crazy about you, Baekhyun. And even if I don’t want to date you, I won’t be able to stand it if we’re just friends,” Chanyeol says acidly, pushing Baekhyun’s hand away.

Eyes narrowed, Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol by his collar, dragging the lawyer down to crash their lips together in a desperate and messy kiss.

The next thing Baekhyun knows is that his back is pressed against the door inside the house and he vaguely remembers being in a familiar position before. All thoughts fly away when Chanyeol nips at his bottom lip, drawing out a low moan from his throat as he parts his legs, allowing Chanyeol to wedge one knee between his thigh. His pants growing tighter, Baekhyun reaches down to palm himself while continuing to exchange sloppy kisses with Chanyeol.

Along the way to the bedroom, Baekhyun loses his shirt, helping Chanyeol divest his. Soon, Chanyeol’s slacks end up on the floor, and so does Baekhyun’s. By the time they end up on Chanyeol’s bed, they’ve been stripped of all their clothes, leaving nothing between their bodies. The skin to skin contact burns but Baekhyun doesn’t care, eagerly pushing his hips forward for more friction. There’s only one thing he wants at that moment and it’s for Chanyeol to be inside him.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” Baekhyun manages to say in between heated kisses, running his hands all over Chanyeol’s face and down his chest. At the back of his mind, he hopes that Chanyeol isn’t going to give him an answer. Pushing the lawyer back onto the bed, Baekhyun straddles his thighs, grinning down at him with a hint of playfulness in his eyes. “Make me scream.”

Without any warning, Chanyeol has their positions flipped. As soon as Baekhyun’s on his back, Chanyeol’s attaching his lips to Baekhyun’s neck, causing the latter to thrash about as he moans shamelessly, bucking his hips up, clearly wanting, _needing_ Chanyeol to touch him. Then Chanyeol’s trailing kisses down Baekhyun’s neck and down to his chest, making him pant breathlessly as the shape of Chanyeol’s lips map out his body.

Groaning, Baekhyun’s mouth falls open into a soundless gasp when he feels Chanyeol taking his right nipple into his lips. The lawyer’s tongue swirls around it, making the pink nub harden and he grazes it with his teeth before pulling away and repeating the same actions to Baekhyun’s left nipple.

“Hurry fuck me,” Baekhyun whines, ripping a low growl from Chanyeol’s throat that sends a wave of pleasure running through his body. Eyes rolling back, Baekhyun’s eyelids flutter shut as he blindly reaches for Chanyeol’s face to caress the lawyer.

When Chanyeol stops littering kisses all over his chest, Baekhyun whimpers at the loss of contact, opening his eyes again to seek the lawyer out, beg him to kiss him all over again or quickly get inside of him. Looking at Chanyeol with lustful eyes blown wide, Baekhyun grabs the lawyer’s hand. Not breaking eye contact, Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s index and middle finger, wrapping his mouth around them at the same time. Then he starts sucking, swirling his tongue around the two digits as he moves forward until the lawyer’s fingers are almost touching the back of his throat.

As Baekhyun sucks on Chanyeol’s fingers, the latter can only stare at him, mesmerised, mouth going dry at how erotic Baekhyun’s making it look.

After a while, Chanyeol pulls his fingers out and he seems to have found the lube and condom while Baekhyun was doing his little ministration. Uncapping the bottle, Chanyeol haphazardly pours a large amount of lube onto his fingers. Placing his left hand on Baekhyun’s thigh, Chanyeol pushes it further away before hooking the back of his knee and pulling it over one of his shoulders.

Bringing his fingers to Baekhyun’s entrance, he circles it, merciless to Baekhyun’s whining and demands, leaving a trail of lube all over Baekhyun’s inner thigh instead. Chuckling, he pulls his hand away and watches Baekhyun with darkly.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun moans, desperate for some contact. It breaks into a high-pitched noise when Chanyeol slides one finger in without any warning.

“Damn, you’re tight,” Chanyeol groans as he slowly works the second finger in, growling at Baekhyun when the college student shifts down to get the second digit in faster.

“It’s been a while,” Baekhyun admits, too turned on be embarrassed by his dry spell. “Faster. I’m ready.”

But Chanyeol isn’t going to have any of that. With two fingers now inside of Baekhyun, Chanyeol makes a scissors-like movement to stretch Baekhyun open further before adding the third digit. As Chanyeol thrusts his fingers in and out, Baekhyun establishes a rhythm, pushing his hips in and out to meet Chanyeol’s fingers.

“I’m ready,” Baekhyun repeats impatiently, throwing his left leg around Chanyeol’s waist to urge the lawyer forward.

Nodding, Chanyeol rolls on a condom and Baekhyun almost cums at the sight of how big Chanyeol is. It’s been a while, okay.

Moving Baekhyun’s leg from his shoulder, Chanyeol brings it to the other side of his waist and Baekhyun instinctively wraps his legs around Chanyeol. Bending down, Chanyeol whispers sweetly into Baekhyun’s ear, “hold me tight, angel,” before he’s slamming in.

Baekhyun doesn’t hold Chanyeol tight but he does scream and he barely has time to think about Chanyeol listening to his request when the lawyer speeds up. He brings one arm over his eyes while fisting the bedsheet with his other hand, knuckles surely turning white from how hard he’s pulling them.

“I want to see you,” Chanyeol says lowly, voice hoarse, and Baekhyun moans, his senses tingling delightfully.

Suddenly, Baekhyun feels his arm being pulled away and it takes a while for his vision to clear from how hard he was pressing down. The moment he sees Chanyeol again, he wants to take his time to trace the other’s face with his eyes, memorise how Chanyeol looks like when they’re together like that. But he only gets to stare at the other’s features for a few seconds because Chanyeol leans down to kiss Baekhyun again, the taste of his lips like honey, while thrusting in and out of Baekhyun’s tight heat at a languid place.

Everything stills for the moment when their lips connect the same time their bodies do and Baekhyun chokes into the kiss when Chanyeol roughly pushes his tongue in. Chanyeol’s hands are in his hair, stroking, scratching, and pulling and Baekhyun whimpers when he feels his strands getting tugged on. Slowly, he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck despite every fibre in his body telling him not to. It’s too intimate, too sweet, and too much of a reminder of what Baekhyun can’t have at the moment.

Abruptly, Baekhyun unwinds his arms and pushes at Chanyeol’s shoulders to get the lawyer off him. “I said, fuck me,” Baekhyun growls.

“I am fucking you.” Chanyeol makes a point by slamming in harder the next time, making Baekhyun see stars as he drags his nails down Chanyeol’s back, whining and begging Chanyeol to keep going like this.

To keep going, _harder_ , _faster_ , and to just give him _more_.

When Chanyeol hits his sweet spot again, Baekhyun arches his back, toes curling as he listens to the sound of Chanyeol panting into his ears and going crazy with desire from how sinful it sounds.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun chokes out in response to the lawyer’s sharp thrusts.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol moans deliciously, the sweat from his hair dripping onto Baekhyun’s chest as his head hangs down, his eyes hooded, and pink swollen lips parted.

And Baekhyun has to close his eyes if he doesn’t want to cum there and then because the scene in front of him is too sexy. “Chanyeol,” he mewls, digging his heels into the lawyer’s back to pull him closer. Always to pull him closer.

It’s all becoming too much – Chanyeol ramming into his prostate repeatedly, Chanyeol’s fingers tugging at his hair, and Chanyeol moaning his name over and over again in that seductive voice of his. The pressure that built up inside of Baekhyun is at its peak, driving him out of control and he cums, white spots exploding in front of his eyes.

Spreading his legs wider, Chanyeol sinks impossibly deeper the next time he thrusts in and just like that, Chanyeol’s also coming to completion, his hips thrusting forward erratically until he comes down from his high.

For a while, Baekhyun’s happy to let the lawyer lie on top of him until the latter becomes too heavy. “Get off,” Baekhyun grunts, pushing at the lawyer’s shoulder, biting back a moan when he feels Chanyeol’s cock coming to life inside of him again. 

Pulling out, Chanyeol takes off the condom and ties it before throwing it into the bin from where he’s sitting on Baekhyun’s legs. “And that’s why we can’t be friends, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says, breathless as he collapses next to the college student on the bed.

Catching his breath, Baekhyun throws an arm over his eyes, willing his heart to stop thumping so quickly and his body to cool down quicker. Swallowing, he nods, mouth hanging open as he breathes through it. “You’re right.” Removing his arm, Baekhyun gathers the remaining of his strength to turn to his side to face Chanyeol. The lawyer’s looking back at him tenderly, like they didn’t just fuck roughly like two over-eager high-schoolers having sex. And Baekhyun wants to believe it was something more than having sex but at the same time he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

Still, he allows himself some respite from all the problems in his life and reaches out to touch Chanyeol’s face.

Smiling, Chanyeol covers Baekhyun’s hand with his own, fingers stroking Baekhyun’s knuckles with feather-light touches.

Shivering, Baekhyun pulls his hands away and slips his arm under the pillow so that Chanyeol can’t see the goose bumps appearing. “You’re right,” he repeats. “We can’t be friends.” Chanyeol’s eyelids are drooping and he looks so adorably sleepy like that and Baekhyun wants nothing more than to tuck Chanyeol under his arm and go to sleep but this is something they must talk about. “So you know what we can be?”

There are a thousand of promises on Baekhyun’s tongue but he doesn’t say any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this not the moment everyone's been waiting for?! Warning in advance: the next few chapters will be (not-so mindless) smut for me to practice writing (I'm only joking).
> 
> Tweet me, DM me, or something if you want to let me know that you're enjoying this! Or hashtag #LDTR (I'm never giving up on this)
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> Fun fact: this chapter has exactly 5,000 words :D


	22. All About You [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ MY END A/N PLEASE.
> 
> Also, WARNING: Barebacking (? does this need a warning?). And I don't know why the first part of this chapter turned out so dirty oops (I honestly blame Baekhyun).

“Friends with benefits.”

“No,” comes Chanyeol’s immediate reply. “I already said that I can’t be friends with you.”

Grimacing, Baekhyun sits up, uncaring about his naked state, feeling smug about the way Chanyeol’s eyes roam over his body. “Technically, we won’t be friends. It’s more for the benefits.”

“No, Baekhyun.”

“Fuck buddies?” Baekhyun tries hopefully, sitting up straighter.

“I’m pretty sure ‘buddies’ is synonymous to ‘friends’,” Chanyeol replies in the same deadpan tone.

“The main point is ‘fuck’ but I’m pretty sure your Harvard brain can’t wrap your mind around that.”

“Baekhyun.”

Looking at Chanyeol expectantly, Baekhyun leans forward until their chests are pressed together. He smirks when he sees Chanyeol screw his eyes shut as the lawyer tries to control himself. Laughing, Baekhyun sits back up and straddles Chanyeol’s hips, pressing his thighs against Chanyeol’s sides while running his hands up the older man’s chest.

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun slaps Chanyeol’s chest and is about to climb off him to get dressed when Chanyeol pulls his arm. Very inelegantly, Baekhyun falls back on top of Chanyeol, letting out an undignified squeak in the process and shooting the lawyer something that barely resembled a glare.

Smiling up at Baekhyun, Chanyeol strokes his hair. Pushing Baekhyun’s head down, Chanyeol presses their lips together gently. His other hand is sliding down to the side of Baekhyun’s waist. Then he’s trailing his hand down, feather-light touches ghosting along the college student’s skin, making his eyes flutter shut at the sensation.

When Chanyeol’s fingers reach the crack of his ass, Baekhyun’s eyes fly wide open and he stares at Chanyeol with desire. Despite the hazy lust clouding his mind, he manages to look unimpressed at the same time. “I see you’re very down for the fucking despite rejecting all of my proposals.”

“I’m good with the fucking, Baek,” Chanyeol laughs. “Just not the part about being friendly with you.” To emphasise his point, Chanyeol easily slides a finger into Baekhyun’s hole that is still wet and slick from before.

Hips jerking down, Baekhyun shuts his eyes, relishing in the pleasure as the lawyer creates a steady rhythm, two of Chanyeol’s fingers thrusting in and out at a maddeningly slow pace. Snapping his eyes open, Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol again. Or at least he tries to again. This time, it looks more like a glare and Chanyeol gives him some points for the effort.

“I need to know what we – ahh,” Baekhyun words come out slightly broken at the end when Chanyeol’s fingers hit his sweet spot. Screwing his eyes shut, Baekhyun tries not to give in to the voice telling him to slam back down onto the lawyer’s fingers.

He almost fails but it doesn’t matter anyway because Chanyeol stills his fingers before withdrawing them completely, and Baekhyun whines at the loss of them.

“Put them back in,” Baekhyun all but whines, futilely picking up Chanyeol’s hand which only falls back onto the bed because the older man isn’t making any attempt to move. “Please? Or by ‘not being friendly’ with me, you mean by being cruel in every aspect?”

Chuckling, Chanyeol shakes his head. Lifting his hand - the one with the fingers that were up Baekhyun’s ass just moments ago, mind you - Chanyeol’s about to touch Baekhyun’s face when the younger pulls away with a scrunched-up expression.

“Put that away or down where it was just now. Either ways, you are not getting any lube on my face.”

“What were you saying?” Chanyeol digresses, hand falling as he smiles fondly at the college student.

What _was_ Baekhyun saying?

Opening and closing his mouth a few times only to come up with nothing, Baekhyun mentally curses Chanyeol a few times (aloud once - “Mind your tongue,” Chanyeol tuts).

“You were saying you have to know what we are,” Chanyeol finally supplies what he already knows much to Baekhyun’s dismay. “But we don’t have to be anything. We don’t need a label.”

“Is that from a Dior campaign ad?” Baekhyun jokes with the first brand name that comes to his mind. “Because that was really terrible.”

“I mean it,” Chanyeol says with a shrug. “If we’re friends with benefits, that means there’ll be no emotional attachment. Same with fuck buddies and I’m sure you don’t want that.” Smiling, Chanyeol continues, “besides, I don’t want that. Not with you.”

“I don’t mind fucking but I need to know where I stand with you,” Baekhyun whines, prodding Chanyeol’s side.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun’s hand away. “Where do I stand with you, then?”

Opening his mouth, Baekhyun belatedly realises that he doesn’t have an answer.

“Forget it,” Baekhyun mutters, rolling his eyes as he shoves two of his fingers into his mouth, making Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise. Withdrawing his fingers with a pop, he raises an unimpressed brow at Chanyeol. “You’re not going to give me what I want anyway.” Smirking, he lifts his hips before moving his hands to the back and he can see the way Chanyeol’s mouth go dry when he realises what Baekhyun is doing.

It’s not the first time Baekhyun’s doing it so he doesn’t take long to shove his two saliva-slick fingers into his hole. But it certainly is the first time he’s doing it in front of Chanyeol.

Mouth hanging open in a soundless moan, Baekhyun tilts his head back, exposing the long milky column of his neck. He knows he’s a sight to take in when he’s finger-fucking himself from the countless compliments he got from his old bed partners. If Chanyeol’s growing erection is also anything to go by, Baekhyun is sure that he’s doing it _right_.

Small gasps escape Baekhyun’s lips as he pushes and pulls his fingers in and out. Looking down at Chanyeol again, he finds the lawyer’s eyes dark with want. Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun shifts further down so that his fingers brush Chanyeol’s cock ever so slightly whenever he withdraws them.

Hissing, Chanyeol reaches around Baekhyun and the college student whimpers when he feels Chanyeol sliding two fingers in next to his two. There’s a obvious difference between their fingers. While their fingers are more or less the same length, Chanyeol’s ones are much thicker and the extra stretch makes Baekhyun moan loudly.

Suddenly, the two other fingers are gone and Baekhyun acutely registers their disappearances. Chanyeol’s arm is still curled around his waist though and when Baekhyun realises why Chanyeol isn’t finger fucking him anymore, he glares at the older man.

“Don’t touch yourself,” Baekhyun growls, using his other hand to pull Chanyeol’s hand away and dropping it on the lawyer’s chest. “Join me in fingering me or don’t do anything.”

“This is torture, Baek,” Chanyeol complains, his voice strained.

“I don’t care,” Baekhyun laughs and takes out his fingers.

Now wet and sticky with lube, he brings them to Chanyeol’s chest. Smiling sweetly as he bites lightly on his lower lip, he drags his fingers down Chanyeol’s body, leaving a trail of transparent white substance. The lawyer shudders slightly, inhaling sharply as his eyes follows Baekhyun’s fingers until they reach the latter’s cock.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol warns.

Grinning at Chanyeol, Baekhyun wraps his fingers around his own hardened cock, exaggeratedly gasping at the first touch as he slowly strokes himself.

“Can I touch you, then?”

Baekhyun doesn’t even consider. “No.” He ignores Chanyeol’s glare and looks around as he continues making obscene noises and even more obscene facial expressions. “No more condoms?”

“I’ll get it,” Chanyeol says quickly, relief in his voice at being able to find a distraction from Baekhyun touching himself.

“No,” Baekhyun hisses, making sure Chanyeol stays in place by pushing his hips down. “I’m fine with barebacking.”

“Have you done it before?” Chanyeol asks, concerned.

Shrugging, Baekhyun stops stroking himself for a while. “A few times. I don’t hate it. I don’t particularly like it either. But it’s okay if it’s you.” Smirking, Baekhyun resumes his previous actions, long and slender fingers trailing from the base of his cock to the tip. “I kind of want it if it’s you,” he lowers his voice. “I can bareback for you.”

A low growl rips from Chanyeol’s throat and suddenly his hands are on Baekhyun’s hips, lifting the college student up.

Eyes flying open in surprise, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol. When he feels Chanyeol’s cock sliding back into his hole, he throws his head back with a drawn-out moan. Releasing his grip from his cock, Baekhyun rests both his hands on Chanyeol’s chest to balance himself as the lawyer lifts his hips before slamming him down repeatedly. Working out his arms has indeed done Chanyeol’s strength wonders, Baekhyun concludes.

After a few more thrusts, Baekhyun is cumming all over Chanyeol’s stomach again. Then Chanyeol cums inside of Baekhyun and the latter has to bite his bottom lip to prevent a very embarrassing sound from coming out.

Grimacing at the mess, Baekhyun decides that it’s time to clean himself up. But when he pulls himself off Chanyeol’s cock and feels cum dripping down the back of his thigh, he whimpers and loses the strength to support himself. Chanyeol hisses when Baekhyun sits back down and grabs the side of Baekhyun’s hip.

“Can you get up?”

Nodding, Baekhyun shifts into a kneeling position and more of Chanyeol’s cum dribbles out. Groaning, Baekhyun manages to climb off Chanyeol and get off the bed. With wobbly legs, he slowly makes his way over to the bathroom, hoping that he’ll make it in time before any cum reaches his floor.

He senses more than he sees Chanyeol staring at his ass and as proud as he feels about that, he also wants to hurry to the bathroom.

“Help me clean myself up and maybe I’ll let you do this again so you can watch your cum come out of my ass all you want.”

Chanyeol doesn’t need to be told twice.

 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t really know if it’s all that healthy having so much sex but he has never felt more alive in the past year.

“Baekhyun Byun, I literally told you to spend the Spring break with your family, not with Chanyeol’s dick up your ass after the first day with your dad.” Even over the phone, Baekhyun can see Jongdae’s judgmental face, his little eyebrow-arch-of-disdain.

“I know, I know.” Taking the phone away from his ear, Baekhyun switches to speaker mode because it’s easier to find his missing pants that way. He doesn’t bother with looking for his shirts anymore, preferring to lounge about in Chanyeol’s t-shirts or hoodies, as dull-looking as they are - because bigger-sized clothes are just way more comfortable. (“You just like the smell of him,” Kyungsoo quipped without much amusement when he dropped by Baekhyun’s house to finish up a mini group work one day.) “But I haven’t had sex in like a year and Chanyeol fucks like a God.”

Scoffing, Jongdae says, “because you know how a God fucks?”

“Like _Chanyeol_ ,” Baekhyun insists.

“Whatever, Baekhyun,” Jongdae responds drily. “But you do know that you still have to tell him, right? I give you another one week to get your desires satisfied and don’t tell me they will never be satisfied. Your sex drive is smaller than mine and even I can be satisfied.”

“My sex drive is not smaller than yours.”

“One week.”

With that, Jongdae hangs up, leaving Baekhyun to...have more sex with Chanyeol.

 

 

Nothing comes from Baekhyun after one week is up despite Jongdae constantly breathing down his neck and Kyungsoo making snide comments.

“I’ll handle this,” he told his two best friends.

But he doesn’t. Not even when Chanyeol gives him the opportunity to.

“Do you have anything to tell me?” Chanyeol asks once they’re both cleaned up and lying side by side under the covers.

“Many,” Baekhyun says softly without hesitation.

“Tell me?”

Swallowing, Baekhyun wets his lips. “Well, what do you want to know?”

“What was the real reason you got sent to boarding school?”

Baekhyun was already expecting this question but it shocks him all the same. “I um. Well, I – ” his voice breaks off into a moan when he feels Chanyeol suddenly sucking his neck.

“You?” Chanyeol prompts, continuing his ministrations, completely oblivious (not really) to how his actions are driving Baekhyun mad. “You what?”

“You’re distracting me,” Baekhyun whimpers. “Do you even want to know?” he snaps lightly.

Stopping temporarily, Chanyeol moves back just enough to meet Baekhyun’s eyes before he’s shrugging and attaching his lips back to Baekhyun’s pulse point.

“I did something bad,” Baekhyun manages to choke out as he tilts his head back to give Chanyeol more access.

“No shit. But what did you do? What exactly?” When Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol attempts to fill in the blanks by himself. “Did you make a sex tape? Because if you did, I want to see it.”

Laughing, Baekhyun combs his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair. “No.”

“No as in ‘no, I didn’t make a sex tape’ or ‘no, I won’t let you see it’.” Again, Baekhyun doesn’t answer. Only this time, Chanyeol isn’t so kind anymore and he nips Baekhyun instead.

“Ow!” Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol’s face away and glares at the lawyer. It’s a real glare. “That hurts, asshole.” Seeing Chanyeol shrug, Baekhyun narrows his eyes. “No as in ‘no, I won’t tell you’,” Baekhyun hisses.

“Come on,” Chanyeol half-whines as he pokes Baekhyun’s sides. “I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to bite you.”

The lawyer sounds anything but apologetic and Baekhyun only scoffs at his pathetic attempt at saying sorry.

“I was going to tell you one thing,” Baekhyun admits rather begrudgingly. “But then you bit me.”

“Is it so bad that you really can’t tell me?” Chanyeol asks.

 _“It’s so bad that you might leave me,”_ Baekhyun thinks but he only shrugs at Chanyeol.

“You’ll tell me one day, won’t you?”

“Some day.” Baekhyun nods, more to convince himself that he’ll go through with his words soon than to assure Chanyeol. “I will. Promise.”

“Hey.”

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol, stares into his eyes, and waits for three words that never come.

But the look on Chanyeol’s face is enough to make Baekhyun crush their lips together in a desperate kiss. As soon as their lips touch, the urgency drains from Baekhyun’s body and he decides to take things slow. Curling a hand around Chanyeol’s cheek, he pulls himself closer to the lawyer. Tongue tracing the seam of Chanyeol’s lips, it takes a little bit of coaxing before Baekhyun can successfully slide his tongue in and explore Chanyeol’s mouth.

It isn’t the first time he’s kissing Chanyeol, obviously. But it’s the first time he feels like he’s tasting all of Chanyeol and he thinks he can get addicted to the taste, just as he’s addicted to Chanyeol’s smell.

 

 

The doorbell rings the same time the main character on the screen strikes a demon down and Baekhyun jumps as if the sound just slayed him. Glaring at the door, Baekhyun wills the person opposite to go away. He doesn’t care who it is. Today is _his_ and he needs this alone time. Alone time to catch up with dramas and eat leftover pizza and act like he isn’t a privileged Ivy League college kid. Also, he has to think about his relationship with Chanyeol and how he’s going to tell the lawyer about what got him onto Santa’s naughty list for eternity. But it’s mostly for the pizza.

When the doorbell rings again, Baekhyun gives up on watching the show and pauses the show as he throws the pizza box onto the low table where his feet was propped up moments ago. Not bothering with his home slippers, he quickly walks over to the door and yanks it open.

Before he kindly tells the person opposite to _fuck off_ , he manages to do a double take in time and stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

“Chanyeol?”

“Can I come in?”

Pointing to the other direction, Baekhyun says, “your house is over there” and Chanyeol just smiles at him. “Is this a booty call? Home delivery? No need because I already have pizza.”

“What’s up with you?” Chanyeol laughs, shaking his head fondly as he leans against the side of the door. “I don’t only find you for sex.”

 _“You **do** ,”_ Baekhyun screams in his mind. Though he supposes that it will be an unfair accusation seeing that _he_ only finds Chanyeol for sex these days.

“Considering the fact that we always fuck whenever we meet nowadays, I can say that it was a fair assumption,” Baekhyun reaches a compromise for the both of them. “But really though, _why_ do we keep having sex?”

“Just let me in.” There’s no consent from Baekhyun but Chanyeol pushes his way in and Baekhyun splutters. “I brought some clothes. I’m going to wash up and then go to sleep.”

“What?” Baekhyun frowns at the lawyer’s back. “What?” he repeats aloud, absolutely baffled at the way Chanyeol is acting.

 

It takes half an hour before curiosity gets the better of Baekhyun and he walks over to the guest room. Knocking on the bathroom door, it opens easily and Baekhyun blinks at it in surprise. Shrugging, he pushes the door open and finds Chanyeol soaking in the tub.

“You couldn’t do this in your own house?”

From the tub, Chanyeol opens his eyes and he smiles at Baekhyun easily. “My shower-head is broken.”

“Yeah, sure,” Baekhyun says drily, unconvinced.

Chanyeol is naked and wet and in Baekhyun’s bathroom. Baekhyun thinks his natural reaction should be to strip and then join Chanyeol in the tub and have bathtub sex for the first time. But the lawyer looks so tired yet happy at the same time to see him that all Baekhyun can think about is how domestic all this is and how much he wants to brush his teeth to get rid of the pizza aftertaste.

So that’s what he does - brush his teeth and get ready for bed even though it’s only nine.

Once he’s in bed, he brings the covers to his chin and closes his eyes, wondering if he should pretend to be asleep. He isn’t really tired, considering he spent the whole day watching television because he didn’t have any classes that day.

The bathroom door opens, snapping Baekhyun out of his train of thought.

“You’re not sleeping in your own room?” Chanyeol asks as he throws the wet towel onto the foot of the bed. Ignoring Baekhyun’s protest, he walks over to the side and pulls away the covers much to Baekhyun’s dismay.

“What - ” Baekhyun cuts himself short when Chanyeol slides one arm behind his knees, the other supporting his neck and carries him off the bed.

Throughout the short trip back to Baekhyun’s room, the college student stays quiet. Only when Chanyeol places him back down on his bed and slides in next to him does he ask the lawyer a question.

“So, why do we just keep on having sex?”

“You don’t like sex?”

“I _do_ ,” Baekhyun stresses. “Why would you even ask that?”

“Why would _you_ even complain about having too much sex?” Chanyeol counters.

“I’m not complaining!” Baekhyun exclaims, indignant. “I’m genuinely asking. Because you know, you used to _never_ touch me and then my father gives you the go-sign and you become a sex God.”

Frowning, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun. “What?”

Waving his hand in dismissal, Baekhyun shakes his head as he tries to activate his mouth filter. “Forget the last part.”

“Sex God?”

“So, why?”

Laughing, Chanyeol smiles brightly at Baekhyun. “I’ve already told you before. I did want to fuck you. I just couldn’t bring myself to because I actually have morals and I didn’t want to sleep with you while thinking that I raped you before. That’ll probably enough to kill my erection.”

“And you couldn’t have just told me what the problem was from the start?” Baekhyun asks with a scowl, regretting it the next moment when Chanyeol shoots back at him.

“Then why don’t you tell me what problems you have?”

Pursing his lips, Baekhyun mumbles, “because it’s difficult.”

Having no trouble hearing Baekhyun at all, Chanyeol nods. “Exactly. It’s difficult. I’ve also told you before that I didn’t want you to choose between me and your dad, didn’t I? I mean it’s great that none of that happened between us so you could clear it up quickly but what if it _did_ , you know? And everything I had with you was so nice. I didn’t want to risk anything.”

Frowning slightly, Baekhyun wants to disagree with the part about everything being ‘so nice’ but he doesn’t say anything and continues letting Chanyeol speak.

“Let’s say, I did sleep with you when you were underaged. What would you do?”

“But I would have been willing.”

“You can’t give consent, remember? So it won’t be counted in the eyes of the law.”

“I usually find you sexy when you get all lawyer on me and talk about legal clauses I don’t care about but I really hate it right now.”

Chuckling, Chanyeol adjusts Baekhyun’s hair. “Just answer the question.” Waiting for a while, Chanyeol grins when he realises that Baekhyun doesn’t have anything to say despite usually being so opinionated. “So let’s say your dad really wanted to sue me for statutory rape, would you go against him? You could rebel, sure, but for how long? Would you have threatened him to stand up for me or would you have let him have his way?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun answers honestly. “And I don’t want to think about it because none of that is true anyway.”

The more Chanyeol explains, the more Baekhyun feels like the lawyer was just avoiding him to save his own skin. Though Baekhyun knows that Chanyeol isn’t that kind of guy and was probably doing it to avoid complicating things further.

“Why are you really here?” Baekhyun asks eventually.

“Do you want to give me a hypothetical situation of your secret? A ‘what-if’,” Chanyeol prompts.

Sighing, Baekhyun nods, seeing that there’s no harm in doing this little experiment. Chanyeol’s mature enough to know not to take Baekhyun’s next words seriously no matter how truthful or untruthful they are.

“What if I told you that my big secret is that I killed someone?” It comes out a little shakier than intended and a sour expression appears on Baekhyun’s face.

Raising a brow, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun contemplatively. “For what reason? If it’s self-defense, I’ll be more understanding about it. If it’s an accident, what kind of accident? If it’s just pure cold-blooded murder then don’t tell me,” Chanyeol jokes at the end, probably trying to make Baekhyun more comfortable about elaborating the situation. It’s probably how he gets contracts and signatures for his dad’s company too. And Baekhyun wouldn’t be surprised to hear about Chanyeol being good at his job.

“It was an accident. I pushed him down the stairs in a struggle partly because someone told me to but also because I didn’t like him.”

“Because someone told you to and because you didn’t like him? That sounds like you had the intent to kill though, so it won’t count as an accident.”

“Let me rephrase that.” Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun thinks through his words before speaking this time. “I got into a struggle with someone I didn’t really like and I pushed him down by accident because we were at a stairwell, one with lots of steps, and he just lost his footing. But I don’t exactly feel that bad since I don’t like him and partly because someone wanted me to kill him.”

“But if someone wanted you to kill him and you don’t feel bad partly because of that, it can be argued that you might have harboured the intention of murder. It could sound like you already had plans on killing him but since it was an accident, you saved yourself the trouble of feeling guilty,” Chanyeol rationalises and Baekhyun can’t even argue back. “You’re pretty fixed on this third party plot, huh,” Chanyeol laughs. “You’re watching too many crime shows.”

“How would you know?” Baekhyun asks, unimpressed, as if he didn’t spend his entire morning watching CSI.

“You spent the whole morning texting me about them. While I was at work,” Chanyeol adds with a teasing smile, making Baekhyun smile back sheepishly.

“I switched to fantasy,” Baekhyun says, glad they’re not on the make-up-a-situation anymore. But he has to clear his name. “I need to acquit myself.”

“Go ahead.”

“So this someone is someone I want to please because I kind of did something bad to him and I want to make it up to him. But,” he stresses. “I won’t do anything like killing anyone to get him to forgive me. So despite him wanting me to kill the other guy, I wouldn’t do it. And then the accident happened and I don’t feel bad because I kind of made it up to the guy I let down but I wouldn’t have killed the other guy if it was by choice.”

“I wouldn’t acquit you if I were the judge,” Chanyeol says honestly.

Scowling, Baekhyun pokes Chanyeol’s shoulder. “That’s because you’re a dick and you’re not even a judge anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a loophole in there somewhere that I’m too tired to think about,” the lawyer laughs.

“Whatever,” Baekhyun dismisses Chanyeol quickly. “Tell me why you’re really here and don’t say it’s because you wanted to play ‘what-if’.”

“I’m tired and your apartment is the nearest to the lift,” Chanyeol answers conversationally, slipping into the other side of the bed.

Turning onto his side to fully face Chanyeol, Baekhyun scowls. “You literally live a few seconds away.”

“I’m tired and I wanted to see you.”

The way Chanyeol says it so normally makes Baekhyun’s heart squeeze painfully and he wishes he’s courageous enough to tell the lawyer everything. But he isn’t. So he settles for burying his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck as the latter tightens his arms around his waist.

“And to answer your question, no, I couldn’t do any of this in my own house.” Kissing Baekhyun’s head, Chanyeol moves back as he brings a hand to Baekhyun’s chin, tilting it up.

Confused, Baekhyun frowns, trying to ignore the feeling of Chanyeol’s thumb stroking his bottom lip.

“Because you’re not there,” Chanyeol says softly, removing his hand and Baekhyun closes his eyes at the loss of the sensation. “Because what I really want tonight is to hold you to sleep.”

The lawyer kisses Baekhyun’s cheek before he loops his arms around the college student’s waist again.

Cuddling in closer, Baekhyun sighs internally at how nice it feels.

“I want to hold you to sleep every night,” Chanyeol whispers.

And Baekhyun wants that too. Of course he wants that. But he doesn’t say it. Because the first time, he wants to be selfish. Selfish for himself and live in the moment. Selfish because he doesn’t want to give Chanyeol promises that he might not be able to keep because the lawyer might not want him anymore after knowing what he did. Because he doesn’t want to hear Chanyeol saying _I don’t know about us_ anymore.

Most of all, it’s because Baekhyun’s a coward. So scared and fearful of losing everything that it has turned him into a big liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on twitter, please, please, PLEASEEE help me RT [this tweet](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds/status/995648228317057024) T__T or please buy it from me hahas. I have too many albums and it's stressing me out T__T I can mail it directly to your home from Japan OR I'll be in the US for the whole summer so I can do domestic shipping in the US too! :D
> 
> As for the fic,
> 
> Tweet me or DM me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> , or something if you want to let me know that you're enjoying this! Or hashtag #LDTR (I'm never giving up on this and I do stalk it)
> 
> And please entertain me on curiouscat (travelling alone can be quite lonely but I kind of like it too)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> ON UPDATES:  
> They'll be slow because I'm in Japan chasing CBX's tour right now LOLS I just saw them yesterday and Baekhyun is so pretty someone let me cry to you (because all my friends are C and X fans HAHAHAHA SO THEY DON'T AGREE WITH ME ABOUT BAEKHYUN BEING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CUTEST WITH THE BEST SOLO /They were all amazing but Baekhyun is my bias for a reason. After this, I'll be working in the US and I'm not really sure about the regulations there yet so we'll see :'D
> 
> And I'm sorry I haven't been replying to comments but I've been really busy packing for this trip and my internship cause that's almost 4 months away from home >_<


	23. The Greys of Summer [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't been replying comments at all T__T but know that I read every single one of them and really appreciate them! This chapter is so badly written >_< apologies in advance! But I've been writing this for the past five days and it started out well but...I hope you'll enjoy it anyway! And read my A/N (at least the front part) again, please hahas.

“Summer! Finally!” Baekhyun exclaims after he walks out of the last exam hall of the semester.

The sun is shining brightly in the blue, blue sky and Baekhyun can already taste the sweetness of freedom on his tongue. This summer is already going to be perfect, Baekhyun can feel it. He can practically even see it.

“It’s almost been two months!” Jongdae shouts upon approaching Baekhyun.

Or not so perfect.

On instinct, Baekhyun ducks behind Kyungsoo to shield himself from Jongdae’s bullets. He didn’t expect Jongdae to be waiting outside the business building seeing as Jongdae’s already done with his exams. And he clearly underestimated his best friend’s persistence.

“When are you going to tell Chanyeol?” Jongdae snaps, trying to go around Kyungsoo.

Once Kyungsoo hears Chanyeol’s name, he steps aside, allowing Jongdae to charge forward and pull Baekhyun’s ear.

“But it’s difficult to tell him!” Baekhyun whines, whacking Jongdae’s hand away. “How do I even start? It’s never been about some _thing_ I did. It has always been the _things_ I did.”

“They weren’t that bad?” Jongdae offers kindly though he sounds unsure. “We all had that phase,” he assures.

“Chanyeol didn’t,” Baekhyun says through gritted teeth. “So he wouldn’t understand.” Then he levels Jongdae with a stare. “And of course, you think they weren’t _that bad_. Your best friend code complies you to say that.” When Jongdae doesn’t deny it, Baekhyun’s shoulders deflate and he buries his face in his hands. “I want to tell him but I don’t even know where to start.”

“From the beginning?” Kyungsoo suggests.

Baekhyun drops his hands to his sides. “I don’t know where’s the beginning!”

Patting Baekhyun’s shoulder, Jongdae smiles at him. “What’s the worst that could happen anyway?”

“He’ll hate me!” Baekhyun exclaims. “Forever!” he adds hurriedly. “He’ll think I lied to him! Even though I technically didn’t,” Baekhyun reasons and Kyungsoo gives him a displeased look. “And he’ll probably think I cheated him of his feelings or something like that. Or all that crap about how I’m not the person he thought I was.”

“It’s not like you acted like a good boy around him anyway,” Jongdae laughs, thinking back to their middle school days.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun agrees sarcastically in an enthusiastic manner. “I wasn’t an ex-rehabist back then either.”

“That’s not a word,” Kyungsoo informs Baekhyun.

“It’s difficult to tell him anyway because he has daddy issues so he’ll want his dad’s approval in everything he does. Including the person he’ll be dating. Which is me and I’m a definite out in Mr Park’s books.

“I thought he has mommy issues?” Jongdae asks with a frown, genuinely confused, ignoring Baekhyun’s surety of himself.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun then grimaces. “He has parents’ issues.”

“Like you have – ”

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun exclaims suddenly and Jongdae promptly shuts his mouth. Laughing nervously, Baekhyun glances at his two friends before walking over to Chanyeol. “What are you doing here?”

 _“Did you hear anything?”_ It almost slips out from Baekhyun’s mouth but thankfully for him, it doesn’t.

“I’m off from work early,” Chanyeol explains, waving to Kyungsoo and Jongdae. “You’re done with your exams, right?”

“Are you stalking me?”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol nods towards the phone in Baekhyun’s hand. “You dropped me a text this morning.”

Nodding, Baekhyun clasps his hands together. “Right.” When Chanyeol continues to stare at him with a really dorky and adorable smile, Baekhyun finds butterflies growing in his stomach. He crushes them immediately. There’s a time and place for fawning over Chanyeol and standing outside his school building in front of his two best friends isn’t one of them. “Where to?”

“Your car.” Patting Baekhyun’s shoulder, Chanyeol flashes him another smile and Baekhyun almost thinks that Chanyeol’s going to take his hand, back like when they were in Cambridge. But the lawyer only moves his hand away. “Let’s go.”

Nodding to Chanyeol, Baekhyun turns around to give his friends a withering look before he follows the lawyer to where his yellow Vegas is parked.

“Have you considered driving anything less flashy?” Chanyeol asks as he walks to the passenger’s side.

“You’re the one who gave me this car,” Baekhyun grits out, annoyed. “Why yellow anyway?”

Shrugging, Chanyeol reaches for the door handle but then he pauses there. “Reminds me of you, I guess. Bright. Sunny. Cheerful.”

“What happens if I’m in a bad mood?” Baekhyun questions as he gets into the driver’s seat.

When Chanyeol’s seated, he smiles at Baekhyun. “I don’t like to think of those moments.” He laughs at Baekhyun’s scowl. “But you were really cute whenever you got angry too so you’re not exactly what I will call ‘scary’.”

The lawyer doesn’t have to elaborate because Baekhyun knows what he’s talking about – his elementary and middle school days when Chanyeol was still his tutor. And it’s a time he rather not think about, so he steers the topic in a completely different direction.

“Are you here to finally take my offer up on Christening the car?” Turning on the ignition, Baekhyun waggles his brows at Chanyeol. “Maybe the seats will be so dirty that I’ll have no choice but to get a new car.”

Scoffing, Chanyeol pulls the seatbelt on, making a clear indication that he isn’t going to move. “You wish.”

“A dream is a wish your heart makes.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Chanyeol laughs. “And don’t misuse Disney quotes on me.”

Raising a brow, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol surreptitiously. “Never took you for a Disney fan.”

“Lies.” Grinning at Baekhyun, Chanyeol leans back in the seat. “You saw all those Disney DVDs at my house last time when I still tutored you. Besides, some of the stories are romantic.”

Frowning, Baekhyun chooses to ignore the first comment and shakes his head at the second. “No. They’re unrealistic and creepy.”

“You’re unrealistic and creepy,” Chanyeol says with a chuckle. With his thumb and index finger, he pushes Baekhyun’s chin up. “You’re out of this world.” With a bright smile, he adds, “you’re a whole new world”.

Slapping Chanyeol’s hand away, Baekhyun glares at the lawyer as he decides whether Chanyeol was insulting him or not.

Eventually, Baekhyun concludes that it was an insult and is about to punch Chanyeol in the chest when the lawyer grabs his wrist with a knowing smirk on his face. Glowering, Baekhyun manages to struggle free and land a half-hearted punch to the older man’s shoulder.

“You think some of the stories are romantic, admit it.”

Pretending to contemplate, Baekhyun presses his lips together just to humour Chanyeol. “Sure. If they don’t involve Stockholm syndrome, overly ideal girls with no faults, and dumb males.” Eyes widening in faux surprise, Baekhyun gasps. “Oh wait, that’s all of the movies.”

“Frozen wasn’t like that,” Chanyeol casually says.

“Of course you’re an Elsa fan.”

“Can you just drive,” Chanyeol laughs.

Disregarding Chanyeol’s request, Baekhyun throws one leg over the console and shifts until he’s straddling Chanyeol’s lap. “Feels familiar?”

“Get off,” Chanyeol complains, nudging the college student’s shoulder. “Drive.”

“Or you could do the driving?” Baekhyun suggests, blinking down at Chanyeol innocently even though the way he’s rocking his hips down is anything but innocent.

“I’m thinking about what Jihoon said to me once.”

Scrunching up his nose, Baekhyun scowls at Chanyeol. “Jihoon Sung? Why are you thinking about Jihoon Sung when I’m humping you? You should be thinking about me.” To make his point, Baekhyun rolls his hips slowly then, and Chanyeol closes his eyes with a groan.

“You haven’t seen Jihoon around lately, right?”

“Why are we discussing about Jihoon Sung?”

“You haven’t, right?” Chanyeol repeats insistently.

“Why?” Baekhyun snaps. “Is he dead?”

“He’s away on a business trip,” Chanyeol explains calmly, opening his eyes to meet Baekhyun’s. “He’s been gone for a while but I guessed you didn’t really notice.”

Growling, Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol’s chest. When the lawyer grins back at him, he punches the other’s chest a few more times. “I fucking hate you.”

Climbing back into his seat, Baekhyun pulls the sun visor down, opening the vanity mirror so he can adjust his hair even though it isn’t the least bit messy.

Once he’s done setting his hair, he pulls the gear into drive. Hands on the steering wheel, he stares straight in front of him as he exhales loudly in disappointment. “One day, you’re going to fuck me in this car and you’re going to regret not doing it sooner.”

Smirking, Chanyeol leans over the console and whispers into Baekhyun’s ears. “We’ll see.”

 

Initially, Baekhyun wanted to spend summer with his two best friends.

(“Remember how fun last summer was?”

“Ugh, no.” Jongdae looks at Baekhyun with contempt. “If you mean fun by having your mouth wrapped around Chanyeol’s dick all summer and Kyungsoo constantly ringing his boyfriend – ”

“Ex,” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo chime in at the same time and Jongdae only rolls his eyes.

“Constantly ringing his _ex_ boyfriend, then no. It wasn’t fun at all.”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says calmly. When Jongdae gives him his attention, Kyungsoo glares at him. “You were sleeping your way through all the beaches of Hawaii.”

“That’s because both of my best friends didn’t want to spend any time with me!”)

At last, they decided to go back to their old routines and spend the summer apart. They still had many more summers in the future to spend together anyway. And it’s not like they’re going to stop talking every day anyway.

Jongdae’s off to France again and Baekhyun seriously suspects that the other has an on-off boyfriend or girlfriend there or something. Kyungsoo doesn’t really care where he’s headed to. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo himself is staying in New York to intern at a bank.

When Kyungsoo announced his internship plans, Baekhyun was shocked. Then he remembered that Kyungsoo had asked him about it and he had been too unmotivated and aimless to apply for anything. Meanwhile, Jongdae hadn’t planned on doing it from the start because he isn’t past using connections with his family name to get a job after graduation. Baekhyun supposes he can do the same.

Except it’s the one thing that he absolutely doesn’t want to do.

But applications were long over and he won’t be able to get an internship now without using connections, which really defeats the purpose of him not wanting to rely on his family. With nothing to do, he finds himself spending more time with Chanyeol than ever. To a big surprise, he doesn’t just have sex with the lawyer during their time together (not always anymore anyway). They mostly stay in Chanyeol’s house after the lawyer’s done with work and watch movies while eating the dinner that Chanyeol would cook.

Today is no different.

Only, they’re going out for a movie and dinner.

“We’re going out?” Baekhyun trails behind Chanyeol, trying to catch up with the latter. Why can’t the damn lawyer walk slower? “Like a date?”

Laughing, Chanyeol stops and turns around, waiting for Baekhyun to catch up with him before walking again. “Do you want it to be a date? Are we going there?”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun looks down. Staring at Chanyeol’s hand, he wonders what it’ll be like to take the lawyer’s hand while walking to his car. “Let’s not go there.”

It’ll be easier not to talk about their relationship. For Baekhyun at least because he still can’t bring himself to tell Chanyeol the truth. Honestly, he guesses that he’ll never be ready. As impossible as it is, all he can hope is for _never_ to come sooner than later.

The bright vehicle is parked at the side of the road, right in front of their apartment building where there’s a big _NO PARKING_ sign painted on the ground. But Baekhyun isn’t really surprised to see that his car is still there and wasn’t dragged away overnight.

Mouth opening wide in a yawn, Baekhyun doesn’t bother covering his mouth and Chanyeol scoffs. “You drive.” Fishing his car keys from his pocket, Baekhyun dangles them in front of Chanyeol. “Do you mind?” He doesn’t mind if Chanyeol says ‘no’. The car accident from Australia might still be as fresh as day in Chanyeol’s mind. “I can drive if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine.” Reaching out, Chanyeol takes the keys from Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m over the car crash if that’s what you’re wondering. I just don’t like driving,” he explains as he unlocks the car and goes over to the driver’s seat.

“I always assumed it was because of the crash,” Baekhyun states, getting into the passenger’s seat.

“Not at all,” Chanyeol laughs. “It’s just because I’m lazy,” he admits with a grin and Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Where are you bringing me?” Baekhyun asks sleepily, yawning. He tries curling up in his seat, giving up after he fails to keep his leg up.

“Brooklyn,” Chanyeol answers simply and starts the engine.

Eyes widening, Baekhyun suddenly feels more awake. “Brooklyn? Why?” It isn’t that he doesn’t like Brooklyn but he only ever goes there when Jongdae’s the one taking him out. The last time he went there, it was also with Jongdae and if he remembers correctly, he went to a bar because he was trying not to think of Chanyeol. That means he doesn’t have particularly fond memories of the place.

“There’s a cinema there,” Chanyeol explains, checking the road before turning out.

Looking at Chanyeol, incredulous, Baekhyun’s mouth drips open. “There’s a cinema _here_.” With a frown Baekhyun gestures out the window. “In Manhattan. Why do we have to go all the way to Brooklyn?”

“Privacy.”

Leaning against the window, Baekhyun feels his eyelids growing heavier by the second. “What privacy?”

“You do realise we go out a lot together in the Upper East Side, right?”

Nodding, Baekhyun tilts his head to look at Chanyeol. “So?”

“So, you should have probably also realised that a lot of people have found out that we’re neighbours and that we’re in some sort of relationship.” Turning to Baekhyun, Chanyeol gives him a grim look. “Getting out of the Manhattan means saving ourselves from unnecessary questions during the Christmas or New Year’s party this year.”

“I don’t go to those parties. I never go to them.” Baekhyun scowls.

“You went this year,” Chanyeol points out knowingly. “I saw you.”

“I saw you too,” Baekhyun replies in a clipped tone. “I saw you avoiding me.”

“We weren’t on speaking terms,” Chanyeol says with a shrug and really, Baekhyun can’t fault the lawyer for it. “But that’s not the real reason why I’m taking you to Brooklyn. They can talk about us all they like and ask all sorts of questions. I don’t really care.”

 _“But your dad mustn’t know,”_ Baekhyun thinks worriedly, resisting the urge to ask Chanyeol if Mr Park knows anything about them. But he doesn’t want to raise any suspicion so Baekhyun restrains himself.

“There’s an old cinema there.” Frowning, Chanyeol presses his lips together as if deep in thought. “It’s not a cinema per se but it’s an old building that shows old films on a rotation basis and I want to bring you to see one of my favourite movies. They’re running it this month.”

“From the ‘80s when I wasn’t alive yet?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol jokes with a straight face.

“You’re supposed to say ‘no’,” Baekhyun says drily. “And you weren’t alive in the ‘80s either.”

“I’m talking about the 1950s though. So we both weren’t alive.” When Chanyeol stops at a traffic light, he turns to Baekhyun with a smile. “If we’re talking about my school days in the early 2000s then I liked The Lord of the Rings. And you were what? Two?”

“ _Five_ at least,” Baekhyun hisses, unimpressed.

“Because that makes a huge difference.”

“You’re bad at counting,” Baekhyun jibes.

“Give the old man a break,” Chanyeol laughs.

Scowling, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol sternly, his nap long forgotten. “Shut up. You’re not old.”

“Whatever you say, Baek.”

 

Chanyeol’s talking about how often he used to go to that cinema back when he was in high school. It used to be him, a Canadian guy, and an American who used to hang out together. All three of them in their preppy scarlet blazers heading downtown in a flashy car. The other two aren’t living in New York anymore but Chanyeol still keeps in contact with them.

He’s talking about how much the streets have changed but how the cinema still looks the same. Then he jokes that it’s because the establishment doesn’t have enough money to renovate the place. But it’s okay because he likes it like that.

Then he’s talking about how he wore his blazer even during summer sometimes when there wasn’t any school and when the weather was sweltering just to pick up girls. Baekhyun knows the effect so he doesn’t blame Chanyeol. But he does feel a little resentment and he can’t help but wonder when Chanyeol started to like boys.

Though looking at Chanyeol talking so animatedly, so unlike his usual serious self, Baekhyun feels warm all over. He feels that he can listen to the lawyer go on and on and on for as long he continues talking. He feels like he can never get sick of Chanyeol’s voice, that low bass. He feels like he can watch the other and fall in love all over again every second. He wants this forever.

“What are you thinking about?” Chanyeol’s voice brings Baekhyun back to reality and the college student smiles, a story ready on his lips.

“About you when you were in high school.” It isn’t a lie exactly because Baekhyun does often think about how Chanyeol was like during his school days. This is one of the things that Baekhyun will never fully know.

Amused, Chanyeol smiles and nods his head at Baekhyun, telling the latter to elaborate.

“About you looking sexy and all in Regis’ red blazer.” Moving over to where Chanyeol’s seated on the couch, Baekhyun sits on the lawyer’s lap, his knees bracketing Chanyeol’s legs and hands on the other’s chest. “Did you used to have pushed-back hair too?” To demonstrate his point, Baekhyun combs Chanyeol’s fringe back and smiles down at the lawyer. It’s rare for Chanyeol to have his hair hanging over his forehead since he usually gels it up for work. But Baekhyun guesses that the older man can’t be that bothered on weekends. His heart does a little somersault at the fact that he’s one of the few people or perhaps maybe even the only person these days who gets to see Chanyeol so carefree about his appearance. Though it isn’t like Chanyeol looks bad with bangs anyway.

“I did,” Chanyeol humours Baekhyun, leaning back against the coach and pulling Baekhyun along with him.

The college student falls forward clumsily as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck.

“Hold tight, angel.”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun looks away, hoping that Chanyeol can’t see the faint blush spreading across his cheeks. He remembers all too well when Chanyeol last said that and he has a good bet that the lawyer remembers too. But he does as he’s told and tightens his arms and legs around Chanyeol.

They end up in his room seconds later with Baekhyun lying on his back and Chanyeol hovering above him.

Tracing Chanyeol’s face with his fingers, Baekhyun commits each of the lawyer’s feature to memory. “Tell me about your life as a high school student?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything scandalous?”

Rolling onto his side, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun as he ponders. “I had sex in my homeroom teacher’s office toilet once.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “You?” He quickly recovers from his shock. “With a schoolmate?” Baekhyun asks without thinking.

A guilty smile graces Chanyeol’s face and Baekhyun doesn’t realise what’s wrong until the next few words leave Chanyeol’s mouth. “I didn’t sleep with boys back then.”

Mouth forming an ‘O’, Baekhyun nods and leans forward so that he can bury his face in Chanyeol’s chest.

“It was a senior from one of our sister schools,” Chanyeol elaborates.

Even though Baekhyun doesn’t want to hear any more, he continues asking. “Was banging a senior girl all the rave back in the ‘80s or the ‘50s?”

“It was the 2000s, don’t be a brat,” Chanyeol chides playfully. “And yeah, it was. Kind of. So I really scored with her, though I don’t even remember her name now.”

“But you remember her face?” Baekhyun asks softly.

“Hey.” Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun away by the shoulder and pinches his chin, forcing the college student to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“You remember her face, don’t you?” Baekhyun repeats. Although Chanyeol’s fingers are on his chin, he resolutely avoids the lawyer’s gaze. “You have good taste in people since you like me,” he continues in a plain tone. “She must have been very pretty.”

“Why are you trying to make yourself sad? Why do you want me to be the one to make you upset?” Letting go of Baekhyun’s chin, Chanyeol leans in the same time Baekhyun turns his head so their lips don’t meet. “Hm?”

Eventually, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol again, a flash of resignation in his eyes. “Do you still want other people?” Baekhyun’s face is blank, he isn’t going to allow even the slightest of his feelings to show. He doesn’t want to show his weakness in front of Chanyeol. Not now at least. “Girls, for example.”

“I want you.”

“But we’re not even dating.” Suddenly, Baekhyun feels self-conscious and he crosses his arms before his chest, trying to make himself look smaller.

“But I want you.”

“Surely you miss sleeping with girls sometimes?” Baekhyun ventures a guess, unsure if his voice is strained or not.

“Baek.” Chanyeol waits until Baekhyun reluctantly looks into his eyes. “I want you now. I only want you.”

Closing his eyes, Baekhyun nods and he manages to keep his tears at bay when he feels Chanyeol’s mouth over his.

Hands travelling down, Baekhyun tugs Chanyeol’s shirt up and the lawyer raises his hands, temporarily breaking the kiss to throw his shirt off. Then Baekhyun’s hands are running all over Chanyeol’s body, sliding over his chest and smoothing over his abs.

“You’re the first guy I’ve slept with actually.”

The lawyer’s sudden admission makes Baekhyun pull his hands away quickly when he stops kissing Chanyeol. “What?”

“Bad timing?” Chanyeol gives a wry smile. “I never went all the way before. The furthest I went was with my fingers up another guy’s ass and then I backed out.”

“Why?”

“I panicked.”

“What?” Baekhyun repeats and he’s starting to feel like a parrot. “Why?

“Take a guess?” Chanyeol chuckles when Baekhyun scrunches up his nose cutely. “I know that I want this now, though.”

There’s no need for Baekhyun to doubt Chanyeol’s words if judging by the dent in Chanyeol’s pants pressing against his thigh.

“Let me,” Baekhyun says as he unzips Chanyeol’s jeans and opens the button with deft fingers.

Hand slipping past the waistband of Chanyeol’s boxers, Baekhyun wraps his fingers around the lawyer’s shaft as he looks into Chanyeol’s eyes.

Smiling, Chanyeol picks up Baekhyun’s other hand and kisses his fingertips, groaning when Baekhyun picks up his pace.

“Give me a moment,” Chanyeol manages to say, his breathing ragged. Once Baekhyun takes out his hand, Chanyeol shimmies out of his jeans and boxers until they’re halfway down his thigh.

Wordlessly, Baekhyun resumes stroking Chanyeol.

Hand behind Baekhyun’s head, Chanyeol pushes the college student forward into his shoulder. “I want to fuck you so bad,” he whispers lowly as he threads his fingers in Baekhyun’s hair.

It only takes a few more strokes and Baekhyun moaning loudly, mixed with his panting as Chanyeol whispers dirty words into his ears for the lawyer to spill in Baekhyun’s hand. Sobbing, Baekhyun screws his eyes shut when Chanyeol _pulls_ his hair. Biting his lower lip to stifle the sound, Baekhyun cums with a broken whimper. The front of his pants now has an obvious stain that’s really hard to miss. When Chanyeol’s eyes roam over his private area, Baekhyun flushes.

“Did you just cum?” Chanyeol asks in surprise. “How wound up were you?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun rolls to his other side to grab a few tissue papers to clean his hand.

“Take off your pants for me?”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun throws the dirty tissue papers over his shoulder, hoping that they’ll land on Chanyeol. He dutifully removes his pants _and_ underpants anyway. “Why are you hard again already?” Baekhyun grumbles when he feels Chanyeol pressing his erection against the back of his thigh, but he’s already grabbing a bottle of lube and condom, blindly shoving them into Chanyeol’s hands.

“You don’t want to know why,” Chanyeol admits with a chuckle, a little embarrassed.

“Hurry,” Baekhyun urges, grabbing another bottle of lube for himself and coating his fingers liberally. He reaches behind, then shoves three fingers up his ass at one go and he hears Chanyeol’s breath hitch.

“You’ll hurt yourself like that,” Chanyeol says tightly, a tinge of concern in his tone, but it’s mostly concealed by the arousal in his strained voice.

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun replies a little harsher than intended as he prepares himself. The tips of his ears grow red upon the realisation that Chanyeol’s silence can only mean that the lawyer is staring intently at his fingers entering and withdrawing from his hole. Gritting his teeth through the sting, Baekhyun hurriedly pulls his fingers out when he deems himself ready. “Chanyeol, get in.”

“Slow down, angel,” Chanyeol coaxes, wrapping an arm around Baekhyun’s chest and pulling him closer. “Relax,” he says tenderly as he guides his cock into Baekhyun’s hole.

It isn’t their first time having sex but Baekhyun feels like a ball of nerves. They’ve also never tried out this position before – on their sides – so maybe that’s one of the reasons why. But Baekhyun knows that it’s more than that. The thought of letting Chanyeol know everything is eating at him and has been eating at him from the very first day.

The lawyer moves slowly, gently, thrusting in and out of Baekhyun carefully, the complete opposite of what Baekhyun wants. But he doesn’t have the heart to tell Chanyeol to speed up. Maybe because a selfish part of him wants to soak in this intimacy too.

“I’m almost – ” Chanyeol doesn’t complete his sentence but Baekhyun feels the condom filling up.

“Who was your favourite teacher?” Baekhyun asks after Chanyeol pulls out and discards the used condom, not wanting the other to realise that he wasn’t erect.

It seems to do the trick because Chanyeol doesn’t ask if Baekhyun got off yet. Or maybe, Chanyeol’s just being considerate. As always.

“That’s random.”

“Answer me,” Baekhyun demands in an almost whiny tone and really, who can say ‘no’ to that?

“You know Mr Choi, don’t you?”

The name makes Baekhyun freeze. Of all the teachers he expected to hear, this definitely wasn’t one of them.

Swallowing, Baekhyun wets his lips. “I didn’t know you liked biology.”

Laughing, Chanyeol shakes his head. “It’s not so much the subject as I liked the man. He was a good teacher.”

“Huh,” Baekhyun muses. “I had him for biology too.”

Nodding, there’s a faraway look in Chanyeol’s eyes as if he’s reminiscing the past. “He had a son too, didn’t he? Eric Choi? A lawyer, just like me. Except of course Eric is older and much more established. I wonder how they’re both doing now.”

Smiling half-heartedly, Baekhyun curls up next to Chanyeol. “I feel gross.”

“Take a shower then.”

“I will if you take it with me.”

Without any warning, Chanyeol lifts Baekhyun from the bed, making the college student squeak in protest as he clings to Chanyeol for his dear life. Bringing Baekhyun to the bathroom, Chanyeol lets him down when they’re in the shower stall and he closes the door.

Turning on the shower, Baekhyun aims the water at his stomach to rid of the sticky white substance there. He feels more than he sees Chanyeol staring at him. “Stop standing there,” Baekhyun mumbles.

Shrugging, Chanyeol walks over and pulls the shower head off and starts washing himself.

Upon seeing that Chanyeol’s almost done, Baekhyun makes to open the shower stall’s door only to be stopped by the lawyer. Tilting his head in question, Baekhyun raises a brow when Chanyeol rests a hand on his lower back. Suddenly, the realisation that his ass is still sticky with lube sets his face on fire. He quickly attempts to snatch the shower head back from Chanyeol but the lawyer won’t let him.

“I’ll help you,” Chanyeol says lowly, his hand dropping to the curve of Baekhyun’s ass and he squeezes, making Baekhyun choke out a moan as he clamps his teeth down on his bottom lip.

Wordlessly, Chanyeol pushes a finger in. It slides in easily thanks to the water and Baekhyun’s knees buckle slightly. When Chanyeol inserts the second finger, Baekhyun thinks he’s going to fall forward because the floor’s too slippery but Chanyeol holds him in place a hand around his waist.

Turning around, Baekhyun braces his hands on the walls, bending forward and jutting his ass out as Chanyeol continues to clean the lube from inside his hole.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whimpers, his hand flying behind to blindly grab for Chanyeol’s wrist.

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol says, his voice strained and Baekhyun knows what he’s concerned about – the lack of a condom.

“I want you,” Baekhyun cries out, pushing his hips back.

The next thing he hears is the shower head dropping to the floor and then Chanyeol has both arms wrapped around his waist before the lawyer slides his cock in his hole again.

As Chanyeol pulls out before pounding in again, Baekhyun feels his hands sliding from the wall but he tries his best to stay up.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks gruffly into his ear and Baekhyun lets out keen whine.

“Fine,” Baekhyun chokes out. “I’m – ”

“You know that I want you too, right?” Chanyeol says softly, so gently that it drives Baekhyun to completion, accompanied by a loud cry.

Seconds later, Chanyeol’s cumming inside of Baekhyun, coating the latter’s walls with white. When he slowly pulls out his cock, the cum starts to dribble out of Baekhyun’s hole.

“And now we’re dirty again,” Baekhyun notes with a laugh, turning around and leaning against the wall as he smiles up at Chanyeol sweetly.

“So we just wash up again,” Chanyeol concludes. Bending down, he picks up the previous discarded shower head and sprays it right at Baekhyun’s face, causing the latter to squeal.

Baekhyun wants forever with Chanyeol. But not when he’s still keeping so many secrets and unable to overcome his fears. This isn’t the kind of forever he wants.

 

When they’re lying in bed, side by side and the room is so silent that Baekhyun can hear Chanyeol snoring softly, he turns to his side and smiles at the lawyer. Placing a hand to Chanyeol’s cheek, Baekhyun leans in and kisses the other tenderly on the lips, making him steer a little but he doesn’t wake up.

“It’s all your fault, you know?” Baekhyun says aloud, smiling sadly. There’s only one person listening anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on twitter, PLEASEEE help me RT [this tweet](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds/status/995648228317057024) T__T or please buy it from me hahas. I have too many albums and it's stressing me out T__T I'm in the US now so I'll mail everything from here!
> 
> For the fic:  
> Use #LDTR on twitter if you're tweeting about it! I stalk the hashtag hahahaha And I think a lot of people might be disappointed with the reveal of Baekhyun's past? It's not one singular event, but rather a culmination of things that he did and it just isn't very...I don't know how to describe it but try guessing while thinking from his perspective! It makes sense to me at any rate >_<
> 
> ON UPDATES:  
> They'll be very slow and irregular. I'm in a bad writing phase. One, because I feel bad about my writing. Two, I completely blame Baekhyun. So I got into the Meet and Greet after the concert and Baekhyun said that he likes me ;A; so I am unable to function properly anymore.
> 
> Also, it seems like a lot of people are busy with BAE too so it's okay to put this on hold, right? :x
> 
> Tweet me or DM me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)


	24. Was a Bit of a Wild Child [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's up again!
> 
> And I only want to say this once - I put in A LOT of effort into this chapter. I couldn't write at all but I pushed through. It isn't what I wanted or expected it to be but I really tried my best. So if you don't like what you're reading, just exit the page.
> 
> On updates: I don't know when I will update again but soon, hopefully. To be honest, I have zero motivation to write this now but I do want to complete this one day. So thank you to all those who have been supporting this fic and who will wait for it!

“It's the summer holidays and you want me to go visit Regis with you? No, Chanyeol. No.”

And that's how Baekhyun finds himself alone for the Monday. The lawyer actually took time off work so that he could visit the school much to Baekhyun's disbelief. Baekhyun thinks that the other is too stressed out about an on-going project, that's why he needs an excuse to skip work for a day. When he confronts Chanyeol about it, the lawyer doesn't deny it either.

But it's okay. Because Baekhyun's good at entertaining himself. He's good at being alone.

Picking up his phone, he dials one of the contacts under ‘favourites' and it rings a few times before the line connects. “What are you doing today?”

 _“I'm eating on a boat. Why?”_ Jongdae answers simply.

“I miss you,” Baekhyun half-whines and he can feel his best friend rolling his eyes over the line.

_“Where did Chanyeol go?”_

Making a noise of protest, Baekhyun straightens in his seat. “I'm not calling because Chanyeol isn't around.”

 _“Sure.”_ Jongdae's tone is bored but obliging and Baekhyun feels like one of his blood vessels just popped. _“Let's say I believe you then. But where did Chanyeol go?”_

Sighing, Baekhyun gives in. “He's going back to Lenox Hill for dinner.” Baekhyun conveniently leaves the part about Chanyeol visiting Regis out, offering information about the last-minute decisión Chanyeol made instead.

There's a moment of silence over the line.

_“Really?”_

“Yeah. Why?” Baekhyun asks, tone clipped.

 _“I'm surprised, that's all,”_ Jongdae sounds contemplative.

Humming in response, Baekhyun lays his head on the table as he looks at the back of his fingers, wishing he was in Paris, having lunch on the Seine too. Preferably not with Jongdae.

“Why?”

There's a chuckle over the line. _“You're really bored, aren't you, Byun?”_

Tutting, Baekhyun sits back up. “Why are you surprised?”

 _“Because he doesn't like anyone in that house,”_ Jongdae states in an extremely as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

“Nonsense,” Baekhyun chides though he agrees with Jongdae. Nothing is said between the two for a while until Baekhyun groans. “I shouldn't have rejected his offer to visit Regis. I mean I had bad memories there, sure. But it's not like I hate the school. I loved it there.” There's no harm in telling Jongdae about Chanyeol's visit.

Another laugh on the other side of the line. _“You loved it there? Really? Remember the second year of high school when you were some punk and emo kid?”_

“I was never punk,” Baekhyun quickly defends himself. “Nor was I ever emo. I was depressed.”

 _“Whatever floats your boat.”_ Before Baekhyun can protest again, Jongdae's already talking, as if expecting Baekhyun to start whining at him. _“Regis and then Lenox Hill, huh? What's Chanyeol doing? Taking a trip down memory lane?”_

Swallowing, Baekhyun stares ahead of him into nothing, feeling an uneasy churning in his stomach. Somehow, he has a feeling that Jongdae means more than the words he says. “I really hope you're not right, Dae.”

_“Don't you always?”_

 

When the door opens, Baekhyun automatically stands from the couch, trying not to fidget anxiously. It's not like he spent the past two hours staring at the clock, wondering when Chanyeol would come back anyway. “How was dinner?”

“Good.” The lawyer's reply is short and clipped, unlike how affectionate he's been recently. But before Baekhyun can even ask ‘what's wrong', Chanyeol's already accusing him of something. “You didn't tell me that Mr Choi quit.”

Humming, Baekhyun shrugs, sitting back down and crossing his legs elegantly. Clenching and unclenching his fist, Baekhyun takes a steady breath to calm himself. “Must have slipped my mind.”

Slowly, Chanyeol walks over to where Baekhyun's sitting. The college student stares back at him defiantly. “He quit the year before you went to boarding school.”

Face impassive, Baekhyun raises a brow. As nonchalant as he might look, his heart is thundering on the inside because he knows exactly which road they're going to go down. Jongdae's words from this morning echo at the back of his mind. “And then? What are you trying to say?”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says very seriously. “Do you have anything to tell me?”

“No,” Baekhyun answers within a beat, not breaking eye contact.

A flash of disappointment crosses Chanyeol's face and Baekhyun feels like someone just stabbed him in the heart with a ceramic knife and then twisted it. But then Chanyeol's back to looking stern and Baekhyun struggles between feeling hurt and angry. “Who's Kangwoo Lee?”

“How did you get that name?” comes Baekhyun's immediate reply. The inside of his palms are sweaty and his throat is turning dry. Of everything he expected, he didn't think Chanyeol would have gotten that name.

“Answer me.” When Baekhyun stays quiet, Chanyeol closes his eyes, bitterness washing over his face. Opening his eyes, he looks at Baekhyun coldly. “Do you really have nothing to tell me?”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun folds his arms and stares at Chanyeol stubbornly. “If you know who Kangwoo is then you know what happened. So I don't know why you're still asking me.”

“Because I want to hear it from you.” There's a desperate edge to Chanyeol's voice and sorrow fill his eyes. “Were you ever planning on telling me anything?”

“Of course,” Baekhyun answers quickly, shoulders deflating. “Of course, I was going to tell you. But it seems like your family beat me to it.”

“When?” Chanyeol asks quietly. “When were you going to tell me?”

Pulling in his lower lip with his teeth, Baekhyun says nothing.

“You had one full year to tell me,” Chanyeol points out accusingly. “Did you ruin Eric's life?” Again, Baekhyun doesn't answer. So this time, Chanyeol raises his voice. “Did you?”

“I didn't!” Baekhyun shouts back, finally giving Chanyeol a response.

“Eric and his dad moved away from New York and Eric could, _can_ no longer be a lawyer,” Chanyeol argues, voice steady. His hands are clenched into fists at his side but Baekhyun knows that they both won't get into a fist fight. “And you're telling me you didn't ruin his life?”

“I didn't,” Baekhyun repeats calmly.

“Enough about Eric then. What about the other things you did?” Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun, his eyes begging the college student to say something, anything. “How much have you been lying to me?”

“I didn't lie to you,” Baekhyun counters weakly. “I just didn't tell you.”

Shaking his head, Chanyeol gives Baekhyun a bitter smile. “Don't try that angle with a lawyer. Lying by omission is a thing.”

Having no words to say (because really, what _can_ he say to that?), Baekhyun remains silent, wishing he can turn back time and make it alright. But then again, how could he have ever have made everything right?

“You tell me then,” Chanyeol begins calmly, though his voice cracks a little at the end, betraying his true feelings. “Was everything a lie? All this time? Everything you've said and done? Our relationship? Your feelings?”

“Never,” Baekhyun answers softly but firmly. “Never a lie. Everything about you was never a lie.”

Smiling sadly, Chanyeol places a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder. “You never did want to tell me anything about you before you went to boarding school. During those two years when I was away.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol's hand away and he sinks onto the couch. “That's not fair. You didn't want to tell me anything about your life too. That whole issue with my dad…”

“Which turned out to be one big misunderstanding,” Chanyeol completes. “Which was started by you if I might add.”

“Still,” Baekhyun argues feebly.

Looking away, Chanyeol sighs. “You were blackmailing someone, Baekhyun. I don't know what I can say to that. And you _know_ that one of my exes wanted to blackmail me.”

Glaring at Chanyeol, Baekhyun stands up and walks over to the lawyer. Oh, how he really wants to punch the other right now. “Stop blaming me for everything.”

“You lied to me,” Chanyeol argues easily. “And even if you want to insist that you didn't, you kept too many secrets from me.”

“It's your fault too, you know that?” Baekhyun snaps suddenly, unable to bottle his feelings anymore. “You can't keep blaming me. You were at fault too.”

Incredulous, Chanyeol frowns at Baekhyun in disdain. “What? Excuse me?” Taking a step forward, Chanyeol bends slightly to look Baekhyun in the eyes. “What have I got to do with what you did? You need to stop finding excuses for your mistakes, Baekhyun Byun. One day, you're going to run out of excuses to make and you won't have anything left to say.” Having said that, Chanyeol straightens his back and he's about to turn around when Baekhyun stops him.

“You shouldn't have left,” Baekhyun says quietly.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol starts, voice much gentler than before, but Baekhyun shakes his head and he doesn't continue.

They both don't say anything for a while and there's a guilty look on Chanyeol's face as if he wants to take back what he said.

“You're not going to listen to anything I say now anyway since you're so angry.”

“And what makes you think I ever want to talk to you again?” Chanyeol asks because he's just stubborn like that.

“Because you like me.”

Nodding grimly, Chanyeol gives Baekhyun a bitter smile. “I wish I didn't.”

Then he's gone.

The lawyer isn't standing in front of Baekhyun any longer but the college student doesn't even know when he moved. Baekhyun did hear the door closing but he didn't hear it open. Suddenly, his living room was too empty, the place was too spacious, and Baekhyun feels all too lonely again.

And just because Baekhyun misses Chanyeol easily, he's already started counting down to the next time he can see Chanyeol again even though he doesn't know when that is.

 

Eric Choi was a good guy. He was also effortlessly smart, handsome, mostly because he had great hair, and all that cliche. Though he wasn't exactly rich despite being in law school and his dad teaching at one of the most expensive high schools on the Upper East Side. But all that wasn't important. What mattered to Baekhyun was that Eric Choi had been Chanyeol's senior at high school in Regis _and_ in Columbia too. Not to mention that he was almost exactly like Chanyeol too, having a great attitude and impeccable manners.

He was just so similar to Chanyeol in so many aspects that Baekhyun couldn't help but be drawn to him at their first meeting.

Yet, that was also the exact reason Baekhyun didn't want anything to do with Eric Choi and irrationally came to hate the man.

Luckily for Baekhyun, Kangwoo Lee hated Eric Choi even more.

 

“Ah, Baekhyun, here to collect your test paper?” Mr Choi looked friendly as usual, a bright smile on his face and his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. Beckoning Baekhyun in with one hand, he used his other hand to shift his glasses up.

When Baekhyun entered the room, the first thing he notices wasn't his test paper on the oak table with a big red _E_ on it. The first thing, or _person_ he noticed was a young man sitting opposite Mr Choi at the table. Dressed in a white blouse and casual slacks, the stranger had dark brown hair and honey-coloured eyes. His features were mostly hard lines and angles but there was a boyish charm to them that made Baekhyun's eyes linger. He didn't look like Chanyeol per se but he certainly reminded Baekhyun of his ex-tutor.

“Baekhyun, this is my son,” Mr Choi began introducing when he spots Baekhyun staring and he gestured to the man sitting opposite him. “Eric.”

Smiling at Baekhyun, Eric gave the high schooler a short nod.

It was the kind of smile that made a girl's knees go weak, Baekhyun guessed. Girls or gay boys like him.

“Eric's a lawyer,” Mr Choi said proudly, sitting up straighter in his chair and puffing out his chest, his smile stretching so wide that his face was turning slightly red.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispered and Eric seemed to have heard because he gave Baekhyun a look of surprise. “Nice to meet you,” Baekhyun greeted, quickly putting on a polite smile and stretching his hand out for a handshake. “I'm Baekhyun.”

“It's a pleasure.” Taking Baekhyun's hand, Eric shook it firmly.

Staring at their hands, Baekhyun noted that there hadn't been a spark of electricity shooting down his spine or a tingly sensation that made his skin crawl. Even with all the similarities in looks Eric shared with Chanyeol, he still wasn't Chanyeol.

Breaking eye contact with Eric, Baekhyun slowly slipped his hand away from the other's grip, fingers touching Eric's palm lightly as he let his hand fall. “My paper, Mr Choi?” Baekhyun asked as he turned to face his Biology teacher.

“Oh, yes!” Picking up the paper, Mr Choi stood up and handed it over to Baekhyun with a stern look. With a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder, Mr Choi began speaking in a stern voice. “You're a smart boy, Baekhyun. What happened?”

Blinking, Baekhyun stared back at Mr Choi blankly. “My tutor left.”

Frowning, Mr Choi nodded anyway and dismissed Baekhyun.

As Baekhyun was leaving the room, he heard Mr Choi's son, _Eric was it?_ , bidding his dad goodbye. Not knowing why, Baekhyun felt an irrational urge to speak to the other. Maybe it was because Eric was the closest person he could relate to Chanyeol all week. Whatever reason it was, Baekhyun waited, leaning his head and back against the wall next to the door.

The opening of the door didn't startle him and when Eric Choi walked out, he was already looking in Baekhyun's direction, as if he had known the middle schooler would be standing there.

With a bored expression, Baekhyun tilted his head to the side to look at Eric.

“You were waiting for me?” Eric asked casually, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Maybe,” came Baekhyun's short answer. Sliding a little further down the wall, Baekhyun smiled up at Eric. “So, you're a lawyer?”

Staring at Eric intently, Baekhyun watched the other's eyes flicker to his lips before giving him a cursory full-body glance. When Eric's eyes met his again, Baekhyun licked his lips, amused.

“Do you really wear your uniform like that every day?”

Of all the things Baekhyun had been expected to hear, it certainly hadn't been a comment about his school uniform. Though, granted that his pants were bleached a lighter shade, his shirt hanging out and more buttons unbuttoned than necessary, some proper student would have called him out sooner or later. Eric Choi was one of those students it seemed.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun quickly did up the third button that exposed most of his chest. “Happy?” he asked irritatedly. “And to answer your question, yes, I wear my school uniform like that but we wouldn't want to scar your virgin eyes.”

Chuckling, Eric shook his head, a smile on his face that made Baekhyun scowl. “What's stopping you from doing well in your tests? I can tell that you're an intelligent boy. Your tutor leaving isn't the real reason, right? Not literally anyway.” Stroking his chin a few times, Eric studied Baekhyun's face. “Could it be that you feel like you have no purpose in life anymore for some reason?”

“You don't know anything about me,” Baekhyun snapped.

The smile never left Eric's face as he nodded. “Of course, I wouldn't assume.” Gesturing to the front, Eric nodded to Baekhyun and the high schooler pushed himself off the wall to start walking, Eric falling into step beside him. “You said Chanyeol just now, didn't you? Do you mean ‘Chanyeol Park' by any chance?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answered simply, fingers playing with his tie in his pocket, wishing they could be touching Chanyeol's face instead. The light shining off his brand new Jaeger-LeCoultre watch piece caught his eye and as he stared at Eric, he wished it was Chanyeol standing opposite him instead.

“Thought you were going to be cryptic,” Eric mused, eyes fleeting over to the watch.

Feeling self-conscious, Baekhyun moved his hand, the one with the wristwatch, behind his back. “Like I said,” Baekhyun said in a clipped tone. “You don't know anything about me.”

The side of his lips tugging further upwards, Eric took a step closer to Baekhyun. “Was Chanyeol your tutor?”

Baekhyun remained silent for a long time, hoping that it was a clear enough sign that he wasn't interested in talking.

“I'll take that as a ‘yes',” Eric continued and Baekhyun gritted his teeth to bite back a rude remark. “Most people I know hate their tutors.”

“Speaking from personal experience?”

“Nah, I don't do tutoring. Never did either because I was a TA and then on an assistantship so I never had the time,” Eric explained politely, not minding Baekhyun's insult at all.

“Whatever,” Baekhyun said shortly. “Yeah, Chanyeol's my tutor. _Was_ my tutor,” he corrected quickly. “And then? I want to become a lawyer,” Baekhyun lied. “That's why I'm not interested in science and stuff. That's all.”

Years of lying had made Baekhyun believe that he was a good liar. He wasn't all that great at lying per se, but good enough that hardly anyone had ever called him out on his lies before.

“Looks like Chanyeol has himself a little crush, eh?” Eric laughed.

Eric Choi was a good guy. But he was perceptive, annoyingly so and Baekhyun didn't like that one single bit. What Baekhyun didn't like more was that Eric Choi was a lawyer but seemed like a decent guy. It didn't help that he wasn't bad looking.

He continued looking at Baekhyun with that obnoxious knowing grin on his face that Baekhyun wanted to punch off. Though there was no way he could do that so he settled for glaring at the older man who merely smiled back kindly, laughter in his eyes.

“I'm sorry,” Eric said, his lips still curved upwards.

The most aggravating thing for Baekhyun was that deep down, he knew that Eric Choi was truly an honest and sincere man.

 

 

“You said you wanted to become a lawyer, didn't you?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answered half-heartedly while playing with his drink.

Somehow, Baekhyun ended up having lunch with Eric Choi the next week. There was no reason for them to meet again. Absolutely no reason at all. But Baekhyun hasn't been able to find it in himself to reject the other's text when it had come.

Staring at Eric, Baekhyun wondered how on earth he had found the other similar to Chanyeol the first time they had met. The man was nothing like Chanyeol. Firstly, he was a good two years older than Chanyeol, making him a grand nine years older than Baekhyun. His hair was also a light brown whereas Chanyeol had been keeping his hair black since he had gotten into university. He had a more angular face compared to Chanyeol's slightly boyish features. Also, he was simply just not Chanyeol.

“I invited a senior for lunch if you don't mind.”

Shrugging nonchalantly, Baekhyun leaned back in his chair.

“He's a lawyer too, so I thought you might be interested in talking to him,” Eric explained.

Baekhyun hummed noncommittally.

“You don't really like me, do you?” Eric asked jokingly but the expression on his face told Baekhyun that he knew what the latter's answer would be.

“I don't dislike you.”

For the first time since Baekhyun had met Eric, the older man looked a little sad. As to what the reason was, Baekhyun would never know. It definitely wasn't attraction despite the tenderness in Eric's gaze. Perhaps he saw Baekhyun as a younger brother of sorts. Like Chanyeol most likely did. At the thought, Baekhyun pressed his lips together tightly and if Eric noticed the quick change in his mood, he didn't say anything.

“Kangwoo! Over here!” Eric suddenly stood up in his seat and called out, waving someone over.

Uninterested, Baekhyun didn't even bother turning his head around. When the newcomer walked over to their table and sat down opposite Baekhyun, the high schooler had to do a double take.

Because damn, that guy was attractive.

Curly chocolate hair framed Kangwoo's face and molten gold eyes settled on Baekhyun.

Swallowing, Baekhyun sat up a little straighter, pulling his previously outstretched legs closer to his own chair.

He wasn't the ‘Chanyeol-kind' of handsome but then again, Baekhyun needed to stop measuring everything by using Chanyeol as the standard. Chanyeol was gone. Off to somewhere in Canada getting a law license. Though why Canada, Baekhyun would never understand.

“Kangwoo Lee.”

“Baekhyun.” Licking his lips, Baekhyun then dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “Baekhyun Byun.”

“Byun?” Kangwoo looked impressed. “So you must be rich.”

“Kangwoo!” Eric scolded and the older man laughed, dismissing Eric with a wave. Turning to Baekhyun, Eric looked genuinely apologetic. “I'm sorry about that.”

“Baekhyun Byun,” Kangwoo repeated, a lilt in his voice, his eyes a sparkling pool the colour of sunrise. “Second son of Seonghyun Byun.” Leaning back in his chair with a smirk on his face, Kangwoo looked Baekhyun from top to down. “Didn't know you were this cute.”

“Kangwoo,” Eric said through gritted teeth.

“You're the one who brought him here,” Baekhyun scoffed and Kangwoo's eyes widened in amusement. It was the first time that Eric seemed like he was going to lose his composure. Keyword being ‘seemed'.

Hand running through his hair, Eric looked at Baekhyun, tired. “We went to Columbia together. College through law school. And he might be a little sleazy but he's really the best person to ask for advice about being a lawyer as much as I hate to admit it.”

Laughing, Kangwoo slid down in his chair a little, resting his head on the top of the backrest to give Eric a lazy smile. His long legs now stretched out under the table were so close to Baekhyun's but the high schooler didn't dare to move. Then Kangwoo shifted his leg and their feet touched. Immediately, Baekhyun pulled back his feet, crossing them under his chair, making Kangwoo turn to him with a smirk.

“You're a smart boy from what I heard from my dad. And I just think it's such a shame that you're failing now because of some rebellious phase that you're going through.” Eric looked sincere. “Especially if you're aiming for law school.”

“Who _are_ you to me? You're not my family _or_ even my friend. All those things are not your concern,” Baekhyun snapped. Folding his arms across his chest, he stretched his legs out again, jumping this time when he kicked Kangwoo's feet by accident and instantly dragging his feet back to himself again like the contact burnt him.

“I'm gay,” Kangwoo dropped conversationally, looking up at the ceiling, and Eric spluttered.

“This isn't why I invited you here,” Eric said sharply. “Leave, Kangwoo, if you're going to keep this up.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Eric rested his elbow on the table as he bent his head. “He's in high school for heaven's sake.”

“It's okay,” Baekhyun said softly.

Leaning his cheek against his palm, Kangwoo tilted his head as he stared at Baekhyun and the high schooler could feel his face heating up. He only hoped that he wasn't turning red as well.

“Something tells me you like the attention,” Kangwoo told Baekhyun with a knowing smirk before throwing Eric a casual smile and standing up from his seat to leave the restaurant.

Something told Baekhyun that Kangwoo wasn't wrong. And for the rest of lunch, he couldn't even pay a single attention to what Eric said until the other offered to send Baekhyun home because he looked ‘out of it'. If Kyungsoo had been there, he would have suggested ‘starstruck' being a better term to describe Baekhyun.

 

 

Kangwoo Lee was like a fresh of breath air.

After his declaration about being gay, Baekhyun couldn't stop thinking about the other. The older man had become the object of every fantasy that Baekhyun had. His face had become what Baekhyun looked for in a crowd. His voice had become what Baekhyun listened for in a sea of people. His presence had become what Baekhyun yearned for whenever he was alone. Kangwoo was the blue colouring the sky, making the mundane white clouds come to life. He was the shades of green in the grass and the trees, the golden warmth of the morning sun, and the shimmering silver of the moon.

It didn't help that he openly chased Baekhyun. Though how he had gotten Baekhyun's number, the high schooler would never know. (Not that Baekhyun was complaining, of course.)

“I'm very resourceful,” Kangwoo had told him when he had asked. And to be honest, it hadn't really answered anything. Except, it had made Baekhyun all the more intrigued in the lawyer.

The only problem was probably how Kangwoo -

“ – is old!” Kyungsoo exclaimed, exasperated, arms thrown in the air. “He's eleven years older than you, Baekhyun, for goodness sake!”

But age didn't matter, not that much anyway and Baekhyun didn't care about it. He had no reason to. What mattered was that Kangwoo was sure about his sexuality and that he liked Baekhyun. And maybe, Baekhyun liked Kangwoo too.

 

“Why is your name ‘Kangwoo'?”

Honestly, Baekhyun didn't know how he had ended up here - lying down on Kangwoo's bed, looking up at the ceiling. He roughly recalled being invited and vaguely remembered accepting.

Turning his head to the side, he watched Kangwoo type on his laptop. Black-rimmed glasses framed the lawyer's face, a stray chocolate brown lock falling to the front of his face, and his lips were pressed together in concentration. He simply looked so attractive that Baekhyun longed to reach out to him. Fingers twitching with want, Baekhyun curled them into a fist while staring at Kangwoo and just yearning to _touch_.

“Did you ask me to come here to look at you?” Baekhyun said, impatience slipping into his voice.

Laughing, Kangwoo closed his laptop lid and set it on his table before turning to Baekhyun. “I'm sure you wouldn't mind.”

“That's beside the point,” Baekhyun hurriedly answered. “Now, answer my question.”

“Because I'm a Korean who can't speak Korean but my parents wanted to do some cultural preservation.” Kangwoo chuckled, making Baekhyun frown.

“You don't look Korean,” Baekhyun observes. “Those eyes can't be real.”

Pools of liquid gold stared back into Baekhyun's dark brown eyes with amusement. “Part Korean at least. Lots of blood mixing in my family.” Grinning, he pointed to his right eye. “Which would explain my eye colour. And trust me, they're real.”

Sucking in his bottom lip, Baekhyun slowly released it. “But they're so pretty.”

Scoffing, Kangwoo rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Look who's talking? You're so pretty.” The blush that spread so quickly across Baekhyun's face made Kangwoo laugh, his head thrown back and the sight was oddly entrancing. Kangwoo rested his left cheek against his palm as he smiled at Baekhyun lazily. “I go by ‘Jayden' too if you prefer.”

Giving Kangwoo a confused look, Baekhyun moved to sit up so that he wasn't looking at the lawyer sideways anymore. “I don't.” Swallowing, he then clarified, “prefer.”

Lips pressed together, Kangwoo shrugged. “Who knows when you'll need to be calling out my name.”

“Excuse me?” Baekhyun spluttered.

“Just know that there's that option too when it comes down to that.”

Lowering his head, Baekhyun could feel his cheeks heating up again because _Jayden_ Lee had certainly been the object of his fantasy these past few nights. For a while, Baekhyun didn't dare to look up, choosing to focus on his hands instead.

“You're really a good boy, aren't you, Baekhyun?” Kangwoo said suddenly and Baekhyun finally lifted his head with a puzzled expression. “You cut classes and break uniform guidelines. You fail your tests and drink a little but you've never really done anything consequential, right?”

The words made Baekhyun stiffen. “I've already had sex before.” Somehow, he felt the need to defend himself although this wasn't a situation that shouldn't need any defending at all.

“With a peer?”

Wordlessly, Baekhyun nodded.

“You're in Regis now?” Without waiting for an answer, Kangwoo grinned widely. “That's an all-boys school.”

“You went to Regis?”

“Stuyvesant. But the whole of New York City knows that Regis is an all-boys school.” Laughing, he added, “don't worry. I don't judge. Besides, I'm gay, I already told you that.”

“That's not my concern,” Baekhyun replied quickly, becoming tense.

A look of curiousity flashed across Kangwoo's face. “What is your concern, Baekhyun?”

“Why am I here?” Baekhyun asked sharply. There was just something about Kangwoo that got under his skin. In a good way.

Shrugging, Kangwoo grinned. “You tell me. Why did you come?”

“I – I don't know,” Baekhyun spluttered. “Because you invited me.”

Laughing, Kangwoo stood up and approached the bed. In an instant, Baekhyun instinctively backed away from Kangwoo from where he was sitting on the bed.

“You need to know what you want, Baekhyun,” Kangwoo started slowly, his tone gentle but there was a Cheshire-like smile on his face that made Baekhyun feel like a prey. “Then you need to be sure of it. And after you're sure of it, tell people what it is that you want.” Inching closer to Baekhyun, just slightly closer, Kangwoo stopped right before they touched. “So tell me, Baekhyun. What is it that you want?”

Swallowing, Baekhyun stared into Kangwoo's eyes - gold and green swirling together. In that moment, he forgot how to breathe. But it was at that moment that he knew what he wanted.

“Kiss me.”

One side of Kangwoo's lips curved upwards and then he scrunched his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun tilted his head up. But that was all he did, not wanting to be the one to initiate the kiss. After all, he was the one asking for a kiss.

Callous fingers touched the underside of his chin gently and Baekhyun shuddered involuntarily when two fingers strayed to his lips. Subconsciously, Baekhyun slid his tongue out to wet his lips, only to end up licking Kangwoo's fingers as well.

Laughing, Kangwoo stopped tracing Baekhyun's lips, moving his hand to the back of Baekhyun's head, combing through his hair. Giving Baekhyun a bright smile, Kangwoo slowly pushed Baekhyun's head forward until he could seal their lips together.

 

Kissing had never been so addictive before. (Not that Baekhyun had much experience with kissing). But kissing Kangwoo was an art.

Sinful lips mapped the column of Baekhyun's throat, making the high schooler shut his eyes in pleasure. Thighs pressed firmly against Kangwoo's sides, Baekhyun deepened the kiss, running his fingers through Kangwoo's unruly brown locks that were soft to touch. A whimper crawled up the back of his throat when he felt Kangwoo tugging on his hair.

Panting, he looked up at Kangwoo dreamily. He knew that he was flushed. Belatedly realising that he still had his legs wrapped around Kangwoo's waist, Baekhyun scrambles to remove his legs before rolling onto his side so that he could avoid the lawyer's eyes.

“You're really not a virgin, huh,” Kangwoo commented lightly, turning to Baekhyun the same time the high schooler turned to look at him.

Staring at Kangwoo for a moment, Baekhyun then burst out laughing, the lawyer joining in soon after.

It took a while for the laughter to die down and once it did, Baekhyun said, “it's nice to feel wanted.”

“Who ever didn't want you, Baekhyun Byun?”

 

The meetings continued. Something that happened once a month became a weekly thing, then twice a week, thrice, four times, until Baekhyun almost saw Kangwoo every single day. And he certainly wasn't complaining even if all they had been doing was only kissing. But kissing was already more than Baekhyun could have asked for so he _shouldn't_ be complaining.

 

It had been half an hour since Baekhyun had walked into Kangwoo's living room. And it had been half an hour since Kangwoo couldn't stop laughing at whatever Baekhyun said.

“What's wrong with you?” Baekhyun asked impatiently, making a face when Kangwoo merely chuckled in his face in response. “Kangwoo.”

When Kangwoo only laughed _again_ , Baekhyun groaned and let his head fall onto the top of the couch. This hadn't been how Baekhyun had been wanting or even expecting to spend his afternoon.

The night before, Baekhyun had received a text message from Kangwoo telling him to go over to his house in the evening to hang out. No, Baekhyun hadn't read anything into what ‘hang out' might mean other than its literal meaning. How glad he was now that he hadn't thought much about it.

Since Kangwoo hadn't indicated a specific time, Baekhyu had turned up at the lawyer's doorstep at half past seven. He had knocked a few times before turning the knob by himself and finding it unlocked.

“Seriously, Kangwoo. I'm leaving.”

“You're no fun.”

The comment made Baekhyun freeze. It was the first thing Kangwoo said since Baekhyun had come to his house. Also, it was the most hurtful sentence Baekhyun ever heard from Kangwoo.

“I didn't mean that,” Kangwoo laughed, not insincerely, and he stood up, walking towards one of his drawers.

Silently, Baekhyun watched the lawyer take something out. His eyes widened when he saw what it was in Kangwoo's hand. “Are those drugs?”

“Oh, come on. You don't have to sound so scared.” Sitting next to Baekhyun, Kangwoo waved the small packet of white powder in front of him. “Best thing I ever did.” Without waiting for a response, Kangwoo unsealed the packet and poured its contents onto his coffee table. He picked up his wallet and took out a credit card to arrange the powder into straight, neat lines. “Just try it,” Kangwoo encouraged as he set his card down. “It'll be fun, I swear.”

Staring at the lines of powder and the rolled cigarette lying limply at the side, Baekhyun gulped.

“I'll be here with you the whole time,” Kangwoo coaxed.

Steeling himself, Baekhyun nodded. There'd be no turning back, not a complete turnaround anyway, and he knew it. But there was a stronger voice in his mind telling him to just do it. So with shaky fingers, Baekhyun reached for the paper cigarette. Picking it up with his thumb and index finger, he rolled it between his fingers for a while before looking at Kangwoo hesitantly.

Reaching for Baekhyun's hand, Kangwoo guided the rolled cigarette to his nose. “Then just bend down and…” he trailed off, picking up a credit card from the table to straighten the lines, then picked up another rolled cigarette. Smiling at Baekhyun, he placed the tip over the start of one line of white powder before inhaling through the hole as he moved the paper down. Satisfied, he leaned back, giving Baekhyun a flirty grin. “Just like that. Easy.”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun knew he sounded tentative. He knew he looked unsure. But at Kangwoo's nod, Baekhyun repeated the older man's action. 

 

Kissing Kangwoo became an addiction, one that Baekhyun never wanted to quit.

 

“Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

Hearing Kyungsoo's voice, Baekhyun jumped from his bed, quickly trying to stuff his various packets of pills under his pillows.

“Are you doing drugs?” Kyungsoo snapped as he stomped over to his friend and grabbed one packet from under a pillow. “Is that why you've been so fidgety lately?” Anger seeped into Kyungsoo's voice but Baekhyun couldn't really find it in himself to care, the cocaine clouding his mind with annoyance.

“It's nothing,” Baekhyun answered in a clipped tone. “And I haven't been fidgety. I've been alive.”

“Fidgety,” Kyungsoo repeated stubbornly.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun felt his hand tremble. Inhaling, he spoke only after his hand had stopped shaking. “Let's say I was fidgety. What is it to you?”

“You're my friend, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo replied so quickly that Baekhyun wondered if the other had already guessed what he would have said. “My best friend.”

Baekhyun could see Kyungsoo looking at the packets of white powder. He could see the glint of curiousity in Kyungsoo's eyes and the other's posture bending forward, hands itching to reach out to see what Baekhyun was so addicted to.

“Do you want to try it?” Baekhyun asked tentatively, a surprising moment of clarity preventing him from shoving the drug into Kyungsoo's hands.

Taken aback by Baekhyun's question, Kyungsoo flinched away, hurriedly shaking his head. “What? No!”

“It'll be fun, Soo. I swear.”

Honestly, it didn't look all that fun. Baekhyun's eyes were dilated, his lips a little chapped, and his fingers were shaking. But he looked energetic and maybe even a little happy.

“I've never felt more alive ever since Chanyeol had left.”

That probably did the trick. After all, who in the Upper East Side didn't just want to find a little bit of happiness? If it came in the form of powder and pills, then it came in the form of powder and pills. It didn't matter. Nothing did.

Uncertain, Kyungsoo stared at the package in his hand. Seeing Baekhyun nodding at him enthusiastically, Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at his best friend. “Just once. And don't tell anyone.”

 

Baekhyun kept true to his word and he didn't tell anybody.

But Kyungsoo didn't.

‘Just once' never happened.

After the first time, he did it the second time, with Baekhyun. And then the third. The fourth. The fifth. The - until Kyungsoo stopped counting.

 

First, it became a habit. Then it became so normal that it was second nature to Baekhyun.

Carefully pouring the powder my contents of the packet onto the table, Baekhyun pulled out one of his credit cards. Bending over the table slightly, he used the edge of his card to line the substance into rows of white line with ease.

Five straight lines of white powder stared back at him as he considered his options. He didn't like smoking it (or smoking at all). There was no way he could cook it in school and injecting wasn't an option either. The scars would appear too quickly. Snorting it was - as much as Baekhyun hated it too. Wasn't there another way to ingest the drug besides the ways that Baekhyun hated? He'd have to ask Kangwoo about that.

Baekhyun rolled up a piece of paper, sighing when he brought one end to his nostril. He didn't enjoy the process, not at all. But the feeling afterwards was worth it. At least that was what Baekhyun kept on telling himself.

Just as Baekhyun finished snorting two lines of cocaine, he heard someone call his name. Mind a little hazy, he lifted his head as he tried to make out the figure standing at the door to the classroom. His eyes were making him see double and the edges of the person were blurry lines, blending into the background.

“Baekhyun, stop this nonsense!”

Suddenly, the rolled paper in Baekhyun's grasp disappeared and there were two hands on his shoulder, shaking him.

“What are you doing?”

The person looked clearer now, though Baekhyun's eyes remained unfocused. And the figure's face irrationally made Baekhyun's blood boil.

Eric Choi.

“What is it to you?” Baekhyun snapped. “Why are you even here anyway?”

Calmly, Eric said, “I'm here to pick something up for my dad. He left it in his office.” But his eyes still bore the judgement that grated on Baekhyun's nerves.

“Okay. So go get it and be done with it so you can _leave_.” Perhaps Baekhyun was slurring, he wasn't sure. All he was certain of was that there were words tumbling out of his mouth.

“I'm not leaving. Not now.” Looking at the lines of white powder on the table, Eric screwed up his face. “Baekhyun, why?”

“It's none of your business,” Baekhyun raises his voice, an underlying tone of guilt. But there was a small part of him that felt guilty upon seeing Eric's disappointed expression.

“It's Kangwoo, isn't it?” Eric concluded after a moment of silence. “He was the one who introduced cocaine to you, wasn't he?”

“Who are you to me, Eric?” Baekhyun shouts back. He wouldn't have Eric slandering Kangwoo (as factual as it was). “Seriously? At the most, you're my Biology teacher's son. At the least, you're nothing to me.”

“I feel responsible for you,” Eric explained. “I should never have introduced Kangwoo to you.” Smiling sadly, Eric shook his head. “It's just that you're so bright and still so young. You still have a whole life ahead of you and you seemed so sincere about wanting to become a lawyer that I thought that Kangwoo might be able to help you. To motivate you. Of course, I did consider how he might have been a bad influence as well but I guess I had too much faith in him.” Taking a step closer to Baekhyun, Eric bent forward until he could look into the high schooler's eyes. “If I had a brother, he would have been the same age as you now.”

Swallowing, Baekhyun tilted his head to the side, then blinked at Eric inquisitively. “ _If_ you had a brother?”

“If I still had a brother,” Eric corrected.

But it still didn't make any sense to Baekhyun.

Raising a brow, Baekhyun leaned back on his palms against the table as he looked up at Eric.

“He was stillborn.”

Surprise coloured Baekhyun's face but it only lasted for a mere second. “Oh. I'm - “ he paused, unsure about what to say. Was he really sorry?

“You don't have to be sorry. You don't have to say anything at all,” Eric added when he saw Baekhyun struggling to string a coherent sentence in response.

And Baekhyun just hated how Eric was right.

 

“Eric is so.” Baekhyun pauses, chewing on his lower lip as he searched for a word. Damn words these days. Damn his inability to find the right words to say.

“I know,” Kangwoo laughed.

Turning to Kangwoo sharply, Baekhyun scowled but there was a part of him that felt comforted. The feelings weren't the same as when Eric had seemed to be able to read his mind. Kangwoo was different. “I didn't even say anything.”

“Eric just can't mind his own business, can he? He was like this with me too. I lost my assistantship to him and he kept on bugging me why. Though to be fair, he didn't know it was because of him. But it was annoying. It wasn't like he was going to or could give it back to me even if he knew anyway. And what was he going to do if it was someone else I had lost my assistantship to? Beat that guy up? Kill him? Nothing. Eric needs to stop minding other people's problems.”

“Wow.” A twinkle of amusement appeared in Baekhyun's eyes. “That was…”

“Ten years of pent-up frustration against Eric Choi.”

“Pent-up? You sure they're pent-up?”

Shrugging, Kangwoo smiled at Baekhyun - that lazy smile that still managed to make him look effortlessly handsome even if half of his wits weren't with him anymore. “I haven't done anything to him, have I?”

“What would you do to him?”

“I think you meant, ‘what have you been wanting to do with him?'.” Kangwoo corrected with a laugh.

“What?” The word slipped from Baekhyun's lips.

“Want to get him out of New York?”

Looking at Kangwoo's dilated pupils, Baekhyun shook his head. “You're high.” But the way Kangwoo had said it so casually made Baekhyun feel like it was something the older man had in his mind for a long while now.

“No, I'm serious.” Kangwoo chuckled and even then when he wasn't in his right senses, he still looked so handsome. “Let's get him out of New York.”

There was a time and place to be distracted by Kangwoo's face and this wasn't it. Smiling to himself, Baekhyun shook his head, giddy with excitement just from being near Kangwoo. “And how are we supposed to do that? As rich as my family is, I can't tell them to deport a guy because we're both annoyed at him. And my family doesn't even know about you.”

“No need to involve your family. Just send him a text for dinner and then spike his drink. Get him to a hotel, have sex with _me_ , pretend that it was him in the morning and he'd be running out of New York in no time.”

The words had spilt out of Kangwoo's mouth like an overflowing sink and Baekhyun wondered if the lawyer knew.

“Eric's nice and too...too - “ he paused suddenly, swallowing then licking his lips. “Too trustworthy. It'll be ease - easy - “ then he stopped again, chuckling this time while shaking his head. “Easy to fool him even though he thinks I've corrupted you.”

Kangwoo tripped over his words a little and he must have known if the exasperated sigh was anything to go by. It was the first time Baekhyun was hearing Kangwoo sounding so clumsy. The lawyer usually sounded so sure about himself, so sure about everything. Yet at the same time, the words flowed out from Kangwoo's lips so naturally that Baekhyun suspected the older man had had this plan for a while now. He couldn't help but wonder how long had Kangwoo waited for someone like him to turn up so that he could run Eric out of the city. But the window was open and the sun was shining on Kangwoo's face, making every expression seem brighter than it really was. And once again, Baekhyun was mesmerised by how beautiful Kangwoo was.

“Convince me,” Baekhyun prompted despite already being all for Kangwoo's plan.

Chuckling, Kangwoo leaned in and pressed a short kiss to Baekhyun's lips. Or at least he tried to since he ended up kissing the right side of Baekhyun's lips.

“If you want to kiss me, do it properly,” Baekhyun chided jokingly.

“Then stop moving!” Kangwoo said playfully, a lilt in his voice.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun cupped Kangwoo's face because he _wasn't_ the one moving. “There,” Baekhyun announced when Kangwoo stopped trying to pull away from Baekhyun's hands. “I'm not moving anymore.”

“Baekhyun Byun, did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are before?”

“You do,” Baekhyun answered softly. “All the time.”

“Because you are,” Kangwoo replied cheerily.

With Baekhyun gently guiding his face, Kangwoo managed to land a successful kiss that time and really, who was Baekhyun to say ‘no'?

Pulling out his phone, Baekhyun quickly typed a short message. _Sorry Eric. Do you wanna meet tonight? Hang out?_

The reply came as quickly as Kangwoo said it would.

_It's okay. When?_

Off the top of his head, Baekhyun gave a random diner and Eric was, as always, agreeable to it.

 

“No drinking, okay?” Eric said when they got to ordering drinks. “I know you drink but not when you're under my nose.”

“You do the drinking, then,” Baekhyun retorted playfully, a smile playing on his lips. “My portion too.”

“Well, legally, your portion is nothing so it's the same.”

Scoffing, Baekhyun waves his hand flippantly. “Whatever.”

Raising a brow, Eric looked amused. “You're oddly compromising today. Should I be scared?”

“Not in the slightest,” Baekhyun answered in a sickeningly sweet voice with a smile to match it.

Dinner went by pleasant enough. They made small talk, nothing interesting, but it wasn't awfully boring either. It started to make Baekhyun hesitant about carrying out Kangwoo's plan. That was until Baekhyun was reminded of what made him loathe Eric in the first place.

“Chanyeol isn't out, right?” Eric said it so casually that Baekhyun might have missed the meaning of his words if it weren't concerning Chanyeol.

Choking on his peach juice, Baekhyun hit his chest as he coughed. “What?” He was pretty sure that face was starting to turn red.

“That's why you're so strung up.”

“I'm not strung up.” Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun leaned forward. “Chanyeol isn't gay.”

“I still talk to him, you know?” Eric digressed, one that Baekhyun welcomed anyway.

Motioning with his hand, Baekhyun looked at Eric expectantly. “So? What do you guys talk about?” It has been ages since Baekhyun has heard anything about Chanyeol and he was trying to keep his excitement at bay but it was probably showing on his face as clear as day.

Leaning forward, Eric smiled at Baekhyun knowingly and the high schooler scrunched his nose up, moving back instantly. “I asked him if he'd miss anyone before he left.”

“And?” Baekhyun prompted, impatience seeping under his skin. “What did he say?”

 _‘Please say he'd miss me,'_ Baekhyun wishes futilely. Even if Chanyeol would miss Baekhyun, he wouldn't say it. Baekhyun knee that much.

“He said that he wouldn't miss anyone in particular.” Eric stopped there, as if watching for Baekhyun's reaction or a change in expression. If that was what he was hoping to spot, he was disappointed because Baekhyun managed to school his face into a neutral expression, having already expected the answer. “But he did say that he was going to give someone a watch and he hoped that that person would be okay. That he would always be happy.”

Subconsciously, Baekhyun's right hand went over to the face of the watch wrapped around his left wrist.

Glancing at the wristwatch on Baekhyun's hand, Eric smiled again. “That's a pretty watch you have there.”

“It is,” Baekhyun agreed in a beat. The glass surface of the watch felt cool against his fingertips and he could feel the seconds ticking away as the silence stretched.

Sighing, Eric leaned back in his seat, thoughtfully watching Baekhyun. “Baekhyun, you're still young. Your first love doesn't have to be your last.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun said with a shrug.

“You _are_ oddly compromising today. Is there really nothing I should be worried about?” Eric was joking, his tone gave it away as much as the cheeky spark in his eyes did.

“Not at all.”

Looking down at the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch, Baekhyun found that he couldn't find any answers on it. All it told him was the time at that moment.

 

Eric should have been worried. But then again, he didn't know that he would get drunk. More than that, he didn't know that his drink would have been spiked.

“He's heavy,” Baekhyun grunted as he threw Eric onto the hotel couch with Kangwoo's help.

“Deadweights are always heavy.”

“Speaking from personal experience?”

“If you mean I was the deadweight then yeah.”

“What now?”

Smirking, Kangwoo placed a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder. Without any warning, his other arm went behind Baekhyun's knees as he bent down and lifted the other up.

Squeaking, Baekhyun quickly wrapped his arms around Kangwoo's neck to balance himself. “It's not fair that you're the only one high,” Baekhyun grumbled.

“Back pocket,” Kangwoo laughed.

Immediately, Baekhyun's hand reached around Kangwoo, twisting his arm at an odd angle.

“Impatient,” Kangwoo tutted.

Then, Baekhyun felt the edge of a familiar plastic bag and pulled it out as Kangwoo laid him on the bed. Opening the packet, Baekhyun dipped a finger into the powder and he grimaced.

“It's either this or smoking or snorting,” Kangwoo suggested and Baekhyun gave him a displeased face. Raising his hands in defence, Kangwoo shrugged. “Your choice.”

As much as Baekhyun liked to get his dose, he really hated smoking and snorting took too much time. Rubbing the powder onto his gums was usually a quick process but it would take up some time then because of Kangwoo's hand massaging his inner thigh.

Sighing, Baekhyun brought his finger, now dusted with powder, to his teeth and started to rub it over his gum and teeth. It wasn't as effective as snorting it but it would do. The numbing sensation washing over him made his eyes flutter shut as he felt the drug beginning to take effect.

It was only a matter of minutes before he was lying naked under Kangwoo, pliant and writhing as he begged for Kangwoo to hurry.

“I'm ready,” Baekhyun whined, crying out loud when Kangwoo abruptly removed his fingers. “Why'd you do that?”

“You said you were ready,” Kangwoo laughed, lining himself up with Baekhyun's entrance. “Come on, baby. Scream for me.”

Scrunching up his nose, Baekhyun stilled his hips. “Ugh. Don't call me that. That's what my parents call me.”

Laughing, Kangwoo pushed in, making Baekhyun arch his back with a moan. “Okay, Baekhyun.”

 

The next morning, Baekhyun was up before Eric and Kangwoo was long gone. There were no signs of Kangwoo around as well. It was as if the other man hadn't even been in the room and had sex with Baekhyun.

But Baekhyun knew better despite the cocaine that had been in his system (it had only been a little anyway). Also, he had a sore ass to back him up.

When Eric stirred, Baekhyun startled slightly, biting his lower lip, wondering if he should really go through with it. The moment Eric opened his eyes, Baekhyun knew that there was no turning back.

“Baekhyun?” Eric sounded as confused as he looked. “What happened? Why are we - “ Fear clouded eyes. “Did we? Did anything happen?” Panic was seeping into his voice. “Oh gosh. Crap. Crap. Crap. Baekhyun?” he said worriedly. “Say something, please.”

“We…” Baekhyun stopped, mouth going dry. He wasn't sure how to lie but his eyes were tearing up because he simply didn't know what to do.

Looking around frantically for his clothes, Eric nearly fell off the bed as he grabbed his boxers. Quickly pulling them on, he proceeded to wear his shirt. Just as he was doing the buttons up, the door swung open.

“Papa?” Baekhyun's eyes widened.

“What is this?” Seonghyun Byun demanded, his face turning red with fury. “What is this?” he repeated when he didn't receive an answer. Glancing at Baekhyun, he hardened his gaze before turning to Eric who was shaking all over. “What did you do to my son, Eric?”

“I – no - nothing – I – I – swear,” Eric stuttered. His hands were shaking as he tried to continue doing up the last few buttons. “Baekhyun, tell him. Please. _Please._ “

Staring at Eric, Baekhyun stayed silent. No words could come out - the truth, lies, nothing. So it was up to Seonghyun to have the finals words.

“Eric Choi, leave New York immediately or I will personally sue you for statutory rape.”

Without saying anything else, Eric shakily did one last button, matching it to the wrong hole. As he stood to leave, he turned to Baekhyun, giving the high schooler a pleading look, and he looked so pitiful that Baekhyun felt a pang of guilt. But it only lasted for a moment and Baekhyun broke eye contact.

The last thing he remembered was his father leaving the room with Eric and the door slamming shut behind them. With the door closed and no one else in the room, Baekhyun felt too lonely, too exposed.

Though at least, he knew then that no one was going to mind his business anymore.

 

“So, Eric left New York?”

“Yep,” Baekhyun said happily, passing Kyungsoo another packet of powder once he was done snorting his lines. He had no idea how much time had passed but he knew that he had to stop soon. It was enough anyway, the numbing sensation had already long taken over his body, making him feel relaxed and sated. The light and airy feeling helped him take his mind off of Eric.

At first, he had thought that he would feel guilty about Eric for a long time, avoiding meals and having countless sleepless nights. But he had none of that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He had started to sleep better, or so he believed. There had been one or two restless nights but they had been nothing. Nothing at all. All he had done was to get Eric out of New York, so there wasn't much to feel sorry about.

When Kyungsoo started rolling a cigarette, Baekhyun glared at him. “No.” Reaching out for the paper, Baekhyun snatched it away. “Just snort it, will you. Besides, I didn't cook that so please, please, please just snort it.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo did as he was told, frowning when he realised Baekhyun had thrown away his rolled-up paper.

Before Kyungsoo could even open his mouth, Baekhyun was already offering him a hundred-dollar bill. “Here. You can roll this up.”

“A hundred-dollar bill? Really?”

“Makes the,” Baekhyun países abruptly, frowning. “Taste? Better?”

“The taste,” Kyungsoo scoffed, taking the bill from between Baekhyun's fingers and started to roll it up.

Just as Kyungsoo brought one side of the rolled-up bill to his nose, the door swung open. In a shock, he dropped the note, and his other hand instinctively went to sweep the rows of white powder, leaving a mess of the substance on the table.

“What is this, Kyungsoo?” Changhwan Park was furious as he looked from Kyungsoo to Baekhyun.

The drugs in Baekhyun's system was making him too unconcerned, too bold, too rash. “Drugs.”

“Are you Kyungsoo?” Changhwan snapped.

“No, but we're doing the same thing.”

“Shut up, Baekhyun.” It seemed like Kyungsoo wasn't that out of it, having taken a smaller dosage.

Throwing his hands up in the air, Baekhyun closed his eyes, clearly frustrated. “I'll message you when you stop being a dick,” he shot at Kyungsoo and stood up before unsteadily walking towards the door.

Grabbing Baekhyun's arm, Changhwan stopped the high schooler from leaving. “Go home and stay away from Kyungsoo.”

Glaring at Changhwan, Baekhyun roughly pulled his hand away.

“While you're at it, stay away from Chanyeol too.”

“Chanyeol's not even here,” Baekhyun hissed.

“Stay away from him _forever_. Stop your obsession with him. It has been going on for far too long. You're already sixteen, you should know better.” Glancing disdainfully again at the packets of pills, Changhwan shook his head. “Then again, some people need more time growing up.” Bending down slightly, Changhwan looked straight into Baekhyun's eyes. “Stay away from a Chanyeol. He doesn't need a drug addict in his life.”

“You mean _another_ drug addict, right?”

Changhwan Park looked like he was about to strike Baekhyun there and then but he managed to hold back, clutching his fists at his sides.

It was a low blow, even from Baekhyun when he was high - that he had to admit. Areum Park was a good woman trying to become clean. Baekhyun has no rights to bring it up like that, especially since it was a sore spot for two-thirds of the people in the room.

The comment set Kyungsoo off as well.

“Just leave, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo said tiredly, a hint of anger in his voice.

When Baekhyun took a step forward towards Kyungsoo, his best friend pushed his shoulder and he stumbled backwards.

“Leave,” he repeated sternly, leaving no room for argument his time.

Seeing how serious Kyungsoo was being, Baekhyun gulped. Nodding guiltily, he looked away, ashamed. “I'm leaving,” he said softly. Just as he was about to turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder stopping him. 

“Leave Chanyeol alone, Baekhyun Byun, I swear,” Changhwan warned. “I don't want his lawyer's license revoked as well.”

Upon hearing those words, Baekhyun's face paled. “What? Wha – “ he turned to Kyungsoo in confusion but his friend just looked away. “What license? What are you talking about?” Although Baekhyun didn't understand, he had an idea where this was going.

“Eric Choi can't be a lawyer anymore because of what you did.”

“I – “ There was nothing Baekhyun could say as he stared at Changhwan Park, his throat dry.

_‘I only wanted him to leave New York, that's all.'_

 

“What's wrong with you guys?” Jongdae questioned when he saw Kyungsoo walking away from their usual table after spotting Baekhyun.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun mumbled miserably as he stabbed at his carrots.

Leaning on his palm, Jongdae stared at Baekhyun thoughtfully. “Does this have anything to do with the video? Kyungsoo will get over it. I don't even care about it.”

“What video?” Baekhyun frowned at Jongdae, carrots forgotten.

Laughing, Jongdae looked incredulous. “The video?”

“Yeah. _What_ vídeo?” Baekhyun repeated impatiently.

Eyes widening with realization, Jongdae shrunk into his seat, hoping to become smaller. “You don't know about the video,” he concluded.

“No?” Raising a brow, Baekhyun placed his fork down. “What video?”

“Baekhyun, I don't know how to say this but there's a sex tape of you circulating around.”

“Fuck.” Within a second, Baekhyun was flying out of his seat, his bag in one hand.

 

Going back home was the first thing on Baekhyun's list and he was right in doing so. As soon as he stepped through the doors, his father was standing right in front of him, showing him a tablet screen.

“Baekhyun, what is this?” Seonghyun demanded, his face red with fury and a tinge of embarrassment.

Just one look and Baekhyun could tell that it was a video of Kangwoo fucking him into a mattress before they switched positions and he started to ride the older man. The latter's face was blocked because of the angle but Baekhyun knew how Kangwoo sounded like during sex all too well. More than that, he recognised the place in the video. Just a few feet from where they were fucking on the bed, Eric laid unconscious on a couch. Meanwhile, the other party was without a doubt, Baekhyun himself, judging by the voice.

“I can explain,” Baekhyun said, instantly already doubting his own words because no, he couldn't explain.

Brows knitted together, Seonghyun moves the tablet away. “Were you aware that Eric Choi had already circulated this video?”

“Listen to me,” Baekhyun begged, desperate. “If you would just - “ Wait. “Eric?”

At that moment, Baekhyun's phone rang. Thinking over his father's words, Baekhyun pulled his phone out. The screen lit up with a message from Kangwoo. His father was still standing opposite him, looking at him sternly, yet patiently.

_I'm leaving New York now. Come see me off?_

That was all the message said, throwing Baekhyun into a deeper state of confusion.

Glancing at his father, Baekhyun worried his lower lip between his teeth. “There's somewhere I need to go. I'll explain everything when I get back.” No, he wouldn't.

With that, Baekhyun was running out of the house, ignoring his father calling his name, telling him to go back, and heading straight for the nearest airport in a yellow taxi cab.

 

“Kangwoo!” Baekhyun shouted as soon as he saw the lawyer's back. As he ran towards the older man, Kangwoo turned around, a smile settling on his face when he spotted Baekhyun. “You're leaving? What do you mean you're leaving?”

“I'm going to L.A.,” Kangwoo explained very casually.

“What? Why? For how long?” The questions kept going. “What do you mean you're going to L.A.?” And it was the first time since Chanyeol had left did Baekhyun feel like a teenager again. “I don't want you to leave.” By then, Baekhyun was pretty certain that he was whining but he really didn't care. All that he knew that he wanted was for Kangwoo to stay. “I won't let you leave.”

With a gentle caress to Baekhyun's cheek, Kangwoo smiled. “I can't stay here anymore, Baekhyun.” His hand fell to his side. “Please understand.”

“So you're leaving? Forever? Just like that?” There weren't any tears in Baekhyun's eyes but he could feel his heart shattering.

“I'll call you when I get to L.A..” Kangwoo was about to pull Baekhyun into a hug when the other stepped away.

“Kangwoo,” Baekhyun said, tired, head hanging down. He didn't want Kangwoo to leave, that much he was certain. But if the older man was going to leave, then Baekhyun's just couldn't hold on any longer. It was better to make a clean break then let himself hang on again. “Or Jayden. Or whatever. Let's not do this anymore.” Meeting Kangwoo's golden eyes, Baekhyun couldn't stop the smile from slipping onto his lips. They were still so beautiful. Duller than when he had first seen them but pretty nonetheless. “You knew that Eric was going to get his lawyer's license revoked, right?”

Kangwoo nodded hesitantly, averting Baekhyun's gaze. “It was either him or me and I've been losing to him my whole life, Baekhyun. I couldn't afford losing this time too. Especially not my license. He would have told someone about the cocaine eventually.”

Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun faked a smile at Kangwoo. “And the video?” That was really his main concern, as bad as he felt for Eric.

Mouth falling open, Kangwoo took a step forward but no words came out. “I'm - “ he paused, moving back as he used his right hand to hold his other arm. “I'm really sorry about that one. I should have told you. It was an insurance, sort of, if Eric managed to get himself out of that sticky situation.”

“You do realise that people might have identified _you_ instead, right?”

“I – ” Ashamed, Kangwoo looked down sideways. “I don't know. I honestly don't remember. I don't know what I was thinking.”

“You were high and you weren't thinking of the consequences,” Baekhyun explained on Kangwoo's behalf. “I get it.” Because he really did get it.

A smile appeared on Kangwoo's lips but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “Thank you for not telling your parents.”

“My whole school knows,” Baekhyun laughed drily. “Knows that I have a sex tape with a man eleven years older than me. Well, nine,” he corrected. “Since everyone thinks it's Eric and not you.”

“I'm sorry, Baekhyun.”

“It'll pass. It always does,” Baekhyun said quietly. The words were meant for his own comfort more than anything. It helped he knew that they were the truth. Everything in New York, especially the Upper East Side passed. That was just how life was when you were filthy rich. There would always be new gossip, new scandals, and they would always be bigger than the one before. A sex tape was nothing that hadn't been leaked before but Baekhyun would still need some time before it all died down. Of course, there was still going to be some who would bring it up nine or ten years down the road, but it was nothing consequential.

Nodding but looking unsure, Kangwoo gave Baekhyun an awkward one-arm hug. “I am sorry. Truly.”

For the first time since Baekhyun had arrived, a genuine smile graced his face.”Just tell me one thing.” Baekhyun stopped Kangwoo as he was about to start walking towards the gate. “Did you ever love me?”

The corners of Kangwoo's lips curved up as he nodded. “I hope I did. I was high most of the time, I don't really remember. But I really wish I did love you. I think I did. Even if it was just a small conscious part. I think I loved you.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun said softly, hand reaching out to caress Kangwoo's face, possibly for the very last time. “For telling me the truth.”

Laughing, Kangwoo covered his hand over Baekhyun's to stop the high schooler from his action. “But you never loved me, did you, Baekhyun Byun?”

Baekhyun took a while to answer but he eventually did. “No.”

Chuckling, Kangwoo gently pulled Baekhyun's hand off before pointing to his cheek. “Then just one last time. For old time's sake.”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun closed the gap between them. Standing in his tiptoes, he planted a chaste kiss to the other's cheek. Then he turned Kangwoo's face so their lips touched.

“Get well soon,” Baekhyun whispered.

“I will.” Pressing a kiss to Baekhyun's forehead, Kangwoo ruffled his hair. “And goodbye, baby.”

“Ugh.” Scowling, Baekhyun whacked his hand away. “I said not to call me that.”

“Okay, Baekhyun.” Smiling one last time, Kangwoo waved his hand. “Goodbye.”

And he meant it that time.

 

 

For the first time in six months, Kangwoo wasn't in Baekhyun's life and it was an odd feeling.

Walking into his house, Baekhyun froze when he saw both his parents and Baekboem sitting on the couch, obviously waiting for him. Before he could even get a word out, his father was already speaking.

“Baekhyun, we're sending you to rehab.”

“I don't need to go to rehab.”

“You're going.”

It was final.

 

 

Baekhyun didn't exactly get better over the summer spent at rehab but he had to go home once fall rolled by if no one was to find out where he had really gone.

 

Fresh air. Closing his eyes, Baekhyun looked up and basked under the attention of the sun, shining down on his face. The scent of summer grasses floated in the air, wafting into Baekhyun's nose as he breathed in the sweet, sweet air. Never had standing out in the open on a sidewalk and breathing in the air felt so good to Baekhyun before. His senses were buzzing delightfully under his skin as he took in another deep breath. Roasted coffee beans. There weren't any of them around – not in the open at least – Baekhyun was sure. Yet he could still smell them in the fragrant air.

“Mr Baekhyun?”

Taking a moment longer to himself, Baekhyun exhaled before slowly opening his eyes, head still facing up at the sun. But he couldn't open his eyes fully because of the glare of the fiery ball hanging in the sky so he settled for squinting.

“Mr Baekhyun?”

Bringing his head down, Baekhyun blinked a few times to adjust his vision. Black spots appeared behind his eyelids whenever he closed them. Finally, he was facing the person who had been calling him. The sides of Baekhyun's eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Nick.”

“I'm here to fetch you home, Mr Baekhyun.”

 

 

That summer of 2014, Baekhyun had spent every day at a rehabilitation centre with no contact to the outside world. The only thing keeping him company had been the Jaeger-LeCoultre watch that never left his wrist.

Though after Baekhyun left rehab, he liked to say that he worked at a beach during the summer of 2014. And somehow, the lie stuck and it became real to him.

 

 

Kangwoo Lee wasn't a bad guy.

They all had their own monsters to fight. And somehow, they all just ended up doing things their own way, no matter how wrong it went.

They all had ghosts shackled in chains, some bigger than others, some almost inconsequential.

Eric Choi was a good guy. But Kangwoo Lee wasn't bad.

Kangwoo Lee had been like a fresh of breath air.

He had been the winter street lights, the sweet taste of spring, bright summer sun, the cool autumn breeze - he was all the seasons in one and Baekhyun couldn't get had had a better year.

 

 

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun calls sleepily. Eyes squinted, Baekhyun tries making out another person in the room. “Is that you?”

Suddenly, Baekhyun's bed dips and there's a pair of arms around his waist. Lips pressed to his neck and wetness staining the bottom side of his chin, Baekhyun hears a voice whisper, “I wish you just told me.”

He doesn't know if he's dreaming or if Chanyeol's really here. He doesn't know if he's imagining the words he just heard. But most of all, he doesn't know why Chanyeol's crying when he's the one who feels like he's about to lose everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweet me or DM me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)


	25. Crossroad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! The comeback has put me in a good mood.
> 
> As always (because I'm persistent and don't know when to give up), please use #LDTR on twitter if you want to tweet about this fic because I'd love to read your thoughts about it!
> 
> xoxo

The bed isn’t supposed to be so heavy.

More than that, Baekhyun’s supposed to have more space to roll around. What’s more, Baekhyun thinks that he’s supposed to be able to _move_ , but somehow, his movement feels restricted. The moment he opens his eyes is when he belatedly realises that there’s a pair of arms around his waist. A very familiar pair of arms. Eyes softening, Baekhyun sinks back into bed without shifting too much and shuts his eyes again, soaking in the feeling of this embrace. Warm breath tickles the back his neck and he sighs inwardly, trying to hold himself back from cuddling closer to the source of heat behind him and failing.

“I’m still mad at you.”

Groaning, Baekhyun opens his eyes again. The arms wrapped around him aren’t growing looser and he doesn’t make an attempt to struggle away. “Must you ruin this?”

“I’m mad at you, Baekhyun,” the lawyer calmly points out. Moving away his arms from Baekhyun’s waist, Chanyeol sits up and that’s when Baekhyun realises that the older man has already been up for a while. “Go wash up.” Getting off the bed, Chanyeol’s making his way to the bedroom door when Baekhyun stops him.

“You came back?” Baekhyun asks from where he’s still lying on his pillow. The lawyer pauses in front of the door though his hand is already holding the handle. “You came all the way back?” Just the thought of Chanyeol coming back to his side in the middle of the night makes his heart flutter as stupid as it sounds.

“Baekhyun.” Turning around, Chanyeol looks at the college student passively. “I live opposite you.”

Right.

Baekhyun _knows_ that Chanyeol is angry at him. Even if the lawyer didn’t say it just now, Baekhyun knows. The things that he had done aren’t exactly easy for people to take in. Still, he can’t help trying to keep the tension between them light. “I’m talking about the distance of our hearts.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol pushes open the bedroom door. At least he isn’t _that_ angry – Baekhyun takes it as a good sign. “Are you going to get up so we can talk about this like adults or do you want to continue avoiding this topic and run away again?”

“Give me ten minutes,” Baekhyun grumbles and groggily climbs out of bed. “To become an adult,” Baekhyun tells his own reflection once Chanyeol’s out of the room.

 

Twenty minutes later, Baekhyun pads out of his room wearing mismatched house slippers, a white pullover, and a pair of blue jeans. The lawyer has his back faced towards Baekhyun, seemingly engrossed in looking at something. When Baekhyun walks closer to Chanyeol, he realises that the other has his eyes on one of his photo frames hanging on the wall. It’s a picture from his high school graduation.

Baekhyun likes watching Chanyeol’s back like that – when he knows that Chanyeol isn’t going to walk away from him.

He doesn’t want to talk, but there’s really no point in avoiding it any further now that Chanyeol knows the whole story. The main gist of the whole story anyway, not Baekhyun’s side.

“Chanyeol?” A very unwilling Baekhyun calls, making the lawyer turn around in surprise.

“You took so long that I was beginning to wonder if you escaped through your window,” Chanyeol jokes, acting like he wasn’t looking at Baekhyun’s graduation photo just seconds ago.

“I did consider that if it makes you feel better.”

Scoffing, Chanyeol shakes his head fondly in disbelief. There’s a shift in his expression and he’s back to looking stoic like he did this morning. “What you did was…”

“Unforgivable,” Baekhyun quickly fills in.

With a frown, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t go as far as to say that.”

“That means it’s forgivable?” The college student is trying to act nonchalant about it but maybe he sounds a bit too hopeful, giving away his true feelings.

Flashing Baekhyun a wry smile, Chanyeol says, “let’s not play word games.”

Exhaling loudly, Baekhyun drops his shoulders. “You were _so_ upset with me yesterday.”

“It was a lot to take in.”

“I know. I know. And I understand.” Nodding his head, Baekhyun looks into Chanyeol’s eyes. “I really do.” Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Baekhyun wants to urge Chanyeol to say something, preferably something comforting or understanding but he knows that he’s hoping too much. “Have you gotten over it, then?”

“Baekhyun, I’m twenty-nine. And I’m a lawyer.” At Baekhyun’s look of confusion, Chanyeol sighs and combs his fingers through his hair. “I’ve heard about worst things. The world is a shitty place and you’re not the first person to do something like that. I can also promise you that you won’t be the last.”

It sounds like an insult but Baekhyun decides to take it with stride. “I know that much.”

A frown appears on Chanyeol’s face but he chooses to ignore Baekhyun’s childish remark. “You should have said something to me about it.”

“It was difficult,” Baekhyun argues back. “It was difficult to tell you but you’re blaming me for that.”

Looking away, Chanyeol doesn’t acknowledge Baekhyun’s words, frustrating the college student. But his momentary lack of response tells Baekhyun that he’s starting to feel bad about entirely faulting him. “Do you have anything to say about it?”

So of course he changes the topic.

“Eric should have minded his own business.”

“Baekhyun, you – ”

“Maybe you should listen to my side of the story first, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun cuts in.

Nodding, Chanyeol sits down on the couch. “I’m listening.”

Surprised that the older man is being so agreeable, Baekhyun slowly takes a seat opposite Chanyeol. “Eric shouldn’t have meddled so much.”

“Maybe he was just concerned.”

“But I didn’t want his concern,” Baekhyun replies immediately. I didn’t _need_ his concern. We weren’t even that close and he just went and stuck his nose into my business like I asked him to. I didn’t, for the record.”

“I admit that Eric can be a little nosy.”

Scrunching his nose, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol with disbelief. “A little? You meant ‘a lot’, didn't you?”

Doing what he does best, Chanyeol ignores Baekhyun’s question. “What about Kangwoo Lee, then?”

“ _Eric_ was the one who introduced him to me.” A switch flicks on in Baekhyun and he feels like he’s a train going too quickly and about to run off its tracks soon. “The drugs were a mistake. A big mistake, I’ll admit that.” The college student nods to himself, as if he needs more convincing that doing drugs is wrong. “But they were the only things that were keeping me alive back then. I couldn’t – I wasn’t – I didn’t know what else to do,” Baekhyun settles for saying, knowing that this way, he can keep the train from going off its rails.

Eyes softening, Chanyeol sighs. “Oh, Baekhyun.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun sniffs. Keeping his head down, he keeps his eyes fixed on Chanyeol’s toes. “I know it sounds dramatic but it’s true. I was in a bad place, Yeol.” The nickname slips out subconsciously, bringing Baekhyun some comfort. Peeking at Chanyeol’s face, a small smile appears on his own face for a second before it’s replaced by a distant look. “A really bad place.”

“You should have just told me. Something. _Anything._ ” Chanyeol’s tone is pleading and it makes a surge of guilt rush up Baekhyun’s chest but he’s feeling too defensive that he manages to push it away. “It’s been almost two years since I came back to New York. You could have told me something at any point in time.”

“You were keeping secrets from me too,” Baekhyun points out more accusatorily than he wanted to. But the words were already spoken and he can’t take them back. Clenching his fist, Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol sternly. “You kept things from me too.” Pressing his lips together, Baekhyun waits for Chanyeol to ask him for a clarification but it doesn’t come. _“Ask me, damn it,”_ Baekhyun thinks angrily. “And don’t compare the seriousness between the two situations because they’re different.” He doesn’t mean to vague, but his mind is too jumbled up with too many thoughts that he starts sounding cryptic.

Gaze hardening, Chanyeol crosses his arms. “What are you on about now? What did I keep from you?”

“When I was studying at Milton,” Baekhyun begins, his explanation already prepared. “Those two weeks in Cambridge.” Or at least he thought he was prepared. His sentences are coming out choppy instead and he groans at himself for having such disorganised thoughts. “You remember how it ended, don’t you?”

“I don’t,” Chanyeol replies coldly but the hesitance in his voice gives him away.

Wetting his lips, Baekhyun smiles sadly, remembering the day Chanyeol left him five years ago as if it were only yesterday. “You said that you didn’t know if you liked boys. You told me to forget you.”

Hand reaching out, Chanyeol pulls away at the last minute, making Baekhyun close his eyes to prevent the unfallen teardrops from rolling down his face. “Baekhyun, you know that I didn’t mean that. We’ve been over this. I only said that because of your father. I didn’t want him to think that I was taking advantage of you. But it all turned out to be one big understanding.”

 _“Because of you,”_ Baekhyun expects Chanyeol to blame him like he did in the past.

“It isn’t that serious,” the lawyer says instead.

“I was _seventeen_ ,” Baekhyun hisses, his eyes still shut. “And you – ” he chokes a little. “You meant everything to me. You were the world to me.” His voice grows a little softer towards the end and he means to say more than that but the words get stuck in his throat.

Softly, Chanyeol tells Baekhyun, “don’t say that.”

Looking down, Baekhyun resolutely stares at the floor. “It’s funny how you always bring up my age when you want to make a point or stop me from doing this or that. Or when it’s, you know, convenient for you. But then you also conveniently forget how young and impressionable I used to be.” Rubbing his eyes, Baekhyun pushes away a few teardrops. “Chanyeol, how could I have told you something like that when it could have meant me losing you?”

“You know you could never lose me,” the lawyer says gently.

“I don’t,” Baekhyun replies, his tone a little harsher than intended. “I really don’t know that.”

“Baekhyun, I’m mad at you but I don’t hate you.” The lawyer is coaxing the college student, like he always used to when he was still tutoring Baekhyun. “I can never hate you.”

Unbidden memories flood Baekhyun’s mind. He recalls the hot summer days spent in Chanyeol’s study in Manhattan Valley learning various algebra formulas. Sometimes, the lawyer drove him downtown to visit the amusement park or an arcade after their tutoring sessions. Those were really the only times Baekhyun ever left the Upper East Side. “You always say that but you’ll end up hating me one day and I can’t bear that.”

“You could have told me something back then.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun snaps for the first time, patience running thin. “Why can’t you understand? How was I supposed to tell the person that I liked so much that I was addicted to drugs? Or that I got sent to rehab? Or that I was in boarding school because a sex tape of me got leaked? How was I supposed to say all that? You don’t – ” Angry tears roll down his cheeks and he roughly wipes them away with a hand. “You didn’t like me back then. You didn’t like me at all so it’s easy for you to say all this. But when you like someone so much, you don’t want them to see your ugly side. You don’t want them to know. And because you’re too good for me, I didn’t want you to think that I don’t deserve you because I _want_ to deserve you, Chanyeol. You have no idea how much I like you and you have no idea why.”

“I’m trying to understand, Baekhyun but you’ve got to let me in.” Reaching for the side of Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol cups his cheek, his thumb coming up to brush a tear away. “You must know that I like you a lot too.” The confession makes Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat and his breath hitches. “That’s why we keep coming back to the same place, right? We keep on fighting and we don’t ever make things clear and there’re just so many secrets between us but I keep on coming back, don’t I? We always end up in the same awful situation but I’m still here, aren’t I?” Sighing, Chanyeol lets his hand fall away and Baekhyun has to stop himself from telling Chanyeol to put his hand back there. “I want things to be right between us. And it might take a long time but I’m willing to wait. We can figure this out together.”

It’s the first time Chanyeol’s being so direct about his feelings and it makes Baekhyun’s heart swell with comfort. “I want to be with you, Chanyeol. I really do. And I’m trying to make things right, I’m always trying to but I seem to just always screw everything up, especially when it comes to you. Whenever it comes to you. I don’t tell you things because I’m too scared but you find out eventually. I don’t want to talk to you about things because I’m too scared but you make me anyway. I’m always the one making things worse, right?”

“We’ve both been hard on each other. But we’ve both been harder on ourselves,” Chanyeol concludes. “I _am_ angry at you for what you did, Baekhyun. But I’m not going to blame the you now for the stupid things you did when you were still a teenager who barely had any sense of what he was doing. I know you’ve changed for the better.”

“I wasn’t guilty about what happened to Eric back then.” Baekhyun doesn’t know why he’s trying to dig a hole for himself.

“Are you guilty about it now?”

Wordlessly, Baekhyun nods. “It kills me inside every time I think about it,” Baekhyun admits truthfully, swallowing his pride and the lump in his throat down.

“Look, I don’t expect you to apologise to Eric at all or let alone to find him. He probably doesn’t even want to see you again for the rest of his life.” At that, Baekhyun looks away, ashamed that there’s a high degree of truth to Chanyeol’s words. “It’s also been, what? Five? Six years ago? I’m not saying that it’s a long time ago or a short while but it’s definitely not a recent thing and who knows, Eric might have already moved on with his life. Let’s say he’s doing well and then you suddenly turn up. What are you going to tell him? Congratulations? Or let’s say he’s doing badly. What are you going to do then? Walk into his life and offer a helping hand? I don’t think he would want that help, Baekhyun.”

“So, what now?” Baekhyun interrupts, unable to stand how condescending Chanyeol is starting to sound.

“You tell me.”

Raising his index finger, Baekhyun looks into Chanyeol’s eyes. “For starters, enough about Eric. I feel bad enough as it is.” His middle finger comes up next. “Secondly, this Eric thing, it’s something I that have to get over by myself because looking for him and apologising is obviously not an option – I understand that at this point and because of our history, it’s better that we never meet each other ever again. I know that I can’t live with this guilt forever because that just isn’t healthy and I – ” Sighing, Baekhyun brings a hand over his mouth to muffle his words. “I did check up on Eric a few months ago. He’s doing fine. He got his lawyer’s license back but my father didn’t say anything about it to me. I have no idea why but knowing my father, it’s probably for my sake or something like that.”

“It is for your sake,” Chanyeol interrupts.”

Moving his hand away, Baekhyun raises a brow at Chanyeol sceptically. “What would you know?”

“Your father loves you, Baekhyun. Everything he does is for your sake.”

Dismissing Chanyeol with a wave of his hand, Baekhyun continues his previous point, not wanting to get into a useless debate about his father. Or more specifically, his father’s love for him. “Eric’s doing fine. He’s working in a small firm in Missouri. I started feeling less guilty after finding out about that but that doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten over what I did.” Making a sour face, Baekhyun grumpily folds his arms across his chest. “It was so much easier when I didn’t think about it but you just forced everything to the front of my mind and gosh, I hate myself so much. It’s never on my mind and now I just – ” Groaning, Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol, eyes widening in surprise when he sees the lawyer smiling back at him. “What are you laughing about? I _hate_ myself.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” Chanyeol clarifies with a short chuckle. They both know that Baekhyun’s exaggerating a bit and being overdramatic. “So, you need time alone?”

“Maybe it’s best if we stay away from each other for now.” The words leave Baekhyun’s mouth before he can even comprehend his own thoughts. It comes as a surprise to the both of them because if anyone was going to suggest a cooling off period, it would have been Chanyeol. “I’m in my last year of college,” Baekhyun continues like he’s rehearsed the words a thousand times. “And it’s important to me. I don’t want to be,” he pauses, wondering if he should even bother trying to find something else to replace the next word he wants to say. “Burdened,” he says, settling for his initial thought. “By things like my feelings. Like.” Again, he stops abruptly, frowning at himself for his incapability to string a proper sentence together. Gesturing at the empty space between them, he finds the courage to speak again. “Like our relationship and where I stand with you.”

For a while, Chanyeol remains silent, looking troubled. “I – ” Words seem to be failing them today. “You’re right. We should stop seeing each other for the time being. I think it’s for the best. For the both of us.”

It’s Baekhyun who suggested staying away from each other again but it’s also Baekhyun who’s feeling more upset about the situation again. As much as he expected Chanyeol to agree with him, he wanted the lawyer to resist a bit, even if it’s just a little, and not agree so readily.

“Are there still any more things you have to tell me?”

“Loads,” Baekhyun admits with a shrug.

“What?” The lawyer appears shocked, and genuinely concerned. It seems that it isn’t the answer that Chanyeol was expecting.

“But I’ll only offer you one for now,” the college student decides. “That I will tell you everything one day.”

“You always say that.”

“Trust me this time,” Baekhyun pleads. “It isn’t going to get worse than what you already know. I promise.” Wetting his lips, Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol but his eyes are too sad for the lawyer to believe that he’s feeling relieved. “Maybe this time we can do it right.”

The words make Chanyeol smile again and he nods. Taking a step closer to Baekhyun, Chanyeol reaches a hand around the college student’s head and rests it there before he bends down to press a kiss to the other’s forehead.

It’s a small action, one that Chanyeol does way too often in Baekhyun’s opinion, but also one that makes Baekhyun’s eyes flutter shut and his stomach do somersaults.

“Goodbye for now then, angel,” Chanyeol whispers before moving away and turning around.

This isn’t goodbye forever – the lawyer just said so himself. But there’s still an unsettling feeling within Baekhyun’s heart and he isn’t sure if he imagined the tone of finality or resignation in Chanyeol’s voice. “Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls, his voice urgent, just as the lawyer’s about to open the door and walk out. He isn’t expecting the older man to stop and turn around to face him.

“Hm?”

It takes a moment for Baekhyun to collect himself and say something. It isn’t what he intended to say. “Nothing.” His voice is soft, almost a whisper, but the room is so silent that Chanyeol hears it anyway. “Nothing at all.”

There’s sadness, longing, and is that relief that Baekhyun sees in Chanyeol’s eyes? The lawyer doesn’t probe further and this time when he reaches for the door handle, Baekhyun doesn’t stop him. When he pushes open the door, Baekhyun doesn’t call him. And when he walks out of the door, Baekhyun doesn’t chase after him. Watching Chanyeol’s back disappearing behind the door, Baekhyun wonders if he should be used to the feeling of watching Chanyeol walk away from him and not knowing if the other will ever come back.

“I love you,” Baekhyun tells the thin air a while after the door has shut back into place, as if Chanyeol hadn’t even been standing in his living room in the first place. The college student doesn’t move from the same spot as he wishes that the lawyer is echoing his words on the other side of the door.

He hears the clacking of dress shoes against the linoleum floor growing distant as the shadow beneath his doorframe slips away.

 

 

When Baekhyun steps out of his apartment the next morning, he’s greeted with a face he doesn’t want to see and he’s first instinct is to let out an audible and dramatic sigh. He clicks his tongue at the end just for an additional effect.

“Oh. It’s you.” Seems like the other person isn’t too pleased to see Baekhyun either.

“Haven’t seen you around here forever,” Baekhyun drawls in an annoying voice because he’s really only five-years-old at heart. “Jihoon Sung,” he adds in the man’s name for no reason because he has the mental age of a kid when it comes to getting on people’s nerves on purpose.

Adjusting his already neat and perfect tie, Jihoon Sung stands up even straighter. “I’ve been away for work and I think it’s all thanks to my very good luck that I haven’t bumped into you whenever I’ve been in.” He pauses to give Baekhyun a scathing look. “Until now.”

“Touché.”

“What?” Jihoon Sung sounds amused. “You’ve been away for work too?”

“You literally toad,” Baekhyun hisses. There’s another very-British insult (because he’s been watching too many British shows on Netflix) on the tip of his tongue when another person joins them.

Chanyeol.

“It’s been a while since the three of us have been gathered like that.” Sarcasm drips from Jihoon Sung’s voice, making Baekhyun whip his head to look at him, irritated. Though upon seeing that Baekhyun isn’t going to say anything more and that Chanyeol’s just staring at his shoes, determined not to make conversation with either of them, he can put together the pieces that the two aren’t exactly on talking terms.

Clearing his throat, Chanyeol gestures to the lift’s screen panel. “Is anyone going to press that?”

Face turning red, Baekhyun’s hand flies to the touch screen and taps the down button. The metal doors slide open instantly but Baekhyun remains frozen to the ground, so Jihoon Sung brushes past him and goes in first.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on the small of his back, nudging him forward. When he looks up and into the mirror in the lift, he sees Chanyeol wearing a nonchalant expression behind him, and the lawyer has both his arms hanging at his sides. Then, Baekhyun concludes that he was hallucinating.

“I’m closing the door,” Jihoon Sung warns and that’s all Baekhyun needs to hear for his legs to start working again.

After Chanyeol enters the lift, he presses the ‘close’ button and then immediately fixes his eyes on the screen displaying the floor levels.

It’s the most awkward lift ride of the century if Baekhyun had to give the situation a title. Never in his years of staying at Carnegie Hill had he longed to hear the lift arriving at the lobby with its classic ‘ding’ as much as he did right there and then. The moment the familiar chime sounds, Baekhyun lets out the breath that he had been holding.

Chanyeol’s the first to walk out and he continues going straight towards the revolving doors without turning around. Following him, Jihoon Sung walks out.

Or at least that’s what Baekhyun expected.

The older lawyer is looking at Baekhyun with a peculiar look on his face. There’s a bit of pity in his eyes, mixed with a bit of kindness. It’s an expression that Baekhyun has never seen directed at him before.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, feeling self-conscious.

“There’s something wrong between you and Chanyeol.”

Eyes widening, Baekhyun raises his brows. “Wow. Do you want an award for your observing skills or something?”

Ignoring the jibe, Jihoon continues. “It’s not a petty fight, is it?”

“It’s not a fight,” Baekhyun mutters and steps out of the lift, Jihoon Sung walking out after. They stop at the waiting area just in front of the lift. “We’re fine, in fact. We got everything sorted out yesterday but I don’t know why he’s acting so weird.” The lawyer hadn’t even said so much as a ‘hello’ just now and Baekhyun suddenly can’t help but wonder if what happened yesterday was all a dream. A scowl appears on his face at the thought of everything being his imagination. It can’t be – it was _so_ real. Ever his brain isn’t that great.

“I don’t like you, Baekhyun, and for good reasons,” Jihoon Sung says all of a sudden.

At once, Baekhyun snaps out of his thought. Affronted, Baekhyun squints at the old lawyer. “I know. I don’t like you too and I don’t need any reason.” The second line wasn’t supposed to come out, not like that anyway. Still, Baekhyun tilts his chin up in defiance and looks at Sung Jihoon proudly with his chest puffed out.

The side of Jihoon Sung’s mouth twitches and once again he proves why he’s the more mature one of the two, letting Baekhyun’s comment slide. “But you’re not a bad person.”

Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Baekhyun blinks at the old lawyer a few times. “Well, that was unexpected.” Clearing his throat, Baekhyun chuckles. “Thank you, I guess.”

“Chanyeol’s very happy whenever he talks about you.”

“Chanyeol talks about me?” Baekhyun asks, incredulous. “To you?”

When Jihoon Sung nods, Baekhyun groans.

“Are you serious?”

“Why do you think I don’t like you?”

Crinkling his nose at Jihoon Sung, Baekhyun frowns. “Gross. Do you like Chanyeol that way or something?”

“You’re really a brat and no, I don’t like Chanyeol in whatever way you’re insinuating,” Jihoon Sung tells Baekhyun very sternly before he goes back to the original topic. “He talks about you very fondly, even when he’s saying something about you that shows your horrid personality and yet he still manages to smile endearingly at the thought of you.”

It’s something about Chanyeol that Baekhyun has never heard of before and as much as he feels happy about it, he doesn’t know what to think about Chanyeol discussing about him to someone who dislikes him either. “What does he say about me?” The question comes out stiffly and Baekhyun internally berates himself for sounding so conscious.

“He doesn’t say anything too specific if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s all very general stuff like how you guys got into a fight or that he made you upset or that he’s worried about you. I’ve also been mentoring Chanyeol for years and I’ve been working for Mr Park since Chanyeol was a child so I already knew a lot about you, Baekhyun Byun.” Looking at Baekhyun with a little more judgement in his eyes, he says, “even your nasty deeds in high school which is more of the reason why I dislike you.” Just as Baekhyun’s about to retort him, Jihoon Sung is looking at his watch with a very deep frown on his face that could become permanently etched there in Baekhyun’s opinion. “I should have gotten going five minutes ago.” Shaking his head at Baekhyun one more time, Jihoon Sung then starts walking away.

Mouth hanging open in disbelief, Baekhyun takes a whole of five seconds to get over the fact that the old lawyer just insulted him and then left. He pulls out his phone and sends Kyungsoo and Jongdae a quick message to air his grievances.

_Why the hell are they always late for work? Why don’t they just leave their houses earlier?????_

A reply from Jongdae comes in immediately.

_Is this your way of telling us that you want to meet for brunch or lunch so that you can update us about something?_

_I’m free at 1_ , Kyungsoo’s message arrives next.

Looking at his phone with his nose scrunched up, Baekhyun contemplates ignoring his best friends for missing his point but ends up giving them a place to meet instead because he has to update them about his situation with Chanyeol. He sends a brief text explaining how Chanyeol found out about what happened during their second year of high school and how they talked about it.

Though there’s one more thing he’s started to worry about and he decides that he should let his friends know about it before they meet.

_I’m not sure if I’m making all of that up because I’m not sure if I really spoke to Chanyeol at all or if it was all a dream._

_I’m free now_ , Kyungsoo replies instantly.

As always, Jongdae never has anything nice to say – _Baekhyun Byun, you’re an idiot_.

For once, Baekhyun actually agrees with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't been replying to comments at all but I've been reading all of them and I'm really happy that so many of you are invested in this fic!
> 
> Tweet me or DM me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)


	26. Let's Try Again

“What do you mean you don’t know if you talked to Chanyeol or if you imagined it all?” Kyungsoo demands, pulling the plate of mini strawberry tarts away from Baekhyun after the waiter had set it down. “No crap from either of you today.”

Making a noise of protest, Jongdae hits Kyungsoo’s arm, wanting an explanation.

Swatting Jongdae’s hand away, Kyungsoo address his two friends seriously. “I’m missing the first day of classes for this, so no nonsense from either of you.”

Eyeing the strawberry tarts sadly, Baekhyun timidly looks up to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Actually, I didn’t say that ‘I don’t know’. I’m just not,” he pauses, glances at the pastry again before continuing. “Sure.”

“Baekhyun.”

Quickly grabbing one of the tarts, Baekhyun throws the whole piece into his mouth and instantly raises his both his hands to protect himself from the smack that is going to come. Or the smack that he _thought_ was going to come. Because Kyungsoo opts for kicking him in the knee instead. “I’m really hungry,” Baekhyun explains as pitifully as he can while chewing. “And I saw Jihoon Sung this morning. I even spoke to him before he was _almost late for work_ as usual. I deserve that plate.” Convinced by his own words, Baekhyun nods to himself and takes the plate back from where it was in front of Kyungsoo.

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo leans back in his seat, giving up. “What about Chanyeol?”

Popping another tart into his mouth, Baekhyun shrugs and Kyungsoo shoots him an annoyed look while Jongdae sniggers. “He’s pretty awkward. Still kind of sweet though.”

As Baekhyun’s about to stuff another piece into his mouth before he is even done chewing, Jongdae stops him. “You’re stress eating.”

“I am not stressed at all.” Trying to pull his hand out of Jongdae’s grip, Baekhyun grimaces when he realises that Jongdae is miraculously stronger than him. “Why would I be stressed? What would I even be stressed about?”

The answer comes simultaneously from his best friends. “Chanyeol.”

Finally freeing his hand, Baekhyun starts nibbling on the tart instead of eating it whole. “Or maybe, I’m stressed because it’s my last year at Columbia and I don’t know what to do with my life yet.”

“Could be that,” Kyungsoo agrees because he’s nice. “But there’s the Chanyeol-factor too. So can we get back to the main point? You were the one who wanted to meet us but all you’ve been doing for the past fifteen minutes is spending half of it deciding what to get from the menu and the other half eating. Mostly.”

“I don’t know where to begin,” Baekhyun admits honestly.

Resting his elbows on the table, Kyungsoo interlocks his fingers. “Let’s start with the million-dollar question, then. _How_ did Chanyeol find out?”

Thoughts quickly racing through his mind, Baekhyun filters through them and comes up with what he thinks is the best answer. “He went back to his family’s house for dinner and I think Mr. Park showed him a documentary about my high school life or something.”

Jongdae bursts out laughing – but it’s an accident, he swears later. “Sounds like something Mr Park would do.”

Making a face at Jongdae, Kyungsoo raises a brow. “Really? Really, Jongdae? Really? My uncle wouldn’t do something like that.”

“But he hates me.”

“Precisely. He wouldn’t waste his time on someone he hates.”

“You hurt me, Kyungsoo.”

“You hurt yourself.”

“You know this means that Chanyeol knows you took drugs too, right?”

Opening his mouth, the retort dies on Kyungsoo’ tongue and Baekhyun grins triumphantly, satisfied with his comeback. He’s about to cheer for his win but the next thing Kyungsoo says shuts him up. “I’m not even that close to Chanyeol anyway.”

Clapping his hands a few times, Jongdae pushes them both back into their seats. They probably didn’t even realise that they were starting to lean forward. “Children, children, children.” It’s his lousy way of breaking up a petty quarrel and it never works. “Let’s get down to business.”

Because a Disney reference is always applicable to any situation, Baekhyun calmly comments, “I can only hear Shang singing that in my head.”

“Chanyeol or Shang, choose one.” Kyungsoo glares at Baekhyun, daring him to say something more to waste his time.

“Fine!” Throwing his hands up again, this time in defeat, Baekhyun slides down a little in his seat. “Chanyeol went back to his family’s house for dinner and I don’t know the exact details but he somehow found out about what happened during my second year at Regis. I’m guessing Mr Park’s the one who told him. Or maybe even Mrs Park added a thing or two. She might have mentioned how I went to her for help at one point in time because ‘druggies unite’, right?”

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, tone warning.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun starts playing with the remaining strawberry tarts on the plate, shifting them from side to side as he speaks. “So Chanyeol basically found out that I fucked up. Fucked up real bad. Found out that I got Eric fired and how I kind of chased him out of New York City. He also found out about the past existence of my sex tape with Kangwoo. Oh gosh. He found out about Kangwoo.” Fingers stilling, Baekhyun paused, takes a second to inhale deeply and exhale slowly before he continues. “And about how I was on drugs. How I influenced you to take them with me.” His eyes flicker to Kyungsoo for a short while. “And about rehab.” Chuckling to himself, Baekhyun’s eyes glaze over. “He didn’t mention anything else but I’m assuming he figured that I got sent to boarding school because of my time in rehab. He would understand that part. He should understand that part. He grew up in the Upper East Side after all.”

Gently bumping Baekhyun’s shoulder, Jongdae gives his friend a stupid smile when he looks up. “Does he know _your_ side of the story?”

“No,” Baekhyun says, voice quiet.

“Then let him know,” Kyungsoo encourages. “I think he deserves to know. And I think you deserve a chance to explain yourself.”

Covering his face, Baekhyun groans as unbidden memories come rushing to the front of his mind. “I did try telling him my side of the story when we were talking about it yesterday but I just ended up rambling. I don’t even remember half of what I said but I’m sure that they were all pretty much things that don’t make any sense. And we parted on good terms.” Hands sliding down his face, Baekhyun then pushes his cheeks up as he squints, leaning forward. “I think. I think we parted on good terms.” Letting his hands fall away from his face, he fakes a sob. “But then why was he so awkward this morning?”

“Ask him,” Kyungsoo simply states like it’s the most obvious solution and Baekhyun gives him a withering look. “Just go and talk to him again,” Kyungsoo insists. “Chanyeol cares about you, Baekhyun. More than you can imagine. He won’t know what’s making you so upset if you don’t tell him.”

“But there’s still Mr Park,” Baekhyun almost whines.

Exasperated, Kyungsoo kicks Baekhyun in the knee again, making the latter cry out, indignant. “But you’re not going to date my uncle!”

“But he’s still Chanyeol’s father! It’s not like Chanyeol’s going to break all ties with him.”

“You need to stop watching Netflix on your TV and come back to reality.”

Feeling personally attacked, Baekhyun turns to Jongdae for support but his other friend only shrugs.

“I’m with Kyungsoo on this one. Break all ties with his father? Baekhyun, seriously?”

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun then flashes Jongdae an overly sweet smile. “I was exaggerating.”

“My point is,” Kyungsoo raises his voice to stop the other two from starting another one of their useless squabbles. “You should just talk to Chanyeol again. You two need to talk. Just talk.”

“We’ve been talking a lot.”

“Not enough, obviously,” Jongdae helpfully points out.

“I’m with Jongdae on this one.”

Narrowing his eyes at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun turns to Jongdae, a look of betrayal plastered all over his face. “You guys are ganging up on me today. But fine. I will talk to him _again_.”

“Finally.” Grabbing the menu, Kyungsoo starts flipping through it, eyes scanning the food items quickly because talking to Baekhyun makes him hungry.

“Oh, and Baekhyun,” Jongdae says suddenly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t imagine your conversation with Chanyeol.”

The side of Baekhyun’s lips twitches. “Thanks, Jongdae. I really appreciate it.”

“Any time.”

Sighing, Kyungsoo picks up one of Baekhyun’s strawberry tarts and eats it much to his friend’s dismay. “Idiots.”

 

 

These three and a half months being Baekhyun’s second to last semester at Columbia naturally mean that he needs to put some effort into his work if he wants to graduate on time. Though that isn’t necessarily a problem at all because Baekhyun thinks that he’s been consistent in his hard work and that his grades have been showing for it. At the same time, since he doesn’t dream of becoming the valedictorian (not that he has a chance), that’s less work there for him. Of course, studying still takes up a large part of his day so he actually doesn’t have much time to think about mindless things like Chanyeol for instance.

Two months have passed since he last spoke to Chanyeol. He doesn’t talk to Chanyeol again like Kyungsoo and Jongdae told him to. He doesn’t ring the lawyer up for lunch or even a quick chat. He doesn’t turn up at the older man’s doorstep anymore. He barely even thinks about Chanyeol anymore. (“Let him believe what he wants,” Jongdae advises Kyungsoo over lunch in school one day.) They meet occasionally at the lift lobby or when they’re heading out, but they both don’t go past the mundane ‘hi’ and ‘bye’. Not even a casual, “how was your day?” pops up.

Honestly, it doesn’t bother Baekhyun at all. Honestly.

(But if Baekhyun were just a little bit more truthful with himself, he’d know that it saddens him greatly.)

This estrangement and this unfamiliarity – no, they don’t bother Baekhyun a single bit. So they can’t explain why he hasn’t been to classes for a whole week.

 _“Baekhyun Byun, how long are you planning on skipping school?”_ Jongdae’s reprimanding voice comes over the phone.

Switching his phone from his left to his right hand, Baekhyun presses it to his other ear. “I don’t know,” he half-whines. “I don’t even know why I’m not going out of my house.” It’s true – he hasn’t set foot out of his house since the start of December. The excuse he gave to Kyungsoo after two days was, “because it’s _cold_ ”. Technically, it still _is_ cold.

_“Well, you should come back soon because Kyungsoo’s getting tired of wasting his battery and data on giving you live broadcasts of the lectures.”_

“Finals start next week.”

A moment of silence. Then it stretches longer and Baekhyun moves his phone away to check if the line is still connected.

 _“So?”_ Jongdae finally asks and even though the phone’s away from Baekhyun’s ears, Jongdae speaks loud enough for him to catch it.

Turning on the speaker, Baekhyun begins pacing around his room, abandoning his textbook on the desk. “So there’s only one week of lessons left. Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind, would he?”

_“I don’t know if you’re underestimating Kyungsoo’s meanness or overestimating his kindness.”_

“Neither. I’m basing this off his love for me.”

 _“I’ll let him know,”_ Jongdae informs with a chuckle that brings a smile to Baekhyun’s face. _“Gotta go. Bye.”_

“What?” Baekhyun says as the line goes dead.

Throwing his phone onto the bed and not caring about where it lands, Baekhyun turns back to his desk and stares at the open book lying on his table, waiting to be read. In his mind, he can hear his professor telling the class not to screw up their finals. Baekhyun doesn’t screw up exams though. He only screws up with Chanyeol.

Laughing loudly to himself, Baekhyun takes two long strides and sits himself back down in front of his study desk.

It isn’t his fault that he’s missing classes (not really since Kyungsoo provides him with live broadcasts). He needs the time alone. _Needs_ it. He needs it like his lungs needs air. Needs it like his mouth needs food now. Needs it like he needs Chan – and he doesn’t want to go there.

Sure, he misses his friends but they’ve been apart for longer periods of time (like summer). There’s nothing else he really misses – definitely not the school food or the coffee. Maybe his sweet and loving professors but even so, he can live without them.

The words on the accounting textbook in front of him are starting to look like Greek and the numbers are starting to look like strands of noodles. His head slowly falls forward as his eyelids grow heavier by the second. He’s not even in class but he feels like he can hear his professor’s voice droning in his ears, casting a sleeping spell on him.

“Baekhyun!”

Jerking back awake, Baekhyun quickly looks around, trying to find the source of the person who was just shouting his name a second ago. It can’t be his professor (though it has happened countless of times) because he _isn’t even in school_. Making sure that there really isn’t anyone in sight, he concludes that it’s probably his over-imaginative mind. Just as he’s about to go back to sleep (who cares about studying), there’s a loud pounding on his door, followed by shouts of his name.

It shouldn’t take him that long to figure who’s the monster on the outside of his door but his sleep-deprived brain is pushing his limits.

“Oh – wha – why the fuck?” Realising that it is none other than Chanyeol Park standing on the other side of the door, Baekhyun now finds himself fully awake.

Though more importantly, why isn’t his sound proofed system working?

“Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun doesn’t know why but he responds with a, “coming!”

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol shouts.

What in the world.

Perplexed, Baekhyun stands up and yes, he did tell Chanyeol that he was going to get the door but he walks to his bed first to search for his phone. Upon turning on the screen, his eyes grow wide when he sees the number of missed calls and messages from Chanyeol.

_Wait for me._

Like?

_I’m coming over soon. Just wait for me. Don’t go anywhere._

Drawing his brows together, Baekhyun looks from his phone screen to the direction his main door is at.

_I’m near the apartment building._

_Open the door_

_Baekhyun?_

_Baekhyun, open the door_

Concerned, Baekhyun pockets his phone and slowly walks towards the front door. Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun wonders why he didn’t simply ignore Chanyeol.

As soon as the door opens, Chanyeol grabs him by the shoulders and looks all over his face, seemingly checking every part of him to make sure that he’s okay. “Are you hurt anywhere? Are you okay?”

“Yes?” Baekhyun easily replies, utterly confused at what Chanyeol’s doing. “Are _you_ okay? What are you even doing here?”

“It’s lunchtime,” Chanyeol says as a way of explanation as he turns Baekhyun around to check for injuries.

“And you came all the way back because?” Baekhyun is just really befuddled. “To cook?” He laughs at his own suggestion because no, Chanyeol doesn’t have the time to come home just to cook and then go back to the office.

“Because I thought you were in trouble.” Spinning Baekhyun back to the front, it’s now Chanyeol who looks confused. “But it seems like you’re alright.”

“Of course, I’m alright. Why would I be in trouble?”

Letting go of Baekhyun, Chanyeol averts his eyes. “You haven’t been going to school and I haven’t seen you all week so I thought…”

“That I got myself into trouble?” Baekhyun completes the lawyer’s sentence. “Because you have so much faith in me to keep out of trouble, don’t you?”

“It’s not like that,” Chanyeol defends quickly. “It’s just that Jongdae told me that you got beaten up by some people real badly when you went Downtown because you got into a drunken fight.”

“Jongdae told you that?”

Smiling at Baekhyun awkwardly, Chanyeol takes a small step back, probably realising that he’s invading too much of Baekhyun’s personal space. “Yeah.”

“Well, as you can see.” Raising both hands to his side, Baekhyun turns one full round. “And as you have inspected.” Chanyeol looks away, embarrassed much to Baekhyun’s amusement. “I’m alright.”

Making a noise of protest, Chanyeol begins, “but Jongdae said – ”

“Jongdae said.”

A look of realisation dawns on Chanyeol’s face and his mouth forms the ‘O’ shape.

“That’s right, Harvard graduate.” Not knowing what else to say, Baekhyun repeats his previous question. “So, why are you here? Because it’s lunchtime? But you don’t cook for lunch, do you?”

“Did I say lunchtime?” Chanyeol asks, looking confused when Baekhyun nods. “I meant that I took half the day off.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know if he’s prying too much but he asks anyway. “Why?” Seeing Chanyeol looking away, a sheepish look on his face, the answer comes to Baekhyun’s mind. “Because you thought that I’d be injured and that you’d have to take care of me.” The lawyer gives a slight nod but Baekhyun manages to catch it anyway. “Even if I did, you didn’t have to come.”

Chuckling softly, Chanyeol nods. “I guess you’re right.”

“Since you’re here.” With both his hands, Baekhyun gestures for Chanyeol to come inside. “Tea?”

“Really?”

“No, I don’t have any tea.”

Shrugging, Chanyeol sits down on Baekhyun’s couch before he starts looking around the living room. 

“Well, then. I’ll be studying in my room. Call me if you need anything,” Baekhyun announces and he begins walking back to his bedroom.

“What?”

Stopping, Baekhyun turns to face Chanyeol again. “I’ll be studying in my room?”

Shaking his head, Chanyeol clarifies, “I heard you but did you really invite me into house just so that you could study in your bedroom?” 

Pondering for a moment, Baekhyun takes a while to come up with a one word answer that he isn’t very certain of. “No?” He starts to slowly walk backwards. “But I’m going to.” With that, he spins back around but again, Chanyeol stops him. 

“Baekhyun.”

“Hm?”

“Tell me why you did what you did with Kangwoo.”

Frozen to the spot, Baekhyun takes a few calming breath before he has the courage to look at Chanyeol. “Why I did what I did with Kangwoo?” he repeats and Chanyeol merely nods in response. This is it. It’s his chance to tell his side of the story. It’s the talk that he’s supposed to have with Chanyeol again. “Alright.” Walking over to the couch, he takes a seat opposite Chanyeol. “Tell me where to begin because I’m bad with starting.”

“Why did you fall in love with him?”

The question surprises Baekhyun. Though more than the question itself, the speed at which Chanyeol asked it is what surprises Baekhyun the most. It’s almost as if it’s something that’s been on the lawyer’s mind for some time now.

When Baekhyun recovers from his shock, he laughs to himself because the answer’s just too easy. “I didn’t fall in love with him, Chanyeol. I never fell in love with him.” Giving Chanyeol an enquiring look, Baekhyun asks, “what makes you say that?”

“Don’t know.” Chanyeol shrugs. “From what I heard, it just sounded like you loved him.”

“You should hear it from me.”

Smile slowly spreading across Chanyeol’s face, the lawyer nods. “That’s what I wanted to hear.” He could see Baekhyun internally struggling with where to begin from, so he helps him out again. “What made you attracted to him, then?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun chuckles. “Attracted is a far more appropriate word.”

“So?” Chanyeol prods, curious.

“Kangwoo was like a breath of fresh air,” Baekhyun starts. A hurt look flashes across Chanyeol’s face, or Baekhyun was just imagining it. “He was a lawyer. Still is probably, I don’t know. He had a handsome face. A really handsome face. And he was.” Baekhyun stops suddenly, casting his eyes to the ground, a faraway look on his face as if he’s losing himself in his memories. “Very direct with his words. With what he wanted. He’s very clever too. And very confident. There was something about the way that he carried himself. He appeared to be very certain of himself.” Raising his head, Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a sad smile. “He was very sweet to me too. He was so kind. He brought me out many times.”

“Where did he take you?” Chanyeol interrupts for the first time, impatience seeping into his tone.

“I asked him to bring me downtown.” Tilting his head slightly, Baekhyun meets Chanyeol’s eyes. “To nearby fairs. To the amusement park. To arcades. He’d bring me to these places after teaching me some math at his place.”

“And he was like a breath of fresh air because of that?” The lawyer sounds a bit miffed but Baekhyun doesn’t want to assume.

Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun figures that there’s no reason not to let Chanyeol know. “He told me that he likes boys.” A guilty expression appears on Chanyeol’s face and he looks at the college student sadly. “Do you know why I did what I did now?”

Silently, Chanyeol can only nod.

“It was because of you, Chanyeol. I fell in love with you. Not Kangwoo.” Smiling bitterly to himself, Baekhyun lightly smacks his lips together. “But you see, with Kangwoo, there was the possibility of him falling in love with me. With you, there was none. You could say that I got curious. Or that I got lonely. Whatever it was, I was selfish. I was greedy. And because I couldn’t have you, I settled for someone that reminded me of you. But even then, it wasn’t enough. Because he wasn’t you. So I turned to the drugs and they helped me forget that you wouldn’t love me back then.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything but there’s a thoughtful look on his face, as if he’s slowly absorbing all the information, afraid that he’s going to miss something out.

“The watch that you gave me,” Baekhyun continues. “I wore it all the time. Because it felt like you were still there. It felt like you were still by my side.”

“I hurt you so much.”

“But it wasn’t your fault.”

“It probably was to some extent,” Chanyeol insists and Baekhyun shrugs. “I’m sorry.”

“Now you know.” Licking his lips, Baekhyun forces a smile onto his face. “You probably need some time to think about this and I need to study for my exams too.”

“Right,” Chanyeol agrees, standing up from the couch after Baekhyun does.

Not saying a single word, Baekhyun sees Chanyeol off at the front door. 

“Good luck for your exams,” Chanyeol says for the lack of something better to say. Though he is being sincere. “I will see you at the New Year’s party.”

Surprised, Baekhyun’s lets out a short laugh. “You know that I don’t go to those parties.”

Humming, Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun. “Me neither.”

 

 

The function hall is filled with all the elites from the Upper East Side. It’s one of the yearly events that Baekhyun loathes, but he’s there tonight for a reason. Scanning the place, his face brightens when he spots Jongdae by the bar. Since there isn’t anyone talking to him, he simply manoeuvres his way through the stream of rich ladies with manicured hands and businessmen in their stuffy suits.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not who you’re looking for,” Jongdae says as a way of greeting Baekhyun.

“Don’t say that,” Baekhyun teases.

“You’re in a good mood,” Jongdae mimics Baekhyun’s tone.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun grabs Jongdae’s drink and takes a sip from it, making a sour expression at its taste. “I did really well in my exams. Of course, I’m in a good mood.”

“No,” Jongdae states. “You’re in a good mood because you’re seeing Chanyeol tonight and you haven’t seen him since finals started.”

“Maybe.”

“ _Though_ ,” Jongdae continues. “He did hang a new pair of sneakers on your door’s handle on the morning of Christmas.”

“How did you know?” Baekhyun laughs.

“Not like I didn’t hear it from you.” 

“I thought you never came to New Year parties,” a new voice joins in.

Speak of the devil.

The voice makes Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat and Jongdae takes it as his cue to leave, but not before mouthing ‘good luck’ to Baekhyun. Spinning around, Baekhyun hopes that he doesn’t come across as too eager when he flashes Chanyeol a giant smile. “Me too.”

“How were your exams?”

Rolling his shoulders, Baekhyun pretends to think about it for a moment. “I don’t know. I think I did okay.”

“Really?” Chanyeol asks, sounding way too amused. “Because I heard you telling Jongdae that you did really well.”

Baekhyun’s face morphs into one of horror when he realises that Chanyeol heard his conversion with Jongdae. That also means he probably heard the part about him telling Jongdae about the Christmas present and can infer from that that Baekhyun went around telling everyone about the surprise.

“Did you like shoes?”

He definitely heard that part too.

“You have good taste in sneakers,” Baekhyun answers lamely.

“That, I do,” Chanyeol agrees with a light chuckle. Looking around, Chanyeol’s face pales suddenly. “Let’s go somewhere else.” Gently holding Baekhyun’s arm, the lawyer begins leading the college student to the furthest balcony so that they can get away from the crowd.

Once they’re standing outside, Chanyeol turns on the electric heater at the side since they don’t have their winter coats with them.

“Tell me if you get too cold,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun as he rubs his hands together.

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun informs the older man. “You looked like you were running away from someone.”

“Isn’t there that one person we all run away from at parties?”

Pointing at Chanyeol, Baekhyun can only nod his head in agreement.

“So,” Chanyeol begins. “How have you been?”

Giving Chanyeol a sheepish look, Baekhyun only has one request. “Can we skip that part?”

Smiling, Chanyeol lightly touches Baekhyun’s cheek. “Sure.”

“Are we okay now?” The question quickly flies out of Baekhyun’s mouth, fear evident in his voice. “Are we really okay?”

“We are,” Chanyeol assures softly, tenderly. “I promise that we are. At least for now,” he adds. “I don’t know what will happen in the future, Baekhyun, but we’re okay now. We might fight again and it might be bigger than this one.” Chuckling, he winks at Baekhyun. “Though I doubt any fight in the future is going to top this one.”

Ignoring Chanyeol’s teasing, Baekhyun looks at the lawyer uncertainly. “So we’re fine?”

“We are. We can do better this time.”

“Does this mean that we’re getting together?” Hurriedly, Baekhyun clarifies himself. “Like, just dating. Not getting into a relationship or becoming completely committed to one another or anything like that.”

“What?”

“Just dating, you know?”

Raising a brow, Chanyeol looks torn between frowning and smiling. “I know what dating is.”

“But it’s not a relationship.”

The former expression wins and a confused frown appears on Chanyeol’s face. “What are you kids on about these days?”

Eyes darting around uneasily, Baekhyun starts playing with his fingers. “I love you, Chanyeol. I love you a lot. But I’m not ready to be fully committed to you?” He sounds unsure of himself and his expression is troubled. “I don’t know why. Okay, maybe I know why,” he corrects. “I’m scared.” Sucking in his lower lip, Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol nervously. “I’m so scared.”

Chuckling softly, Chanyeol hopes to make Baekhyun feel more at ease. “What are you scared about, hm?”

“I’m scared that there are still so many things that you don’t know about. Things that you would hate me for or leave me once you find out but I also don’t think that there’s anything else. Or at least I can’t think of any.” Suddenly realising something, Baekhyun’s eyes widen and an anxious look appears on his face. “Or should we start dating only after I’m sure that I have nothing more that I’m hiding from you? I don’t even know what I’m saying anything. I always have so many things to say but – ”

“Baekhyun.”

“ – and I can’t think straight whenever you’re around – ”

Chanyeol laughs at that. “Baekhyun,” he repeats.

“ – because you’re so ugh and – ”

Should Chanyeol be pleased about being ‘ugh’? He doesn’t know. “Baekhyun.”

“ – but I don’t – ”

“Baekhyun.”

“I’ll finish up.” Shooting Chanyeol an apologetic look, he doesn't finish up and continues rambling. “Honestly, I think there’s nothing else – ”

“Gosh, Baekhyun.” Shaking his head, clearly amused, Chanyeol merely gives Baekhyun a warm smile. “Are you ever going to stop talking?”

“I said I was going to be done in a while,” Baekhyun protests, whining a little.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol chuckles.

“What?”

“Just shut up,” he whispers before placing his hands on the college student’s shoulders and bending down to reach his lips.

The kiss is slow and Chanyeol’s lips feel so soft against Baekhyun’s but the college student is frowning as Chanyeol kisses him. He _knows_ that he’s frowning despite not wanting to. All he can hope for is that Chanyeol doesn’t know that he’s frowning because that might offend the lawyer. Trying his best to push away all negative thoughts and relax into the kiss or at least _kiss back_ so that Chanyeol doesn’t push him away, Baekhyun lifts his arms to wrap them loosely around Chanyeol’s neck.

It’s probably the weirdest kiss for Chanyeol, or even the weirdest kiss of the century because Baekhyun still isn’t moving his lips.

 _“Oh no, he’s going to push me away. He’s so going to push me away,_ Baekhyun can’t help but think. _“What the hell are you doing, Baekhyun Byun? He’s kissing you, so kiss him back. Kiss. Him. Back.”_

He doesn’t kiss back.

It’s going to happen soon. Chanyeol’s going to push him away and give him an odd look because he isn’t responding at all when he should be.

Frown deepening, Baekhyun prepares himself for Chanyeol’s judgement. At the same time, he just wishes that he can stop frowning, damn it.

None of that happens. Chanyeol doesn’t break the kiss.

Chanyeol brings his arms down, tightening them around Baekhyun’s waist and kisses him harder.

Oh.

The way the lawyer kisses is just so _him_. Strong yet tender. Persistent yet patient. Straightforward yet accommodating.

What else can Baekhyun do besides return the kiss as the New Year’s fireworks explode in the night sky above them? This time, Baekhyun relaxes, melting into the kiss as Chanyeol coaxes his way into his mouth. This time, he kisses back surely. Sweetly. Affectionately. Lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will start replying to comments again because I'm finally getting my life together! Use #LDTR on Twitter about your thoughts on the fic <3
> 
> Tweet me or DM me at [@baekingneeds](https://twitter.com/baekingneeds) or [@parkingfare](https://twitter.com/parkingfare)  
> Curiouscat [(main)](https://curiouscat.me/baekingneeds) [(fic)](https://curiouscat.me/parkingfare)
> 
> Shameless promotion for my new chaptered fic (HP!AU): [Magic in the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16726485/chapters/39232500) and Chanyeol's birthday fic: [Skip to Chapter Five](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16761583/chapters/39326224) because they're both flopping like dead fishes and I'm really upset. Also, I have too many Tempo albums and pcs and postcards and I'm broke so if anyone wants to buy them off me and save me from destitute and misery, please DM me!
> 
> xoxo


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